Housekeeping
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song in this chapter is "Oh Nick Not so Quick" by E-Rotic. I'll find a new band to listen too soon don't worry. Enjoy.
Thoughts
Alternate Personality Speaking
Speaking
Chapter 9: Unwanted surprises
Sunday 11:58 PM
"V finished cleaning room 4333 awaiting orders." My hands were bleeding from the harsh cleaner I had to use on the last few rooms. I was almost home free, I would be off until Wednesday again once this shift was over. I was going to soak in my bathtub until I pruned again.
"You're all set V see you Wednesday." That was it, I was done. Free until Wednesday. I pushed my cart back towards 4653 to being my nightly goodbyes. His room was unguarded and I opened the cover quietly. Peering in I saw him curled up on his bed sleeping soundly.
"Night Joker see you Wednesday." I spoke softly and I don't know how he heard me because his hand lifted off the bed and waved. He snored once then rolled over giving me a nice view of his firm ass. I closed the cover and shook my head. Even semi-conscious he was trying to impress me.
I slipped up to Jonathan's room next. It was silent inside and I slid open the cover to his peephole. He was unrestrained lounging on his bed. He was holding what looked like a well used copy of playboy in his hands. I smirked and knocked on his door. He quickly shoved the magazine to the other side of his body and looked at the door as if it had come alive.
"Night Crane. Seems like you don't need me anymore. Enjoy your magazine." I went to close the peephole until his voice stopped me.
"V…nothing happened I swear. They came onto me with their buxom breasts and tight fine asses." His blue eyes were pleading through the glass. "I was weak don't leave me!" I giggled to myself and he joined in after a moment.
"Jonathan keep it in your pants. I'll see you Wednesday." I closed his cover and could still hear him softly giggling inside.
"Night V make sure to cuddle my plushies extra tight and think of me."
I had a big smile on my face as I neared Edward's room. I could hear him muttering to himself as I opened the cover to his peephole. There were bits of paper everywhere and he seemed to be wildly scribbling into a notebook.
"No that's too easy. Need one to really make that shrink's head spin." He was sitting on the floor with his back to the door. I decided to play with him a bit.
"Night night daddy see you Wednesday." I put on my best bedroom voice and he nearly threw his pen across the room as he flipped around to face the door. His eyes were wide open and his jaw hung open a bit in surprise. I closed the cover and giggled to myself as a stunned silence continued to erupt from his room. I was giddy from lack of sleep and a little bit high on window cleaner. A good nights rest should clear that right up. I sauntered to the elevator and headed to the laundry room to pack up. All too soon I had punched out and had a taxi waiting to take me home.
Monday
I awoke snuggled up against my scarecrow plushie and sighed. I had a weakness for plushies that was a mile wide. I needed a bath though, my hands had dried blood on them from last nights cleaning and my side had locked up during the night. I sauntered to my bathroom and filled the tub with lilac bath salts and hot water. I stirred in some bubble mix and stripped down to slip inside.
Oh, Nick please not so quick
You know I want it big
I wanna feel like in heaven
Just like in heaven
Oh, Nickie not so quick
You know that makes me sick
I wanna feel you forever
You are so sweet and I feel the heat
You are the one you're the one, that I need
Oh, yeah, yeah, baby, do it to me
I wanna feel you deep, wanna feel you so deep
I slipped into the bath and felt myself relax into the sweet smelling water. I scrubbed myself clean and rinsed my hair out just letting the warmth spread through my whole body.
Baby, hold me tight, baby hold me just tight
I can't stand, stand, stand it all night
I want you and you know it's high noon
I'm come, come, coming real soon
Oh, Nick please not so quick
You know I want it big
I wanna feel like in heaven, Just like in heaven
Oh, Nickie not so quick
You know that makes me sick
I wanna feel you forever
Aah, aah, aah, aah Nickie, Nickie
Baby, let's come together
I wanna feel you as long as I can
I sighed and leaned back in the tub letting all my stress and pains melt away in the bubbly froth around me. I heard a knocking at my door and it ripped me from my peaceful cocoon all too soon. Stepping out of the bath I slipped my blue bathrobe on and cinched it tightly closed. I padded over to my door and peeked out into the hallway.
Head over heals, I'm breaking your seals
So gimme some more, just to see how it feels
So join me wanna go to the top
Having sex ain't gonna be a flop
Oh, baby I can't stand it no more
Never been in heaven before
Can't hold back baby feel it oh wow
I'm come' come' coming right now
Nickie no quickie, wait till you feel,
I'm ready, Please hold me tight in the dark of the night
Aah, aah, aah, aah Nickie, Nickie good night Nickie
The hallway was empty and I sighed wondering if the parade of flowers and gifts was about to start again. Cautiously I opened my door, leaving the chain on, and peeked out into the hall. There were no flowers just a small box sitting next to my door. I just reached out and pulled the box into my apartment. It fit in the palm of my hand and was wrapped in shiny blue paper. I made sure to lock my door behind me and pulled the paper off. A black velvet box looked back at me and I wondered what was inside. Opening it I almost dropped the box and stifled back a scream. An eye fell out of the box and bounced around on my floor before staring up at me. It was soaked with blood and it had spilled onto my hand and down the front of my robe as I threw the black box down and ran for my phone. Several moments later I had a room full of police taking pictures and asking me questions. Once they left I scrubbed the blood from my wood flooring and threw my robe into my clothes hamper while I shook. I pulled a green fuzzy robe from my closet and slipped it on before pulling the scarecrow plushie from my bed as if it were able to protect me.
