THIS HAS BEEN EDITED.

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THIS HAS BEEN EDITED.

"Just tell me what you want to do," Derek said again. "Anything. Anything other than sex. Money's not a problem. We can drive just about anywhere in a few hours. Tell me what you want to do." Stiles blew out another breath.
"But I want sex," he whined.
"Stiles. You don't decide something we're going back to the lake." Stiles rolled his eyes and went back to his book for a few seconds.
"You serious about driving?" he questioned, glancing at Derek. Derek hesitated before answering.
"Sure."
"Let's go to Seattle then. I want a picture of you and me at the Space Needle." Both Derek's eyebrows rose.
"Seriously?" Stiles sniffed and went back to his book.
"If you don't fine I'll just stay here. Maybe I'll have sex by myself." Derek jumped on the futon, smiling softly.
"Of course I want to go see the Space Needle with you, cupcake."
"Really?"
"If you're sure you want to be in a car for about four hours."
"Like we haven't done it before."
"I'll be driving fast."
"Like we haven't done that before either."
"I'll go talk to Ross then."

Nearly half an hour later they were getting in the car and Stiles was actually pretty excited. He'd never been to Seattle. He couldn't help the feeling that this was going to be something else just for them. Something he'd be able to look back on. And pictures. Not that he knew right now how he was going to hide them from his dad. But he did know he wanted them and he was going to get them.
"We need a disposable camera," Stiles told him. Derek glanced to him before looking back to the road.
"Ah. About that… I can't have my picture taken Stiles." Stiles frowned.
"Why?"
"The flash," Derek said, "it makes my eyes flare."
"So we turn the flash off," Stiles returned.
"Oh," Derek let out slowly, "yeah maybe that could work."
"Or you could just close your eyes," Stiles teased.
"Perfect solution," Derek released dryly.
"I've always wanted to take a road trip," Stiles continued after another moment. "Course I thought it'd be in my jeep but this is almost as good I guess."
"I don't get the big deal," Derek admitted. "You get in your car and drive and then you're somewhere else. Nothing really changes."
"Yeah but you weren't trying to road trip were you?" Stiles challenged. "Road trip," he repeated, spreading his hands out to frame the windshield. "Gas station snacks, shitty radio stations, cramped in a tight space together, hours of boredom, and the entire continental US at our disposal. This is what life is about." Derek smiled and shook his head but didn't argue.

When they stopped for gas Stiles loaded up on snacks, got a street map of Seattle, and a disposable camera. Derek gave him a quick look when he ripped open a bag of chips but again didn't say anything. It was bittersweet and Stiles frowned for a moment before pushing the feeling away and shoving three chips in his mouth. "I spy," he mumbled as he chewed, "with my little eye…something yellow."
"Are you serious," Derek muttered.
"Road trip," Stiles said again, offering him a chip.
"I'm not eating that."
"Really? Raw bacon is okay but no potato chips?" Derek pulled a different chip from the bag and crunched it between his teeth.
"Happy?"
"I guess," Stiles conceded, eating the chip he was holding. "But I still spy something yellow." Derek gave him a long look before sighing.
"The lines on the road," he guessed. Stiles grinned.
"Nope."
"Those wildflowers," Derek said after another minute.
"Nope." Derek scowled at him.
"The sun." Stiles couldn't help a quick laugh.
"Uh uh."
"That dead grass."
"No." Several more long moments of silence passed.
"Any of the chips in that bag."
"No."
"People really have fun doing this?"
"Yeah," Stiles laughed.

