Housekeeping

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Thinking

Alternate Personality Speaking

Speaking

Chapter 14: Interview with the Batman.

Saturday 11 AM

I awoke to the sound of snoring coming from the living room. I slid my dresser, as quietly as I could, away from my door. Creeping into the living room, I saw that the guys had inflated the air bed and put some nice green sheets on it. Joker was sleeping on my couch again wrapped up in my afghan once again. I'm pretty sure he was naked under that afghan and I silently prayed to my grandma for forgiveness. Crane and Edward were back to back on the air bed. Edward was drooling onto his pillow slightly and Crane was holding himself as he slept. I shook my head and slinked back to my room to slip some 'going out' clothes on.

I laced up my tennis shoes and made sure my gray Capri pants were zipped up. I had a green sweat shirt on over top a blue t-shirt. I slipped some cash into my pocket and went to survey the kitchen. My cupboards were empty, as was my fridge. I hung my head and tip toed to my door making sure none of the men awoke. I'll be back before they even know I'm gone. I grabbed my extra key from the hook by my door and slunk out. I booked it to my local Wal-Mart and sighed hoping I could feed four people on my salary.

"Ok now what do men actually eat?" I pushed a cart down each isle throwing random things into it. By the end of the shopping trip I was lugging around two full carts and had to almost stomp out an old lady who tried to take a box of brownie mix from me. Old people are scary.

Saturday 2 PM

The guys hadn't even stirred even after I lugged all the bags upstairs and unloaded them. I felt like chucking a can of Pringles at Jokers head but restrained myself. If they were going to sleep all day I was going jogging. I slipped into a pair of sweat pants and a light pink t-shirt. I slid my extra key into my bra and once again snuck out of the apartment. I'll only go a few blocks, they'll never notice. I began running my usual circuit hoping that I wouldn't run into any trouble.

~20 minutes later~

"Oh god, oh god, my life must be cursed." I was panting and running at full speed. I could hear the dogs barking behind me like some kind of rabid demonic doggy things. I had barely made it a block when a van stopped in the middle of the street and dumped two very vicious looking Dobermans. They totally ignored the four little old ladies I was walking with and came straight for me. I started running down alleys and jumping over fences and angry homeless people. I knocked over one of those crazy doom sayers hoping the dogs would slow down, nope no such luck.

Just keep running, and running, and running. My mind was chanting that like some demented scene from 'Finding Nemo'. I was almost totally lost by now and the dogs hadn't even slowed down an iota. I was drenched in sweat and I was sure I had been running so hard the soles of my shoes were gone. My side was burning as I jumped over yet another fence, the dogs bounding over it like they were friggin superman hybrids, and fell onto a broken bottle. Ignoring the wet gush of blood down my leg I pulled the glass out as I ran and prayed for a miracle.

"Where the fuck is Batman when you need him?" I had practically screamed it out of frustration. I was about to become some kind of chew toy for the dogs. I could feel their hot breath on the backs of my legs and started crying. Before I could be ripped apart by the mawing jaws of oblivion I felt a whoosh of air behind me and both dogs yelped. I stopped running and turned back to see what had happened.

Both dogs were on the ground un-moving and none other then the Batman himself was turned to face me. My breath was coming out in pained gasps and I hoped he didn't know about my house guests.

"Call and you shall receive." His voice was raspy and he stood a good foot taller then I was. His dark brown eyes seemed to scan me before he began walking towards me like it was nothing.

"Thanks for saving me Batman." I tried to sound like a damsel in distress, which I had been, and he stopped to inspect my bleeding knee.

"You're wounded. Let me help." Before I could utter another word he had picked me up and shot his grappling hook into one of the nearby buildings. I screamed into his chest as we were rocketed into the sky. I hated heights and hoped that I would never have to travel by rooftop again. Next thing I knew I was set into a padded seat and he jumped in next to me. We were in his armored car and he drove off like it wasn't kidnapping or anything.

"Where are we going?" I couldn't see outside and was becoming very claustrophobic. There were so many buttons flashing and switches that my hands were itching to see what they all did. Despite the vicious look of the car it was actually a very smooth ride, it hardly seemed to be moving at all. I would have thought that we were standing still if not for the sounds of crunching metal and squealing tires outside.

"I'm going to take you someplace safe to get patched up. I have a friend who will take you in for the night." His raspy voice was making me wish I had a cough drop to hand to him. How were criminals so afraid of it? Batman sounded like he had a perpetual cold.

