Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy.

Thoughts

Alternate Personality Speaking

Speaking

Chapter 7: Seriously PMSing

Wednesday

A kind young officer drove me into work and made sure I safely checked in for the day. He would sit outside my house to make sure no one could hurt me. I was in a daze as I showered and dressed for business. My radio clipped to my chest I triple checked my cart with shaking hands.

"Victoria checking in for the day awaiting orders." I knew I looked like crap. I was pale and had dark circles under my eyes. My right forearm was bandaged from some glass that had punctured it during the explosion. I had four stitches and would probably scar from it.

"Good Morning V. Glad to hear you're safe. Please report to room 4653. Patient restrained by guards, safe to clean."

"I need some answers, he better not be sedated." I got into the elevator and pushed the button to go up. The gentle hum calmed my nerves somewhat and I pushed my cart down the hall. I paused just before any of the guards or the Joker had noticed me. I slipped off my shoe and chucked it at his head. I felt satisfied as it hit his head with a loud thump and bounced off to the floor. I instantly had four guards point their stun guns at me before shaking their heads and pulling Joker away.

"What a nice way to say hello honey." He leered at me and motioned to my shoe. "Why don't you just throw your panties next time, be more enjoyable for the both of us." He licked his lips and watched me slip my shoe back on.

"Maybe I wouldn't throw my shoe if you didn't dye your sink green." I huffed past him and into his cell. It was just as bad as before and I cleaned it in a flurry of slamming noises and swearing. When I left his room the guards actually seemed nervous around me.

"My, my what a mouth you have. I'd love to explore it further." He grinned and I almost threw my bottle of Windex at his head.

"Not in the mood today Joker. But you probably already heard that my car blew up yesterday. So you'll excuse me if I hurry off." I checked my inventory and dumped the dirty towels into the bin. I heard a groan and looked back to see two guards on the ground and the other two quickly knocked out by a restrained mad man. He sauntered right up to me and licked his lips his tongue pausing for a moment on each scare before he spoke.

"Someone tried to kill the future Mrs. J?" His eyes were dark and violent. I didn't back up as he leaned down into my face. "If anyone touches you I'll kill them. Cops are worthless don't let any into your place. I'll uh take care of this for you." I grabbed a spray bottle full of bleach as he kissed me. The textures of his mouth strange against my own. His kiss was almost addicting and he only broke away when I pressed the bottle to the side of his head near his eye.

"Bleach will hurt you Joker. Get your ass into your cell before I blind you." I was shaking and he just laughed and calmly walked into his cell.

"Will you at least un-cuff me?" He held his hands out in front of him like a small child. I slammed the door in his face making him jump back and growl. "Crazy bitch. Can't wait to get you into bed!"

"Fuck off Joker. And stop sending me underwear it's creepy as all hell." He just laughed from the other side of the cell and I checked on the guards before grabbing my radio.

"V finished with room 4653. I need medical attention for the guards posted. Patient locked up."

"V you never seem to amaze me. Medical on their way head to room 4217 for cleaning. Patient returning to cell later today from Gotham General West." Edward was finally returning to captivity. At least his wounds weren't serious. I stayed with the guards until the medical personnel arrived. Joker continued his random bursts of laughter from the other side of the cell. One of the medical tech's patted me on the back for being able to get the Joker back into his cell without being maimed. I left only after the last guard was taken to the med wing and continued on with my day.

Edwards room was still mostly clean I wasn't sure when he would be coming back but I needed to know if he had anything to do with the bombing. I took a sheet of paper towel and scrolled a riddle for him.

'Whose car exploded, was cut by glass, cleans your cell and is impressed with your class?' I signed it with a big V and tucked it under his pillow. I left nothing else in his room and shut the door behind me.

"V finished with room 4217 awaiting next assignment."

"V you're needed in room 4990 patient expired prepare for new occupancy." I pushed my cart back down past Jokers cell. Room 4990 was so clean I almost thought that no one had even stayed there. I sprayed the floral deodorizer and gave it a once over anyways. I dumped the linens into my bin and grabbed my radio.