Derek was less than amused when he finally gave up and Stiles told him it was the logo on the bag of chips.
"I don't think this game is fun at all," he groused. Stiles ate more too keep his laughter somewhat quiet.
"You're just mad because you lost."
"You picked something smaller than a dime."
"You have awesome werewolf vision."
"And you're holding that against me." Stiles took a deep breath and sobered.
"With great power…comes great responsibility." Derek blinked at him a few times. "Come on! Spiderman! Did you even have a childhood?"
"Spiderman," Derek repeated blankly. Stiles groaned and buried his head in his hands.
"Do you know any superheroes at all? Please say yes. Please."
"Of course. There's Superman. And Batman." Stiles laughed, entirely relieved.
"Good answer." Derek jumped in surprise when Stiles swayed to kiss his cheek, flushing just barely. "I spy," Stiles continued.
"Stiles," Derek groaned.
"With my little eye…something green."
"What if I don't care what you spy?"
"Then I'll have to play by myself and I guarantee that will be more annoying."

"The logo on the label of the Mountain Dew," Derek tried. Stiles shook his head.
"Should we limit the number of guesses you get?" That earned him a glare.
"The grass."
"You already said that."
"It's different grass," Derek pointed out.
"Well then I couldn't possibly have spied it from all the way back there now could I?" Derek mumbled something Stiles didn't catch.
"The Mountain Dew inside the bottle."
"No."
"The cap?"
"No. It has nothing to do with the Mountain Dew," Stiles allowed, having mercy on him.
"Is it anything in your bag of snacks?"
"Bordering on cheating but no." Derek was silent for several more miles.
"Okay I give up," he sighed finally. Stiles took a moment to revel in his victory before,
"Your eyes."
"My eyes!" Derek challenged. Stiles nodded, smiling. "How am I supposed to guess my eyes?"
"You have a mirror right in front of you," Stiles pointed out. Derek growled quietly and Stiles bit his lips to keep from laughing again.
"You drive me crazy," Derek said, glaring out the windshield.
"You're too competitive," Stiles returned. The next hour and a half passed in silence.

It was a relief to finally hit Seattle and climb out of the car. Stiles stretched several times before rounding the hood. "Admit it, this is pretty cool."
"Mmhmm," Derek allowed, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing up and down the street. "You know where we're going?" he questioned, glancing back to Stiles. Stiles held up the map.
"Yup. Even got dinner already planned out."
"Impressive," Derek allowed, lips curling just barely.
"I'm going to pretend that wasn't patronizing Mr. I-Can't-Win-I-Spy." Derek leaned closer before snapping his teeth quietly and Stiles jumped before smacking him with the map. "Behave." All Derek did was smirk. After another moment he leaned against Stiles, legs pinning his to the car.
"Alright so where are we going?" Stiles spread the map out on the hood, only shaking slightly.
"Okay," he murmured, scanning the map, "we are here…" his finger trailed along the streets they'd need to take. "We're going that way."
"Lead on."

…

Stiles was exhausted by the time they made it back to the house. He waited just long enough to make sure Derek's arm was around him before he slipped under. They had another lazy morning and Stiles couldn't shake the weight slowly pressing down on his chest.
"Derek."
"Mm."
"Derek."
"What?" He was still wrapped around Stiles, the word ghosting over his throat. But Stiles couldn't seem to find the words. He pushed Derek onto his back before straddling him carefully.
"Derek."
"Stiles," wary this time, Derek's body slowly tensing as he stared up at him. Stiles leaned down slowly, kissing just the edge of his jaw as his body caged Derek's.
"We don't have much time left."
"No," Derek agreed, swallowing.
"I want-" But the sentence clogged in his throat. Derek caught his hands as they slid up.
"I know what you want. But we can't." Stiles groaned, fingers curling around nothing. It was so easy to be crude when he was joking. But now he couldn't even get the words out.
"Please?" Derek kissed his forehead and Stiles groaned again.
"Let's skip the part where I ask what you want to do and you say sex and I tell you no okay?" Another kiss was pressed to his forehead and Derek gently lifted him off before placing him back on the mattress. He crossed to the dresser and pulled out a shirt, shaking it open and pulling it over his head. Scooping jeans from the floor he slid them on as Stiles watched. "You haven't seen Taylor in a while," he offered, smoothing his hair. Stiles frowned at him.
"I can visit him after." Derek reached back into the dresser and threw clothes at him.
"Visit him now."

