This is a long chapter. I focused more on Jesse, his purpose and his history as a human being.
I like it, if you do not please comment on why.
I do not own Glee Dx and yeaaah.
So enjoy :DDD
Being here, it made him feel empty, more than that, he was just walking through the motions. He did not know how to react to the quiet, almost country-like town that he had grown to love. Of course, he had not lived in Lima itself and had landed in Akron, where he had originally come from, but all of Ohio, was not much different than the rest of Ohio. So, as he headed to motion for a taxi, he remembered that they were plentiful around here, Akron was not very busy. He fiddled with the zipper of his suitcase, still deciding whether being here was a good idea or not. The decision was made for him as a taxi settled itself right in front of him.
The driver asked if her needed a lift and he nodded, the driver opened the trunk and Jesse slowly picked up his suitcase and stuffed it into the trunk. He slid into the cab of the car and gave directions to the nicest hotel near Lima. As he sat there, he looked around and noticed that even though he had left Ohio almost 10 years ago, nothing much had changed maybe, a few new businesses here and there, but it almost felt like he was 18 again, traveling the 50+ miles to Rachel, on their first date. It was exactly the same scenery as he made it into the outskirts of Lima and it scared him to death because, he somehow felt like time travel was possible. If only, it were he would make no hesitation to go back to the times he had with Rachel and he would make it his duty to make right by her.
Alas, it was not the year 2010 as he stepped foot on the Ohio pavement of 2017. He slid his suitcase from the truck and proceeded to check into his Hotel. He tapped his fingers on top of the marble countertop and looked around the small space only to notice one slightly familiar face. It could not be yet, it was, he wondered if his eyesight was failing him as he caught sight of a very impatient looking Quinn Fabray. He focused on her, all forgetting what exactly he was waiting for and just watched every move she made. She looked as if she were obviously waiting for someone and he was slightly surprised and appalled to see who exactly it was. He wanted to almost laugh at the look he imagined he had on his face when he saw no other than Finn Hudson bend down and give Quinn a quick kiss on the lips. They soon walked out hand in hand to the streets of Lima. It was only then that he had become aware of the "Mr St. James! Mr. St. James, are you alright?" that rang beside him. He shook his head and replied that he was fine. He rolled his eyes at the "If you say so" he received from the concierge.
Suite 102 read the card he had been handed, he wanted to imagine that maybe, he was going to have a very accommodating room in this so-called Hotel. Fortunately, for him it seemed to be quaint yet, perfect. He needed something like this, if just for a few days as he went about his business. He had decided to take a quick nap and then go have dinner, but he seemed quite jet-lagged and fell asleep through the whole night. In the morning, he awoke feeling groggy, much unlike himself. He wandered to the restroom and took a shower, during the shower, he contemplated what exactly he wanted to do here and of course the first thing he wanted to do was leave, but visiting Rachel's dads and kicking Finn Hudson's ass for having turned to Quinn after a case of runaway bride weren't ideas he was opposed to. So, he decided that todays activity was visit with the fathers of the "runaway bride." He took to walking around, besides, this time of year the weather in Lima, was beautiful.
It was silly of him to believe that he would not be recognized while, he chose to not acknowledge that the people in Ohio had any true understanding of Broadway, he knew he was wrong. He did not roll his eyes at the excitement that the small teenagers that came up to him held in their eyes as they asked for an autograph/picture. He welcomed their welcoming and it only made him want to cry because, they all held such high dreams and he knew that only a select few if any would make it to the top. He remembered when he was a young boy hoping to land it big, but it took a couple years of struggle to get there and he knew that many would have broken half way through his journey, but he had felt pain before and he was almost immune to disappointment by that point. It was no mystery to anyone that St. James had lived in a troubled home, with neglectful parents, a drugged out brother, and a sister with an eating disorder, he refused to talk about it most of the time, but he had created a sort of reputation to being heartless in the Broadway community and he found that he needed to explain what caused him to be so cold blooded. It was not just the home life he had lived that caused his heart to almost cease any amount of emotion, it was also caused by another Broadway starlet, a beautiful one who was bound to marry another in just a few short months after that interview. He wondered if she had read it, if the guilt had consumed her making her want to forget all the pain she had caused.
