And I hurt inside
I want to know
The depths of your mind
Tell me this whole thing is madness

Previously:

Suddenly, a slam on the door was heard and everyone turned to the haggard-looking Shizune, her eyes darting around wildly. Tsunade blinked. "What's wrong?"

Shizune swallowed and began to pant once more. "It's Kakashi, Tsunade-sama. We can't find him!"

Tsunade blinked and touched a hand to her head. "I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say that Kakashi was missing."

"I did! Apparently, he's been missing since three days ago!"

"How did it go unnoticed for three whole days?!" Tsunade held a hand up to hush Shizune. She didn't want to know. She'd deal with the staff later. 'I need a vacation. With sake. Lots and lots of sake.' she thought rubbing her temples.

She quickly turned to the two men. "Okay. I want you two to find that pervert and check up on him before he does something stupid and then tell me." Sasuke and Naruto blinked and Tsunade's lips curled in a snarl. "What the fuck are you waiting for? GO!" Sasuke and Naruto nodded before disappearing out the window, the curtains billowing in the breeze.

Tsunade sighed and Shizune walked into the door as she watched her collapse into a chair. "Are you alright, Tsunade-sama?" Her head lolled back against the back of the chair and stole a glance at the pink-haired girl in the bed, her heart crumbling with each passing second.

It wasn't fair. Sakura was the brightest girl she ever had the pleasure to know and she had considered her to be something of a daughter, especially since she had taken legal custody of her three years ago when her parents died of disease. Tears came to the corners of her eyes. It just wasn't fair. Why did this have to happen to her? Everyone she had ever cared for always seemed to have a horrible fate. 'And I haven't given her the necklace yet.' she thought wryly. No, that was a horrible thought, she reprimanded herself.

She let her gaze stray to Shizune who was still waiting for an answer. Tsunade sighed. "No." she acquiesced. She turned to face her worried friend and felt a wry smile split across her face. "But when have I ever been?"

Sasuke felt like pulling out his hair. He sat down on the green rooftop of one of the local residences of Konoha and sighed frustratedly. "Where the hell is he? We've checked everywhere! The bar, Ichiraku, all the training grounds, all the porn shops, the baths, everywhere!"

Naruto tapped his cheek in thought. "Not everywhere…"

Sasuke turned back to glare at his blonde friend. "What do you mean 'not everywhere'? Where could he possibly be that we haven't…" Sasuke's eyes widened and he smirked. "Maybe you aren't as dumb as you look."

Naruto grinned. "Heh heh. Yeah, I'm not as dumb as I…HEY!"

But it was too late. Sasuke was already bounding the rooftops towards their target.

Water dripped from the overhang outside as rain beat down on the ground below. The sky was painted grey as two men stood outside of a small apartment complex door during the off-and-on shower.

Naruto held his hand tentatively to the red-painted door and turned tentatively to face the stoic man beside him. One look in his eyes and he saw the anxiety and unease that mirrored his own, doing nothing to calm his nerves. A calm nod was given and Naruto gulped before knocking on the door. "Kakashi-sensei?" Silence echoed and Naruto steeled his nerves. "Kakashi-sensei?" Nothing.

The two looked to each other worriedly. Sasuke looked to Naruto and he wordlessly stepped aside as Sasuke picked the lock. Naruto stepped forward, grasping the doorknob. With a firm turn and a push, they were in. "Kakashi-sensei?"

Naruto looked around the living room. A television stood atop a small dark table and a large black couch sat against the wall to their left across from a coffee table. The room was painted white, contrasting with the dark furniture. Though there was a thin layer of dust, the room was clean, all except the bloodstain on the white carpet. Sasuke and Naruto exchanged glances before walking into the apartment.

They worked quietly, opening door after door and searching room after room, finding nothing. They had finished searching the bathroom and stood in the hall, contemplatively. They were about to give up when they heard faint mumblings filter through an open room. Sasuke wanted to slap himself. They had forgotten his room.

White walls, a bed, a dresser, a bookshelf, a closet, and a desk. That was what lay inside the room just beyond the white door. Kakashi sat against his dresser by the window, leaning on the wall as he shifted his legs. "My fault. All my fault and I liked it. It was all my fault. I deserve to the die." he muttered to himself. The door creaked open and he snapped his gaze up to the horrified faces staring back at him.

