I was working on the next chapter for 'A TWD Date' but parts of this chapter just kept popping up in my brain, and then I was lying in bed Sunday morning and read the spoilers for upcoming episodes and got distracted by them and needed to get the first chapter of my 'spoiler' story out of my head. So, you can see my muse was a little busy over the weekend. :-)
But I finally got around to finish this chapter and well, they are gonna be really passionate in this one. Not to mention Nick's thoughts. ;-) You've been warned!
Oh, and remember when I told you that Nick and Jess are going to be all over the place in this story? Well, this is one of those chapters. Rollercoaster ride ahead! :-)
Chapter 8
When Nick woke up in the morning Jess was gone and he called himself a fool when he reached over and outlined the imprint her head had left on the pillow. He could be such a sap sometimes. But it had felt nice, the few times she'd still been in his bed in the morning. He wasn't a morning person but watching her sleep, admiring her body without her noticing it were the best parts of his days.
It had only happened about five times and each time he couldn't resist waking her up by slipping under the covers and kissing his way down her body, always ending up between her legs and no matter how often she told him she didn't want him to do it and tried to pull him up, her protests always ceased after a few seconds.
A smirk appeared on Nick's face as he remembered how her hands always tightened around the sheets, how she always seemed to fight against coming like this but always lost the battle. She'd done it to him quite a few times too and looking at it from his point of view he was just returning the favor. He enjoyed seeing her face all flushed, slight embarrassment lingering in her eyes when she could taste herself on his lips. The sex was always a little wilder when he'd given her an orgasm like that, making him want to go down on her every time just to see her lose control.
His smirk faltered as he realized that he'd turned around and had pressed his face into her pillow, smelling the scent her hair had left on it. Furrowing his brows, he leaned back and stared at the pillow as if it was its fault that he was acting like a lovesick puppy. He almost bit through his tongue as the meaning of his thought hit him.
Lovesick puppy? Love?
His throat went suddenly dry and his heart hammered against his ribcage. Love? Was he in love with Jess? The thought had never occurred to him until now. Most of the times his mind had been consumed with images of her being naked under him, moaning with pleasure, urging him to give her more. Now and then he had asked himself if they shouldn't give a real relationship a try. With dates and all the other normal couple stuff. But love? No, he'd never sat down and tried to shine a light on his feelings for her.
His head was spinning and it was definitely too early in the morning to take a closer look at his feelings. His brain wasn't functioning at this time of the day. A small voice in his head told him that his brain had nothing to do with it but that he needed to listen to his heart. Looking at his own actions, at his own thoughts, he was afraid she meant more to him than he was willing to admit. He wasn't ready to say it out loud but deep inside he knew it.
He was in love with Jess. His sometimes chaotic roommate, with eyes that were too big for her face, with a too trusting heart. He might have fallen in love with her a long time ago but never ever admitted it to himself. Maybe he'd already fallen in love with her as she told him in the middle of nowhere that she only wanted him to be happy and that she would be fine because she met him.
He'd changed his mind about moving in with Caroline because of this conversation. They never talked about it. They never needed to. A shared smile across the hallway, a heartfelt 'Welcome back, you clown' and they went back to normal. Acted as if the conversation had never happened. Looking back at that moment he couldn't believe that it had taken them so long to finally act on their attraction, making him wonder how they had been able to stay away from each other for that long.
He stumbled out of bed about an hour later, feeling somehow raw after dissecting his own feelings. Jess wasn't in the apartment when he emerged out of his room and he was glad that he had a few hours to put himself back together. He wasn't exactly sure how he should behave around her after realizing that he was in love with her. They didn't even have a real relationship. He could hardly blurt it just out and drop a bomb like that on her.
He decided he would just treat lightly. Starting off with asking her about taking the next step and making it official. He actually looked forward to seeing her again, feeling like a kid on Christmas Day eager to open the presents.
But time went by and Jess didn't show up. As the sun went down outside and there was still no sign of Jess he started to get slightly worried, trying to shove away the weird feeling that settled in his stomach by telling himself that she was probably out on a drink with Cece and that it would be completely inappropriate if he would call her and act like a jealous boyfriend in need to check up on his girlfriend.
But one hour later Schmidt entered the loft, accompanied by Cece and Nick looked expectantly past them but was only greeted with an empty hallway. Furrowing his brows in confusion, he turned to Cece. "Isn't Jess with you?"
"Nope." Cece said curtly.
"Do you know where she is?"
"Yes."
"And?" Nick prodded.
"I'm not gonna tell you."
"Why?"
"Because she doesn't want to see you."
"What?"