"V finished with room 4990 awaiting next assignment." The rest of my day went by in a blur of Windex and dirty sheets. Even though I hadn't had to clean Jonathan's cell today I still stopped by and opened the cover. He wasn't there. I had hoped to talk to him but slowly closed his cover and looked down the halls. I only had one other person to talk to so I grabbed my bottle of bleach and pushed my cart back down to his cell. 4653. The Joker. I opened the cover to his peep hole and saw him relaxing on his bed with an arm over his eyes.

"Knock knock." I even tapped on his door for emphasis.

"Oh and who would be knocking on my door at this hour?" His chocolate brown eyes met my aqua ones. He looked surprised and sat up quickly, dusting his uniform off as he sauntered sexily towards the door. He rested his arms on either side of the peephole and stared out at me intently. "My, my. Now why would you willingly come to visit me? Is it my dashing good looks or charming…personality?" He licked his lips slowly. This man had a serious case of the bedroom eyes going on.

"Sorry to disappoint you Joker. I just wanted to know why you think I won't be safe with the police at my apartment." He frowned and slid a finger over the glass as if he were stroking my cheek.

"That's because, most of the police are on the mobs payroll. The only real safe place to be right now would be…well in here with me." He grinned and leaned back to motion to his bed. "Plenty of room for two. Unfortunately the walls aren't soundproof. You'd have to be quiet." He put a finger over his lips and laughed to himself.

I wanted to punch him, then kiss him and then punch him again. "I'm burning those thongs you sent me." I moved to close the cover to his cell.

"Oh kinky. That means that you won't be wearing…anything." He wagged his eyebrows at me and I slammed the cover into place and rested my head against the metal door. His voice was muffled but still loud enough to hear. "I'll find out who tried to hurt you don't you worry about that. Just remember what Papa J told you, don't let any cops into your apartment. Not a single one." His room went quiet and I heard the springs in his mattress squeak as he must have laid back down. I could almost picture him laying there an arm draped over his chest sexily watching me leave.

"V checking out for the day. Have a good evening."

"Night V. See you bright and early." I always wondered who I was speaking to on the other side of my radio. I pushed my cart back past Jonathan's room, still wasn't there, and then checked to see if Edward was back. He wasn't. I emptied my cart and headed for the showers. I changed into my street clothes and punched out for the day. A police cruiser was waiting for me when I stepped outside and I nervously climbed into the passenger's seat. He didn't talk much and dropped me off at home. I didn't invite him inside so he stood guard just outside my door. I felt less safe then when I walked the halls of Arkham. Maybe not all the sexy ones are crazy.

Thursday

I took a taxi to work. The police had been called out to somewhere in west Gotham. I didn't mind. I did my usual routine shower, dressing and loading of my cart before I punched in.

"Good morning. V checking in."

"Well good morning to you V. Room 4217 needs cleaning. Patient in med ward for a checkup safe to clean."

Edward was back. Even though he had killed a guard with a spork I felt safer knowing he was back. I made my way to his room and let myself in. He had already put two large green question marks onto his walls and I busied myself in cleaning them. I wondered how Edward kissed. I shook myself from my thoughts as I wiped down the fixtures and buffed the metal to a mirror shine. I stripped his bed last and searched to see if he'd left me a note. There was nothing to be found. I placed new linens on his bed and dumped the dirty ones into my cart. I shut and made sure his door was locked before sighing and grabbing my radio.

"V finished with room 4217 awaiting next assignment."

"Hazmat attention needed on 4443 V, maintenance will meet you there. Patient killed himself in cell. Just strip the room."

I hurried to the room and met with Larry once again. I donned my hazmat gown and gloves before slipping the rubber booties over my stained shoes. We stripped the room and scrubbed it until it smelled strongly of bleach. Larry would bring a new mattress back down later today so I left clean linens on the floor.

"V finished with room 4443. Cleaning Hazmat material awaiting next assignment."

"Once you're done V report to room 4513. Patient sedated and safe to clean. Armed guard standing by."

