Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Thoughts

Alternate Personality Speaking

Speaking

Chapter 11: Slumber party

Thursday 3:15 AM

I didn't hear anything coming from the living room. All the scuffling had died down over an hour ago. I was starving and would have to brave the carnage on the way to the kitchen. I slipped Crane's jacket on and peeked out of the room. Everything was a mess, there was glass and shoes everywhere. I snuck out towards the kitchen and gained my courage back seeing everyone passed out. Joker was snoring on my couch with my afghan pulled over his body, one bare leg hanging out over the side. He was covered in bruises and had a split lip. Edward was lying just under the window, his jacket bundled up under his head. He looked like he'd been kicked half to death and I felt sorry for him. Crane was curled up with my plushies near the kitchen. His breathing was deep and steady. He had a black eye and his shirt was torn and stained with blood.

They almost look adorable. If they hadn't been bleeding and sporting injuries of war the scene would have been almost too cute for words. I snuck into the kitchen and made myself some noodles while I chugged some Dr. Pepper. I ate in silence watching everyone sleep. Finishing my bowl I placed it in the sink and carefully stepped back out of the kitchen. I wasn't going to risk a bath right now but I needed to see how bad Joker trashed my bathroom.

I flicked on the light and flinched at the horror show before me. My tub was stained green and my sink was caked in makeup. He had just tossed his clothes on the floor in a big tangled heap and I grabbed them to start cleaning. As I took the clothes to the hamper I noticed that there weren't any underwear in the pile. I searched the bathroom and still didn't find any. Apparently Mr. Joker enjoyed hanging free. I pulled my rubber gloves from under my sink and began the long process of reclaiming my bathroom.

I must have fallen asleep scrubbing because I was awakened by the sound of water hitting water. I peered over my shoulder just in time to see my green robe before snapping my head back towards the tub. The nerve! Joker was taking a piss in my bathroom without bothering to make sure it was empty. He flushed and walked out like it was some kind of normal thing. My anger flashed again and I stormed out of the bathroom in time to see both Edward and Crane topless stretching as if they had slept in a box all night. My words died in my throat.

I heard a rustling from my bedroom and I walked in just in time to see Joker going through my closet tossing clothes to the floor left and right. Obviously he didn't find what he was looking for and moved to my dresser pulling open drawers and rifling through my panties.

"Get the fuck out of my underwear Joker." He spun around with several thongs in his hand and lifted an eyebrow as he shook them at me.

"Come in and get them. If you can." He grinned big and lifted them all to his face taking a big sniff before leering at me. "Think any of these are in my size?"

My mouth opened and closed several times as I tried to think of something to say. I rushed from my room down the hall. Crane and Edward were giving each other death glares again and my head was beginning to ache. I was just starting to imagine the mess they would all create if they stayed here. Messy bathroom, giant green question marks on the walls, a naked Crane. Wait what. I blinked that thought away. Oh no. No touching. I shook my head making my headache worse. I walked past world war 5 and into my kitchen. I started rummaging through my drawers until I found my last bottle of Advil. I took two, almost debated on seven, and chased them down with some soda. I was harshly rubbing my temples when I heard a murmuring from the living room.

"What did you do clown face? My baby looks like she's in pain." Edward's voice was accusing.

"Probably just a headache puzzle boy. I know just what will help her…relax." I could hear Joker licking his lips all the way in here.

"Hands off you both. She's wearing my jacket. Seems she's already chosen who gets to comfort her." I groaned as Crane pulled me into his arms and shot the other men a dirty look.

"Oh this isn't over bird boy." Edward's voice was deadly calm. "I've already got a dress picked out I just need to slip her into it and she's mine. I'm going to steal a ring tonight that'll make her swoon for me."

"Well while you two are off gallivanting around the city getting her jewels and toys I'm just gonna fuck her." Joker laughed and sat back down on the couch pulling the afghan over his lap. "Oh yes by all means head out and leave the pretty lady to me."

"I'm gonna end you both." Crow was out and his grip was almost painfully tight. This was too much. I was crushed against his chest and his stitches were pressing into my cheek. I did the only thing I could think of to free myself, I ran my tongue over the line of black thread from his chest and slowly down. Once his grip loosened from shock I bolted to my room and slammed the door shut. I pushed my dresser up against the door and sat down on the end of my bed.

"Oh I'll have some of that." Joker's voice rang out through the door and he laughed for a moment before going silent.

My room was a mess and I cleaned it up banging drawers closed and slamming things around. My hands were shaking as I closed my closet door and rested my head against it.