"I have no idea what you did but she stumbled into my apartment about three hours ago and told me that she needed a break and that she doesn't want to talk about it. What did you do, Nick?"
Seeing the utter confusion on his face, Cece said softly. "You have no idea why she wants a break?"
Nick just shook his head and Cece took pity on him and threw her keys in his direction. She knew Jess might see it as a betrayal of the girl's code but she didn't think they would solve whatever problem they had by Jess hiding in her apartment.
"Oh, Nick?" Cece shouted after him and Nick poked his head back into the loft. "If you hurt her ..." Cece said, letting the rest of the sentence unfinished, just raising her eyebrows in warning.
"I won't." Nick assured her, throwing her a lopsided grin before he disappeared behind the door, slamming it shut behind him.
~N&J~
Jess was laying her head back on the edge of the bathtub, closing her eyes and slipping deeper into the water. She really missed a bathtub. There was nothing better than relaxing in a warm bath with a bottle of wine beside you. She stretched her legs, groaning softly as her muscles ached, reminding her of their activities the previous night.
She felt her body quiver as she remembered his hands roaming over her body ever so softly, his excruciatingly slow pace as he'd made love to her. What they'd done in the kitchen had been sex, hot and dirty, mind-blowingly fantastic sex. Sex that made her cheeks blush by only thinking about it. But what had happened in his room later had been more than sex, it had been more than the need to satisfy some biological urges.
Groaning out loud, she clonked her head repeatedly against the edge of the bathtub. She was in trouble. Last night had stirred up feelings in her she wasn't quite comfortable with. She should have seen it sooner, it shouldn't have been such a surprise. These feelings didn't just pop up out of nowhere, they might have lurked in the shadows of her heart for quite some time now, just waiting for the right moment to break through to the surface.
She was in trouble. In big trouble. Because last night had opened her eyes. Sometime along the way, sometime in the last six weeks, she had fallen in love with him. It hadn't been head over heels, it had rather snuck up on her. With every night she had spent with him, her feelings for him had deepened, going unnoticed by her because she hadn't been able to think clearly when her body was humming under his caresses at night and screaming for more during the day.
"Oh God, I'm in love with Nick Miller." Jess whispered into the silent room, hearing the surprise in her own voice. Reaching blindly for the wine glass behind her, she grabbed it and emptied it in one gulp. Her hand tightened around the glass and she laid her arm over her eyes, her mind reeling. "I'm screwed. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. I can't be in love with my roommate. I just can't."
Her eyes snapped open as she suddenly heard the front door slam shut. Cece wasn't supposed to come home until much later. Apparently there had been a change of plans or she'd had a fight with Schmidt. A gasp escaped her as the door of the bathroom was yanked open and Nick stomped into the room. The glass of wine almost slipped out of her hand and she had to keep herself from shifting the foam on the water to cover herself. It wasn't as if he'd never seen her naked. Trying to cover herself would be utterly ridiculous.
Her heart was beating like a drum in her chest and she looked wide-eyed up at him. She hadn't even had the time to come to grips with the realization that she was in love with him and now he was standing in front of her, all furious, and stole her breath away.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Nick snapped. He was angry with himself for thinking about love just a few hours ago when she was apparently not feeling anything remotely similar. She didn't want more, she apparently wanted less and not willing to deal with the hurt this thought inflicted in his heart, he masked it by snapping at her.
"Aehmm, taking a bath!?" Jess squeaked, pressing her back hard against the bathtub, wishing she would have had a few minutes to get her bearings back before he'd burst into the room.
But she couldn't think right now and her body was already betraying her. She wanted a break, she needed a break. But looking up at him as he towered over her with an angry expression on his face, his brown eyes shooting fire, she couldn't recall one reason why she had wanted a break. She felt a deep tug in her stomach and her nipples hardened under his angry stare. God, she was turned on by his anger. She was really gone beyond any help.
Nick leaned forward, putting his arms on the side of the tub and leaned even closer, getting into her face and suddenly Jess remembered their first kiss on the roof and she just grabbed his shirt and yanked him down to her, intending to crash her lips on his but apparently she'd taken him completely by surprise and he lost his balance and tumbled headfirst into the water.
As he tried to get out of the water, he slipped and landed completely in the water, only his feet tangling over the edge. As he finally managed to sit up, his clothes clinging to his skin Jess looked at him and burst into laughter.
"Very funny, Jessica." Nick growled, wiping his wet hair out of his face. "I'm soaking wet."
"Ah, don't pout, Nicholas." Jess grinned, brushing a wet lock away from his forehead. "I like you soaking wet."
"You do?"
"You look hot."
