A/N: This is the last chapter and it's a long one. I appreciate feedback, so feel free to leave any criticisms or comments. And thank you for reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.
Rose was surprised to see the Doctor there, but she kept her expression neutral.
"Now?" Rose was not really in the mood to talk, but she could tell by the Doctor's nervous expression that whatever they needed to discuss was important.
"Um, well, yes." The confidence the Doctor had when he left the console room suddenly seemed to vanish the moment he set eyes on Rose. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes and debated whether now really was the best time.
Probably not, he thought, but if he didn't do it now he might never do it. Now was as good a time as any.
Rose sighed. "Okay, but can we at least go to the kitchen so I can put the kettle on? I get the feeling I'm going to need some tea."
"Yes!" The Doctor said enthusiastically and then he backpedaled. "So long as you're not too tired to talk…"
"No, I'm fine. A cuppa will certainly help, though."
They started moving towards the kitchen. Rose pulled her hoodie close around her as she realized how scantily dressed she was in front of the Doctor. She hadn't been paying much attention to what pajamas she was wearing when she left her room earlier. She had on her favorite lavender camisole with matching shorts; not exactly risqué but it still left a bit of skin exposed and she only had her hoodie with her.
As they walked down the corridor Rose suddenly felt self-conscious. She just wanted to get to the kitchen so she would at least have the table between her and the Doctor.
The Doctor, on the other hand was a ball of nervous energy; he was practically vibrating with it. He ran scenarios through his head.
What was the best way to approach this conversation? How was he going to convince Rose to start holding his hand again? That, he'd discovered, was something he'd missed more than he thought.
Most importantly, though, how could he convince her to trust him again? The subtle way she was pulling away from him made him want to follow after her desperately. It hurt the way she protected herself against him.
Oh Rassilon, how was he going to fix this?
"So, what is it that we need to discuss?" Rose asked as they arrived in the kitchen. She was rather nervous about the Doctor's sudden need to talk. She turned the stove on and filled the kettle with water as the Doctor pulled a couple of cups from the cupboard. The Doctor looked at Rose while she set to making some tea for them both.
"We have some important things to discuss. Weeellll, I have some rather important things to say. Things that really need to be said." The Doctor became flustered as he tried to come up with the best way to break the tension between them.
"Okay," Rose said as calmly as she could, although she felt the urge to the leave the room as quickly as possible, "go on then."
The Doctor took a deep breath.
"We've had a few rather…rough adventures recently." The Doctor glanced at Rose but her face remained impassive.
"Particularly after Sarah Jane and," the Doctor paused for a second to keep his voice steady, "Reinette."
Rose stiffened. She'd expected the Doctor to never speak about the King's mistress again, so this was quite a bit unsettling. She wanted to talk to the Doctor again after such a long period of tense silence on board the TARDIS, but not about the woman he was unable to keep.
This was going to be excruciating; she didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to know how much he missed her or how much he needed to express how painful her loss was for him; it wasn't fair to her. It was not fair at all, but of course, life was never fair.
The Doctor continued undeterred.
"We haven't talked very much since the events on the spaceship and, well…"
The Doctor finally looked up at Rose and he could tell that she was not comfortable with where this conversation was going. He could read her so easily and knew that he would have to pick his next words very carefully.
"I screwed up." The Doctor words were soft, but in the silent kitchen they may as well have been shouted in an amphitheater.
Rose's heart stopped for a moment.
"Wha'?" She said rather dumbly.
The Doctor gazed at her steadily.
"I made some mistakes these past few weeks. I never told you about Sarah Jane or any of my other companions. Not only that, but I never apologized to you after Reinette."
"You don't have to apologize about Reinette, Doctor." Rose dropped her eyes to her hands and started tracing her fingertips across the tabletop.
The tea kettle whistled and Rose got up to pour herself a cup. The Doctor watched her move around the kitchen for milk and sugar, but did not rise to get himself any tea. He loved the way she moved. She was graceful, but she had a confidence about her that was visible in her body language and even after everything that happened she still moved with purpose. She was magnificent.
"Rose, what happened between Reinette and I-" The Doctor began.
"Is not any of my business." Rose cut him off and shot him a rather icy look. "No offense, Doctor, but what happened or didn't happen between you and Madame de Pompadour is not something I feel comfortable discussing. And that really is not what the problem is."