Thursday 2 PM

A knock sounded on my bedroom door. I jerked up from my bed disorientated from sleep. My dresser was still firmly wedged against the door and I felt a bit safer. "What?" I hoped my voice sounded better then I felt.

"Oh it's just me. Do you want to have some dinner? Crane and Joker choked each other out and we have he place to ourselves." Edward sounded like a pouty child.

"Dinner?" My stomach was grumbling and I was so sorely tempted.

"Oh yes I made some sandwiches and soup. Nothing's drugged I swear."

"Wait in the kitchen I'm coming out."

"Anything you say baby."

I pulled my dresser away from my door and listened to make sure he wasn't lurking on the other side. True to his word he had retreated to the kitchen and I crept into the bathroom to freshen up. Feeling relieved I padded to the kitchen taking in the scene of Joker, tangled up in my afghan, passed out next to Crane. His shirt was ripped open and his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. They both had their hands wrapped around the others throat and it looked almost comical.

Edward had two bowls of tomato soup and a plate piled high with grilled cheese sandwiches waiting for me. My mouth watered as I eyed him warily. To prove they weren't drugged he took a bit before motioning towards the pile with his free hand. We ate silently and kept watching each other until we had finished. He was acting really sweet and inched closer to me after we had finished eating.

"Hey V?" His voice was small.

"Yes E?" I looked over at him

"You missed a spot." He darted forward and ran his tongue over the corner of my lips before kissing me and pressing me against the counter. His hands were on my hips gently holding me in place. I found myself kissing back and holding onto the front of his torn shirt. All too soon he was wrenched away from me by his hair. "Who dares!" He was flung to the floor by Crane who was red in the face. I was going to run back to my room before I was picked up and tossed out into the hallway. Joker tossed a few twenties onto my chest.

"Go buy a pizza or something, we need to have a man to man talk." He closed the door and I heard my locks clicking into place. I grabbed the money in my fist and pounded on my door.

"Let me back in. You guys better not be bleeding on my floors!" When no one came to the door I bit back a scream. I was wearing a pair of blue fuzzy pajama pants and a tight black t-shirt and only had my toe socks on my feet. I trudged down my hallway pissed off to high heaven. "I am so finding a way to call the Batman, maybe I'll even date him then what would you all do?" I muttered under my breath. The sun was still up so it wasn't too bad on the streets, apart from some odd looks. I picked up two pepperoni pizzas from Sal's Pizza just down the street from me. He bagged a couple of two liters of Dr. Pepper for me for the road. I didn't want to think what my socks looked like once I got back to my door. I kicked it for awhile before loudly calling out. "Pizza delivery!"

My apartment was silent and I rested my head against the door. I didn't have a spare key and there was no way in hell I was going to my landlord to let me in. He scared me more then all three of them did. After awhile I sat down and leaned against my door. The pizzas and soda sitting by my side. Just as I was entertaining the thought of traveling the rail lines as a hobo the door flung open and I fell back between a pair of legs. Looking up I sighed in relief. Saved by the Crane.

"Oh thank god you weren't the Joker." Before I could stand I was pulled up into his arms and carried to the couch. He sat down and pinned me to his lap. He somehow kept his hair looking perfectly in place during the apparent fight with Edward. Joker grabbed the pizzas and soda before kicking the door closed. He had raided my closet again and was now wearing my red fuzzy robe. The food and drink was dropped onto my coffee table and I tried to squirm off Crane's lap.

"Better stop moving or you'll be going to bed early." Crane's grip tightened and he shifted in his seat. Joker plopped down next to us and pulled my feet into his lap, stripping the socks off my feet. I tucked my head under Jonathan's chin and sighed knowing I wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. He began softly rubbing my back with one of his hands. Not to be left out Joker began rubbing my feet as if it were a contest. What went on while I was out?

"Where's Edward?" I knew the pizzas were getting cold but I didn't want to move, Crane's hands had almost lulled me to sleep.

"Oh he's in the tub, should be done soon though. You should wear more skirts, pants are no fun." Joker was rubbing higher onto my calf this time. I closed my eyes for what I thought was a moment but when I opened them I was laying against Crane on the couch, the afghan pulled over us both. Something on the coffee table caught my eye and I saw a note scribbled onto the lid of the now empty pizza box.

'Went to get a new suit, maybe blow up something for ya. Be back soon. ~J'

Oh this is going to be good. Maybe he'll finally stop wearing my robes and prancing around naked. My apartment was silent so at least no one was breaking or messing anything up. I went back to sleep listening to the steady beat of Jonathan's heart.