And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
Well, you have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won…

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time…
Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice
You've made it now…
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along…

-Falling Slowly by Glen Hasgard and Markéta Irglová

Sun shined brightly in the busy streets of Konoha as the people milled about and children played by his feet as he walked. Though his posture was slouched and his hands were stuffed in pockets, his eye was constantly watching out for the small humans scampering without care at his feet. It wasn't out of habit that he did this, but necessity. Kids were never careful about where they were going and the last thing he needed was to accidently step on one.

A scream echoed down the streets, causing Kakashi to halt suddenly. A blur crossed his line of vision and he watched as a young girl laughed gleefully as she ran past him, her friends not far behind. Her hair was done up in braids and judging by her clothes, she was a civilian child. Judging by her stature, the girl couldn't have been older than six.

A pressure on his calf and a sudden squeak made him turn his head as a little boy stared up at him with awe and fear. He could understand why. He must have seemed like a giant among men to the four-yr-old.

Reaching down, he gently patted the boy's back and smiled cheerfully at him. 'Run along,' he seemed to tell the boy and the child seemed to understand, moving around him and running away before stopping and looking back. Kakashi waved his hand, urging him to follow his friends when the boy suddenly wrapped his short arms around his leg and hugged him. Kakashi's eye widened in surprise, but softened as he touched the boy's head. When the boy looked up, he ruffled his hair fondly and then, he was gone, swallowed up by the crowds as Kakashi stared at his hand. It was still warm and he felt his heart suddenly ache. Did he miss the boy already? Kakashi shook his head. He had no right to miss a child that was never his to begin with. It seemed he was getting sentimental with age.

Sighing quietly to himself, he pocketed his hand and began walking once more, but it seemed the farther and farther he walked towards his destination, the more children he saw. Idly, he wondered if some higher power was just fucking with him for a laugh because first of all, he had just gotten sentimental about that kid that hugged him and secondly, because he had a natural aversion to children. You always had to be careful around them; they whined for everything, they always had sticky fingers, and they just wouldn't stop crying! They were like obnoxious clients, but worse because if they liked you, they stuck to you and just wouldn't let go. Sighing, he raked his hand through his hair.

He was lying to himself. He didn't hate children, but he didn't like to be left alone with them. He was always afraid to be left alone with them because he was so sure that he was going to do something that would make them turn out like him and it was a life he didn't want for anybody. He was a jaded, lonely old man and if a kid ever had his life, he'd probably break down and cry. Not because of anything the kid did, but because he'd feel so sorry for the two of them that he just had to cry.

Stopping on the side of the street, he watched the kids play in the streets. Two older children were playing with a soccer ball, one girl in pigtails was blowing bubbles to the delight of a baby in a stroller, and a giggling toddler was walking towards his mother on wobbly legs. Staring upon the scene, he had to wonder if his child would be like any of them. A snort escaped him. 'His child.' Never in a million years had he thought that would happen to him. If anyone, Genma seemed the most likely because with the number of women he slept with, odds were there was at least one Genma Jr. out in the world. Besides, ever since his father died, he had planned to end the Hatake line with just him because he knew just how painful it was to grow up an orphan under his surname, and with his line of work, it was guaranteed that he would die young.

He began walking again, the sounds of pebbles grinding into the dirt beneath him reaching his ears when a picture of that child popped up in his head. Briefly, he entertained the idea of having a child; of sleep-deprived nights, stained clothing, horrible smells, and death wishes throughout the day before putting the child down for bed and thinking it was completely worth it as he gazed at its face.

Finding a fond smile on his lips, he quickly wiped it off. No. He was not going to think of these things. The only reason he was thinking of these things was because Sakura had told him that she was planning on keeping the baby.

When she first told him that she was keeping it, he stared at her like she grew another head before asking the obvious question of 'why?' Why keep it? She simply stated that she just couldn't do it. She just couldn't kill something that hadn't had the chance of living and in that moment, he had never felt more ashamed in his life. Not only because she was keeping something that would always be a glaring reminder of what he had done to her, but because she had told him that with such a fond look in her eyes. She was going to cherish the baby and him because she apparently loved him and he wondered why he could never do anything right. He had screwed up his first time being team leader, lost his first friend as soon as he got him, his own jutsu was always going to be a sore spot for him, and he had raped a teammate only for her to fall in love with him.

When he first heard those words, he had never been more humiliated. He couldn't get Sakura to hate him. He couldn't even do that right and it disgusted Kakashi that she loved him. In the privacy of his own home that night, all he kept thinking about were those words in his head just playing over and over again. The more he heard it, the more it sickened him and the angrier he got until he was seething and sure that the fingers of his clenched fists would tears through the skin and break through the other side. The mere thought that she loved him sickened him and he had never been so disgusted with himself in his life.

