Waking in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy…

Through a plate glass window of a small tea shop, saucers clinked and dull chatter could be heard. On the other side, a dirt road with mothers, fathers, women, children, and pets, houses and shops lining the brown road. Light-colored eyes stared through the flimsy barrier while a manicured hand reached for a small teacup, turning it twice before raising it to lips painted with a gloss that shined in the light of the day.

It was an average weekday. Ino had taken time off at her parent's shop and invited Sakura to chat for old time's sake. Sakura agreed, Tsunade having extended her vacation and having nothing better to do, but when the time came and when they had gotten seated, an awkward silence stood between them and both had no idea how to break it.

'So this is it,' Ino thought to herself as she set her tea cup on the tabletop. She turned to the girl before her, but corrected herself. She wasn't a girl anymore, in more ways than one.

"How have you been?" the sapphire-eyed girl asked tentatively.

"Alright. A bit bored seeing how I have no work to do," she replied blandly before sipping her tea.

Ino chuckled. "I see."

She could also see that Sakura was starting to get past this. She was going out more. She saw her at the grocer's with a kind smile on her face as she shopped. She also saw that Sakura was getting into the habit of wearing dresses like the one she was wearing today. It was a fitted white dress with a pink sash around the waist. It was nice on her.

'Then again,' Ino reasoned, 'with no missions, she can afford to dress up a bit.'

She looked down at her own clothing, a purple T-shirt with white Capri pants that didn't look too bad on her before she looked up to see that Sakura had turned to the window once more, a bouquet of pink roses in the seat beside her—a belated birthday present. Ino fidgeted in her seat.

"My…my family offers their apologies, my parents especially," she said softly, her head bowed as she forced the hands she folded neatly in her lap to not wring themselves.

"It's alright, Ino-chan," Sakura comforted.

"No, it's not alright. You were raped—by my uncle—an uncle I didn't know even existed until recently and am ashamed to be related to," she admitted, gaze turned to the side. She couldn't bear to look her in the eye.

"Ino, you wouldn't have been able to do anything," Sakura reasoned. She turned to the window with a wistful gaze that even she didn't know she had. "I certainly couldn't."

Ino was about to protest but held her tongue. She was right. Even if those techniques came from her family, there was no way she'd be able to stand up to an S-class nin if Sakura couldn't even do anything. She bit her lip and looked up shyly. "What…what was it like?" she asked.

If Sakura was surprised, she didn't show it. They both knew Ino had not meant for the question to sound like it did. She was just curious. It was probably the same with all the other women offering their condolences. Underneath all those attempts to be empathetic was a faint curiosity. Ino was just the first one who had the guts to ask.

"It…I can't really describe it," Sakura answered. "It's one of those things where it just happens and you can't really help it, but I remember things. I remember feeling so afraid, like my heart was trying to claw its way up my throat to get out. It felt hot afterwards because I was fighting so much and then…I remember it being very…cold," Sakura said, brows knitting in concentration as she tried her best to explain it to her friend. She hadn't told her everything, partly because it was so hard to explain. Like explaining color to the blind, but also because Ino wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Honestly, how could Sakura tell her that when he raped her, it felt like she had been set on fire? Everything hurt, everything ached, especially between her legs and she felt so helpless. For the first time in her life, she felt utterly and completely helpless. And how was she supposed to tell Ino that after he finished, she felt utterly defeated and the world seemed a bit colder and a bit darker than before. That it felt like he ripped out any remaining innocence she had in her heart. That she couldn't sleep for the first few weeks because all she saw was him and it was in her dreams that she would relive it all, like she was in a movie acting out the same scene over and over again. She couldn't tell Ino. As cliché as it sounded, she wouldn't wish this fate on anyone.

Ino nodded at the answer. She wasn't stupid. She might be brash and callous, but she wasn't stupid. She knew Sakura wasn't telling her things, but after what she went through, Ino didn't blame her. Some things were best left alone.

"How you holding up, forehead?" Ino asked softly, a comforting smile on her lips as she rubbed Sakura's shoulder. The pink-haired girl smiled a bit in return.

