"We have a lot to talk about." He said

She nodded, "Yes, I guess we do." She crossed the room and went to the bookcase

"What are you doing? You're picking a time like this to read?" He asked

"No, I'm getting something that might help us talk about things." She got the photo album down and walked back to the sofa

"How did you know that was there?" He asked

"I found it when I was looking for a book last night." She replied, pausing she ran her hand over the cover, "Why did you keep it?"

He joined her again on the couch, "I don't know." He replied, "I guess part of me liked remembering us like we were in those pictures."

She opened it up, "We did have some wonderful times when we traveled."

"Yeah, when we weren't trying to avoid being killed." He joked

She laughed slightly, "We also had our share of escapades. But you wanna know something?"

"What?"

She took his hand in hers, "I was never scared as long as you were there."

"All I ever wanted was to protect you from the bad things of the world." He replied, "I know it sounds silly, I was your husband not your father but…"

"I know." She took his hand and squeezed it, shaking her head, "When I think about all the times we could have been killed…I never worried about being able to take care of myself if you weren't there. That wasn't it. I had taken care of myself for a long time before I ever met you. It was…it was you not being there, loving me."

A tear escaped his eye and traveled down his cheek, "Back then I couldn't imagine living if you weren't there."

"You know what I miss the most?" She asked wiping away her own tear

"Touch football?" he joked recalling the times they played in the living room and he'd tackle her, which always led them upstairs for a different kind of contact sport all together

She laughed again, "Well that, but what I really miss is just the little things." She explained, "Like looking across the breakfast table and just seeing you there or in bed reading and I'd glance over and feel so comforted by your presence. That strong jaw and the serene expression on your face always made me feel safe…loved."

"It seemed like nothing could tear us apart then." He observed

"Even when someone tried." She mused, "Remember that?"

He nodded, "Fred Brunus and that ridiculous bet he and Arthur and Cyrus made."

"I hadn't thought about that until the other night when we were at dinner, the same place where staged one hell of a fight."

"That was nothing compared to the real ones we had…later on."

"I know you said those words can't be taken back but do you think that we can at least stop letting them eat away at us after all this time?"

"I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for the things I said." He admitted, the words rushing over him again

You never wanted that baby did you?

You don't care about anyone but yourself and those stupid horses

And the most painful of all, he could still see the wounded expression in her amber eyes

You shouldn't be anyone's mother

"I didn't mean any of it, Jennifer. I hope you know that."

She got up and walked to the fireplace again, "Maybe you were right about one thing." She said her back to him, her voice just raspy, only a whisper

"What?"

She turned around to face him, tears streaming down her face, "I guess I shouldn't be anyone's mother."

He got up and went to her, pulling her in his arms, "Oh God, Jennifer, you've carried that around all these years?"

"Those words echoed in my head long after you said them."

"Jennifer, you are most loving, kind and compassionate person I've ever known." He rubbed her back gently, "You would have been a wonderful mother."

She sighed heavily, pulling back, "I guess we'll never know, huh?" She said, "Things happen for a reason I suppose."

"Yes, I guess they do." He said his voice low. He pulled her close his lips just inches from hers and before she knew it they covered them with an all-consuming kiss

She pulled away, "Jonathan I…I can't."

She rushed out of the room blowing past Max as he came in to announce dinner was ready.

"Mrs. H…." He called after her then turned to Jonathan, "What happened, Mr. H?"

"I don't know, Max." He said walking past him leaving his dear friend thoroughly confused

He walked down to the guest house, knocked and poked his head in, "Jennifer."

She didn't answer and he came in and heard noises from the bedroom. He walked in to find her packing her bag.

"What are you doing?" he asked

She looked up from her bag, "I'm leaving."

"Jennifer, you don't have to…"

"Yes, I do." She said, "I need to get out of here."

"Are you going back to the apartment?" He asked, "At least let me drive you."

"I've already called a cab." She said folding a sweater, "I'm going to Maryland to see my father for a few days."