Fifteen minutes later Stiles found himself on Brennan's porch, alone. He huffed another sigh before lifting his hand to knock. Taylor was zipping on a hoodie as he answered, scratching his chest absently.
"Stiles," he smiled, "hey."
"Hey," Stiles returned blankly. Taylor's smile fell.
"Come on in."
"So how much have you heard?" Stiles questioned, dropping into the chair he was directed to.
"The latest? Aiden's not leaving. Why?"
"You know why Aiden's not leaving?"
"No. Delighted as Genevieve was she didn't share that detail."
"Derek's leaving instead." Taylor was silent a long moment.
"Like you're leaving together?" Stiles shook his head. "Well no offense then but why are you here?"
"Derek wanted me to visit while things were still normal." Taylor was silent again.
"He's trying not to have sex with you huh?"
"He says we might lose control and mate."
"Oh well it's very responsible of you not to push him. Very responsible."
"What do you mean push him?"

Taylor smirked at him.
"Come on he's a werewolf Stiles. It's not that hard to push his buttons."
"Are you suggesting I seduce him?"
"Why not?" Stiles shook his head.
"No it's not a good idea. What if we do end up stuck together? He'd be pissed."
"Would you be?" This made Stiles pause before shaking his head again.
"You're not helping."
"Yeah I am." Taylor flopped into a chair too, flinging his legs over the arm of it. "Come on think about it Stiles. You me and Aubrey all get stuck here. We all end up falling in love. Aubrey's pregnant and freaking glowing. I hardly even have nightmares anymore. And you…you're different too. You think it's just coincidence?"
"You sound high." Taylor shot him what was very nearly a glare.
"Don't you believe in fate?" Stiles laughed. He couldn't help it.
"Fate. Yeah sure. Why wouldn't I? Oh except for the fact that my dad's in Beacon Hills and Derek is headed back to fucking Maine?"
"Maybe you're supposed to go with him." Stiles shook his head again.
"What about my dad then?"
"What about him? You've been doing just fine haven't you?"
"I haven't had a choice," Stiles returned.
"Really? You and Derek leave all the time. How many times has he left you alone? How many times have you had the chance to run or even call for help? But you didn't did you?"
"Why did I think we were friends?"

They were both silent for several moments and Stiles' thoughts drifted. What if he and Derek did end up stuck together? Would that really be so horrible? Surely he could see his dad eventually. After a few years.
"I'm just trying to make a point," Taylor said. "You're in love with him and you know it. That's not the sort of thing you just throw away. I know I don't see things the same way you do. I don't have anyone waiting for me or looking for me. So no I don't know what that's like I admit it okay. But you love him. And he loves you."
"If we're just supposed to be together then why is it so hard?"
"Is it hard or you're making it hard?"
"Okay, okay, enough. My relationship with Derek is officially off the discussion board."
"Fine. So Derek's leaving. What's the plan for you?"
"Don't know. Ross said I'll stay here for a few days and we'll see what the side effects are."
"Side effects?"
"When you split from your mate. Sometimes there are negative side effects." Stiles was so tempted to add an and that's why I didn't run but stopped himself.
"Oh," Taylor allowed. "That's unfortunate." Stiles laughed just once.
"Yeah."