"I'm fine. Naruto checks up on me now and then and Sasuke won't let me out of his sight. I know they just want to make sure I'm alright, but it gets a bit annoying. Sometimes I wonder if Hinata thinks me and Naruto are having an affair because he spends so much time with me," Sakura joked. Ino chuckled as well.

"I doubt it. Naruto's relentless when it comes to Hinata. I think when she finally gets pregnant that Naruto isn't going to let her walk anymore for fear of the baby and for her hurting herself."

Sakura chuckled. "I can see that happening."

Ino smiled at Sakura's laugh. She had a nice laugh. It was nice to hear her laugh again. Laughing felt good at this moment, but she felt something gnaw at her from the inside. She had heard things. Many things in the past few weeks. Most of them, awful, but there was something she had heard yesterday and she wanted to know if it was true. Not to fuel her gossiping tendencies, but to settle the unsure feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I heard you were in the hospital with Kakashi. Did he do something to you again?"

Sakura seemed stunned at the implication because her next words were, "What do you mean?"

"You were in the hospital. Did he hurt you again? Because if he did, you should tell me and-"

"Ino, he didn't do anything to me. I told him to meet me in the hospital because I wanted to talk," Sakura stated.

"WHAT?"

"That was the same reaction Tsunade had the first time I told her," Sakura mused, a small smile playing on her lips.

"You…told him to meet you at the hospital? Why?" Ino asked, whole-heartedly confused.

Sakura smiled sadly. "If I'm ever going to get past this, we're going to have to talk."

The answer stunned Ino. The old Sakura would have denied the situation until someone else confronted her about it, but this wasn't the old Sakura. The old Sakura died with her last vestige of innocence. Instead, this Sakura handled things maturely. Too maturely. Was this how rape changed a person?

"What did you talk about?" Ino asked out of curiosity.

"Mostly what we're talking about. How things have been for the both of us and things like that."

"Oh."

Sakura sipped her tea and feeling a bit hungry, nibbled a bit of one of the sweets on her plate.

"How was he?" Ino asked suddenly.

Sakura blinked. "Who?"

"Kakashi. How was he when you saw him?"

Sakura's face fell slightly and the air around her seemed to become denser. "He…he's gained some weight since I met him, so he's eating again. He's still a bit pale and he looks tired. He…I told him I forgave him yesterday, but I don't think he'll stop blaming himself. It wasn't his fault, but he won't stop blaming himself. I'm a bit worried," she ended solemnly.

Ino mulled over her words and popped a sweet confection into her mouth before speaking. "Well, I don't blame him."

Sakura's eyes widened, but before she could protest, Ino held up a hand to quiet her friend. "Let me finish, forehead. Think about it for a minute. You two are in the same boat. You couldn't have thought that you were the only one traumatized by this incident, did you?"

"I know, Ino, but-"

"But nothing. Sakura, he raped you. You know it, he knows it, the entire village knows it, but like the village, he still thinks it's his fault. Honestly, what would you do if you were in his shoes? You were just taken over by an enemy nin who used your body to rape your former student and friend. He feels guilty, Sakura. He feels he disappointed you by not being able to protect you—especially since it was him that did it."

"But it wasn't him, it was-"

"My uncle. I know, Sakura; I know, but think of it this way. No matter what people say and how much we know is true, the truth remains that it was his body that did it. It was Kakashi's body and he has to live with that body for the rest of his life. I know your body got violated just as much as him, but you didn't get your mind violated as well. Since everything happened inside him, he believes that since it was happening inside him, he could've prevented it. But he failed and he blames himself for what happened."

Sakura bit her lip. "I…What do I do then?"

Ino shrugged. Just because she had a profound moment, didn't mean she could figure out all of life's mysteries.

"I don't know, forehead. I don't know."

Rain poured heavily from the sky above. It was wet, the smell of the forest and the grass beginning to leak into the air. Droplets of water rolled down the smooth faces of the cenotaph, dipping into the engraved names on the black stone before sliding down to mix with the grass. Each drop that went into the names made it seem like nature was trying to crudely trace the names of the fallen warriors. And in the sheets of rain that fell, cold water mixed with the lingering warmth etched into a name.