"I don't want to be alone right now." I whimpered into the plushie as I drained my tub and crept to my couch. I still didn't fully trust the police so I searched my apartment and found several small devices planted all over. I smashed them then flushed the bits making sure to double check that they were all gone. Joker was right I couldn't trust Gotham PD.
I couldn't believe that I was doing this, some of the patients could receive phone calls. I called main reception and nervously tapped my foot while waiting for the receptionist to pick up.
"Arkham asylum how may I help you today."
"Yes this is Victoria from housekeeping. I was wondering if any of the following patients had phone privileges this week."
"Hey V go on and shoot me those names."
"Joker?"
"Ha he won't get a phone until hell freezes over." She laughed a bit before putting on her serious voice. "Any others?"
"Edward Nigma?"
"Sorry he's in therapy all day. Anyone else?"
"Jonathan Crane?" The phone went silent for a moment.
"Please hold." I was surprised that he was allowed a phone but then I looked at the plushie clutched in my arms and figured that was how he ordered it.
"Hello?" Crane sounded confused as he picked up the line.
"Oh hey Jonathan. How are you?" I tried to sound like I wasn't speaking to a mental patient.
"V? Miss me already?" He had put on his sexy voice.
"Just needed someone to talk to. I just had a room full of police." I collapsed onto my couch and pulled the plushie to my face to nuzzle it.
"What happened." Sexy voice gone.
"Someone mailed me an eye, well it was delivered like the presents you guys all sent me. I didn't know what it was until it was just…staring up at me."
"Whose eye was it?"
"I don't know! It left me covered in blood and I was just hoping that none of you three mailed it to me." I was shaking wishing I had never picked up the phone.
"Don't open your door again. Still got those plushies we sent you?" Crow was growling, he sounded even more dangerous over the phone.
"Yes." My voice was small and I stared at the blue button eyes before me.
"Come into work tomorrow, go to the med wing. We'll keep our baby safe since no one else can." The line clicked off and I ended the call. True employees could use the med wing when they weren't on duty, but would I survive the trip there?
"Come on scarecrow," I held the plushie to my chest. "lets make sure I survive to tomorrow." I made sure all my windows were locked and pushed my couch up against my door. I pulled all the shades closed and locked myself in the bathroom with a blanket and a pile of pillows. I rubbed my side softly and winced as the firm bruised flesh sent flashes of pain behind my eyes.
Tuesday 6 AM
I flung my money at another hapless taxi driver and rushed into Arkham as if the devil himself were on my heels. I walked up to med ward in my street clothes. A pair of jeans that went down only to my calves, multicolored toe socks, my stained tennis shoes and a light green tank top. My hair was pulled up into a pony tail and I checked into the med ward.
"Hey V why are you in here on your day off?" Vicky, one of the nurses I befriended over my last few over night shifts, walked over to me fixing her mousy brown hair.
"My side's really killing me Vicky, think you can check it out for me?"
"Anything for you sugar." She led me to the back where she checked my file for any x-rays and finding none she dragged me to the big machine and made sure to take a lot. I was then led to a very comfy room and hooked up to an IV while she waited for the results. I had just started to drift off when she marched back in looking upset.
"You have a broken rib." She pointed an accusing finger at me. "You should be taking it easy for the next few weeks not running yourself ragged cleaning rooms."
"Oh this coming from the girl who came to work with a broken ankle?" I gave her a smug look as the anger melted off her face.
"Oh ouch, throwing that one back at me. Alright I won't write you up. Just relax in here and I'll get you fixed up right as rain." She marched back out and I snuggled into the scratchy wool blanket. Several minutes later she returned and injected my line with painkillers. Oh the sweet bliss of painkillers. "Lunch is at 11 I'll bring you a menu later. Just get some sleep you look like you need it.
"Thanks Vicky." I smiled and waved at her as she left. Maybe hanging out here on my days off wouldn't be so bad. I passed out sprawled across the bed, one leg poking out from under the blanket.
"Wakey wakey time to order lunch." A menu was batted against my face until I woke up. I shot Vicky a dirty glare before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Eleven already?"
"Yep now what should I get ya?" She seemed way too perky.
"How about the hot turkey sandwich, mashed potatoes, jell-o and a Dr. Pepper from the machine?" I smirked as the menu was pulled from my grasp.
"That's fine, but its going on your tab." She shot me a smile and nearly bounced out of the room. I had just started to relax when I heard shouting from the hallway.
"I know she's here. Yes I need medical attention now let me go, my baby needs me!" I pressed a pillow over my face as Vicky hurried back into the room red faced.
"V? Any reason why I have two patients trying to get privileges to your room?"
