And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?

Feet shuffling and wheels rolled by as a man strolled down the halls of the bustling hospital. He frowned to himself, gripping the pole that held up his IV line and prayed that not too many nurses were ogling his backside as he walked in his hospital gown. Honestly, it was already degrading enough to have been subjected to invasive procedures, but did he really have to wear the hospital gown? Sure, at least he wasn't naked, but with the leers the nurses gave him, he might as well have been.

He looked around the hospital and sighed to himself. How did he get here? He remembered waking up in a hospital bed and the first thing he did was check his mask. Finding no piece of the cloth out of place, he sighed in relief. The second thing he did was test out his limbs, finding them in good order before following the various lines that led from his body. He found most of them were just wires hooking him up to machines and pulled out the catheter from his body. He turned his gaze to the IV line and shrugged. He'd leave it in for the moment.

He stood, his legs wobbling under him as he tried to find his footing. How long had he been there? After deeming himself able to support himself, he walked over to the door and read the patient file.

Hatake Kakashi, 33. Chakra exhaustion, most likely from overuse of Sharingan, bruised ribs, internal bleeding, lacerations, unconscious since Friday.

Kakashi sighed, that had been at least four days ago judging from the calendar that hung on the wall. Afterwards, he walked out of the room to the halls where he was now. He knew why he was here, but what had happened to get him here? Usually, Sakura healed him at his home. Had she gone on a mission? Then he remembered chakra exhaustion from overusing his Sharingan and frowned. What had he done? He wouldn't be as foolish as to overuse it in a spar, so what had he done? Had he gone on a mission? If he did, why didn't he remember anything? Amnesia? No, he wouldn't be able to remember his own name or what village he was in if it was. He shook his head. There was too much to figure out with so little answers. He looked around the doors that lined the halls, his eyes wandering idly when he spotted a familiar name.

Kakashi walked over to the door, reading the name over and over to make sure he was correct. Haruno Sakura, 19, room 289. No, he was right, but why was she here? Did she overexert herself again? Did she get back from a mission? Was she critically injured? Questions spun around his mind at a dizzying pace and he shook his head. There was only one way to find out.

Kakashi checked his right and his left, scanning the halls and finding no one as he pushed down the doorknob, feeling the cool metal on his skin and pushed the door open. He scanned the tile floor, white speckled with greys, pinks, and blues. Next, the two chairs in the room, both empty, then the open window, the curtains billowing in the breeze. He noticed the machinery that stood by the head of the bed and followed the wires and tubes to the hand resting on the white sheets.

He drew his gaze back to take the picture as a whole. Pink hair was fanned out on a pillow, her eyes were shut and the oxygen mask on her face fogged as her chest rose and fell with each breath. Bandages wrapped her arm and an IV trailed from her hand to an IV stand identical to his. The lower half, he couldn't tell. It was covered by her sheets and he felt his gaze drag up her body once more, to the sunken cheeks and frail body and thought he heard the sound of glass breaking.

Pupils dilated and he felt his throat constrict as images flooded his mind, images he had locked away. A forest stained in blood, her body beneath his, the pentagram and the sickly green glow of the restraints that bound him. Muscles tensed and he felt his arms move rigidly to grip his hair as his eyes shut themselves to hide. The sick sound of their joining, her screams and begging, Isao mocking him, Rin, Obito, his father, the sight of his phallus moving out of her core as tears ran down her cheeks. The bloodstained smile and…those eyes.

Kakashi's eyes snapped open and he looked around wildly for an exit. His eyes caught sight of the IV stand and he ripped the tube from his arm, fluid spilling onto the ground, but he didn't notice in his flurry of hand signs or the plume of smoke that signaled his leave.

He opened his eyes to see his apartment. Instead of seeing furniture, he saw Isao mocking him and heard her screams and felt the bile rise in his throat. He clamped a hand over his mouth, ignoring the blood flowing freeing down his arm as he dashed down the hall to his bathroom. He dropped to his knees and ripped down his mask as he braced himself on the toilet, the smell of acid and the sound of his retching filling his senses.

"No! Stop!"

His pupils shrank and he expelled more of his stomach contents as his mind flooded with more images. He felt the sweat on his brow and heard the sound of his panting echo in the bowl, but he couldn't ignore the memories. He could still hear everything, could still see everything, could still feel the sensations. He could still feel his hand on her breast, her body under his, could still feel her writhe under him, could still feel her inner muscles clamp on his shaft.

He shuddered. He could still feel everything and though he was alone in his mind once more, he could still hear a voice in his head taunting him. He covered his eyes with his forearm, leaning tiredly against the seat. He couldn't believe it. It was him that did that to her. The voice in his head cackled, laughing at his torment.

He panted heavily, the sound ringing in his ears, but did nothing to drown out the voice. The voice that didn't sound like Isao's, but eerily similar to his own and right now, it was reminding him of everything he did. Everything he had done, everything he had said, and dirty secrets and deep wounds, anything it could find to prolong his misery. Kakashi shut his eyes further and released a cry of anguish as he threw himself against the wall, trying to block it out. He slammed himself against the cabinet beneath his sink as he tried to rid himself of it. The voice laughed. If anything, the attempts were making him louder with a renewed fervor.

He sank down tiredly against the toilet, the cool porcelain against his skin as the voice taunted him once more, reminding Kakashi of his sin. He could feel himself sinking into something. Something was cloying at him from the inside and he felt cold, the sensation leaving him chilled to the bone. He had to hold on, but the voice whispered something in his ear. Something that broke him with its words and a sickening realization that made him surrender to the darkness in his soul. God, the voice was right. It was him that had raped her. It was him that had done that to her and what was more, he had liked it.