It seemed to him, that she held no remorse then or now about the events that had taken place between them. He walked past the music store where they had first spoken and it almost killed him to see her on the poster of the revival of Oklahoma! she had been set to star in exactly 5 months ago and it felt like he was just receiving blow after blow as he was brought to the moment after Spring Break when he had seen her practice the ballet scene in the show because, he had longed since that moment to be her Curly. God, he felt as if he were obsessed with the idea of having Rachel, being able to recall almost every moment they had been together was a natural habit, but he had never forced himself to remember like he was doing now. He had opened the flood gates as he opened the door of the store and stepped in. It was an eerie feeling of Deja Vu that passed through him as he took in every detail of the store, nothing had truly changed, it was as if he had walked right into the past and every single thing had been left untouched, pure. He walked around not really knowing what he was looking for until, his eyes set on the first place he had seen her. He remembered how he had caught sight of her for only a second before the Lionel Ritchie music book had obstructed his view, as ridiculous as it might seem he had been jealous of the book, she had held the book in her hands and the book could see her beautiful face while, Jesse stood in the wings waiting for his chance. It took all of 10 seconds for him to make his decision and begin walking up to her and out of pure longing he brought the book down before even speaking a word.
She looked almost afraid of the boy that stood in front of her that day maybe, she knew that St. James was bad news, but who could ever really know that their demise would be caused as a team. She was flustered as he acknowledged her and seemed to struggle putting words together as she said he was Jesse St. James. He smirked knowing that the charm was perfectly intact after some long awaited use. Rachel Berry, it was almost as if she were truly here, her scent flooded his senses and the images played over and over almost like a movie. He wanted to laugh at the thought, Rachel Berry, always wanted to be a star and even before she had made it big, Jesse, had already created an almost completely factual biography of her life. It was scary to believe that they had known each other so well and that their dreams were one in the same, but it was what had attracted Jesse, it was her talent and her beauty, it was everything about her that drew him in and she had caught him, he didn't even fight the fall. It was crazy to believe that the once player, had been caught at his own game. She was an innocent girl, she knew nothing about love, but maybe, it was her naivete that made him fall, it was simply how she had really nothing to fear, how she still believed that there was good in the world. She let Jesse live in the beautiful world she did, the moments he had with her were almost like paradise, the moments they shared were what made him forget how truly miserable he was inside.
It is uncertain whether Rachel, truly taught Jesse how to live again, but it was absolutely clear that she had taught him how to love, again. He had been in love only once before and the heartbreak he had felt then had almost made him break. It was Summer of 2006 that Jesse, had met Lauren. She was a junior at that one school for all girls, the name was mentioned so long ago he couldn't fathom ever remembering and he was just a soon to be freshman. They had there whirl wind summer romance that only many achieved to live, but in the end it turned out to all be a lie. Lauren, was not with him because she liked him or because she ever truly loved him, she was there because, she had no one else to turn to when her boyfriend of 4 years had dumped her. It was exactly one month and two weeks into their relationship that she had told him that she only needed a shoulder to lean on and that as perfect as their relationship may have seemed it was not. She told him that she kind of pitied all the effort he put in because, it would have never truly made a difference about how she had felt about him and it would not have changed the love she still felt for, Thomas. It seemed that Thomas wanted her back after that month apart, apparently he had told her that he could not live without her and that he would never cheat on her again. Jesse, let her go she wanted to believe a lie and so he let her and from that moment he knew that he could never allow himself to be vulnerable, not again. So, he turned into the Jesse that everyone at Carmel knew, the heartless, vindictive, heartbreaking, and show choir champion Jesse St. James. He was the star of their school, he was not scared of anyone and while the football team was good they could always be knocked down a peg if they got too cocky, Jesse was the star of show choir, but he knew how to play football, very well.
Jesse was a boy of many hidden secrets and the one he had kept for years was the love he still felt for Rachel Berry, he never dated because, she had ruined him. He never even attempted to woo any of his cast mates no matter how much they threw themselves at him. If Jesse, was being honest he never allowed himself to feel again because, he had no heart, Rachel had taken it with her and it seemed that she was adamant about not giving it back to him, ever.
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