Chapter 5: Afterlife

James got to spend most of the next week with his comrades. They had some time between now and their next posting to kill on the Citadel. Keira and Thomas both spent most of their free time with James, recalling war stories, funny moments during their careers and generally trying to cheer James up. It had worked, to an extent. James felt a lot better than he had since the start of the whole ordeal, and was starting to forget about his problems.
Or at least bury them.

James knew it couldn't last, and every time the two left, his mind inevitably wandered back to the uncertainty of his future. The doctors had told James that with the proper therapy, he could be a normally functioning member of society again, but he would have to wear the respirator or be on some kind of oxygen for the rest of his days.

To be honest, at this particular point, James didn't care. He had been stripped of everything he held dear. What did it matter that he would have to be on oxygen for the rest of his life, it was just the cherry on top of the shit sundae he had been handed.

But he just swallowed it with the rest. He was out of the Corps, but the Corps would never be out of him.
Yet, one thing that happened surprised him. The Quarian girl, Kari, she had stayed by his side ever since the day she had first come to see him.

It was, usual to say the least. Most of the time she just kept quiet surfing the extranet on her omni-tool or watching vids on a datapad. They had exchanged few words since those first emotionally charged moments. The nurses had asked her if she needed a place to stay for the night, but she had quietly refused to leave, instead just sleeping on a nearby vacant hospital bed or propping herself between two chairs if the bed was taken by a patient.

She would occasionally leave to go get something to eat, or do suit maintenance, but other than that she had been there the whole time.

James looked over at her curiously, she was sitting in one of the room's chairs with her feet propped up in the seat of another, in a slightly reclined position like one sitting up in a bed. At this particular moment she seemed to be watching something funny on the datapad. The dim ovals of her eyes were drawn up into a upwards slant, as one's eyes would be when smiling or laughing. James couldn't hear anything, but he figured that her suit probably had a auditory system that could shut out any outgoing noise or any incoming sound. Well, other than the vid's audio track.

James decided to try his luck.
"Whatca watching?" the girl looked up from her screen in surprise, nearly falling out of her chair at the sudden interruption. She scrambled to correct herself and turn on her voice filter.
"Err-umm..n-nothing important. J-just a movie…" she mumbled timidly.
James found her nervousness strangely endearing.
"Oh? What about?" he asked, giving her a comforting smile.

"Its a comedy…about a Turian and a human tracking a rogue law enforcement agent."
Her eyes darted away for a moment, looking off towards the ground.
"I don't bite you know…" James noted, observing her body language, still seeing a trace of lingering fear in her movements.
"Oh…no- I didn't- I just-…" Kari tired to explain, words failing her. She hadn't expected him to talk to her. Not now, she had thought of the things she would say, how she would respond, but it all seemed to have just flown from her.

"I'm sorry." She finally admitted.
James shook his head. "Don't be, there's nothing to be sorry about."
Kari looked up, meeting those shadowy violet eyes again. They were softer than they had been the last time they had spoke, there was still pain there, but it was dulled, like a rusty razor in a mound of dirt.
"But-…."

James held up a bruised hand to silence her.
"I know what I said, and I'm sorry. I had no reason to yell at you like that."
It was James's turn to look away in shame.
"I was…feeling rather raw."
Kari could see that her words were causing him to relive those awful moments again. She didn't want that, more than anything else in the world right now she wanted to make the man who had saved them happy. And she was failing at it…Kari panicked.
"No, no! I didn't mean to-"
James eyes met hers again, he gave a weary smile.
"It's okay. I'm fine."

James wasn't fine, not entirely. He suspected that he might never be entirely 'fine' after all that had happened, but he was eager to change the subject, perhaps to things a little less morose.

"Tell me more about that vid you were watching."
Kari blinked a few times, understanding hitting her like a rock to the visor.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.

"Oh, um, uh, well I-I hadn't quiet finished it yet…it had just started really, w-when…ahem…"
Kari felt her cheeks go red.
"D-did you want to watch with me?"

James smiled.
"I'd like that."

