A/N: Extending a 'thank you' of gigantic proportions to all you reviewers/subscribers/favoriters!

Title of this chapter comes from the little piece of perfection that is Nirvana's 'Very Ape'.

TWO

I'm Too Busy Acting Like I'm Not Naïve

Vince really didn't understand why he voluntarily surrounded himself with such negative people. There was Naboo, who was either indifferent or annoyed about anything he couldn't smoke. There was Howard, who resisted everything even slightly out of the realm of what he considered to be normalcy. Then there was Leroy, who, despite his constant interaction with the public, had a serious aversion to real human relationships and never passed up the chance to slander those who could nurture them. Naboo was tired of the ceaseless idiotic mistakes of his human companions; Howard was trapped by his list of failures and the fear of making said list any lengthier. But what exactly was Leroy's excuse? Listening to his misanthropic philosophies night after night used to be entertaining, but it was getting to be disturbing; and deep down, Vince was afraid of becoming just like his friend. It was no surprise that Leroy started in on him almost as soon as he entered in the passenger's side of his flashy sports car.

"So, how's Howard?" he asked mock-inquisitively, staring dead ahead at the road before him.

Vince sighed and slouched down into the leather seat. Not this again… Leroy was his second best friend in rank, but he was the only person Vince was able to show his surprisingly wide range of emotions to. Not intentionally, of course. It was just that while Howard only thought he knew everything, Leroy actually seemed to. Vince couldn't hide from him; he saw into his soul with a more perspicacious and intimidating stare than even Tony the Prawn had. "He's fine," Vince mumbled grudgingly, crossing his arms tight to his chest like an irritated teenager. "Can we not talk about this tonight? This is supposed to be fun, yeah?"

Leroy smiled with unusual affection. Likewise, Vince was the only person he seemed to be able to be himself around. "We both know you're not gonna be havin' fun tonight. You won't let yourself."

"Oh, come off it. That's bullshit and you know it."

"No, it's really not. Ever since Howard left for Denmark, you've been completely different. I've actually had to be your wing-man, Vince. Since when did you need assistance picking people up?"

"I've just had a few things on my mind, s'all."

"Yeah, well, that needs to stop," stated Leroy, matter-of-factly. "You need to get over this. And don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about, because you know damn well that I know you do."

"I said come off it, alright?" repeated Vince, his voice much terser this time.

"This is exactly why you shouldn't let yourself fall in love."

"And just what the hell would you know about that?" Vince cried with a dramatic vocal crack, setting himself in an upright position.

"About love? Not much. But about you?" Leroy let the words sink in to silence his friend before continuing. "I get it, Vince. I may not understand why you are, but you're in love with Howard, and it's very…" he paused, wondering if he could allow himself to say the word, and then did so, awkwardly: "…sweet. And-"

"And that's all there is to it, alright? Now let's drop this and talk about the club owner instead."

"No, because that's not all there is to it. I think I've worked out why you've changed so much. Care to hear my theory?" When Vince remained mute, he prompted, "You don't have to tell me if it's right or not. Just listen."

"Oh, please, Leroy. Enlighten me."

The driver perked up smugly, still keeping his eyes steadily focused on the road. "I think you're scared because he left," he began. "You let your feelings get to the point of no return, and then he left you at the drop of a hat to work for some ball-bag director. For Christ's sake, you wouldn't get out of bed for a week after-"

"I was sick!" Vince weakly defended.

"Oh yeah? You seemed to heal a bit once Naboo hired that Adam geezer. He was an awful lot like someone else we know, wasn't he? Coincidence?"

"…No… Adam was… a doctor. Hired by Naboo to help me recover. Naboo had told 'im I don't like doctors, so he dressed up like that to make me feel more comfortable, like I knew 'im an' stuff." Vince felt his heart sink as Leroy shook his head in annoyance; he couldn't build up jokingly bullshit stories with just anyone. That was his and Howard's thing. The Jenga Jokes, they called it.

"Spare me, Vince. You were lost without him. His leaving made you realize you value him much more than he values you. And now you're all depressed. What happened? Whenever you were feeling lovesick before, a night out would help you feel better. Now you're all… dull." Leroy knew using this last word would prompt the reaction he was after.

"Dull?" exclaimed Vince. "I'm not dull, you twit! It just isn't fair, Leroy, it ain't fair! I always assumed we'd end up together, so it didn't matter what I did, 'cuz he'd always be there… but now it's an effort to go out, 'cuz I feel like if I offend him in any way, he'll leave again, and I can't deal with that, Leroy, I can't! And then I realize that he wouldn't be offended even if I go off and shag all of Europe, 'cuz he only thinks I'm some shallow idiot, anyway, so I'd just be playing the part, and…" He let his voice trail off as he noticed the verbal trap that he'd been set in. "Fuck off, Leroy," he spat, angry with himself for being so easily manipulated.

Leroy smiled, satisfied, as the car rolled on up to its destination. He parked, and then turned to Vince before killing the ignition. "Listen to me. You have nothing to worry about and nothing to feel guilty about. He won't be jealous, he won't be offended and he won't leave. Meanwhile, you've gotta break yourself of this love. You've gotta loosen up; get back to the old you. You're Vince Noir! You could leave with the owner, DJ, and all three bartenders if you wanted to."

"But I don't wa-"

"You do want to. All these years of following him around, and you got nothing but patronized and then abandoned. That doesn't get you pissed? And if you say no, I swear to fuckin' Jagger, Vince-"

"It does, but I-"

"So act on it," interrupted Leroy. The look in his eyes was so tempting, so damn persuasive and beguiling. "Forget about him, and get back to bein' my partner in crime. Whaddya say?"

Mouth completely dry, Vince nodded weakly in acceptance. In the back of his mind, he heard Bollo say something about a bad feeling.