So, yeah I did not really like how this chapter turned out, but if you enjoy it so be it. I am far more interested in the events that shall take place in the next chapter.
If his eighteen year old self could look at him, he would most likely be disappointed at what he had become. He was humiliating himself for a chance with a girl, that he might never get. This wasn't just any girl to him, she couldn't possibly be if Jesse St. James was willing to beg her to not get married to another man. He knew that he probably seemed and very much looked like a madman as he lay crumpled in the middle of the aisle, but he could care less.
He had interrupted a wedding whether it was because, he truly knew that Rachel could not be happy with Finn or his own damn pitiful selfish reasons. He didn't dare look at Finn because, he knew what look what be plastered on his face nor, did he look at the audience that surrounded them. The only person he wanted to see was Rachel and for fuck's sake, she looked marvelous in that white gown. His eyes slowly found their way to her eyes and their was nothing but confusion and anger with a hint of emotion that he could not detect. So much for knowing her better than anyone else, he thought to himself. He was there, on his knees in the middle of a church full of family and friends of Rachel and Finn and he couldn't help but give himself props because, damn if anyone claimed that his entrance wasn't amazing they, would surely be lying.
He kept staring at Rachel because, there was really no one else he had come here to see. Their eyes had remained locked since the instance they crossed paths and he pleaded with her without saying a word. He wanted to cry, to let out every single emotion that he had held within himself since, the last moment he had seen her. He wanted to scream at her, ask her what in the world had compelled her to break his heart the way she had, he wanted to shout profanities at both her and her soon to be husband, but all he could do was stay, kneeled on the ground, looking more broken than he felt and beg her to not do this. "Please," a simple whisper, that meant more than he could ever put into words. She forcefully, it seemed, pulled her eyes away from his.
He had become so wrapped up in her eyes, in his own thoughts that he had not noticed the growing commotion around him. There were silent whispers throughout the whole cathedral and many, many glares directed his way. He was rather confused, it amazed him that no one had dragged him off the premises. Of course, many of these people were here from Lima, he could not find it in himself to admit that their brains worked that fast. He looked back up to the altar, his eyes widened as he realized that there was in fact no Rachel standing next to her beloved Hudson. He scanned the room catching no glimpse of a white anywhere around. A small part of him panicked and he looked around once more once again he came up empty. Seeing as to how everyone was otherwise preoccupied, he quickly ran out wondering where in the hell Rachel Berry had gone.
The last glimpse he got of the girl he was in love with was as he saw her get into a cab and speed off into the busy streets of New York City.
It remained a mystery to this day, to almost everyone, especially the Broadway community where Rachel Berry, their new rising star had gone. The only person who seemed to know where she was, was Kurt Hummel and as much as Jesse had pleaded, as much as he had done to prove that he in fact would never hurt Rachel again, and no matter how much pity he felt rolling off in waves from both Kurt and his husband Blaine, Kurt remained firm. It had been 6 months since anyone had seen any glimpse of Rachel anywhere and it killed Jesse to know that she was out there free as a bird while, he remained her prisoner. He damned his heart for continuing to love her after all this time, but he knew that no matter how much he would claim that he wanted to forget her, that last memory he had of her would forever be burned in his memory.
She ran, he did not understand what had compelled her to fucking run. She had never been afraid of anything and it was making his head spin because, that was so not Rachel.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted like a mantra every time that his mind would wander to her. He needed to know and now where the hell this girl had run to. His only logic step was to take a short visit down to Lima, Ohio, the one place who would surely know where Rachel Berry had run off to. He needed to visit her fathers because, whether he knew it or not he was aware of the people in the church that day and as he had fallen to his knees to beg her to not say 'I do' her fathers seemed to breath an audible sigh of relief.
He only hoped that it was enough to finally be reunited with Rachel, to find someway in which he could capture her heart once more because, if she came back and went back to Hudson, who would surely take her back in a heartbeat, it wouldn't simply just tear his fucking heart open. No, it would be far worse because, he would not be able to take the pain that evaded his being, it would hurt a million times more and he had already felt numb inside, almost dead. If she couldn't love him anymore it was surely kill him, he'd be a dead man walking.
Sooo there you are.
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