The Halcyon groaned as it pulled into dock. The ship's drive core fluttered and whined pitifully as Lt Kendon brought her into the docking cradle. It didn't seem right, what they were doing, Kendon mused as he set the ship to lockdown mode, the cankerous wailing of the ship's drive core quieting as all systems shut down.
The old bird still had some fight in her, she had managed to take down three Geth frigates and a cruiser with the help of the Normandy. Not to mention the fact that she had limped all the way back to the Citadel on her own power.

With a little tender love, and a lot of patience, the Alliance could have her combat effective in a month.
Unfortunately, the Halcyon was an older ship, and the Alliance had little in the way of sympathy for things that had used up their usefulness, not when they could build a brand new ship for just a little bit more.

Nope, it was to the scrap yards with the Halcyon. She would be stripped of everything that wasn't nailed down and then sold to a junker to melt down to make coffee-makers or cup-holders or something equally stupid.

But, then again it wasn't like they ever asked Kendon for his advice, and maybe it was just because he was feeling sentimental. The Halcyon had been his girl ever since he left the academy, but it just didn't feel like the Alliance was doing her any service.

Kendon sighed as he collected his gear and headed for the ship's airlock. It had to end one day. He would be transferred, a new ship and a new crew to fall in love with. It was the norm in the life of a soldier, of a pilot but he knew that nothing would ever quite like his Halcyon days.

James and Kari had spent the whole rest of the day talking. It had been a little awkward at first, most of their conversation had been about movies they had both seen, works of literature and a smattering of tech talk, but he had finally gotten her to open up a bit about her people. She told had told him about the Migrant fleet, their culture, and the traditions of her people, why they wore suits, their pilgrimage and their history with the Geth.

Some of it James already knew, he had once studied to be a historian during his college days, a career choice that he had been prodded into by his parents, a compromise of sorts. He knew some about the Quarians but not a whole lot, but Kari had easily remedied that. It was interesting; her demure nature seemed to evaporate when she talked about the Migrant fleet.
James could relate to that, he had been the same way about the Alliance Marines once, bending anyone's ear that would listen.
He could tell it was a source of great pride to her, though she had deftly dodged any conversations topics about herself. She didn't seem to like talking about what she liked, or did, or things about her family.

Eventually, James had let the matter drop and they had both gone to sleep with the advent of nightfall on the Presidium arm.

The next morning had been a rather bright one. James's world felt less overcast than it had for the last week.
His wounds were starting to heal, the deep purple of his bruises were starting to take on a yellow-green tone and it only hurt a little when he breathed.

He had awoken rather early in the morning, before dawn on his arm of the Citadel. The shadow of the other arms had been blocking out the sunlight, plunging the Presidium into "night."

James watched the sun come out from behind the arm, only occasionally looking down at a tech manual he skimmed off the extranet about starship drive-cores.
Old habits die hard.He thought.

Kari was still asleep when the doctor came by to check on him. The door had been open, James had left it that way during the night so that he could open the window and let a breeze roll through.

The doctor was a rather odd looking slightly scarred Salarian with warm orange skin. James set down his datapad to give the doctor his full attention as he checked James's vitals, his wounds and even applied a fresh set of bandages. A task usually let to the orderlies or the nurses. James noticed that he was missing one of the claw like appendages on his head common to most Salarians and his disposition was cheerier than most.

The Salarian nodded in satisfaction
"I'm happy to tell you that you are healing quiet well-yes-yes. Even without slug therapy. Mmm-are you sure you haven't changed your mind?"
The doctor rattled off at a mile a minute, with a rather unsettling but friendly looking smile on his features. He had seen the doctor once before, he had offered to treat him with a type of slug native of Sur'Kesh the Salarian homeworld. Evidentally, they had been prized for the medicinal qualities, but James had gotten a look at them, and they looked like slimy mini-thresher maws.

"Keep it down, please" James pleaded under his breath, nodding to the sleeping Quarian on the bed.
The Salarian doctor looked over at Kari and nodded, reducing his voice in tone but not volume.

"Ah yes,-so sorry-sure you don't want slugs? Debrides wounds. Halves healing time-only mildly toxic-small number of them, mild hallucinations-nothing to worry about- unless…arachnophobic."