"I'm looking hot?" Nick asked surprised, searching her face for any sign that he was messing with him. But the way she looked at him all the anger drained out of him, replaced by a surge of hot desire.
She was kneeling in front of him, suds of foam trailing down over her body, one foam flake slipping over one of her nipples, taunting him. Without taking his eyes off her he slipped out of his shoes and leaned forward to take off his socks before he pushed himself back and stood up, not caring that the rest of his jeans would get wet too. Realizing in which position he had put her with her kneeling in front of him, her mouth only a few inches away from his erection, he stepped back hastily, a splash of water sloshing over the edge of the tub and Jess let out a chuckle at his hasty reproach.
"Don't taunt me." She said huskily, her eyes lingering on his mid-section right in front of her eyes and Nick gulped hard as she stood up, the water running down in rivulets over her slim form. "Let's get rid of your clothes, shall we?"
Nick couldn't help reaching for her and pulling her into his body, his lips searched hers for a passionate kiss, his hands slipping around her waist, almost crushing her against his body. Her hands found her way around his neck, pulling his head down to her as she reciprocated the kiss with the same passion.
"So, are we allowed to talk this time?" Nick asked hoarsely as they needed to come up for air, one hand trailing down her spine, settling against the small of her back, his fingers brushing over her ass and goosebumps raced over her whole body as she leaned back and grinned up at him. "Only if you help me with getting you naked."
She began at the bottom of his shirt and he started with the buttons at the top, the task turning out to be a little bit of a challenge with a soaking wet shirt. When they finally managed to get them all open, Jess slapped the shirt away from his chest impatiently, leaning down to flick her tongue over one of his nipples.
Nick groaned out loud, cursing under his breath as the shirt caught on his wrists and with Jess' mouth drawing patterns over his chest he wasn't able to get it off.
"A little help here." Nick muttered frustrated, but Jess just slipped her hands down his stomach, her fingers working on his belt as she mumbled against his skin. "I'm busy."
Nick swore loudly and just ripped the shirt off his hands, not caring that he teared the fabric apart. He felt how Jess lowered the zipper of his pants and throwing the wet material on the floor, he reached down, trying to shove the jeans down his legs but he realized that the wet fabric clung to his skin and another expletive slipped over his lips, making Jess chuckle.
"Easy, tiger. Brute force isn't gonna get us anywhere."
With their combined efforts they were finally able to take his pants off, followed closely by his boxer briefs and Nick pulled her back into his arms, a jolt of electricity surging through him as her naked body made contact with his.
Lowering himself back into the water, he pulled her down with him and Jess put her legs on either side of his thighs, straddling him. Reaching down she wrapped her hand around him and guided him, gasping when a flush of hot water entered her body as he pushed into her.
Jess didn't know if the realization that she loved him made it so much more intense but when she rocked against him, as his lips closed around her nipple, as he took her with deep thrusts, it felt like he wasn't only touching her body but also her heart, her soul and as she shattered around him, she realized as the waves of her orgasm ripped through her body that her heart was lost forever. It belonged to him and she knew he would have a hold on it forever.
They didn't say a word when they stepped out of the tub and reached for some towels to dry themselves off. Jess was struggling with the emotions that were cursing through her body and Nick was apparently deep in thoughts himself.
Nick rubbed the towel over his body, his hands were shaking and he tightened them around the fabric, not wanting Jess to notice. The intensity of what just happened between them made him feel weak. He couldn't look into her eyes, afraid that he would see right through him and realize that his feelings for her were much deeper than they probably should be.
"We have a problem." Jess looked up at him questioningly and he chuckled, pointing at the wet pile of clothes on the floor. "I have nothing to wear."
"I'll go fetch something for you." Jess said, relieved to have an excuse to flee the scene. She couldn't handle being that close to him right now. "I'll be back in half an hour."
~N&J~
As Jess entered the loft Cece and Schmidt were sitting on the couch, arguing about which program they should watch. Jess just waved her hand in their direction and went straight to Nick's room. She didn't feel like talking.
Looking after her Cece furrowed her brows, raising a hand to stop Schmidt from arguing any further. She had gotten some strange vibe from Jess.
"I just need to ..." Cece trailed off, standing up to follow Jess, intend on finding out what was bothering her best friend.
As she entered Nick's room she found Jess standing in front of his bed, her face buried in one of his hoodies and when Jess looked up, Cece hurried over to her, alarm bells going off in her head as she saw the pained expression on Jess' face.
"Jess, what's wrong?"
"I can't …" Jess gulped hard, clenching the hoodie tightly against her chest. "I need to end this."
"I swear if he hurt you I'm gonna ..."Cece growled.