I hurried to the laundry room and dumped everything into a red bag. I showered yet again and restocked my cart. I met Henry outside of Jonathan's cell. He looked so tired that he could collapse at any moment.

"God Henry you look awful. Are you alright?"

"Long shift Miss V. He's out like a light and I'm off once you're done here." Henry gave me a weak smile and let me into the room.

"Afternoon Jonathan." I spoke softly as I cleaned his room. He didn't respond and I cleaned his sink and buffed the metal to a mirror shine. As I turned to leave I saw him just staring at me from the bed. His eyes were empty and I hoped that it was just from the sedation. "Will you be here later today?" My voice was soft and I relaxed slightly when he nodded slowly. "Can I stop by to talk later?" He nodded again. I left the room and Henry locked it behind me.

"Have a good day Henry. Get some rest." I smiled as he saluted me before walking off.

"V finished with room 4513 awaiting next assignment."

"Hey V you're needed to room 4555. Patient in therapy all day. Safe to clean."

This room was another easy clean. The patient must have been a neat freak because I didn't see one streak on the metal or one hair in his sink. I gave it a once over anyways and left new linens on his stripped mattress. As I locked the door behind me I could hear yelling from down the hall. I recognized the man the four guards were struggling to drag down the hall. Joker was trying to struggle free of his restraints.

"V finished with room 4555 awaiting next assignment." I thought that they would take him around the hall to therapy but they shoved him into his cell and locked it behind them. All four guards headed for the elevators not even giving me a second glance.

"Head to room 4653 V. Patient in therapy all day." My heart sank. He wasn't in therapy. I had just seen him thrown kicking and screaming into his cell. I would at least talk to him before calling in his status. He was screaming and kicking the door when I walked up. I flipped open his cover and he was practically foaming at the mouth. He didn't notice me right away and continued yelling obscenities at the door.

"Knock Knock." I knocked hard on his door. He flung himself up to the peephole and froze seeing that it was me.

"Now's uh not a good time babe. Daddy needs an outlet for his aggression. Don't come in I'm warning ya." He was shaking and his eyes were dilated. He must have been on some kind of drug.

"I need to clean your cell Joker. I'll call this in and see if they'll let me come by later. Hopefully you've had a chance to cool off." He just nodded before resting his head against the glass of the peephole just staring at me.

"V reporting in for cell 4653. Patient in cell and agitated. Awaiting orders."

"Guards on their way V. Patient to stay in room. Head to room 4112 patient in med wing and it is safe to clean."

"See you later?" I gave him a sad look before pushing my cart away.

"When's your next overnight shift?" His voice seemed far off and I could see him struggling to stand against the door.

"Tomorrow Joker. I'm pulling overnights on the weekends."

"Good. I get fed around midnight. I'll be a good boy so we can talk then." His eyes disappeared from view and I hurried off before the guards could arrive. I opened the door to cell 4112 and found it a mess. Papers crumpled up and tossed everywhere and black paint all over the walls. It took a good part of the day to strip the paint and pick up all the papers. I left the room spotless with clean linens on the bare mattress. I do a mean housecleaning.

"V reporting in room 4112 done awaiting orders."

"V you're a workaholic. Go home. You're on overnights starting after your shift tomorrow." The voice sounded playful and I smiled to myself. Easy to feel safe around someone you've never seen. I pushed my cart back to Jonathan's room and opened the cover. He was staring out the glass already, his blue eyes burning into mine.

"Hey Crane. Care to talk?" He nodded but I made no move to open the cell. He wasn't restrained and I wasn't taking any chances.

"I heard that someone tried to kill you." His eyes were haunted and never left mine.

"Yea my car blew up." I leaned up against the door to take some of the pressure off my sore feet.

"Were you hurt?" His voice was soft and I raised my bandaged arm towards the window.

"Four stitches, flying glass." I would need to change my bandage soon, a small line of blood was showing from behind the thick white wrap.

