Housekeeping

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Thinking

Alternate Personality Speaking

Speaking

Chapter 15: I will not date the Batman

Sunday 2 PM

I don't remember falling asleep between Jonathan and Edward. I woke up on the airbed and both of them were gone. My clothing had been changed and I was now wearing a green t-shirt and blue Capri pants. My shirt had a big black question mark on it and the pants had little scarecrows doodled on them. It seemed that they couldn't agree who should dress me. The other clothes were probably burned by now. I got up and made sure that the boys were gone before raiding the fridge for some ice cream. Totally not sharing it.

I plopped down on my couch and was just about to take a big bite of the mint chocolaty goodness when I heard rustling of cloth and felt a breeze. I looked over and found one of my windows open. My good mood was about to be shot to hell I just knew it.

"I'm glad you made it home safe." A raspy voice came from behind me. I jumped up and spun around throwing my spoon of ice cream at the Batman.

"You scared the hell out of me!" I yelled at him and he just stared at the black and green goop of ice cream drip down the front of his outfit.

"This would be a first. I came to make sure that you were safe." He looked back up at me and seemed to study me for a moment.

"I'm fine now please leave I'm still upset about all the grappling you did last time you saved me." I really hoped none of the guys would come home. I did not want to explain this off. I would probably end up in jail or worse yet Arkham itself.

"Would you like to go to dinner?" He adjusted his utility belt and started to walk around my couch.

"No." Simple answer I thought it would make him leave. But noooo, it just made him ask again.

"I would like to help keep a closer tab on you until this mob hit is taken care of." He was too close.

"Sorry but I have plans for the next six or seven years." I backed up into my coffee table and nearly fell on my ass. I was clutching the tub of ice cream to my chest so hard I could feel it melting.

"I take it you have some house guests? This is a one bedroom flat so I don't think it would be a room mate." He pointed at the bed. I started freaking out.

"Ok I'll go to dinner with you. When should I meet you and where." I was sweating bullets and praying that no one came home.

"How about now?" He grabbed me and next thing I knew we were jumping out of my window and grappling from building to building. I was screaming and hoping he wouldn't drop me.

Sunday 7 PM

I walked back into my apartment feeling like hell. My clothes were disheveled from all the grappling and my throat was sore from screaming for him not to drop me. My hair was a mess and all in all I was in a very crappy mood. I slammed the door and limped towards the bathroom, I wanted to soak and poke at the wound on my leg. Before I could get more then three steps I was tackled from behind and tossed onto the air bed. I looked up to meet three sets of angry eyes yet again.

"And where the hell have you been?" Joker licked his lips, his tongue lingering on his scars.

"You scared us half to death." Edward was at my side in an instant trying to fix my hair.

"We're about to chain you to the bed." Jonathan sat down next to me, Scarecrow dominant in his mind.

"I got kidnapped by the Batman again." Edward's hands froze in my hair and Jonathan grabbed my arm pulling me to face him.

"Say that again." His voice was dripping venom.

"Batman broke in, kidnapped me and forced me to have dinner with him. Then to top it all off he decided that it would be romantic to grapple to the tallest building and try to make out with me." I was shaking and wanting to punch something. Pain shot through my jaw as a gloved hand grabbed my chin and spun my head to face the Jokers blazing eyes.

"Getting cozy with the Batman?" He was holding my jaw so tightly I could feel it bruise.

"None of you guys were here to save me. It's hard to say no when he just throws you over his shoulder and does whatever the hell he wants." I bit Jokers hand so hard he pulled it back and rubbed it.

"And how does the Batman know where you live?" Edward pulled my face towards his. His green eyes sparkling with an unearthly light.

"You're guess is as good as mine. Can we move please?" My voice was breaking and his eyes softened. I expected him to hold me but instead he just pushed me into Jonathan's arms and flung himself off the bed.

"No one kidnaps my baby twice under my watch." He was dressed in his question mark suit and carrying his cane in mere moments. "V baby daddy's going to kill the batman for you." He huffed and stormed out of my apartment muttering about bombs and torture.

"Well it seems a change of scenery is required." Joker was stroking his chin. "I guess I'll go make some arrangements. Crow watch Mrs. J for me. It'll give me something to stab if she's kidnapped by the Batman again." He practically spat as he walked over then jumped from my window.

I looked up at Jonathan from my position on his chest. "Are you gonna leave me alone too?" My voice was sad and I wanted to take that bath so desperately right now.

"Now why would I go and do that? We've got the place to ourselves and I saw you limping. Show me where it hurts or I'll find it myself." He pushed me down onto the bed and trapped me with his gaze. He leaned down and his lips were inches from my own.

"I got cut yesterday, my left leg just above my knee." I wanted to lean up and kiss him but he slid down my body and roughly began pulling my pants off. I squeaked in protest but he grabbed my leg and began inspecting the stitched wound.

"It's stitched well but you've broken it back open." He leaned down and ran his tongue over my wound. I jumped under him but he pinned me down and softly nipped at it before sliding up to face me. "We'll just have to fix that up won't we?" He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. He set me on the counter and rummaged through my medicine cabinet. He found a pair of small scissors and began removing my stitches. When he finished he got on his knees and inspected the wound again.

"How bad does it look?" I was breathless and he kissed up my leg from foot to knee before stopping and pulling my small sewing kit from the drawer under the sink.

"It's fixable but you won't like it." Crane was back out and he nipped at my knee.

