Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the sexy men from Batman

This chappie is for all the Joker fans…don't worry riddle fans your shots coming up soon.

Thinking

Alternate Personality Speaking

Speaking

Chapter 18: Green with Envy

Friday 11:31 PM

Edward had chained me to his chair. Somehow after making out with me and describing the multitudes of puzzle babies we were supposed to have he chained me up. Apparently Batman had saved the day and cleared one of the twelve riddle rooms Edward had rigged up. I felt like a dog on a leash, the iron cuff securely around my ankle letting me get everywhere except the door. I thought he had snapped his red hair was standing on end as he bashed his hands against a helpless control panel.

"You must be cheating Batman! Are you looking up the answers on the internet?" He screamed into the microphone as Batman cleared yet another riddle and was growing ever closer to our location.

"Edward killing Batman isn't going to solve anything." I tried pleading with him. He turned to me and the glare he sent chilled me to the bone. I wanted to cry but if I did I would probably end up on his lap being stroked like some cat.

"Batman caused this problem, his death will solve it." He turned back to his television monitors and fiddled with some dials. I scanned from TV to TV hoping for some sign of Jonathan but I didn't see anything. I slipped the last remaining under wire from my bra and began fiddling with the chain around my ankle.

"Where is Crane? Edward you can't hurt him." I continued to fiddle with the cuff while Batman held his attention.

"Crane won't be found unless I want him to. If Batman manages to solve my riddles then I'll just take you and flee. There's a dress you need to try on and a nice chapel I have reserved." He flicked a few buttons setting off various traps to try and slow Batman down.

"If Crane dies I won't marry you." I nearly smiled as the cuff clicked open and I slipped my foot free. I crept out of the chair and to the door easing it open.

"Stop saying his name!" He slammed his hands down on the panel and looked over to the now empty chair. His gaze shot to mine as I flung open the door. "Take one step outside this room and I will personally make sure you can't walk for quite some time." He pushed himself away from the computer and took a step towards me. "V come to daddy now."

"Sorry Eddie, this bird's gotta fly." I launched myself out the door and started running down the hall as fast as I could. I could hear him burst out the door behind me but I just kept running as if those hell hounds were on my tail again. I had lost a lot of my stamina from being comatose but I could still run as if my life depended on it, it probably did. I would have made it to the end of the hall if a cane hadn't appeared under my feet and tripped me. My ankle shifted painfully as I went down and the air was forced from my lungs in a painful burst. Before I could get back onto my feet something heavy crashed into me and flipped me onto my back.

"Stop running. V I swear you won't run away from me again." His voice spewed venom and I thought he was going to hit me as one of his hands raised above his head.

"Please don't hit me E." I squeezed my eyes closed and braced myself but the pain never came. I opened my eyes to stare into a watery pair of green orbs. He was crying. His tears softly pattered against my face and neck as his lip quivered.

"V, oh my little puzzle queen." His hand softly stroked my cheek. "You don't know what its like. Every time I've tried to be there for you one of those other heathens grabbed you from me. I've been beaten, nearly drowned, abused and threatened within an inch of my life just because I love you." He was shaking, his hand making my vision quiver with the force of his actions. "I just wanted you to be Mrs. Nigma. Why did those other two have to butt into my romancing?"

"Eddie…" Before I could say another word his face was buried in my chest and I felt a strange pain. I was hurting from his pain. He was the only one of the creepy little trio who actually said that he loved me. I softly stroked his hair as he breathed into my shirt. I felt like a teddy bear that was being coddled by a mourning child.

"V. I never meant to hurt you." He looked up into my eyes and I nearly cried. There was so much pain in his gaze that I didn't know how one man could survive it. I was being torn in two different directions at once. I wanted to comfort Eddie but I wanted to be comforted by Jonathan at the same time. Hell I'd rather be tossed around by Joker then going through this right now.

"Edward, once Batman finishes your riddles he's going to lock you back up in Arkham. I don't want to see you hurt." I stroked his cheek and he closed his eyes, leaning into my hand. My life felt like it had been turned upside down and thrown into a blender. I couldn't break any of them out of Arkham and I'd probably be admitted myself if they found out about me.

"Victoria," He stroked my cheek and pulled me into a sitting position. "its time we left for greener pastures." I didn't understand what he meant but within moments I was assaulted by green smoke from his cane and my world blissfully slipped away from me.