"They hurt you. No one hurts what's ours." His eyes had darkened and I could hear scarecrow slip out. If he got too agitated he would end up sedated and restrained again. I wasn't sure if his stitches were even out yet.

"Are you still hurt?" I hoped that Crane would come back out soon.

"We're healing. Not fast enough, stitches come out next week." His icy gaze tried to pull me in once more.

"I got your gifts. How in the world were you able to send me anything?" He shook for a moment and closed his eyes, rubbing them as if they hurt.

"Did you like them?" Crane was back out, his eyes light and glowing.

"How did you know that I loved plushies?" I lifted an eyebrow and gazed at him.

"You seem so small and squeezable, I thought you'd like the same." He gave a lopsided grin. I quickly pulled away from the door as a guard walked out of an elevator down the hall.

"Be good Crane." I looked back at him quickly. "I don't want anything else of mine to blow up." I quickly closed the cover and pretended to check the inventory on my cart.

"Me either." His voice was soft almost not coming through the door. I pushed my cart past the guard and gave him a fake smile. I had another room to stop by before I left for the day.

Room 4653 was unguarded and I hoped that he had calmed down. I opened the cover to his peephole and saw him lying on his bed reading a newspaper. His room was a mess and once again his sink was dyed a lime green.

"I swear if you keep dying your sink green I'll throw my other shoe at you." My eyes narrowed and he calmly folded the paper and looked over at me.

"Well honey if I stopped doing that how would I keep this beautiful image for you?" He smirked and sat up slowly. The paper hung between his legs loosely held with one hand. "You're in the paper by the way." He licked his lips making sure to linger on his scars.

"Glad to see you are feeling better." I was still pissed at him. Did he know how long it took me to scrub his sink clean?

"Much. Now I'm wondering why you've taken this sudden interest in talking to little old me." He tapped his chin in a thinking pose for a moment. "Have you decided to take me up on that offer of marriage?" He lifted an eyebrow and seemed to sit up a little straighter.

"No Joker. I'm still a free woman. I was just wondering if you had any tips to keep me from exploding like my car did." His face grew serious and he stood up walking slowly towards the door.

"Way to ruin the mood prudish pat. Just relax and we'll talk about it tomorrow at dinner. I know you're already missing my rugged good looks but I'll keep it in my pants if you do the same." He smirked and I shook my head.

"Go to bed Joker." I shook my head, a smile appearing on my face for a moment before I closed the cover to his door.

"I'll gladly warm yours." He laughed and I could hear the newspaper rustling inside.

"One last stop then I really need to go home." I pushed my cart towards Edward's room and stopped just outside. I didn't hear any noise inside so I peeked in through the peephole. He was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He was topless and a white bandage was strapped onto the left side of his chest. I knocked softly and he looked over at the door before jumping to his feet and almost dancing.

"Oh baby doll I was so worried for you. I see my sparkling personality is rubbing off on you." He gave a wolfish grin. "Your riddles need work but I can help you with that."

"Edward I'm glad you're doing better. I also got your flowers and gifts." His green eyes bore into mine and he pressed his lips to the glass.

"Wear them with pride my dear. As soon as I'm free we'll rule the world. You'll be my little riddle queen!" He giggled to himself and I shook my head.

"Edward its too much I can't wear it. I couldn't even afford that on my own." His grin fell and his eyes darkened.

"You don't like them?"

"I love them Edward I'm just overwhelmed." He shook his head.

"Nothing is too good for my gal. I'll find a way to keep you safe don't you worry. Just one thing I ask of you."

"And what is that?"

"A kiss." He pouted and leaned up against his door probably hoping I would fling it open and rush into his arms.

"Good night Edward." I pressed a kiss to the glass and closed the cover. He sighed loudly from the other side of the door.

"What is wanted badly, too far from reach and yet right in front of my eyes?" His voice sounded sad.

"What's that Edward?" I leaned against the door.

"That kiss." I smiled to myself and headed for the elevator. I was looking forward to my overnight shifts and rushed to empty my cart and head home. I punched out and called a taxi to take me home. I had a lot to think about.