"Alrighty then." I looked away from him and nervously tapped my foot. The guys were going to be so pissed when I got home, if I still had a home to go back to. I jerked forward a bit as we came to a stop and the top opened up for us to exit. Batman picked me up as if I couldn't walk and did some more of the grappling/roof diving that I was so fond of. I was pretty sure he was getting annoyed with me yelling 'oh god don't drop me' every few moments. All too soon he had brought me to a penthouse on the top floor of one of the largest buildings in Gotham. He slipped in through a window and carried me to the living room, dumping me on the couch as gracefully as he could.

"Wait here. I'll let him know to be expecting you. The city needs me." With that he was gone leaving me in a very spacious room with a couch that I would probably kill to sleep on. I jumped when the lights came on and an elderly gentleman walked over carrying a tray with tea and sandwiches on it.

"Evening miss. Master Wayne will be home shortly, he called to say that Batman had dropped off a dashing young lady who could use some help. My name is Alfred by the way." He smiled and made me feel comfortable. He helped patch up my wounds and left to find me a change of clothes to slip into.

"Alfred, I heard that we were having a house guest." None other then the rich playboy Bruce Wayne walked into the apartment. He had a leather jacket draped over his shoulder and he looked almost too good to be true. "Oh he dropped off a cute one this time." He smiled and walked over to me. "Bruce Wayne." He shook my hand and smiled in a way that almost made me melt.

"I'm Victoria, Victoria Flowers." I had never used my last name before; I cursed myself at letting that slip. He smiled even bigger and led me to one of the rooms on the side of his enormous pent house.

"Nice to meet you Victoria. Feel free to shower and freshen up, I'll have Alfred bring you some new clothes." He sauntered off calling for Alfred giving me a view of his jean clad tight ass as he left. I closed the bathroom door behind me and locked it, resting my head against the cool wood.

Don't think about it, you've already got three smoking hot men back at your apartment waiting for you. I stripped out of my sweaty, bloody clothes and started the giant shower. It was a divine feeling as the four shower heads sprayed me clean and I was sure to have used all the hot water. I slipped out and wrapped a giant white fluffy towel around my body. A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, I opened it a crack and Alfred's smiling face.

"I think these are about your size miss. If you need anything else don't hesitate to let me know." He handed me a pile of clothes and left. I shut the door again and went through the clothes handed to me. A pair of black sweat pants, a black t-shirt with yellow stripes up the sides, black thong and bra. My eye twitched as I saw that everything was in my size. How the hell can everyone figure out my size? Did the batman feel me up or something? I changed into the clothes and picked up my wet towel and dirty clothes. I stepped out of the bathroom and padded barefoot across the lush carpeting.

"Um Alfred?" He appeared from behind a corner making me jump.

"Yes miss can I get you anything." He took the towel from my hands and my dirty clothes. "Don't worry I'll take care of these, Master Wayne is in the living room waiting for you."

"Thank you Alfred." I took a breath to calm my nerves and headed into the giant living room and to the fluffy couch once again. I sat on the far end hoping to keep my distance, but Bruce just slid down until he was sitting next to me anyways.

"So Batman tells me that you have a hit placed on you probably from one of the mob bosses." He laid his arm over the back of the couch inching closer to me.

"Is that why they sent dogs after me? I honestly don't know who I could have ticked off." Why was he getting so close?

"Don't worry though; Batman usually swings by here so it's pretty much the safest place to be in the city." He gave me a devilishly charming smile.

"I really am thankful to both Batman and you but I'd really like to go home. I've been through a lot today." I tried to give him a pleading gaze but he just ignored it and wrapped his arm around me.

"I'll have Alfred drop you off tomorrow, tonight we'll have dinner and you can tell me all about your brush with Batman." I was sure he was smelling my hair when Alfred came around the corner to save me.

"Master Bruce, you have a phone call. I believe its Mr. Fox from your office."

"Oh thank you Alfred." He slid away from me and stood up. "This might take a bit so just relax and I'll be back soon." He strutted out of the room and walked away with Alfred. I thought it might look suspicious if I snuck out and looked around as I waited for his return. The only thing I had to even attempt to save myself was my house key and I didn't want to break it. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew I woke up cuddled against Bruce on the couch. He had his arm around me and the other was holding a cup of coffee.

"Oh sorry Bruce you could have just pushed me off." I quickly sat up and tried to pull out of his embrace.

"Oh I didn't mind it." He flashed another cheeky grin before taking a sip of his coffee. This man must be used to having women swoon at his feet.

"Dinner is ready Master Bruce. I've set up a simple dining plan for the lady." Alfred was gone just as quickly as he appeared. Bruce set his coffee down and without asking just picked me up and carried me bridal style to the dining area.