James frowned, he looked over the doctor's shoulder to see if Kari had been woken up. She still seemed to be fast asleep.
"Could you lower your voice a bit…"

The Salarian nodded, still speaking in an unusual baritone for his species "Am-lower voice register-decreases likelihood of arousal-females more sensitive to higher chords-evolutionary response-hear child's cries better…-slugs?"

James looked up at the Salarian with a dumbfounded look on his face. Finally his brain caught up to his ears.
"No I don't want slugs crawling all over my- wait…spiders?"

The doctor nodded enthusiastically. "Common hallucinogenic response to slug toxin- very mild."

James shook his head slowly for emphasis "Nooooo…thank you. I'm good."
The Salarian looked disappointed but it didn't seem to faze him for long.
"Very well-change your mind let me know."

The doctor gave him a smile and a slight bow before leaving the room. As the door shut behind him Kari began to stir.
"Nnnnuuhhh w-what?" she groaned, groggily turning her head towards the window. The light from the Serpent Nebula's star hit her right in the face as it shined through the hospital room's window.

Kari moaned in frustration and pulled the covers over her visor.
"Five more minutes…"
James chuckled, picking his datapad back up. "You'll get no argument from me."
Kari jumped, sitting straight up in bed and looking over at James with a surprised look on her face.
"A-ah!"
James looked up from the pad, an amused smirk on his face, "Did I scare you?"
Kari seemed to have recovered, the dim lights of her eyes blinked and shook her head, still sitting up in the bed.
"N-no. I just thought for a moment…"
"You were back on the fleet?"
He said, finishing her sentence for her.
Kari looked up at him with a rather curious look. It made him grin.
"What?" she asked, as if she had missed some vital piece of humour or inside joke that only James was privy to.

James shook his head and chuckled, "Nothin'.
Kari looked bemused, she tilted her head sideways as she swung her feet onto the floor.
"Had a pretty strict father, did you?"
Kari blinked.
Had she been talking in her sleep again?

"How did you-…" Kari began, but the look in James's eye seemed to have a powerful impact on her ability to speak.
They had spoken yesterday a great deal, but she had intentionally avoided the topics of family, herself and pretty much everything else personal. She was still dealing with the deaths of her friends the Ellis's, they were only people she had really ever opened up to. But with James... it was like he already knew her.

James chuckled; it was a deep gravelly bass that sent shivers down her spine. "I was a spacer kid too. Spent most of my life on military ships, and every morning my father would come into my room and wake me to the tune of Reveille."

James looked down at his datapad again.
"Every day, for fifteen years…." He continued, his voice distant and somber, "until…well until he didn't even have to play the song anymore." James looked up and nodded to the door.
"He would just open the door, and I'd pop up." James smiled pensively at Kari.

Kari choked a bit, she wasn't sure if she should say anything.
Was it a betrayal of her parents to talk about the aspects of them that had caused her pain?
Should she be sharing such information with someone she barely knew, not to mention of a different species.
"My father…" she began, bowing her head slightly.
James saw the look in her eyes, as they looked down at her feet. They were his only point of reference for reading her emotions. Body language said a lot, but it only said so much. It was her eyes that told him what to say next.

"It's okay. I understand." He said, giving her a comforting smile.
Kari looked up, her eyes showing her appreciation.
"Thank you. I just-…"
"I know."

A long moment passed between them before James spoke again.
"Hey, can you help me out with something?"
Kari looked up at him curiously, she had been wondering what to say next.
"What?"

James pushed the covers off him and pulled his robe tightly around his midsection. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and planted them on the floor.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, rising to her feet and stepping towards him cautiously.

James grinned impishly. "I'm going for a walk."

"But the doctors said-" Kari began, recalling that the physicians had told James that he shouldn't leave his bed for anything other than hygiene for at least another week.