It was easier when Brennan got back. At first Stiles thought it was going to make him feel like a third wheel but he only lightened the atmosphere. In the end Stiles stayed much longer than he planned, surprised to see the sun teasing the horizon when Derek finally knocked.
"I made dinner," he offered.
"Is that your subtle way of asking me to come back?" Derek's lips curled.
"Yeah I guess so." Stiles turned back in time to see Brennan and Taylor sharing a look.
"Alright I'm going," he told them, partially enjoying the way they both jerked back to him.
"Okay," Brennan recovered first. "We'll see you later then right Tay?" Taylor smacked his chest without looking away from Stiles.
"See you later. Think about what I said yeah?" There was an awkward press of silence.
"Yeah thanks for that," Stiles returned, sarcasm saturating the words. Taylor winked, completely unrepentant. Stiles rolled his eyes before heading out the door with Derek. He couldn't help glancing to the woods as they made their way back to Derek's. Stiles had to remind himself. Derek's house.
"Do I want to know?" Derek questioned. Stiles glanced to him. For the first time he thought about it. Really thought about it. If he did decide to seduce Derek, and he was reasonably sure that he'd be able to, and if they did mate and if they were stuck with each other for the rest of their lives.
"No," he sighed, "you don't."

It was horrible of him to think that way. Wasn't it? It had to be. But he couldn't stop the thoughts from moving through his head anyways. It was so damn tempting. If he just turned and walked into the woods, Derek would follow.
"Your heart is racing," Derek offered.
"Yeah well," Stiles sighed in return.
"What's wrong?" Stiles' feet stopped and he shot Derek a significant look. "Right," Derek allowed, chin dropping as he stopped as well. Stiles didn't know what to do. What if Derek left in the next few days and he never saw him again?
"Don't be mad at me." Derek's head shot back up and he stared at Stiles.
"What?" Stiles had trouble drawing in the next breath.
"Don't be mad at me. Please don't."
"What? Why- Why would I be mad?" Stiles tugged his lip into his mouth and bit down.
"Please," he managed again, one foot already starting to slide away. The decision had already been made, he could feel it.
"Stiles." Derek's words were ringing in his ears. You ran from me and I couldn't stop. Recognition showed in Derek's face for just a second before Stiles took off. He couldn't hear anything but his feet hitting the ground and his lungs dragging air in before letting it back out. Derek wasn't chasing, not yet.

Stiles was ridiculously glad the sun hadn't set yet as he jumped over yet another root in his path. Sweat was gathering on his brow and sliding down his neck. He wanted to stop, if for no other reason than to see if Derek actually was following him, but stopping didn't seem like the best idea. What if he stopped too soon and all Derek did was haul him back to the house for a lecture? God that would be embarrassing. Swiping a hand over his brow quickly he tried to run faster. There was a growl behind him and Stiles' stomach tightened in anticipation. He shouldn't be doing this but…god he wanted it so badly. He hadn't wanted anything so selfishly, not that he could remember at least. He half fell into a tree and shoved back off of it, wiping at his brow again. Suddenly Stiles was moving backwards, gasping for air as his back slammed into a tree. Derek was barely centimeters from him, hands wrapped up in his jacket as he pushed him into the tree again. "Stiles!" he growled, eyes flashing bright blue. His hands were shaking so placed them on Derek's shoulders.
"I love you," and that was half a plea in and of itself. Derek growled again, catching his lips in a kiss that drew a whimper from Stiles. Stiles pressed back against the tree, wrapping his arms around Derek's neck and squirming until he could slide his legs around Derek's waist. Derek ground against him immediately and Stiles moaned in response. This was what he wanted, Derek this close to him. Thinking of nothing but fucking him. Claiming him one last time.

THIS HAS BEEN EDITED.

Derek's hands moved to his back. "So stupid," Derek breathed, "bleeding, hurt, Stiles-god." Warmth spread through Stiles and he gasped, back arching and shoving him further onto Derek.
"I'm fine," he mumbled again, stubbornly. Derek shushed him quickly with the press of his lips, hands sliding up and down his back slowly. "Mm-fuck that doesn't feel bad," Stiles admitted. Derek's hands went to his neck next, fingertips sliding along gently. More warmth and Stiles' eyelids drooped. "Making me sleepy," he let out, hands falling lax to his sides.
"Good," Derek exhaled. His neck seemed to take the longest and Stiles barely managed a hum of protest when Derek rearranged him on the ground, hands moving down to his thighs. Stiles blinked a few times, trying to stay alert. He felt drugged and stupid. Lips brushed over his temple and hands moved to his hips. There was a flare of awareness.
"No," he managed, "leave 'em."
"Go to sleep." Stiles searched out Derek's wrists by touch, holding onto them as much as he could. His fingers weren't too intent on cooperating.
"Please. Want 'em."
"Stiles…"
"Please," he echoed, eyelids fluttering as he tried to keep them up. It was a losing battle and Stiles thought he must have been more emotionally strained than he even realized. He couldn't think of another reason to explain the sudden exhaustion. Maybe it was the healing. Maybe it didn't even matter. There was a gentle lap of panic as his eyes closed again and he could feel himself slipping away. The last thing he felt was the brush of another kiss.