"Hi Obito," Kakashi greeted at last. It was roughly two in the afternoon, or at least, that's what he thought the last time he looked up at the sun. That was before the rain had appeared, so he couldn't tell what time it was now that the sun was gone. He had been here since dawn and it was only until now that he had gathered the ability to speak, spending the past few hours trying to figure out what to say, how to start—that sort of thing.

Talking was never his forte.

"Well, if you haven't heard from the others visiting this place, I raped my student. I just wanted you to hear it from me."

The rain swelled and he heard lighting crack in the distance. In the back of his mind, he wondered how a clear morning had turned into such a torrential storm.

"I…We were on a mission together," he began, feeling awkward. This was the first time he had been here after he raped Sakura. He was wary, unsure if he was worthy of being before his friend after doing such a thing. He came here after a fitful night of sleep. He was having nightmares, awful things that his guilty conscience concocted for him to suffer like she did. But when he appeared at the cenotaph, all the things he wanted to confide and tell Obito seemed to disappear from his tongue. What exactly would he tell him?

And finally, after hours of struggling to find the words and the blind courage he had earlier, he managed to say hello and things just seemed to tumble from there.

"We were getting a scroll back and I was fighting a missing-nin—Inoichi's brother. Did you know he had a brother?" he asked before dismissing the question with a wave of his hand. He was getting off-topic.

"Anyway, I was fighting him and…and…Kami, I let my guard down," he said, his voice mixed with sadness, bitterness, and regret at the memory.

"He took over my body. The damn bastard took over my body," he said with an empty chuckle. "He took over my body and raped her as I watched—you were there. You, Rin, my father. You were all there, telling me to just let go and I almost did. It would've been so easy to just give up and give in, but I couldn't. I vowed to protect her and I failed. I failed her miserably, Obito."

The rain let up slightly and a wind blew across his face. He continued.

"I managed to break the jutsu. I got him out of my body and killed him, but the bastard—that damn bastard just kept looking at me. He was just looking at me with that smug look on his face asking me if I liked it, and I looked at her and she…she…the look in her eyes…She looked at me with so much disappointment and I…I had a dream about her. Last night, I had a dream…"

Kakashi lazed in the branch of a tree, a volume of Icha Icha in hand as he listened to the sound of birds chirping. He closed his eyes, smiling at the calm that reached him in the treetops, but felt something nag at him, like he forgot to do something. Something…important.

"Kakashi!"

He furrowed his brows. Someone was calling him.

"Kakashi!"

They were closer. He opened an eye and peered over the side over the branch. "Sakura?"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura smiled as she looked up at him. She was wearing a white sundress and white sandals. She looked beautiful.

Kakashi jumped down from the tree, landing softly in front of her. "What's the occasion?" he asked, his hands in his pockets as he stood lazily before her. She simply giggled.

"Can't I just see my favorite hentai-reading sensei?"

"Of course you can," he replied with his trademark smile before falling into step with her as they walked around the village. They talked. Small things like weather and Naruto's latest mishap or about missions when he suddenly found them at the memorial stone. Sakura turned to him.

"You know you're my best friend, right, Kakashi-sensei?" she asked, hands held behind her back as she rocked herself on her heels.

"I thought Ino was your best friend," he replied in slight surprise. She smiled.

"She is, but I can trust you more. Ino is good for girl stuff, but I can trust you with anything." She turned to face him, eyes full of childish innocence. "Kakashi?"

"Yes?" he asked, turning to face her.

"If something were to happen to me, you'd protect me, right?"

Kakashi looked at her with worry. Why was she saying these things?

"Is something wrong, Sakura? Is someone after you?"

She shook her head. "Iie. I'm just asking." She turned to face him once more. "So would you?"

Kakashi stared at her for a moment, shocked that she trusted him so completely that she'd leave her life in his hands. He was touched.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he smiled at her warmly.

"Yes, Sakura-chan. I would."

.

.

.

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi looked up from the tree branch he sat upon, looking at the scene in bewilderment. The same tree, the same branch, the same view; he was here before.

He leapt down, landing with a soft thud as he looked at his former student. Naruto was panting heavily, gasping for air with his shoulders hunched as sweat fell from his brow. Kakashi looked at him with worry. "Naruto, what happened?"