"Screw em. I'm going for a walk and there's not a damned thing they can do about it." James sputtered, pressing his weight to his feet, his legs wavered slightly.
Kari put her hand on his arm, steadying him. Her three fingered hand felt strange pressed against his bicep, but it wasn't an unpleasant sensation. Indeed, compared to all the metal instruments, glass syringes and plastic tubing that had been forced upon his skin over the last few days, the touch of another person felt strangely intoxicating.
Even if it there was an envirosuit between them.

With Kari's help, James walked across the room, over to the closet where the assorted assisted living supplies were kept. It only took him a few moments of rifling to find what he wanted, a plain metal unadorned walking cane that was just right for his height.

"That's good." He said, testing his weight against it, walking a few steps around the room to be sure of the balance.
Every step sent dull shots of pain through his chest, and crossing the room felt like running uphill in full pack, but he kept pushing himself.

"Let's go." James said at last heading for the door.
Kari had been watching him limp around the room, her arm steady on his shoulder and around the inside of his elbow. It was a strain for him, even just this short distance. She knew that he would hurt himself if he continued much longer.

"No." She tugged at his arm. "You need to rest. Let's get you back to bed."
James shook his head, pulling forward towards the door. "I've been in that damned bed for a week. I've had enough rest. I need some fresh air."

Kari shook her head. "We are on a space-station. The air in here is just as good as outside. You need to sit down before you hurt yourself."
James turned to the Quarian, their faces only inches apart…there was a smirk on his lips.
"Are you trying to get smart with me, Miss Vereah?"
Kari blinked, for a moment, their eyes locked…she felt her cheeks go red.
"E-er? No? What does that mean? I didn't- I wasn't trying to be-"

James chuckled and patted the hand on his bicep with his free one.
"Don't worry about it. Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. Get me a wheelchair, and I'll sit down in that."

Kari looked down at his hand resting on hers for a moment, before looking back up into his deep amethyst eyes.
"Okay…" she said quietly.
"Deal."

It was dark. The iron sky reaching down casting long shadows across the forest. Tree, sapped of their colour, stood like ominous stone watchers, staying an eternal vigil over the bleak landscape.

The ground was soft, like snow or sand but it reflected the slated sky, churning and shifting. Whispers like the echoes fingered their way through the trees, distorting the air, making the trees tremble and shake.

Oily shadows, moved through the sea of grey mist, their forms swimming and swirling, phantoms of those who had cast them.

James stood in the center of the forest, under the bare branches of the trees, staring out across the landscape.
Whispers clawed at the back of his mind, voices from the edges of the forest…familiar ones.
"…won't be a part of this…"

"…can't go, what will I do if you-…"

"…your mother wouldn't approve of this…"

"…leave me, I'm not going to-…"

James cringed, he put his hands over his ears, trying to shut them out. It didn't word, they only seemed to push their way into his consciousness faster.

"…orders. Can't risk the mission…"

"…you've been discharged…"

"…trying to help…"

The shadows closed in around him, staring at him, watching him with silent judgement. James feel to his hands and knees, the grey-snowy ground giving way, burying his hands.
"Go away! Leave me alone!"

Silence.
The shadows had gone, evaporated into the mist, leaving him alone with the seething reflection of the sky.

James sobbed quietly. Alone, in the darkness of the forest. He felt leeched, empty, drained. There was no one left to condemn him now…there was no one left at all.

The deep abyss of silence stared into James, but he didn't look away.

The ground looked so soft, and inviting. It felt like marshmellow fluff between his fingers. He felt it calling to him, pulling him closer…asking him to sink his entire form into its gentle embrace, promising nothingness in return. The peace of sleep, eternal and unburdened.

James felt himself sink, his limbs were so tired, so weary of bearing their burden. All he had to do was release them from their charge, and he would dip himself into the dreamless void.

Yet, even as he was about to give in, something cold and wet touched his ear. A breath of warm air exhaled across his face and the soft touch of black fur pressed against his cheek. James looked up.

"Shadow?"

"How can it be? You died."

The form of his childhood border collie looked at him curiously with those deep brown soulful eyes of his. It was an accusation, a question and an offer all in that single look.
James looked away in shame, pushing his body away from the churning reflection of the sky.
Shadow barked at him, bowing down before him in a playful challenge before romping off into the mist of the forest.

