South Park © Matt & Trey.

I wish I could've made this more sad, but writing sad stuff is hard LOL.

This was going to be the last chapter, but it was way too vague and unfinished, so I have one more chapter that will explain the "how" and then an epilogue.

Kenny's POV

After leaving the hospital, I dodge a falling tree only to get hit by a car minutes later. But clearly the Gods are on my side today, so I escape with just a few scratches and some road rash. No cracked skull today.

The man gets out of the car and frantically asks me if I'm all right.

I stand up, dusting off my jeans and stretching bruised limbs experimentally, "I'm fine!"

"I need to take you to a hospital –"

I shake my head. "Thanks, but that won't be necessary," I insist before walking off.

I shoot the guys a text asking them to meet me at Stark's Pond. I guess I'm starting to run out of time.

As I walk past the Broflovski residence, I take comfort in seeing a familiar head of hair. "Hey, man," I holler, watching him walk down the driveway.

Shit, I feel sick. He's going to cry. He often does, but this time it's so much worse because I won't be coming back. I won't be able to see him smile anymore when he sees me reappear. I won't be able to pretend to be annoyed that he forgot I didn't just run off somewhere, and that I died.

I really don't want the last time I see them to be sad.

"Hey," he grins, but it dims significantly once he notices the expression I must be wearing. "What's wrong…?" he asks slowly, and then, "Dude, is that blood? What the hell happened?"

I feel a lump in my throat that won't go away.

Don't cry, don't cry.

"Kenny…?" Kyle's voice cracks, "Why did you want us to meet you? Did something bad happen?"

"Things good with Stan?" I ask, disregarding his questions.

He nods slowly.

"I'm glad…" I say. "You, Stan, Wendy, Cartman… You'll all have each other now. Maybe you'll even get to know Craig and Tweek better. You all have your happy ending… even if I can't have mine."

"Why are you talking like that?" he asks. "Did things not go well with Craig?"

I force a smile, remembering what happened. "I wouldn't say that," I say, "It went as well as it could, and you know what? I don't regret any of it. I'm… happy it's this way."

"That's good…" Kyle tilts his head, frowning, "But you know, my mom used to say if it isn't a happy ending, then it just isn't the end yet."

"That's kind of nice… But to be honest, I don't know if it's true. Sometimes there are no happy endings in life."

"I know," his frown deepens, "Realistically speaking, everyone's story ends in death. Every ending is sad because death is sad."

"Yeah," I chuckle, "Though my life is filled with a lot more death than most people's."

He looks sympathetic.

We walk silently. I can't bring myself to say anything for many long minutes. I feel like if I try, I'll just choke on the words.

"Kyle," I finally say. My voice sounds weak, and I wish I could bring myself to sound stronger. I wish I could sound like I was okay, but the truth is… I'm not. I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die. I'm fucking nineteen years old. I want to stay here with everyone, but I won't tell them that part. I know it would only make them feel worse.

So, yeah, I'm scared. Fuck what I told Tweek. That doesn't work in situations like this. This isn't okay.

"Kenny, you're really scaring me," Kyle whispers.

"I'm scared too," I laugh.

He looks upset, so I decide I'll just get it over with.

"Kyle," I say his name for what feels like the tenth time in the past few minutes. "You know I love you, right?"

This is when he starts to cry.

"I know that, Kenny," he sobs.

"I'm sorry, Kyle… but I'm not going to be around anymore."

"What do you mean?"

I force yet another smile, but it probably looks completely miserable. "I'm gonna die real soon."

"But… you die all the time," he tentatively reasons.

"I know," I whisper, trying to sound stronger, "But this time… there's no one to bring my back."

Kyle's eyes widen as more tears escape, "No…"

I shrug, letting out a breath.

"What if you don't die, though?" Kyle asks sounding sadly hopeful.

"I don't think that's the case. I've been dodging death since my mum…" I trail off.

"Maybe… it is just a coincidence? You didn't die, right?"

"I don't think it was, Kyle," I say quietly.

"Kenny… Can't you stay with us until it does happen?"