"Two?" I slipped out from under the pillow just in time to see several guards bring both Edward and Joker to the room. Edward was bleeding from his cheek but had a big smile on his face. Joker had a black eye and looked bored. "If they have privileges I guess they can take a seat over there, heavily restrained of course." I pointed across the room and the guards dragged them both in and chained them to some metal chairs.
"Welcome back." Joker licked his lips and relaxed as much as he could while wearing a straightjacket and chains. His hair was messy and he still had traces of grease paint on his scars.
"Oh shut up clown can't you see that my baby is in pain." Edward snapped at Joker before turning his pleading green eyes to me. "Don't worry daddy will take care of the pain I promise."
"Oh shut it Nigma. The only reason you're here is because you begged me for a way to sneak you in." Joker licked his scars before speaking again. "You owe me for busting your cheek open like a melon."
"Okay everyone needs to shut up now so V can eat. If you two upset her I swear to god you'll be on the next list of vasectomy patients." Vicky was a life saver. Both men shut right up and even paled a little. Joker seemed uncomfortable in his pants and shifted quite a bit without meeting my eyes. Edward was patched up quickly with small butterfly wound closures. Four white strips shown against his cheek as he sat patiently.
We ate in silence until started eating my jell-o. I had started using my fingers and sliding them into my mouth along with the jiggly cubes of sugary goodness. Both men were aptly paying attention until the last cube of jell-o was gone. I sucked my fingers clean before opening my Dr. Pepper and taking a swig. I tried to ignore Jokers glazed eyes or wandering tongue. He really enjoyed my jell-o, probably more then I did. I slowly screwed the cap back onto my soda.
"Crane you pull away one more time and I'm putting you back in your room." Henry's voice rang out in the halls. Within moments a red faced Henry was leading a flushed Crane into my room. He lost his grip when he saw Joker sitting in the corner leering at him.
"Oh V you made it." He was at my side and crushing his lips to mine faster then I could blink. His tongue tried to pry my lips open but Henry was quicker and pulled him away.
"God damn it Crane stop trying to rape the poor woman." Another metal chair was brought into the room and Crane was placed in between Edward and Joker. I now had a room full of sexy men. I let my mind wander for a moment before sighing loudly.
"Are you all going to play nice?" They were all glaring at each other, seeming to drone me out. I waited for Henry to step into the hallway before I spoke again. "Oh no my clothes have somehow fallen off!" All three men snapped their heads towards me so fast that I swear I felt a breeze.
"Oh not fair." Joker slid back into his seat looking dejected and Edward looked as if he were about to faint.
"Don't tempt us." Crow had popped out from the stress of the moment.
"Sorry just didn't want you all to kill each other. I don't think I could take it if I got any more blood on me this week." I pulled the covers up to my chin and stared at the ceiling. Having all three of them in one room was probably one big mistake.
"Everyone playing nice?" Vicky came into the room to collect my tray and gave the men a dirty look.
"Yes mother." Joker kicked his feet out in an attempt to get comfortable. "Care to loosen these chains. I feel a little, squeezed doc."
"Rest up V. I'll wake you up for dinner." Vicky ignored Joker and walked out of the room.
"So how did you all know that I would be here today?" I shot Crane an accusing look.
"Why would I tell them, I wanted you all to myself." He huffed and tugged at his bonds.
"Oh a little birdie told me that you tried to call me yesterday." Joker licked his lips. "Figured you would show up sooner or later."
"Wait you didn't know for sure that she would show up, and I let you punch me anyways?" Edward's face started to turn red and he looked around Crane to send Joker a dirty look.
"She's here isn't she. Now just sit back and enjoy the view. Maybe she'll get a sponge bath." Joker smirked and gave me his sexiest look. The other two men groaned and stared at me with a hungry look in their eyes.
"I'm not getting a sponge bath!" I sat up in bed and grabbed for my nurse call button.
"Might as well tell them about your delivery yesterday." Crane was back and his voice drew my eyes to his.
"Delivery? From who?" Edward shot a look to Joker who just shrugged.
"Wasn't from me. I don't have the newest issue of the 'Victoria's Secret' Catalog. Don't worry I'll find you something…tasteful." He smirked and laughed a bit.
"Don't you mail my baby anything you disgusting clown. She's a girl who deserves jewels not scraps of cloth." Edward was fuming.
"Someone sent me an eye. And no I don't know who its from." That shut both Joker and Edward up. Joker mouthed 'an eye' before raising an eyebrow and shooting me a concerned glance. Edward just sat there pale for a moment.
"You really should find a new place to stay." Crane suddenly looked tired.
"Oh yes by all means get a new place, make sure it has some extra rooms." Edward nodded before looking up at me with shining green eyes. "Once you do I'll come and protect you."
"Like hell you will." Joker licked the scarred corners of his mouth. "No one will touch the future Mrs. J once I get out of here."
"Don't worry we'll get to you first." Crane's icy blue eyes seemed to burn right into my soul.
"If I move I'm not giving any of you my address." I didn't want three crazy men breaking into my house and killing each other.
"Oh you won't need to." Joker looked smug and sat in his corner patiently.
I groaned and rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket over my head. They all looked too damn sexy for their own good. It wasn't fair.