James stood to his feet, he called after him.
"Shadow! Wait! Come back! Don't leave me alone!"
The bubbling ground shifted lazily under his feet as James chased after Shadow, draining his energy with each step.
James pressed on, out of desperation, out of fear. He didn't want to be alone again…and he wanted to hold his old friend in his arms one more time.

"Come back!"
James cried out, reaching for the fading form, the playful barks becoming a wispy echo on the wind.

James's feet failed, and the ground seemed to reach up and take him…but it wasn't going to take him. James pushed, and pulled and strained.

It wasn't going to take him!

With a horrible snap, like the breaking of a bone, he pulled free, stumbling free of the forest and into a new scene.

James's breath caught in his throat.
He was home. It was Morecambe Bay, the beach he had gone to when he was a boy, when his parents would bring him home on shore leave. It was winter, and the sandy soil was covered in white. Tender snowflakes fell from a dim alabaster sky, with frosty fingers reaching out across the ocean waves.

The slight form of Shadow's black fur, romping through the snow and the waves sent a smile across James's face. The canine came up to him, a stupid looking grin on his face, caked with wet sand and snow, looking for his master's approval.
James gave it, bending down on one knee, he wrapped his arms around the filthy mutt and tussled his ears. The dog gave him a lick of appreciation before pulling off to chase after a few ocean birds.

James chuckled. He would never catch them…he never did, but watching him chase them again…James felt a tear roll unbidden down his cheek.

"This is a dream. It won't last."His mind whispered mournfully.

"Nothing does…"

James looked over to where Shadow had been playing. He was standing over something small and blue, staring at it curiously.
James walked towards him.
The scene changed again.

The ocean had stilled, the lapping of the waves had gone quiet, and the sky had grown darker.
They were on a flat plain, endless in all directions. The ground was hard, cold, white… ice.
But James's step didn't falter as he approached Shadow and the blue object on the ground.
As he drew closer, he could see that it was a bird, a Kingfisher. It had a brilliant plumage of azure, violet and navy on its back, and its breast was the colour of a sunset with deep orange and crimson feathers.

James looked at it curiously, it seemed oddly familiar to him, like he had seen this bird somewhere before…
Shadow stared at it pensively, as if he was waiting for something. James couldn't quiet understand why he hadn't attacked it, or why the bird simply hadn't flow off.

The bird turned its head to face him, it looked up at him with twin pools of glowing dim light, James could see something in its gaze: pain.

The bird turned to face him, and it all became clear.
The kingfisher's right wing had been broken, mangled and deformed; it looked as if it had been torn by a predator or perhaps a product of birth. It lay outstretched across the ice like a disfigured hand, trying to hide something from his gaze. The little bird looked up at him piteously, but held its ground, shifting itself between him and the object it wished to remain hidden

A gust of wind pushed across the plains of ice, throwing the little bird forward and off balance, revealing what it had been trying to hide.
It was a small nest, made of pebbles and twigs with a clutch of small azure eggs inside. The little bird chirped wretchedly and threw itself towards its eggs, but James could see that it was far too late.

The eggs were broken already, they looked like they had been for some time. Their soft blue shells were splattered with blood and white downy feathers that fluttered away with the wind.
The bird cried out as they went, the last vestiges of her loss scattered to the sky.

James watched the bird sadly, he wanted to reach out and help it, pull it up into his arms and tell it, it was going to be okay.

Shadow looked up at him.
But it wasn't Shadow that he saw. The sweet doleful eyes of his border collie had been replaced by glowing red ones that burned like the fire of hell itself. Wires and tubes like serpents snaked out across the canine's lean form, long shaggy black fur deep as night. Yellow teeth like fangs and claws sharp as daggers.

The creature that had been Shadow stared at him…as the sky turned blood red and a tone from space hushed all noise but its own.

The creature didn't flinch. It stared up at James, its eyes filled with a single purpose.

His eyes opened.

James sat up in bed. The smell of anti-septic filled his nostrils once again as the taste of the night's air sat heavy on his tongue.