Saturday sometime during the sunny bright time

I woke up on silk sheets on a giant green bed, rubbing my eyes I looked around to find myself in a green room covered in question marks. Sighing I moved to crawl out of bed hoping to find an exit when a cold breeze froze me in my tracks. My clothes were gone. In their place was a green lace baby doll top, a green thong and stockings. Blushing as red as my hair I roamed around the room looking for clothing. As I was digging around in a drawer the door swung open revealing Edward wearing a pair of green boxers and a green button up vest. His bowler hat was tipped sideways on his head and his cane was twirling in his hands. He looked a lot better then before; he had shaved and trimmed his hair. The dark rings under his eyes had lightened and he looked somewhat healthy.

"Looking for something?" His eyes grazed my body making me blush again. First he kidnaps me, then he chains me up, then I'm gassed, stripped and laid out on his bed.

"Some clothes would be nice." I looked over at him and slid the drawer shut using my hips.

"Oh you don't need clothes, daddy likes what he sees right now." He strutted over to me and grabbed me by my hips. "So I was thinking about those puzzle babies we were discussing earlier." He licked his lips.

"Oh and what about these non-existent children?" I tried to pry his hands off my hips but he just slid his cane behind me and used it to pull me closer.

"I'm thinking that we should start working on them now." He grinned lecherously at me.

"What happened to getting married first? I was sure you were pretty adamant about that." I tried to slip from his grip but he just pressed himself up against me and leaned down until he was nose to nose with me.

"Well I've had to rethink my priorities. I'd rather have you nice and knocked up before the wedding. Show the world that you're mine and baring the future geniuses of America." He pressed his lips to mine before I could say another word and I tried to push him away. He just chuckled and threw me towards the bed. I tried to get around him but before I knew it I was pinned down and he had my arms held above me in a show of dominance.

"Eddie stop this." I squirmed under him trying to ignore his body above mine. Before he could kiss me again the door was kicked down and my jaw nearly dropped seeing who stumbled in.

"Oh I agree lets stop this right now." Joker looked like hell. His suit was hanging off his body ripped in several places; his face was covered in blood and smears of white paint, his green hair hung limply against his scalp. I had never seen him look so damaged, ever.

"Why does everyone burst in when I'm about to have a romantic romp with my lady?" Edward nearly howled and jumped from the bed pointing his cane at Joker. "You left her! The day after she was hurt you ran off and abandoned her. I won't let you or anyone else take her from me again you clown!" He ran at Joker swinging his cane like a man possessed. Joker nimbly dodged him and pulled a gun from his coat.

"Hate using these little things but I'm in no way able to play fair right now." He shot Edward in the leg then smacked his head with his own cane, knocking him out.

"Oh god don't let him bleed to death!" Even though he was about to do horrible things to me I still cared for him in a twisted sort of way.

"Don't worry Mrs. J. He'll live, just a flesh wound. Now let's see about getting you out of this horrible green room and into mine." He smiled and his teeth were bloody. I slid off the bed and stomped over to him and quickly slapped him across the face.

"If you hadn't tried to rape me the last time we were together then none of this would have happened!" I wanted to find something heavy and beat him over the head with it.

"Now, now. Calm it down you're getting all emotional and womanly." He grabbed me and pulled me close. He smelled like gasoline and burnt wood. I beat against his chest with my hands until I felt like they were going to throb off my wrists. "There, there. Now calm down little woman. I had to save the damned straw boy to find you and we're going to leave before he gets here." He licked his lips leaving a trace of blood on his scars.

"Jonathan's alive?" My eyes rose to his burning brown gaze and I tried to look as excited as I felt.

"Well now I don't like that. Not one bit. I think it's time that Mr. J reminds you why you're his Mrs." He pulled me from the room and I squeaked as his hand gripped my arm with bruising force.

"Joker what are you doing?" I tried to keep up with his long strides as he nearly sprinted down the hallway.

"I'm looking for a closet. Ah here we are!" He flung open the nearest closet door and shoved me inside before following. "Now you know I'd never hurt my woman right?" I could almost feel the smirk on his face.

"Joker you're bound to do anything you damn well please. Let me go. Why are we even in the closet?" I tried to push past him as he clicked the dim bulb above us off.