"Tsunade—Tsunade-baa-chan—She—it—"

"It's what, Naruto?"

"It's Sakura!"

Mismatched eyes widened in horror and he felt his heart sink. 'Something happened to her?' he thought with alarm as he bounded into the treetops, Naruto's shouting fading into the distance as his heart hammered violently against his ribcage. What happened? Was she hurt? Is she okay?

It wasn't long until he found himself at the hospital, but it was strange. He wasn't in the ICU, but in the morgue. For some reason, his feet had carried him to the morgue first as if his body knew something he didn't.

He stepped inside, past the heavy metal doors and into the dark room, lit only by a single over-hanging light. The smell of blood reached his nose, but he was used to it by now. He was used to death.

He stepped further into the room, mindful of the autopsy instruments in the silver tray that lay atop the small rolling table. There was no one around, just the body on the examination table, a bloodied white sheet draped over the body. He looked around and found it strange that this was the only body here, but shrugged the thought aside. His hands moved towards the sheet and he did nothing to stop them. He couldn't, really—only watch with morbid fascination as they gripped the sheet and pulled it over the head, gripping them tighter as the color drained from his face and he recognized the person on the table.

He felt her name bubble over his throat, but didn't let it out to ask if it was really her—he knew there would be no point. She was dead.

A gloved hand gripped the edge of the metal table as he let go of the cloth. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were peaceably shut. If it wasn't for the blue tint of her skin, he'd have thought she was sleeping.

He reached down just to brush away a stray strand of hair that lay at the corner of her lip, but as soon as his fingers brushed her chilled skin, a voice sounded softly.

"How could you?"

Kakashi turned, startled and looked up as his hand hovered over her body. It was Tsunade. She wore a dark coat in place of her usual green one and her face was sober—startlingly so, but her words buzzed by his ear.

"What do you mean?" he asked in a hushed tone. She simply repeated her words.

"How could you?"

Kakashi turned his head to see Naruto. Sasuke was with him also. The Kyuubi container had his lips curled in a snarl, the whiskers on his cheeks widening as his eyes dyed red and the chakra from the demon inside him threaded into the air around the boy; the Uchiha heir merely stood stoically beside him, but his sharingan was revealed and spun slowly as his murderous intent mixed with Tsunade's sorrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Sensei…"

A cold hand gripped his and Kakashi turned in horror as Sakura sat up on the examination table, her hand still gripping his. "How could you?"

"Why is everyone saying that? What happened? What did I do?" he asked, a pleading note in his voice and she looked at him sadly, as if regretting his words.

"You don't remember, do you?" she asked, her hold on his hand tightening and he looked at her with confusion.

"Remember what?"

Suddenly, Sasuke, Naruto, Tsunade and the room faded into darkness and all that remained was the light, the examination table, and her, but even those eventually disappeared and the scenery was swallowed by the darkness as well.

.

.

.

Kakashi looked around. He couldn't see anything, not even his hand as he extended it before him. Just where was he? His feet began to pull him once more and he followed. It seemed his body was leading him somewhere and it wasn't long before he saw what it was.

'The village?' he asked himself as he took in their trademark architecture. The houses with their shingled roofs and the shop curtains billowing in a light breeze from the night air. Footsteps sounded behind him and he turned to see a figure walking towards him. They were dressed in white. Was it Kurenai? No, he saw a bare minimum of red, but what he did see was…pink.

'She's still alive. She didn't die yet. Maybe I got a second chance. I have to warn her!'

"Sakura!" he shouted, reaching for her wrist, but his hand grabbed air and she flipped her hair over her shoulder and passed through him without a second glance. He looked at himself, touching his arms and feeling his pulse to assure himself that he was still alive when he heard a slight rustling hidden beneath the sound of the wind. He looked up and saw a shadow appear behind her.

"Sakura!"

But it was no use. She could not hear him and he could only watch as the person grabbed her from behind. She struggled, but they twisted her arm painfully. Tears stung her eyes and her cry for help went unheard as they held a cloth over her mouth. Her screams were muffled and it wasn't long before she sank against her captor.

Chloroform.