He shook his head, "I've done nothing but screw this up since you got here."

She looked at him, her eyes soft and still moist from tears, "It's more than that. I just need to…I don't know. Things have resurfaced that I thought were dead and buried. I'll be back for my next treatment."

"At least call me and let me know you got there safely, alright?"

She nodded with a half-smile, "Alright."

Knowing he couldn't do anything to convince to stay, he walked back up to the house to find Max waiting for him.

"What's going on, Mr. H?"

Jonathan sat down at the breakfast table, slumping in defeat, "I screwed up, Max."

"Ah, come on, Mr. H." He said, "It can't be that bad."

He rubbed his chin, "She's leaving."

"Leaving?" Max asked puzzled, "What for?"

"We were talking, and making some progress on at least letting go of some of the ghosts we'd been living with and I got carried away trying to comfort her and kissed her."

"You want my opinion, Mr. H?"

"No, but I don't guess I have a choice."

"You love her." He said, "You've always loved her. Stop wasting your time with that Caldwell dame and get Mrs. H. back."

"I don't love her, so just mind your own business." Jonathan got up and stormed out of the kitchen

A short while later, from the bedroom window, he watched as the cab pulled away. He knew she would come back. She had to for her treatment. The question was, would she see him? Had he ruined any chance to make real peace? But Max was wrong, wasn't he? He cared for her and wanted to let go of the hurt but the love they had shared was one of those things she said was dead and buried, wasn't it?

EDWARDS RESIDENCE

She arrived exhausted and after talking with her father about the treatment and what the doctors thought she excused herself and went to her old room and collapsed on the bed. She called and left word with Max that she was there. Her mind was a jumbled collage of thoughts and she was forced to confront emotions she hadn't expected. The warmth and honesty with which he spoke surprised and frightened her, not to mention the kiss. She had been kissed by a few other men since their divorce but no one had ever kissed her like he did. It could melt her resolve every time.

"There's a lot of ice and steel in her when I want to show it, ice and steel."

He kissed her long and deep

"Zero, what did I tell you?"

"You love me, you can't live without me. You're crazy about me."

"You have been mildly amusing to be with from time to time."

He kissed her again

"You love me no matter what."

Another kiss

"I could break your heart anytime I wanted to."

"Even if I left you and went away for years I'd be the only mad in your life."

"Freddy Wilson has always had the hots for me. I'd call him up in a shot."

"Even if I was boring." He kissed her again

"Jonathan, this is doing absolutely nothing for me."

Another kiss

"I thought you said just one kiss."

"Even if I was a liar."

Yet another

"Okay, what the hell, let's stay."

"Darling." Stephen called knocking on the door, ending her brief visit to what she thought was her long forgotten past

"Come in, Pa." she called

He opened the door, "Darling, are you sure you're alright. You've been awfully quiet. Is there something you're not telling me?

She knew he meant about her condition and felt bad if she had given him the impression it was worse than she had let on, "No Pa, the doctors are very encouraged but I have to do one more round to be sure it's working. That's not it."

He sat down on the bench at the end of the bed, "Then what is it?"

She sighed heavily, "Seeing Jonathan again was harder than I thought."

"Ah, I see." He acknowledged, "That was my one concern about contacting him but I didn't want you giving up."

She smiled, "I know you didn't and I'm not mad at you. It just dredged up old memories that I thought were long gone."

"Is that why you decided to come here? To get away from him?" He asked

"Yes and no." She said, "I wanted to see you but things got pretty intense between me and Jonathan and I needed to get away and clear my head."

"What happened?"

"We were talking about, well, everything, the baby, our whole marriage. I was crying and he was comforting me and the next thing I knew he kissed me."

Stephen couldn't help but smiled a little, "Darling, I love you more than anything but you can be stubborn as a mule."

"What?"

"You love him. You just won't admit it to yourself."

"Oh Pa, that's ridiculous."

It was wasn't it?