"Well my dear, its time that I show the little wifey what she's been missing." He pushed me up against the wall of the closet and shoved his lips onto mine. I tried pushing him away but his hands were everywhere. He dropped the gun and the cane at our feet and was busy ripping the lacy underclothes off my frame. I tried clawing at him but just managed to rip his suit even more off his body.

"Joker you're insane stop!" I beat at his chest as he laughed at me.

"Oh you think I'm crazy. Well if you hadn't noticed I'm not much for romance. This is as good as it gets take it or leave it." He leaned down and actually ripped the baby doll top open with his teeth before running his tongue over my body. I grabbed his hair to try and pull him away but he started nipping at my hips making my skin shiver. "Oh I think she likes it." He laughed against my skin and licked his way back up to my mouth.

"This isn't funny Joker." Why do I have to be so attracted to bad men? Why not a nice banker or firefighter? I went to push against his chest again and felt bare skin. He was sliding his clothing off at an alarming pace and my hands found scar after scar knotting his flesh.

"Is there even any skin left or are you all scars?" I tried to distract him hoping to slip away. No such luck, he pinned me against the wall again with a leg between mine.

(Ok adults only beyond this line, rabid fan girls in front please)

"Oh no questions baby doll. Any more talking and things could get rough around here." I wanted to say something but he slid to his knees before I could speak and shoved my legs around his shoulders. He ripped the thong to the side and dove against me like a starving man eying a hot meal. His scars were hot against me and his tongue should be considered a lethal weapon. I tried to speak but my voice came out in a strangled squeak as stars seemed to appear before my eyes.

My legs had turned to jell-o and I was burning alive. He made me orgasm as if it were an Olympic sport. As I was panting to catch my breath he was on his feet and shoving his lips against mine again. I pulled him closer and shoved my tongue in his mouth feeling the scars for myself. His nails were digging into my hips drawing blood as he lifted me around his waist and ground against me.

"Oh little V daddy should save you more often." He moan against my lips before shoving himself to the hilt inside me. His body was radiating heat like a furnace and he pounded me as if it were his job. His lips and tongue were fighting mine never letting me catch my breath. It was like making love to chaos and anarchy at the same time. I could taste the blood, sweat and power behind him. He drove me over the edge again and again making lights explode behind my eyes over and over again. Just before he joined me in the spastic bliss he dug his teeth into my shoulder drawing blood and making me cry out. He then kissed me again making sure I could taste my own blood before quickening his pace and driving us both over the edge one last time. If he hadn't been holding me up I would have been in a quivering pool of orgasmic pudding at his feet.

(Ok it's over please grab a towel and head to the shower area to relax.)

"Remind me why we didn't done this sooner?" He hadn't moved in several moments and I knew he wasn't asleep, I think we were holding each other up.

"Because you seemed to be more apt to fleeing my advances then taking them like a good little girl." He sounded exhausted and we were sticking together from the sweat.

"And the biting?" My shoulder was burning from where he bit me, I could feel blood still trickling against my flesh.

"Oh that's to show all the little boys and girls that daddy's back. Can't let anyone start pawing at what's mine remember." He chuckled and slid my legs to the floor before pulling away. Without him against me I was suddenly freezing and I started feeling around for the discarded clothing at our feet.

"If we go by that logic I belong to all three of you." I found the thong and slid it on wincing at how raw I felt.

"Well if you look at it that way…" He trailed off and I felt his tongue on my shoulder again lapping at the blood. I pushed him away and he fell against the door, which had been opened letting in cold air and making me shiver.

"The hell?" I covered my chest with my hands and wanted to sink into the wall and hide. The afterglow was fading fast as I shamefully gazed into the icy blue orbs shooting balls of blazing fury at me.

"When we're done with you, you'll be in a wheelchair for a month. That's a promise." Jonathan shoved his coat at me before pulling the naked Joker out and slamming the door shut. I slipped into the coat and pulled it closed around me. I didn't like the noises coming from outside the closet and all too soon the voices were joined by a third.

"What the blazes? Why is Joker naked and where is my puzzle queen?" Everything went silent for a moment before I heard a loud explosion and what sounded like someone being beaten with a stick. "Well if Joker's going to fight naked then so shall I!"

"Why me?" I looked up at the ceiling as if god were glaring at me with a disapproving stare. "Why do all the crazy ones have to be hot?" I hung my head and curled up into a ball at the bottom of the closet.