The scene changed again and he found himself in front of a room. Moans and screams filtered through the wood to his ears and he reached for the doorknob, surprised that he felt it in his hand, but it could never compare to what he saw next.

Inside the room was a candle, smoke rose from the burnt wick as moonlight filtered through an open window. He could smell the faint scent of moisture and knew that where ever he was wasn't far from a body of water. Darkness shrouded the room, but in the moonlight, he could see the corner of a bed, pale blue sheets and limbs spilling off the mattress as grunts and the sound of flesh against flesh reached his ears and the smell of sex reached his nose.

'You like?'

Kakashi started at the inquisitive voice. He looked around, but found no one and let his gaze flit to the couple on the bed. 'I should go.'

'You're not staying?'

He turned sharply, arm half-raised as he hoped that he had at least hit whatever was talking to him. "Who are you?"

'I guess you aren't staying. Shame, really.'

"What are you talking about?" Kakashi asked aloud, turning his head to try and find the voice.

'You won't be able to find me, if that's what you're trying to do. Anyway, if you leave now, you'll miss the good part.'

He turned to look disdainfully upon the mating pair and the child of a sneer and a scowl crossed his face under his mask. "I don't think I'll be missing anything."

'Aren't teachers supposed to look at their students' work?' the voice remarked. 'You're horrible. You obviously aren't looking hard enough.'

Kakashi raised a brow skeptically.

'Go on, look,' the voice urged and Kakashi sighed to himself before focusing his eyes to the darkness and he could make out the barest details. The female had her arms at her sides, her knee down cast in the moonlight as her foot dangled off the foot of the bed at a diagonal angle, jolting with each thrust her partner made.

"I saw."

'No, you didn't. Here, let me help.' And Kakashi watched the moonlight shift over the bed as if time had sped up and the scene before him lay untouched. He adjusted his eyes to the sudden increase in lighting and felt his spine snap straight as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat to make room for words, but all that came out was a strangled "Sakura…?"

Haruno Sakura. Birthday March 28, age 20. Jounin medic ninja. Took apprenticeship under the current Hokage, Tsunade, at age fourteen. Approx. 167 centimeters tall with no next of kin, lay in the bed, eyes lifeless as she stared up at the ceiling, her body being used for the sick pleasure of the man above her. Kakashi turned away, hands balling into fists as he averted his gaze when the voice decided to make itself known.

'You're not having fun? Yeah, I'm not having fun either. She was more fun earlier. She was screaming and fighting and everything. He really liked it, but she got quiet after the fifth time and it's not so fun anymore.'

"Stop…Make it stop," he said screwing his eyes shut and biting his lower lip to stop it from trembling and the anguish in place of her from bubbling out, but a strangled cry managed to escape his lips and the voice turned venomous.

Fingers skated across his shoulder and he felt his chin jerked and his eyes opened to see a bare image of him. The same silver hair and mismatched eyes looked him in the face, but a rakish smile and sinister gleam in his eyes stared back at him.

"You poor misguided fool," he cooed, fingers tracing down his jaw line, "You really think she doesn't like this? That she wasn't enjoying this? She got wet really fast. She started moaning after a while. Her tears tasted good, but it didn't taste as good as it did down there. Even though she was crying, she really liked it. You seemed to, too."

Eyes that were clenched tight opened wide as he turned to face his visage. "What are you taking about?" he hissed.

The other him smiled with satisfaction, as if pleased he had managed to get under his skin, and spun his finger before pointing towards the bed. "See for yourself."

Slowly, he turned his head and the first features began to show themselves. A strong jaw line, aristocratic cheekbones, a straight nose, thin, but full lips, and a mop of silver hair that lay plastered to his skin.

Kakashi didn't want to look, but he couldn't stop himself. It was like someone had stepped into his skin and began controlling everything he did. He involuntarily shivered as memories of Isao reared their ugly head in the back of his mind and he watched the sick display before him.

It was like watching a movie. They couldn't see him or hear him, but he could see and hear everything they did, down to the finest detail. He could see the liquid that oozed from Sakura's opening as his phallus entered and exited her. He could see the sheen of sweat on her body and the flush of her cheeks under her empty gaze. He could make out the image of himself brace his weight on his forearms as he frantically searched for heaven in his hellish act and each vertebra that exposed itself from under his skin and how his jaw tensed with each thrust.