Rose was tired of beating around the bush, tired of avoiding the Doctor, tired of feeling hurt and sad, and really just flat out tired in general. Her patience finally snapped.
"The problem isn't with what happened in France, it's what happened on the spaceship. You left us, Doctor. You left Mickey and me on a spaceship while you went gallivanting off to France and you didn't even think you would be able to come back." Rose was angry. Furious at everything.
The Doctor was too stunned by Rose's sudden outburst to interrupt.
"You saw what happened on that spaceship. You saw what those machines did to the crew of that ship; tearing those people to pieces and using them for parts. You saw what they were capable of, Doctor. What if those things had not shut down when you left? What if there had still been more of them on that ship?" Rose's voice rose as she continued. "Why couldn't we use the TARDIS to go through the mirror? If a horse could get through it, then why couldn't a time machine in the shape of a phone box do it?"
She tried to calm herself for a moment because she knew shouting at him wasn't what she wanted. However, she wasn't very successful as all the stress and exhaustion from the past few weeks caught up to her.
"Your life is not safe, I know that. But what I don't understand is why you've become so reckless. What happened to you during your regeneration? Was it your regeneration, or have you just lost interest in us? Are we no longer entertaining to you? Do you want new people to show off to? Was that just an empty promise you gave me outside the chip shop? Just to shut me up-"
Rose slapped her hand over her mouth; her eyes wide as she realized what she'd accused him of.
The Doctor who was sitting in stunned silence felt her last words like a blow to his stomach; he could feel her anger and hurt as she kept getting louder and louder with each accusation.
"No!" He shouted. "Rose, no, I-I didn't mean it like that! I never," the Doctor paused, "I did not make that promise to you because I was trying to calm your fears. I said it, because it's true. Or, at least it was until I…" He trailed off and looked at Rose, who at that very moment looked as though she wanted nothing more than for the floor to just give way beneath her.
"Rose, I don't regret saving Reinette and I know you are probably well aware of that. You know I never regret saving someone, but I do regret how I went about it. I acted rashly and I am so, so sorry that you feel betrayed by my actions. I guess this regeneration has a few quirks that make me act in ways that I would not have before, but it is not because I feel bored or not as entertained by you, as you put it."
Rose flinched at his last words. The Doctor got up and walked over to her, carefully putting his hands on her shoulders. He gently pulled her to her feet.
"Rose, I'm not good with expressing how I feel about certain things and I know I have a tendency to ramble on and on about topics that are not important to the situation, but I would never, ever think you dull or boring. Rose, you made me better; you make me want to live. After everything I've lost, after everything I've done, you are the one person that brought me out of the terrible place I was in when you first met me. You remember how I was, all gruff and angry. I felt betrayed by the universe because of everything I've had to sacrifice to save it. Everything I've lost to prevent the Daleks from succeeding. You changed that, Rose. You changed me, healed my damaged mind after the Time War and I can never repay everything you've done for me. Rose you're my savior, my best friend, and I am truly sorry if I've ever made you feel any less than that."
Tears were in Rose's eyes as she looked at the Doctor. This was probably one the most unexpected, brilliant, and yet heartbreaking moment she had experienced with the Doctor.
He was finally talking.
It wasn't as though he never talked; lord, did he ever have a gob. But not like this; this was different. Something was changing, but what that something was had Rose slightly nervous.
"Rose, I…" The Doctor choked a bit, but pushed forward with what he needed to say. "Rose, I need you. Not only that, but I need you with me because I can't imagine a life without my Rose Tyler."
Rose stared, she was completely speechless.
The Doctor was already on edge and she wasn't answering, he began to think that he might have gone too far. He opened his mouth to try and salvage what he could when Rose interrupted him.
"You-you need me? You still need me? And you want me to stay?" Rose continued to stare at the Doctor.
This caused the Doctor to blink.
"Wha'? Of course I want you to stay! I never wanted you to leave." The Doctor was genuinely perplexed and then a horrible thought occurred to him, twisting his insides viciously.
"Do-do you want to leave?" He asked softly, desperately trying to control his fear. He was scared of losing her, scared that he'd already lost her.
"No! No, I don't want to leave, but I wasn't sure, not after everything that happened. I wasn't sure that you wanted me to stay." Rose looked away to calm her unsteady heartbeat.
