Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Just when you think the men have pulled the moves over on Victoria I go and dash your hopes. Last chapter's steamy romance was the concoction of chugging two bottles of wine in the tub. Yep, it was all a sexy dream. Wanted her to have some fun but not let the guys get their hands on anything. Burn me, cuss me out or just give me a slap on the back for creating the perfect wet dream. Enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 13: It was all just a dream.

Friday 7:01 AM

My blankets were warm but damp as I snuggled into them before jumping up and choking. I was in the tub. I still had all my clothes on from last night. My face was red as I pulled two empty bottles of wine from the bathwater. The events of last night had begun to flash behind my eyes. Edward and Crane had been fighting but it wasn't in a sexy half naked rage. Neither of them wanted to leave me alone with the other. They both agreed to leave the apartment together and I was left alone. The stress from the last few days had been too much and I grabbed the two bottles of wine from my fridge. After half chugging one I decided that I needed to be clean. I had started a bath but slipped in from my tipsy state. I didn't bother to get out and just sat there drinking wine and soaking in my clothes.

"Well that does explain the song about condoms playing in the background." I sighed and pulled the plug from the tub. I stripped out of my wet clothes and slipped a clean towel around my body. I set the empty glass bottles on the counter top and brushed my teeth. After relieving myself I unlocked the door and padded out to my apartment. "Anybody home?" I was met with silence and wondered what trouble the guys had gotten into. Maybe I had even gotten lucky and they were all back in Arkham thanks to Batman. I dried off and dressed in another pair of Capri pants and a t-shirt. I slipped some black and red toe socks onto my feet. Might as well clean while everyone was away.

Friday 11:27 AM

My apartment was spotless. I had scrubbed and buffed the floors to an amazing shine and wiped down all the walls. My windows were streak free and the blinds dusted. My bathroom smelled like Pine-Sol. There was no traces of any paint or destruction left behind. I gathered up my laundry and sorted them in a big pile on the floor. I would only have three loads to do so that wouldn't be too bad. The laundry room is a very scary place to be alone. I bagged the clothes and shoved my keys into my pocket along with a roll of quarters.

What if the guys come back while you're gone? Better leave them a note. I folded a piece of paper in half and set it up on the coffee table. 'Gone to do laundry don't break anything or mess it up!'

"Good enough." I lugged the bags out my door and headed down to the basement. The entire laundry room was empty so I used all three machines at once. The soap dispenser tends to stick so I spent a good two minutes kicking it until it dropped a packet of Tide. I jumped up onto one of the washers after the clothes were all started and spaced off into la la land. I imagined that I was riding a little train that was just chugging on down the tracks. Suddenly three loud beeping noises pulled me from my happy place. I moved all the clothes to the driers and used my last quarters to get them going. I jumped back up onto a washing machine and rested my head in my hand. The thumping of the driers had me zoning out once again.

Friday 3:47 PM

"Okay if they're not back in ten minutes I'm gonna assume the Batman got them." I was making brownies and folding clothes in between batches. The smell of molten chocolate permeated my apartment. I clicked on the T.V and flicked around the channels looking for any news coverage on the missing men. Nothing but the Batman rounding up Victor Zsasz. Apparently he saved thirteen people. Good for him. I clicked the T.V off and paced around my house looking for something to clean. A loud banging on my door wrenched me from under the sink. I had been scrubbing the fittings with a toothbrush. I looked out the peephole and groaned. I flung open the door and tried not to flinch.

"Good evening Victoria." My landlord was standing before me in all his trashy glory.

"Good evening Mr. Ratsblat." I moved to the side as he pushed his way into my apartment.

"Oh smells nice in here having company?" He started wandering around my apartment checking every corner that he found.

"Nope still just me here? What are you looking for?" I hated him touching my things.

"You're neighbors complained about seeing men coming in and out of your apartment over the last few days. Lots of noise coming from here too. Care to explain?"

"They were hookers, male hookers." I blurted the first thing that came into my head and I winced at how that was all I could come up with.

"Three male hookers?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yea, sorry I was being so loud you know how a young girl gets when she's all on her own. Total nympho in here." I wanted him to leave but he just strutted over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh well if that's all. Next time instead of hiring some hookers just come down to 2A and I'll fix you right up." He licked his lips showing his green teeth and let himself out of my apartment. I locked the doors behind him and ripped my shirt off. He had left a big greasy sweat stain on my shoulder and I gagged. I slammed my shirt into my hamper before scrubbing my shoulder until it almost bled. I then re-cleaned my entire apartment to get his smell out.

Friday 10:57 PM

I went a little overboard with the cleaning. I was sitting on the floor with my mop leaning against my shoulder. I was panting from exhaustion and my brownies had cooled. There was still no sign of any of the guys and nothing was on the news about them either. It seemed that the guys weren't coming back after all so I decided to wax my floors.