Stiles' hands were searching out Derek before his eyes were even open. The rest of the bed was empty. It was only when he sat up that Derek pushed to his feet and crossed the room slowly. Stiles drew his lip into his mouth, biting down just enough to keep him from blurting something stupid out. A few moments passed in silence and Derek slowly sat on the edge of the mattress, clearly debating whether or not to do it.
"Are you mad?" Stiles finally questioned softly.
"I don't know," Derek returned. "I think I should be but then I think I shouldn't be. I told you it was a horrible idea."
"It wasn't horrible." Derek leveled him with a glare and Stiles ducked his head at the intensity of it.
"You were covered in blood. I could have killed you."
"Debatable," Stiles rejected the thought. "Your wolf is careful of me too. As careful as a wolf can be at least." He glanced down for the first time naked skin, sheets, and nothing else meeting his gaze. Lifting the sheet with one hand he peeked at his stomach, pleased on an almost ridiculous level to see scratch marks still there.
"You're stupid," Derek told him, tone verging on petulant. Stiles didn't argue. He didn't want to discuss why he'd wanted to keep them.
"I'm fine," he stressed again instead. "The healing thing is pretty handy," he offered a careful smile, unsurprised when it wasn't returned. Derek looked away, crossing his arms and pushing back off the bed.
"You should dress," he said, the words barely loud enough for Stiles to hear. Dread surged through him so thickly that his breath caught and he stared at Derek wordlessly. He paced towards the door before half turning back. "Peter's waiting for me."

Stiles was shaking. In fact it was sort of an all out body tremble. It wouldn't stop no matter how many times he paused to close his eyes and inhale and exhale slowly and carefully. It was his fault and he knew that. He knew it but it hurt. The knowledge of it sat firmly in his chest and burned there. It felt a lot like regret. Stiles didn't even know what day it was anymore, how had he lost track? But it didn't matter. Derek was leaving now. In a matter of minutes. His hand gave a hard spasm, as if it was reaching out for something but gave up. He understood why Derek was doing it. Even if it felt a bit like this was his punishment. He understood. He moved for the door and had to stop again, both hands lifting to his mouth and covering it. Stiles didn't even understand the motion. Had he been about to scream? Another deep breath and he slowly let his hands drop. He had to go. He had to do this. More importantly he had to be strong. This was happening whether he liked it or not and having a breakdown or panic attack would only make it harder. He had to hold on…at least until Derek was gone. Gone.
"Fuck," he whispered. Derek could probably still hear him downstairs. He had to pull himself together. Stiles shook out his hands furiously, trying to force the trembles out. It didn't work and he gritted his teeth before another deep breath. He slid his left hand into his pocket and grasped the shell tightly. He could do this. He could.