"No, Cece. No. He didn't hurt me." Jess interrupted her, grabbing her arm in case she wanted to rush out of the loft to find Nick. "It's just … I can't live like this anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"All I can think about is him. Having sex with him. God, Cece. We had sex in your bathtub." Cece wrinkled her nose in slight disgust and Jess added quickly. "And I'm sorry. I'm gonna bleach it. Promise."
"Okay, I don't really like to think about you two having sex in my bathtub but why end it with him? You apparently want him." Cece said, watching Jess intently. The way her best friend was worrying her lip, she might draw blood any second. Taking Jess' hand in hers, Cece pulled her down with her as she sat down on Nick's bed. "Jess?"
"Yes, I want him." Jess pulled her hand out of Cece's grip and buried her face in her hands, murmuring through her fingers. "I want him so much that it hurts."
Rubbing her hand up and down Jess' back, Cece stayed silent, a little taken aback by the desperation in Jess' tone. Suddenly Jess jerked back and turned her head. "But this is insane. We don't have a relationship. All we have is sex."
"And you want more?" Cece asked carefully.
"Cece, we don't even talk. We've never talked about … IT. It's like if our brains shut down the moment we are behind closed doors." Jess threw her hands up in exasperation before she let them drop into her lap, saying barely above a whisper. "But yes, I want more. I don't want to have only sex with him. But I don't think he wants more. So I have to end things. Before we'll ruin our friendship. I think … maybe now we still have a chance to go back to the way we were before. It might be hard but I think we can make it work. I don't want to lose him, Cece. I want it all but if I can't have all … I can't lose him as a friend. I just can't."
"I don't know if ending whatever is going on between you two is the right thing to do, Jess. I really don't. Nick and you … you work differently." Cece told her, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I can't give you any advice. You have to decide for yourself what's best for you. Best for both of you."
"I know." Jess said quietly. "But it's the right thing to do."
~N&J~
Half an hour later she was back at Cece's apartment. Handing Nick his clothes, she watched him silently while he got dressed.
"Jess, what is it?" Nick asked, as he looked up and saw the expression on her face.
"Hmm?"
"You have that look on your face."
"What look?"
"That look that tells me that I might not wanna hear what you are gonna say next."
"I think we should stop." Jess said softly, forcing herself to keep eye contact with him.
Nick's heart dropped into his stomach. He was almost one hundred percent certain what she was talking about but he still couldn't help to ask. "Stop what?"
"Having sex."
"Why?"
"Because this ... it isn't healthy." Jess tried to explain. "We had just sex in the bathtub of my best friend, Nick. This isn't normal. This is manic. We've turned into sex addicts."
"And that's such a bad thing?"
"Yes. If it consumes my whole life." Jess huffed out frustrated. "I can't function normally anymore. My body has full control over my brain and ... I want my friend back."
"What do you mean with back?" Nick asked incredulously. "I was never gone."
"It just felt like, over the last two weeks, we were only constantly teasing each other during the day and at night we just exploded. Everything we said, everything we did was charged with sexual innuendo. I just fear if we go on like this one of us will break eventually and I don't want this to happen. I'm not willing to screw up our friendship, Nick. You know how important our friendship is for me. If we continue ... I'm afraid one of us will get hurt and our friendship is ruined."
"I guess you mean, we should stop having sex before I will inevitably hurt you." Nick said, his voice sounding defeated.
"No, that's not what I'm saying. I ..." Jess started to speak but Nick interrupted her.
"It's okay, Jess. I get it. I'm Nick Miller, the guy who screwed up every relationship he had in his life and you're right. Our friendship is more important than some hot rounds between the sheets. We had a great time together but it's over now. I'm good with that."
Jess heard was he was saying but his body language was telling her the complete opposite and when he walked towards the door, Jess hurried after him. "Nick, wait!"
"It's fine, Jess. I understand." Nick said, his hand already on the knob and Jess could just stand like paralyzed as he turned it and walked out of the apartment, closing the door quietly behind him.
She'd wanted to save their friendship but somehow she'd managed to hurt him. Probably even ruin their friendship. Leaning back against the door, she slipped to the ground and hugged her legs closely against her body. She'd just realized that she was in love with him and now he might never talk to her again.
In one night she'd lost everything that mattered. She'd lost the intimacy she'd shared with him because she'd thought it was necessary to give up the sex to keep her best friend. But as it turned out her attempt to make the right decision had also cost her his friendship. She couldn't even cry, she just felt a burning sensation right where her heart was, a stinging pain as the lost of his friendship drove like a knife through her heart.
Now I can only wish you a happy episode tonight. After all this angst you might need some laughs and it looks like we are gonna get some great Nick/Jess scenes. :-)