"Just fix me up doc. I really wanna take a bath after this." His eyes shot up to me and I saw an impish look to them.

"Oh I'll fix you up don't worry." He distracted me with a nip to my inner thigh and I never noticed that he'd threaded a needle until he stabbed it into my flesh to begin knitting it back together.

"Fuck Jonathan." I grabbed the counter top white knuckled with pain.

"Promises. Promises." He quickly finished and pulled back to make sure the thread would hold. "It's not my best work but it'll have to do."

I was dizzy from the white hot pain of the needle through my skin I nearly jumped out of my body when I was dumped into a hot tub. The water burned but didn't have any bath salts or soap in it. "I can bathe myself." I looked up at him but he had stripped down to his boxers.

"Don't tempt me V." He forced himself into the tub behind me, his legs sticking up on either side of my own. He didn't strip me down just pulled me back against him. "If anything happened to you this city would die. I don't think any of us would be able to stop while we were still living." He draped an arm across my chest and pulled me close.

"Jonathan?" My voice was quiet and I could feel his stitches through the back of my wet shirt.

"No words V. Scarecrow is going crazy and I just want to make sure nothing happens. We thought that the mob had you, its almost worse knowing that Batman did." He dug his fingers into my chest holding the fabric of the shirt tightly.

"How did he find me?" I wrapped my arm around his and held it tighter to my body.

"He's the Batman." No explanation needed.

"I was afraid he was going to find and hurt you all." I slid around until I could bury my face in his chest. "I threw ice cream at him. It was very ineffective I don't think I'd be able to stop him if he shows up again with you all here."

"Don't worry we'll all protect you from him." He was stroking my hair now.

"Promise?" I looked up into his icy blue eyes.

"We promise." This time our lips met and I held him close. His hands went to my ass and I pulled him closer. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and battled mine. We were kissing so wildly that water was splashing out of the tub and he had my shirt off in moments.

"Well isn't this just the picture I wanted to come home to see." Edward quickly lunged forward and pulled me out of the tub, and Jonathan's arms. I was in nothing but my wet bra and panties when he sat on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. "We should have some time now to plan our escape." His lips were on my ear nibbling softly. "Batman should be running all over the city trying to solve my riddles."

"We're going to kill you Eddie. Never take our woman again." Scarecrow stormed out of the bathroom his wet boxers dripping onto the wood flooring. I was soon in a tug of war match with Crow and Edward. They each had one of my legs on their laps and were pulling me by my shoulders. I was being pulled one way and then the other like a piece of meat between two dogs.

"Oh my I think I'll take a seat in the middle." Joker waltzed in licking his lips and eyeing the scene before him. "Now don't break Mrs. J before I get a chance to jump in there."

"Back off clown boy." Crow had won the tug match by punching Edward while he was distracted. I was pulled into his wet lap and I wrapped my arms around him, I would be so sore tomorrow.

"And once again the clown messes with my beautiful plan." Edward hissed.

"Oh shut up both of you. I've got us a place to stay and we should move quickly. Batman won't be distracted forever." He looked me up and down. "I should be the one to carry my beautiful bride over the threshold though, tradition I believe."

"There's no way in hell I will let you do that Joker." Edward was clutching his can in his hands and looking especially vicious.

"She's ours. We carry her." Crow hissed smashing my face to his chest.

"Sorry boys but the man with the bomb gets it." He opened his coat to reveal several grenades fixed together. He held the string and tugged on it lightly. Edward paled and Crow loosened his grip. Apparently Joker won this time.

"Can I at least get dressed first?" I whined against Crow's chest.

"Oh you look just fine. We'll come back for your stuff later. Put some pants on bird boy lets get down to business." Joker pried me from Crow's grip and carried me bridal style out of my own apartment. I sent pleading looks to Edward and Jonathan but they just sat there white knuckle clutching the arms of my couch looking on with murderous eyes.

"You'd better not drop me." Joker smelled like gasoline and anarchy. I really hoped no one saw me being carted around by him. Especially in my state of dress.

Sunday 11:53 PM

"And this is our new humble abode." Joker carried me from the van we were riding in. I saw an abandoned warehouse looming in front of me. There were men wearing clown masks walking around the building holding guns and other various weapons. "I've got a better security system then the old place too." He kicked open the door to the warehouse and marched inside.

It was set up like a house. He pranced around the building showing me where everything was. There were only three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room and a room where he was setting up a place to 'work out'. It looked as if someone had been living there the fridge was stocked, the beds were made and there was a comfy couch sitting in front of a large screen TV in the living room.

"I've already got my room set up the boys can decorate theirs at will." He sat down on the couch and held me in his lap. A gloved hand started trailing up and down my wounded leg.

"And where am I going to sleep? There are only three rooms and three beds." I looked up at him wishing I was fully clothed. I felt like he had almost made up a plan and I didn't like where it was going.

"Why with me of course. Can't let my future wifey sleep around with the common rabble can I?" He licked his lips and grabbed my knee hard, almost busting the stitches in the process.

"Ah finally a room to call my own. I call middle!" Edward's voice rang out and I could hear him giggle with joy.

"We want our baby now Joker. You blow her up and you will taste fear." Crow hissed as he walked past the couch to claim his own room.

"Sorry doll face don't get too comfy. Papa J needs to go keep the Batman off our trail." He dumped me off his lap and stood up adjusting his coat in the process. "I'll send some men to collect your things. Just try not to get too excited without me." He laughed and walked off leaving me red faced and with the extreme urge to punch his face paint right off.