There was a duffel bag sitting on the futon. Stiles stared at it for a moment that stretched impossibly long. Maybe this was all a dream. A nightmare. The bag wasn't even that big he reasoned. It couldn't possibly fit everything Derek was taking with him. Everything that wasn't Stiles.
"Hey." How did Derek know he was drowning in his thoughts? Was it that obvious?
"Yeah," Stiles muttered stupidly, giving his head a shake. There was a weird lull in the conversation and Derek crossed to him, reaching into his jacket.
"Here," Derek said, pulling out a thick envelope. "Ross took care of having them developed, just in case you know." Stiles hummed agreement, the most he could manage, as he took the envelope. He took it in both hands, one fingertip teasing under the flap of paper before he folded it back into place.
"Thank you," he forced out, voice thick.
"Yeah," Derek said then. For a moment Stiles felt ridiculous. As if he'd lost the script to his own life. He knew what was supposed to happen but it wouldn't make sense in his head. He couldn't figure out how it was actually going to happen. How were they going to do this? How were they going to say goodbye? Derek turned stiffly and went to the futon. He gripped the strap of the duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. Stiles watched him and struggled to swallow. His eyes were watering and he was going to cry. Forcing himself to the door he twisted the knob and eased it open. His face felt numb.

Stiles went first. He just needed out of the house- that and watching Derek walk out would be too much. Just the idea of it was twisting his stomach into an unrecognizable shape that he never wanted to feel again. Outside, on both the lawn and in the little dirt street, what looked like every member of the pack was gathered. Stiles hadn't seen this many people at once in months. He caught sight of Taylor, Aiden, and Shane too but there was no comfort to be found from any of them. At first he wanted to be angry that they were all here to witness this like it was some sort of public entertainment unfolding just for them. But then Stiles thought about it. If they all just went about their day and pretended it didn't happen, if they didn't acknowledge this…that would be so much worse. Derek crossed to his car, dropping his bag in the trunk and closing it quietly. Stiles crossed his arms over his chest, fingers curling into his biceps painfully. Peter clapped a hand on Derek's shoulder, leaning in to whisper something to him. Derek ducked his chin and Stiles could only see the top of his head, noting for the first time the ridges through his hair. Paths torn by fingers. Peter released him and got in the driver's seat, starting the engine after another moment. Stiles' breath caught again, throat closing over as his eyes burned. Derek pushed off the trunk, walking to him.
"Don't," Stiles choked out, "please don't I'm gonna lose it if you say anything." He sucked in another quick breath, holding it. Derek nodded just once, hand settling on the side of his neck, one fingertip straying onto his shoulder. He leaned forward and Stiles swore the world was moving in slow motion for those brief seconds before Derek kissed him. It was barely a kiss, just a peck really. But then Derek was pulling him even closer, stretching up and kissing Stiles' brow. His lips moved against Stiles' skin and Stiles realized he was saying something without actually saying a word.

Derek's hand dropped away and he stepped back. It was quick then, so quick. He nodded again and turned, walking to the car. Stiles gripped his arms so tightly his fingernails slid before settling in again. A tear slipped out and he forced a breath in, nearly whimpering. He had to hold on. Almost done. Almost. Derek ducked into his car and Stiles thought for the first time it was strange that he wasn't driving. Another tear tracked down his cheek. The door shut behind him and Stiles lost just a bit of his control, more tears falling. Peter reversed so quickly dust flew. Stiles thought it was an act of mercy. Two more seconds, he couldn't help but count, and the car was down the road, five more and it was out of sight. Stiles groaned, bringing his hands to his eyes and pressing hard. He was being hugged by someone, he didn't care to look. But then there was another set of arms and even another. The pack was drawing tight around him. As if he was really one of them. As if they could fix this. Stiles' chest contracted until it felt like it cracked. "Fuck." Dragging in a ragged breath Stiles tried to blink away the tears. "Fuck." His hands fell and gripped at skin and fabric.
"Breathe Stiles," Ross' voice was quiet but insistent.
"Do something," he pleaded weakly, "fuck do something please." He felt a pinch, barely. "I can't do this," he admitted, faces blurred too badly for him to know who he was even speaking to. Wiping at his eyes again did no good. "I can't do this."
"We've got you," someone told him, maybe Aiden.
"I can't…" Stiles breathed again.

Passing out was a relief.

A/N:

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WANTED.

BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT OVER.

BETTER NOTE ON AO3 PROMISE.