He was back in his room, the hospital room. It had been a dream. It all had been a dream…
Just a dream.
James put his face in his hands, wiping away the sleep and fear from his body.
It had been so vivid and felt so real...

Morning had come again on the Presidium. The denizens of the Citadel had already begun to crowd the pedways and cafes that James could see from his window.

"Morning!" said a rather cheery voice to his left.
Kari was already up, and had evidentally already been down to the cafeteria for she was bearing a tray of rather delicious looking array of breakfast items that included bacon, eggs, scones and Devonshire cream.
James looked down at the tray in her hands with both shock and surprise. Kari noticed the look and started to fidget a bit.
"I'm sorry if I didn't get it right. I did some reading, about human culture and cuisine…I-I hope you don't mind..."

James blinked several times quickly.
"Okay? It's bloody brilliant, it is!" he croaked, his voice a still a touch on the sore side. He cleared his throat.
"Thank you…"

Kari blushed, and set the tray before him.

"I talked to the doctor, and they said that we used the wheeled-chair, that I could take you out on the Presidium for awhile…i-if you wanted to…"

James almost choked on his scone. The nurses had stopped him for leaving the hospital yesterday, saying he was in too "delicate a condition" to leave the premises. They had made him return to his room and then taken the wheel chair away from good measure, to ensure he wouldn't try to sneak out.

"How did you manage that?" he coughed, a bit of cream caught in his throat.

"I talked to the singing doctor. He said it was okay, as long as I brought you back at the first sign of trouble."

James tilted his head curiously. "Singing doctor?"

Kari nodded enthusiastically. "You know, the nice Salarian one that comes in to check on you, talks fast."

James nodded, remembering his encounters with the strange little man. "Oh yeah…that one..."
He grinned. "Well…I'd like that."
Kari beamed from behind her visor. "Oh-good! I'll go get then" she smiled, getting up from her seat to go fetch the chair from the front desk.

James continued to eat after she left the room, though his mind wandered back to the dream… there was one piece of it that he couldn't seem to get out of his head: the image of the little bird with the broken wing. The look it its eyes had been so familiar, so haunting. His mind was drenched with the image.

The swish of an opening door interrupted his thoughts.
James looked with a smile over to see Kari enter the room with her prize.
Wrested from the hands of his diabolical nursely jailors, the key to his freedom: a wheelchair. She beamed triumphantly at him, pushing it up to the side of his bed.

"Ready to go?" she asked, noting the now empty tray of food she had brought in."

James grinned.

"Ready when you are, Miss Vereah." He replied sweetly.

Kari blushed, she took the tray and set it aside on the other hospital bed and then offered her arm to help steady him as he swung his legs from the bed.

James sat down heavily into the chair, sending a dull spike of pain up his spine, but he didn't care. He was finally going to be able to get out of that damned bed for awhile.

Kari put her hands on either side of the back of the chair and wheeled it around towards the door, but before she had reached the door, James held up a hand to stop her.

Kari looked down curiously at him, the human turned around in his seat to meet eyes with hers.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked her in an even tone. It was a question that had been on his mind for awhile now, he had been…afraid to ask.
Kari's eyes darted away nervously, she retracted her left hand to scratch her right arm apprehensively.
"Erm-well…uh…- That is…-" she began, bungling her words into a mess of syablles that didn't make any sense. She looked down and away towards the floor, as if hoping that if she couldn't see him, then he couldn't see her.

Then something strange happened, she felt a hand on the side of her helmet, turning her head back towards James. She met those deep violet eyes again, they were warm, inviting… seeming to whisper to her, telling her okay to be herself with him.

"I…made a promise to someone on Eden Prime…" she spoke at last, her words trembling almost as much as her.
"That I would repay kindness…by showing kindness to another…."

James let his hand fall from Kari's visor, down her arm to her hand, which he grasped softly.
"Well…thank you…for everything…."

Kari took his hand and wrapped her fingers around his palm. Her slight hand was like child's compared to his. She could even feel the warmth of his skin through her suit.

She smiled sadly and gave a soft giggle.

I kept my word, Mrs Ellis.