"After you regenerated it was like you couldn't stand to get too close and I thought that you wouldn't want me anymore."
The Doctor swallowed roughly at this. He knew that she had noticed his behavior, how he tried to stay away from her in case he fell for her anymore than he already had, but as he realized earlier it was far too late now.
He was completely and truly in love with this woman in front of him.
"I'm sorry and I won't lie, I tried to put some distance between us, but it's not for the reasons you think." The Doctor reached down between them and took Rose's hands in his own. He suppressed a shudder that ran through him at finally getting to touch her again. He hadn't realized just how much he needed this. Just how much a simple touch of her hands could calm him.
Yup, far too late to push her away.
"I need you Rose and after I regenerated it made me realize that I needed you more than ever and it terrified me. It still terrifies me. I'm a Time Lord and the Time Lords were not a an affectionate race. In fact, they were an outright stuffy bunch." He still felt a painful sting whenever he thought about his lost people, but he realized how dull that ache had become since he met Rose.
"When you saved me that night with Autons, Rose, I knew you were something special. So very special that I asked you to come with me twice. Weeellll, three times now," He gave her a goofy grin, "but you made me feel wanted and I didn't feel so alone in the universe anymore. Losing my home will always haunt me, but you give me a reason to keep moving forward and I will always be grateful for everything you've done for me. Please Rose, never doubt that. This life, it truly is better with two, right?"
Rose finally let her guard drop after his admission. She broke into a wide smile and let out a happy, if tearful giggle. He wanted her to stay and she couldn't be happier. The Doctor wasn't perfect, but neither was she and she made many mistakes with him too. However, this was a good start and he was finally being honest with her. Rose may not know how he felt about her, but for now it was good enough to be his best friend again.
"Yeah?" Rose said cheekily.
The Doctor grinned manically. "Yes!" The Doctor was thrilled, beyond thrilled, ecstatic! He had his Rose back.
Rose looked thoughtful for a moment. "Doctor, can I ask something, though? Something, um, slightly personal?"
The Doctor noticed her expression and knew that they would come to this part in the conversation, but at that moment he would have told her anything. Well, almost anything. "Yes."
"Did you love her?"
The Doctor carefully thought for a moment before he answered.
"I loved her like I love the human race." He said. "She was intriguing and clever and so very human. I was attracted to her strength of character, especially for a woman of that era. And in many ways, she reminded me of you."
Rose was shocked for split second. "In what way?" Rose couldn't possibly think of how she was in any way like Reinette.
"She was brave like you." The Doctor couldn't help the way his voice softened at his last few words.
"Rose, you are so very brave. And I guess that was what I found most intriguing about her, but I didn't love her. Not like that. Not like y-" The Doctor cut himself off quickly.
Coward, he thought, always a coward.
"She was a special woman, no doubt, but she was not meant for me nor I for her. And I believe, near the end she understood that too. She'd seen parts of my memory and I think she saw something very important there. Someone important. Someone I needed so very much." The Doctor beamed at Rose as she finally grasped what he was implying. Her grin took his breath away.
He may not be able to say the words, but they really didn't need them. The Doctor and his Rose. Rose and her Doctor. Because they knew, oh, they knew.
"Well then," Rose smiled warmly, "where should we go next?"
The Doctor straightened his tie and grinned thoughtfully. "Weeeeeelllll, I believe the Caltory Asteroid Belt is most visible from the Schaltoric moons around springtime. Of course, we could always go meet Casanova, er, actually let's not go meet him. OH, I know. Appopa Sattori 7. The most amazing flower festival in four galaxies! Sound good?"
Rose matched his excitement with a resounding "Yes!"
As the Doctor and Rose chattered about their next adventure, a figure that had woken up after hearing Rose's shouting earlier was leaning against a wall in the corridor.
He smiled.
About damn time, Mickey thought, those two were a right pain these past few weeks. He didn't know how much more he could take of the cold, tense atmosphere that had surrounded the Doctor and Rose. Mickey was glad to see them make up. He may love Rose, but it was past tense for her now. He knew that their relationship had run its course. He was happy for her, but now he was going to be a third wheel. Oh well, Mickey thought, I will just have to find something else to fight for then. And with that, Mickey Smith took one last look at the happy couple and walked back to his room with a smile on his face.
The End.