"I hope you don't mind, I had Alfred pick out something from my wine collection." He set me down on a plush dining chair and pushed me up against the table. The room was dim, only two white candles emitting light, and the table was filled with what looked like a thanksgiving dinner.

"This is a simple dinner?" I paled thinking about how much food was set before me. How much did this man eat just by himself?

"Maybe I had Alfred spice it up a little." He smirked and poured some wine into my glass before filling his own. "I hope you like it; I tried to pick something mild."

"Thank you." I was nervous but he surprisingly ate in silence only glancing over to see if my glass needed refilling. All too soon the dinner was over and we were back in the living room.

"So tell me a little about yourself." I was once again wrapped in Bruce's arm and wanting to pull away. Every time I tried he would just pull me closer.

"Well I was a housekeeper at Arkham Asylum before everything went crazy. I'm sure my job will still be there once it's back in operation."

"You work at Arkham?" He lifted an eyebrow. "You must really enjoy danger. I hear that only a handful of women will even work there."

"Yep and I was one of them." I wanted to go home and get away from his sexy brown eyes.

"So how did you get away once the Joker set everyone free?" His face was inches from my own. How did I not see him get this close?

"I'm a good runner." I replied dryly as he lifted my chin with his free hand.

"I'm glad for that. From what I hear if you weren't you wouldn't be here right now." Damn him for looking so sincere. I would feel a lot safer strutting around naked in front of the Joker right now.

"Yea thanks to Batman I managed to survive." Right after muttering that phrase Bruce leapt on me and began kissing me slowly. I froze and he tried to pull me under him. I did the only thing I could think off and bit his lip as hard as I could. He pulled back shocked holding his bleeding lip.

"Either you like it rough or I've had too much to drink." He must have decided on the first option and pounced back on me.

"Master Bruce you have a phone call." Saved by the Alfred.

"Send it to my voice mail." He had his hands up my shirt and I was about to kick him where he wouldn't like it.

"Sir this call you don't want to miss." Alfred coughed politely and pointed out the window. In an instant Bruce was gone and I took a shaky breath.

"Anywhere I can hide from him Alfred?" I sat up and peeked over the couch at him.

"Of course miss. Please follow me." He led me to a room off the side and handed me a key. "Only key to this room miss, I'll tell Master Bruce that you have a headache."

"Thank you Alfred. I'll see you in the morning."

"Of course miss. Would you like breakfast or just an early cab?"

"Cab please, the earlier the better." He nodded and walked off. I locked the door and curled up in the bed. Silk sheets, he really likes to throw around his money. I wanted to stay up and make sure that Bruce didn't try to sneak into the bed with me but instead I passed out in under five minutes.

"Morning Miss your cab is here." Alfred's voice woke me up and I jumped out of bed and opened the door.

"Thank you Alfred." I handed him the key to the room and he led me to the elevator.

"Don't worry about payment miss its been taken care of." He gave me a friendly smile before the doors closed and I sighed in relief. I briefly wondered where my other clothes were but jumped in the cab and had him speed off anyways.

Sunday 7 AM

I was expecting my apartment to be empty when I opened the door. Instead all three men were sitting on the airbed glaring at me. I meekly shut the door behind me and went to limp away.

"You're not going anywhere until you start explaining, now." Joker looked livid and I swear his eyes were burning holes in me.

"Yes we've been up all night waiting for you." Edward's voice was cold even though he was pouting.

"We were about to burn the city down looking for you." Scarecrows voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Someone sent attack dogs after me while I was out on a run. I got hurt but was saved by the Batman. I was then kidnapped by said Batman, driven all over town, tossed about while he swung from some buildings and then patched up by Bruce Wayne's butler. I never wanna see that man again." I kept my head low hoping that they would drop it.

"Who the butler or the Batman?" Edward asked.

"Bruce Wayne, the guy is a frigging pig." I had been absently hugging myself and rubbing my arms. All three men were silent and I peeked over to see that Joker was gone, Edward was red in the face and Jonathan was already up and storming over to me. I was expecting him to shake me and yell angry things but instead he just held me and rested his chin on my head.

"Scarecrow's got you now baby. He'll make everything okay." He mumbled into my hair as his arms rubbed my back softly.

"Hey what about me?" Edward was up in a flash and grabbed me from behind. I could feel both men giving each other a stare down but I was warm and toasty.

"Okay nobody move, it's so warm." I mumbled against Jonathan's chest. I just stood there in a Scarecrow and Riddler sandwich and felt safer then I ever did with the Batman.