I shake my head, "Whatever happens, it'll be brutal. If I can control it, I don't want you guys to have to see that. I don't want that to be the last memory you have of me. It won't be the way it used to. I won't wake up, forcing you all to forget it had ever happened. You won't forget this time, so… it's best this way. I want you to have the last memory of me be a good memory, one you can smile at."

I want to be able to control at least this much of my life. It may be selfish, but I need it to be this way.

"It's not fair…" Kyle whispers. "None of this is fair."

"No, it's not," I admit, "but no one ever said life was gonna be fair, right?"

Minutes later, we make our way to Stark's Pond. As soon as we arrive, I try to gladly take in the faces of Stan, Eric, and Craig.

"You all came," I say.

"What the fuck's going on?" Eric asks, staring at Kyle, who is puffy-eyed. "What's with the Jew?"

"This may be the last time I see you guys so put on your best faces," I say.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he raises an eyebrow.

"My mum is dead..."

"What?" Stan chokes as realization sets in. "No…"

I take a deep breath before I continue speaking. I force myself to look at them, to take in each one of their expressions.

"I've always asked myself questions I couldn't answer. What am I? What's my purpose? Why am I here?" I shrug, shoving my hands in my pockets. "Maybe this is why. Maybe I was just here to guide you guys, but you are all doing okay. I've fulfilled my purpose. I don't need to be here anymore. I mean… I'm young. I'm nineteen. I'm still a kid. Kids aren't supposed to die, but sometimes they do and that's life. I'll get over it and so will you."

Stan and Kyle are crying openly, and it's painful to see.

Eric looks angry, but I know it isn't me he's angry at. It's God, or Satan, or whoever the hell he thinks is to blame.

Craig looks sick and lost. His eyes are glassy, but he isn't usually the kind of guy to cry, even at the worst of times. I guess he did all his crying in the dark last night.

It's cold out here. It smells like wind and freedom in the sickest, most desperate sense of the word.

But I'm not free yet.

I've never been free, and I never will be as long as I'm here on earth.

So, hey. Maybe one good thing will come out of dying.

A strange sense of freedom.

It's snowing, not those soft and gentle snowflakes that are seen in all the Christmas movies, but these heavy, large clumps of white splattering onto the ground and piling up.

"You know," I start, "I think that by simply existing we have the ability to hurt other people, sometimes we do it without realizing to, or meaning to, but it happens none the less. We've all hurt people, and we've all been hurt. I think we should try not to think of the pain as something bad, maybe we should start thinking of it as a lesson or a learning experience. Don't hold grudges. Forgive others, but most importantly forgive yourself. Take a good look at each other; take a good look at yourselves… You should all feel proud. I know I am."

We spend the night talking. Well, I do most of the talking. I think I've said everything I wanted to say. I got everything off my chest.

I try to enjoy my time with them, though I can't help feeling afraid at the same time.

I told Craig I loved him again, and he kissed me one last time; however it was different than those other times. This time, I felt something. Maybe it was love, not in the romantic way, but in the purest sense of the word. Just love, simple as that.

I feel it from everyone.

Love, in the purest and simplest sense of the word.

I never realized it before, but I really am loved.

It's nice… It's nice to know that some of what I feel for them is returned.

And maybe this is what really ties my life together. Maybe I've found what I've been looking for. Maybe now it won't be just another sad ending. Maybe Kyle's mom was right.

The night finally comes to an end. "I'll see you guys tomorrow," I say, but we all know that isn't true, I have to face this. I can't keep pretending. So, with a little laugh, I lift my head up high. "Well, probably not," I admit, and with the best smile I can muster, I whisper, "Goodbye, you guys."

Then I turn away, but before I do I swear I see them smiling back at me.

When I am back home, I spare my dad one last glance, and he looks almost… sad. I turn away, retreat to my room and curl up in my bed, shutting my eyes.

Lying here, alone on my mattress, I welcome death one last time. I feel sad, but not as sad as I thought I'd feel. I think about everything I'm leaving behind and I think about my friends, who I will meet again one day, but for now –

Our summer together has ended.

I am free.