Naruto stared at the shadow of the man he once knew. His silver hair was slick and clumped together, his left forearm was swollen and red, a yellow pus weeping from the gash, infection having set in. Sasuke scanned the body, his frame seemed smaller, his bones starting to peek out from the opening of his hospital gown. He looked up and stared at the face, his cheeks were sunken and dark circles lay under his eyes beside the dried tears, his mismatched gaze, dull.

Naruto opened the door further and they walked over to him, watching the man draw his legs to himself as he lay his head on the wall, anxiety creeping into his mutterings. Naruto moved a hand forward and watched Kakashi flinch and draw further into a fetal position and drew his hand back guiltily as he gazed onto the broken form of his ex-sensei. He felt a tightness in his chest and knew that Sasuke was probably feeling the same. What had happened to him?

"Kakashi-sensei, you don't look that good. Shouldn't you go to the hospital?" Even Naruto felt like slapping himself after the sentence left his mouth.

"No, can't. She's there."

Naruto bit his lip and decided to try again. "Well, have you at least been getting sleep?"

He shook his head and began rocking himself. "No, can't. The voice starts talking even more and the images, the images come back and I can see everything again."

He mentally frowned. Kakashi's voice was hoarse and cracked. Had he even gotten water for himself since he left? "Images of what?"

Kakashi looked up. "The mission."

Naruto blinked and stared at his ex-sensei. "What happened on the mission?"

Kakashi began to rock himself once more, but he would meet their gaze once in a while. "Well…we went on a mission. Get a scroll back from the Kazekage. We were going back and then we-we got ambushed." he answered, his eyes shut in concentration as his hands grasped in the air for words only he could see. "We started fighting and…"

"And?"

Suddenly, he began gripping his hair, his eyes darting around before disappearing beneath his lids. "I liked it. He says I liked it and since he's in my mind and sounds like me, he must be me and he says I liked it, so I must have liked it. I keep seeing it in my mind. God, I'm sick. I'm so fucking messed up. I-"

"Kakashi, when we found you, you were on top of Sakura and you were both naked. She was half-conscious when we pried you apart and Sakura lapsed into a coma afterwards. She had bruises and her nails were torn and covered in dirt and blood. We have no idea what happened and we wanna know. What happened to her?"

Kakashi looked up, the rocking had stopped and his head was resting on the wall once more. He turned his head further away from them and murmured something. Naruto blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Another murmur.

"Kakashi, you're going to have to speak up. We can't hear you."

Kakashi turned, his face resembling the man they knew. His half-lidded gaze looked up and met their gaze, holding cerulean and onyx with scarlet and charcoal. He took a breath and used a tone that betrayed no emotion and held simplicity key, but spoke volumes to them. "I raped her."

"You what?!"

Sasuke fought to restrain the snarling boy as he held him back from holding under his arms and entwining their legs. Even from behind the boy, he could see the whiskers on his cheeks widen and the red that stained what was once blue and the bloodlust that lay within. "Calm down, Naruto!"

Naruto lashed out, a clawed hand swiping forward. "I'll kill you!" Sasuke leaned back, trying to use his weight to help him hold Naruto back. "Let go of me, Sasuke!"

"No, Naruto. Look at him!" Naruto swung his gaze to the man on the floor and the bloodlust disappeared as blue appeared once more.

Kakashi's face held nothing. His face would rarely betray him, but his eyes always spoke volumes. Even now, emotions swirled around the charcoal orb. Guilt, sadness, disgust, shame, remorse, anxiety, regret, self-loathing, fear to name a few, but something in there made Naruto's blood run cold. He saw it clearly in Kakashi's haunted gaze and felt the bile rise in his throat. Kakashi wanted to die. He was silently pleading for them…to kill him.

Kakashi watched Naruto's arms fall limply at his sides and he looked down ashamedly. He was being selfish. He had already stolen Sakura's life from her and he wanted to have someone to steal his so he could run from his fears. He looked up and saw Naruto walk out of the room and turned his gaze to Sasuke, in the back of his mind, he was wondering what Sasuke was going to do.

Sasuke looked back at him and he saw that his pale skin was paler than before and saw the cold sweat that ran down his face. He watched Sasuke's gaze flick to the door then back. Kakashi watched his pupil desert him again, but for once, he could not blame him.