Life is golden and crispy, like a tater tot.
Or that's what Mr. Jones would tell her.
"Mercedes, Mercedes!"
She looked up from her silver plate. Her dad was sitting there, one eyebrow moving like a worm.
"Why haven't you put any food on your plate yet?"
Mercedes was focused on what the tot god was thinking right now. Did tot god want her to come out as a totsexual to her parents first? She wanted to come out to Kurt though! But what if Blaine-
"Mercedes! Get some French fries from the plate," Mrs. Jones said, gesturing towards the Christmas decorated bowl filled with salted fries.
Her enemy was matched. The fries grew faces and mocked here.
"Hey look Frenchy, it's the totsexual. Watch out, she might eat us!"
She took a deep breath. She knew she could just try one French fry. She reached her hand, and grabbed one. She twirled it around in her hand, examining every bit of it.
"It's just a tater tot, but in a different shape-" she thought to herself.
"Uh oh, the totsex is going to eat us!"
"Maybe she'll shove us in her-"
She couldn't take it! Mercedes clasped the French fry, and squeezed it to death. She let out an evil laugh as it slowly melted in her palm. She's not Frysexual! She's totsexual!
She threw the remains on the ground, and placed her foot on it. She swirled like a windshield wiper. It was in pieces. She picked up the remains and ran with them around the room.
"French Fries will die in hell! French Fries will die in hell!" She repeated, running around with them held above her head. She threw the rest on the stove and lit it to 250 degrees farenheit. She watched them turn into ashes, and let out another beastly laugh.
"I think you should go to bed now, honey."
Mercedes turned around, and her Mom was concerned. She faced her head downward, and walked up the steps.
She sat down on her twin sized pink bed, and grabbed her new iphone.
She slid her finger across the screen, and entered her password "tatertotsinmyvagina".
She clicked on messages, and texted Kurt.
Mercedes: hay kurt r we still on for breadstix and a movie tomoro night? I'll pick u up around 6
Kurt: Of Course! Just remember I need to be home by 11:00 because I'm having sex with Blaine.
Mercedes: um
Kurt: Shit I mean stupid auto correct I meant um baking cookies with Finn yeah see you tomorrow bye
Mercedes: kk bye
Mercedes put her phone down. She grabbed the bowl of tater tots, and laid them right by her. She positioned herself down on the bed and closed her eyes. Mercedes Jones knew tomorrow was going to be a big day.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
She put her hand on the buzzer. She slowly opened her eyes back up and looked at the time- holy shit! It was 4:30 PM! How did she sleep in so late? She didn't care though~ she couldn't miss this important night with Kurt.
She hopped out of bed and put on a new outfit of clothes. She ran to do her hair, brushed her teeth, and by the time she was done it was around 5:00.
As she hustled back into her room to grab her keys and phone, she saw the bowl of tater tots.
They were lonely.
No one loved them anymore.
Mercedes dropped everything she had.
She saw the gleam in them, how lonely they were. She saw the golden outline of each tot. All 496 of them in that bowl, every one of them loved her. And she loved them more. She smiled, and gave them a kiss goodbye.
"Come on Kurt, you can eat something besides salad."
Kurt laughed at Mercedes. The waitress approached them, and they gave her their order.
Mercedes wanted something different though. "Instead of French… French…."
"French Fries?" Kurt interviened.
"Yes, those. Can we get tater tots instead?"
The waitress nodded, and went away.
"Kurt, I really have to tell you something. It's really important."
Kurt looked confused. He seemed afraid.
"You know how I had that crush on you?"
Kurt shook his head. "I'm gay, Mercedes."
Mercedes looked down at her plate. "Then we're both not straight."
"Wait what?"
Mercedes knew that she couldn't back up, it was too late.
"I have to tell you a secret. A secret I've kept hidden for a long time. You're so special to me. I've watched you my high school life, always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe and never cared about what anyone else thought about you. Kurt, I love tater tots, the way I'm supposed to feel about boys. It's just something that's always been inside of me and I want to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me. Who I really am. When I'm with Tater Tots, I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. And I've tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside, but everyday feels like a war. And I walk around so mad at the world but I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me. Say something, please."
"Wait, sorry, I was sexting- I mean texting Blaine. What was that again?"
"I'm totsexual."
"I have to go… someone's calling me." Kurt left the room.
The waitress then approached Mercedes and handed her a bowl of tots.
Mercedes looked at them, and realized what she has done.
"Send them away…."
The waitress was befuddled. "What do you mean?"
"Take them away! Do you hear me?"
The waitress ran away with the tater tots. Mercedes sat there, alone.
"Don't be scared," a voice said.
"Is it really you?"
A tater tot was left on the table. It was all alone, by itself.
"I came to help you again, Mercedes."
"Tater tot god!" Mercedes smiled with joy.
The Tot God asked her why she sent them back, and Mercedes told her it was too hard for her.
"I know exactly what to do," Tot God said.
The lights dimmed, and spotlight went onto the tater tot. It's golden crust shined in the spotlight, and a voice came out of it.
Tater tot dropout,
No tater tot day for you.
Tater Tot dropout,
Missed your golden crust and flunked times two!
Well at least you could have taken time, to wash and clean
your tots up,
After spending all that dough to have the doctor fix your boobs
up!
Mercedes smiled a bit, but didn't know what to say.
"That songs called Beauty School Dropout, it's from Grease! I rearranged it for you." Tot God said.
Mercedes laughed. "I know, but why are you telling me that the tater tots don't like me?"
The Tot God approached her. "If you don't love us, just dropout."
Mercedes started to frown. "I do love you, though."
"Then don't be a dropout."
Mercedes smiled.
"Care to sing with me?" the Tot God exclaimed.
"It would be my pleasure." Mercedes said.
Baby don't blow it,
Don't put my good advice to shame.
Baby you know it,
Even Dear Abby'd say the same!
Now I've called the shot, get off the block, I really gotta
fly!
Gotta be going to that, tot shop, in the sky!
Tater tot dropout (Beauty school dropout)
Go back to tater tot school!
"Mercedes?"
Kurt was very puzzled as to what went on.
"What's going on?" Mercedes said, very confused.
"I just sat down after my phone call with Blaine, and you've been staring at that one tater tot for about 5 minutes or so. And what were you saying earlier about a war or something?"
"Everyone has secrets, Kurt." Mercedes said. "They are called secrets for a reason. I want you to leave this restruant."
Kurt was very confused. "Wait, what did I do?"
"I don't ever want to see you again."
Kurt was very freaked out. "I don't see what I did wrong Mercedes! You just stared at a tater-"
"Go. NOW! You made your choice, now I have made mine. It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable. The sin isn't in the thing it's in the scandal, when people talk about it aloud."
"What the hell is going on?" Kurt asked.
"You made fun of me for being totsexual," Mercedes said.
"What?"
"I know you, Kurt. You made fun of me. I leave now," Mercedes projected, as she filled her up her bag and left the room.
Kurt just sat there, puzzled by what just happened.
Mercedes stepped foot into her room again, and realized she smelt awful, so she decided to take a bath.
She filled the bathtub with the crispiest tater tots she could find, and got herself naked in there. Her Mom knocked on the door, though.
"Mercedes, we need to talk to you. It's important."