When Feliks found out that Elizabeta had died, it felt as though he had been hit by a ton of bricks. His stomach hurt and his brain was full of fuzz and confusion, but, oddly enough, he didn't cry. He simply couldn't do it. The tears didn't come until a few days later, when his boss handed him a small envelope, his name written on the outside in a very familiar sort of handwriting.

The letter was neat, though stained by tears, and each word he read shattered his heart.

Felka,

First off, I love you so much. You're my best friend in the world, and I could never even begin to believe any of the horrible things I told you last month. I had to do, it though, Fel, please understand that. I had to make you hate me. I had to push you away, but not for the reasons you'd probably think. It sounds so cliché, the whole "hurt them to save them" act, but sometimes, when it all comes down to it, it's what you need to do. If we had stayed together as one, you wouldn't be alive to read this letter.

Yes, that means I knew I would die. That means that I accepted it. I knew you wouldn't, though. I knew you'd cling to the hope that I'd live, and be willing to go down with me if it came to it. And don't you shake your head at me, Fel, because I know how you work. Admit it. You would have done exactly that, wouldn't you? If I had sat you down and said, "Felka, we need to stop this. I'm still falling, and if we don't end it, you're going to fall, too," you know you wouldn't have listened to me. You still would have tried to save me. And I love that about you. You never give up. But I could never let you get hurt like that, just because you were too damn loyal to let me go. You know I could never do that. No way. And just as much as I know that you wouldn't let me die, I also know that you've got a temper. It's not a bad thing, I love that you're not afraid to defend yourself, but I know that if I took things just a bit too far, you would be done with me. You know when something isn't right for you. So I had to do it… I had to ensure that you would want nothing to do with me. If we broke off all ties, then I knew you would live. I could die happy knowing that; your safety has always been my biggest concern. Will dying alone be horrible? Absolutely. Is it hard knowing that I hurt you like I did? It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I remember the good times, remind myself that this is going to let you live, and suddenly, I'm okay. I know that if I can just manage to remember our friendship, I can die with a smile on my lips.

Knowing you, right now you'll probably be wondering how I knew I would fall. Fel, it's almost happened to me once before, I know the signs. You may not have been able to pick up on it, but I was. After just a few days, I could see the hope start to leave your eyes; watched as your movements became weak. The same was happening to me. Honestly, it was only the tiniest bit, too little for anyone who hasn't been through it to notice. Not much of a big deal. But I've been through it. I noticed. And less than a week later, I had a horrible feeling of dread gnawing away at my stomach. I couldn't take it. I knew I would fall, and I knew I had to save you. So I did.

Felka, don't ever think that saying those terrible things to you was easy for me, because it wasn't. It was so hard for me to betray you like that, watching how horrible every damn word I spoke hurt you. Seeing you cry was all but unbearable. I didn't even make it home before I got sick, that guilty knot in my stomach leaving me heaving in the middle of the street, vomit covering the pavement in front of me. I was disgusted with myself. And after that, all I could really do was cry.

Felka, have you ever seen me cry? I don't think so… not very hard, anyways. We were the closest friends in the world, but I've never been able to cry in front of people… I'm too proud, I think. Hell, I don't even like crying when I'm alone. But Fel, let me tell you, I got home that night, and I sobbed harder than I even thought was possible. Knowing I had upset you shattered my heart into a million pieces. I'm crying, now, too, but you've probably already guessed it. By the time I'm done writing this, I'm sure it will be positively covered in tearstains. I hope it's still legible…

If I could have told you what was going on in person, I could have. Felka, you have no idea what I would give right now for one last hug from you… To hear you laugh one more time, to have just one more talk with you as friends… dear God, Felka, I would give anything in the world for even the briefest moment with you right now. You're my best friend… I miss you.

And Fel? I'm scared, right now… so scared. It's funny, though, because it's not for the reasons you would normally think. Am I scared that Heaven doesn't exist? Maybe a bit. Am I afraid of going to Hell, instead? I guess I am. But most of all, I'm so terrified that you won't forgive me. I know I'll be dead, but right now, the idea that you'll never love me again is the scariest thing I can think of. Dead or alive, I would never be able to endure you always hating to me, knowing that I've broken your trust like that… I couldn't. So please, please don't be mad at me, Fel. Even if you're upset, don't hate me, okay? Don't be mad… because I'm so scared.

I know that I must have said this a hundred times by now, but I could have never meant what I said, and I'm so, so sorry… don't you dare believe a word of it. You're not childish or obnoxious, and you certainly deserve more respect than you get. You've earned mine for sure. You're such an amazing young woman, and I know that as you grow, you'll become even better, as impossible as that sounds for someone as perfect as you. You're strong, both physically and in will, and gorgeous to boot. I know that you can do anything you set your mind to. You're the best friend anyone could ever hope to have, and I can't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have you in my love. And no matter what happens, you're always going to be the same little girl I met all those years ago. To me, you'll always be Felka. My best friend. Remember the good times, not the bad, all right?

There's something else I have to say, and Felka Łukasiewicz, you'd better listen to me, because this is the most important thing yet. Don't you ever think that me falling was your fault. You did everything in your power to save me, and I'm the one who ended our alliance, not you. I would never have brought you down with me. No matter what we did, Fel, I would have wound up dying, anyways, so please don't beat yourself up over not going down with me. Got it? My dying wish is, and always will be, for you to be able to live. Don't let yourself fall into that "survivor's guilt" crap or whatever, okay?

Felka, thank you so much. For everything. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for never abandoning me, and thank you for all of the amazing memories, too. Just… thank you for it all. Most of all, though, thank you for letting me into my life. No matter what was going on, being with you could always make me smile, and the most amazing moments of my life were always with you. Always with my best friend. So thank you for that…

This letter sounds so cheesy, I know, but every single word of it is true. There's so much more for me to say, but I can't get it into words, and I'm so sorry… I just want to finish with this. Please, don't ever forget me… but don't dwell on my death, either. Remember who I was and the fun we had, but don't stay stuck on our fight, or the fact that I've… well… that I've died. Because by the time you get this, I will be dead. Don't let me consume your life, all right? Keep on living like I wanted you to, and never give up. Did you hear me? No matter what happens, be it the pain from my death, or anything else that happens in your life, don't give into the misery. Keep on going. Push through my death and any other obstacles in your way, because I know you can. But don't forget me either, okay? Please don't… please. Even if there are just little things that remind you of me, don't let them go…

I'm sorry, Felka, so, so sorry about how it had to end, but at least now you know why. Words could never even begin to describe how much I love you, Fel. Never. You've always been my best friend in the world, and I'll always love you so much for that. If nothing else, at least remember that for me, okay? I love you so, so much, no matter what happens… I love you. Always. XOXO.

Stay strong,

Lizzie

When she was finally done reading, all Felka could do was cry.

AN: First off, yes, at the end, I do realize that I've put Felka. There is a reason, and you will find out next chapter. If you're smart, you'll figure it out from this chapter. Secondly, you have no idea how hard I cried while writing this. OTL All I could think of was how horrible they both must have felt. ;~; And lastly, I know it sounds formal for a letter to a best friend, but you try writing a letter to explain everything when you're dying. :| Nah, I just figured it may have got a bit... formal. Dramatic. It just seemed to fit. C|