He was close, Kakashi could see it in how unfocused his eyes were and watched as he moved his arms.

'Just finish and leave,' he silently pleaded, desperately trying to turn away and he wished he did when he watched himself wrap his fingers around her throat. Her eyes widened in alarm and her arms tried to pry his hands from her windpipe, but his fingers were clamped firmly around it. In fact, he seemed amused by her feeble attempts; he could see it in his smirk and felt his veins bulge under the skin of his clenched fists.

He thrusted frantically, telling her how tight her body felt and how she should scream more as choking noises escaped her throat and her fingernails clawed at the back of his hand. He chuckled before cursing as he spilled himself inside of her and tears leaked from the corners of her eyes before they became dead once more.

Kakashi watched as he withdrew his hands from her throat and pulled out of her. She gasped, eyes shutting as she gulped for air. He knew she would have deep bruising, but she was still breathing and he let out a small sigh of relief, but even that was short-lived. His clone soon came back to the bed, a kunai in hand. He threw it lazily from one hand to another before kneeling on the bed and he watched as Sakura peered from under her eyelashes. Kakashi turned away for this.

The sound of blood splatter reached his ears and he could see the scene play out for him from behind his eyelids. He would smile at her, lazily tossing the weapon from hand to hand as he watched her regain her breath. Her chest would heave from getting air after being oxygen-deprived for so long. He'd kneel on the bed and just as she would look up to see what was going on, he'd slit her throat. Her lids would fly open and her hands would flail at her sides and reach for her neck as her blood would spurt like a gothic fountain, painting the walls in a sick ruby-red.

He chanced opening his eyes, the dying spurt of her carotid artery giving a last ditch effort to pump blood to her dying brain meeting his eyes as he watched the kunai scratch into her skin. Blood slid down the walls as he watched the kunai scratch over her stomach. He relayed the movements to his brain and he recognized it as the same motions he used for his signature. He was engraving his name into her flesh.

.

.

.

Kakashi wiped the blood of his kunai on the edge of the comforter, the moonlight bathing his naked form. He glanced up once at the bed and scowled slightly. "Sakura, don't look at me like that," he told the girl on the bed, her pupils dilated as she half-gazed at the ceiling, half-gazed at him, blood dripping from her stomach to stain the sheets beneath her.

Drip.

Drip.

He nodded and smirked as he held the kunai to the light, watching it gleam. Catching it deftly on his finger, he watched the metal object whirl before catching it in his hand and licking the broad plane of metal, catching a blood droplet he had missed on his tongue as he caught his audience's gaze.

"Did you enjoy it?"

Kakashi gagged, his body jerking forward slightly as he felt the bile rise in his throat. It seemed that compared to the sharingan's Tsukuyomi, his mind could provide the crueler torture.

Kakashi shook his head to clear his thoughts and stared at the stone. A shudder ran down his spine as he remembered those awful memories. It was horrible, he could feel his skin crawl on his body and it felt like every sensation of that dream was etched in his mind. He brushed a wet lock from his face and gazed forlornly at the cenotaph.

"I saw her. A few days ago, I saw her. She said she forgave me, but I've done so many awful things to her—and that voice in my head. That damn voice in my head won't leave me alone and it just won't stop talking! The pills—the medication—I shove it down my throat everyday and it seems to work, but it comes back at night. It comes back in my dreams and I can't sleep anymore and I can't stop the dreaming!"

A gust of wind blew across his face and he closed his eyes on a heavy sigh and rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm. "I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks, Obito. I don't think I can take it anymore..."

The cenotaph stared him in the face, the wind and rain hitting his eyes and cheeks, the dampness of the fabric slightly suffocating him. He traced a familiar name.

"What would you do, Obito? What would you do if you were in my place?"

And this was how Sakura found him, shivering slightly and soaked to bone with a look of utter despair on his face. Walking up to him slowly, flaring her chakra so he knew she was there, she stood so her umbrella sheltered both of them from the rain. She didn't know why, but that night, she took him home and warmed him up.

He never said a word.