I had a thing about only doing them in a bra and thong while wearing high heels. I made sure all my windows were locked and the shades were drawn. I pulled a pair of blue pumps from the back of my closet and strapped them on around my ankles. I was wearing a green lacy bra and black thong. I felt sexy. I headed for my closet and pulled my waxing mop out. I grabbed the bottle of no wipe wax and squirted some onto the floor. I began the rhythmic scrubbing to make my wooden floors shine. My heels clicked across the wood as I moved foot by foot across my apartment.

Saturday 1:23 AM

I finished waxing the floor and smiled at my handiwork. I put the waxing mop and bottle back in their proper places before walking back into my living room. I folded the afghan into a nice compact square and draped it over the top of the couch. My apartment felt empty so I did the next best thing I could think of, other then cleaning, to help keep my mind off things. I started baking. I pulled three small loaf pans out of my cabinets and began making the dough by hand. Pretty soon I was covered in white flower and had the dough in the fridge to set for the next few hours. They still weren't home. I needed something to do to waste an hour.

I turned the T.V back on and flipped to the all music channel. They never played videos just kept a light blue background with the titles and artists flashing in the background. I didn't care too much for 'White lightning by the slinky dogs' but the next song coming up always made me dance. 'Wild thing by Tone-Loc' had a beat that I just couldn't ignore. I didn't care that I was covered with flower and began to dance. I was throwing my hips out there and grinding against an imaginary pole. I slid my hands down my body as I gyrated to the music. I ran my hands through my unbound hair. I continued to dance as if I were a seductress, my hands sliding over every inch of my exposed body. I wiggled my hips while holding my hands in my hair, the perfect image of a tempting siren. I turned around to keep dancing and froze.

I had never heard the door open. I felt like a piece of meat being eyed by ravenous dogs. Edward had his jaw almost on the floor. He had long since dropped the bags he'd been carrying. Jonathan was shaking behind the large box he had in his hands. Joker was licking his lips holding the other two back.

"Honey we're home." I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't run in heels let alone on a freshly waxed floor.

"You guys are home early." My voice was shaking.

"Oh what a nice surprise though, you can help break in the new bed we splurged on. Its inflatable." Joker licked his scars and tapped his fingers on both Edward and Jonathan's shoulders.

"Sorry I can't because…well." I bolted to my room and slammed the door behind me. I ripped off the heels and slipped into a sturdy pair of jeans and a baggy shirt. I peeked out my door and they had left their bags in the middle of the floor. I didn't see them anywhere so I crept out of my room. They weren't in the doorway or in the living room.

"Oh god these are almost as good as she looks." Edward's voice rang out from the kitchen. Each man had a tray of brownies and were inhaling them. They didn't bother cutting them into little squares and were just pulling the chocolaty goodness out handful by handful.

"I'm glad you'd rather ravage the brownies." They were all covered in chocolate. Edward had his entire chin colored brown with chocolate. He had been clutching a handful of it and paused before shoving it into his mouth. Jonathan was the cleanest with only a bit of chocolate smudged on the corners of his mouth. Joker never pulled his face from the brownie tin and was eating it like a dog.

"I just cleaned this place twice, you spill you better clean it up." I tried to look mean but ended up slowly backing up out of the kitchen when they just went back to inhaling the brownies. It was like they had lost all table manners.

I walked around the bags in the living room and inspected the box that held the new airbed. It was a queen sized and I wondered who was gonna double up on it. I sure as hell wasn't. And I hoped they didn't think that someone was bunking with me. I heard three tins hit the sink and all the men walked out licking their fingers clean of chocolate. They looked like a bunch of messy children who couldn't get enough.

"Did you guys happen to save any of those brownies for me?" That got their attention. Edward and Jonathan shared a guilty glance and Joker just shrugged.

"Shoulda said something doll. All that's left is what I'm wearing. Be more then happy to share that." He had somehow gotten brownie in his hair yet his suit was almost perfectly clean. He strutted past me to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He began singing as I heard water running in the background.

"Shoulda said something V. We haven't had sweets like that in a very long time." Edward was pouting and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"Edward clean up in the kitchen. I just waxed this floor and if you dirty it then I swear you'll be waxing it next time." I pointed back to the kitchen and he slinked off like a dejected puppy.

"And where will I clean up V?" Jonathan only had chocolate around his mouth, he had sucked his fingers clean.

"You're actually pretty much clean you should be okay."

"But I feel oh so dirty." He walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

"Fine I'll help you get clean close your eyes." He squeezed his eyes shut quickly. I pulled his head to mine and softly licked the chocolate from his mouth. He groaned and ground his lips to mine. He tasted like chocolate and sin. I pulled away before it got too heated.

"Aww V don't stop." His blue eyes were pleading with me.

"Sorry Jonathan, but its past my bedtime. If you wanted more you should have gotten home earlier." I motioned to the inflatable bed. "Just snuggle up to your bed buddy." I slipped back into my room and slid the dresser back into place with a big smile on my face.