Looking around, he realized he was in her neighborhood now. After telling him that she was keeping the baby, she had expressed that she wanted him to see the baby once. Perhaps it was due to shock or maybe obligation, but he had agreed. Looking at it now, the more he thought about the child, the more doubts formed in his mind. It was now at the point where he could barely stand it and it wasn't even born yet.

It was yesterday that she called saying she wanted him to see the baby's room. On the phone, he solemnly agreed, perhaps because of obligation to her once more or the fact that he couldn't stand being in his apartment anymore, but now with his mind swimming in hatred, he had somehow mustered up the courage for him to tell her that as soon as he saw the baby, he wasn't going to see it again. Sure, it was highly stupid of him and it was sure to make Uchiha massacre seem like picking flowers or something else asinine, but that was what he was going to do. If he had to see the baby after that, he wasn't sure what he'd do. Call it cowardly of him, but there was worse else he could do at this moment. And climbing the steps of her building, he rang the doorbell and waited patiently on her doorstep.

The first thing he noticed stepping into her apartment was that it had a new smell. Before, the air held the smell of paper, ink, and tea, but stepping into her apartment, he found all of it gone. The stacks of paper and ink that were in her living room before were missing and the air was now laced with the sweet smell of vanilla.

"Kakashi, come in," Sakura greeted with a smile and a warmness in her eyes that made his nerves fray. It wasn't her fault—she probably had no idea, anyway—but he just couldn't stand that look. The adoration in her eyes was ill-deserved and images flickered before his eye for just the barest of seconds. Suddenly, the events from the past few weeks had become condensed into the blink of an eye and opening them again, a chill gripped his spine and his throat felt tight. The sooner this was over with, the better.

"Sit down. Oh wait, you're probably busy or maybe you don't want to stand…um…"

"I'll stand," he interrupted, watching as a nervous smile graced her lips and she looked at him with relief.

"Okay," she said half-thankful, but she's also half-disappointed. He could see it in her eyes. He could always tell what she felt by her eyes and a part of him wondered how she hasn't been killed yet.

Movement caught his eyes and turning ever so slightly to glance out of the corners, he saw her resting her hand on her stomach. She didn't even seem to notice that she was doing it, but he noticed because he was Hatake Kakashi and nothing escaped his gaze except for the things that really mattered.

Her stomach was rounded, protruding slightly through the fabric of her dress. It was white like the last time he saw her, except the flowers are blue this time and she was wearing a cardigan. Her hand was pale like the rest of her body and on her long fingers, he saw the faint hints of faded scars. She seemed like a normal woman expecting a child. A ribbon was tied around her waist.

"I'll show you to the baby's room," she said suddenly. At the sudden sound of her voice, Kakashi felt his heart beat out of control. He hadn't expected her to speak out like that, but then again, he hadn't been paying attention at all.

Wordlessly, he followed after his former student, walking behind her as she steered them down a hallway and through a door on the left. Light illuminated the room, causing a soft glow wherever it touched. The walls were a soft baby blue with fabric clouds and yellow ducks. A changing table stood on one side and across from it, fabric sheep leaped across the blue fields. A mobile spun lazily, causing the shadows to ghost over the scene and under that, a crib stood guard.

"What do you think?" she asked walking over to the crib. "Naruto and Sasuke bought it and set it up. When the store owner asked who it was for, they threatened to kill him." She giggled. "I can see it now," she said in a sad, lilting voice as she trailed her hand on the polished wood. Only hazily did he realize that clouds had covered the sky and the light coming through the window was grey, painting the scene melancholy, but what stood out in his mind was something else. There was something about this scene that seemed to fit.

Something about what he saw touched him and suddenly, all thoughts of leaving quickly and telling her that he was abandoning the baby flew from his mind and he was transported to his childhood where his mother told him stories about himself as a baby. His father had just brought his baby crib home. She was six months pregnant and his father was in the living room. 'How the man can remember three scrolls of complex blueprints and formulas and struggle with instructions to put together a crib is beyond me!' his mother asked with wonder as she recounted the story to him, but she had been grateful to him and when it was ready, she had spent hours just staring at it, gliding her hand against the smooth wood as she rested her hand on her stomach. His father entered the room at this point, catching her looking at the crib with a far-off, blissful look on her face, but instead of teasing her like he would've, he held her, placing his hand over hers as he kissed her and rested his head over hers.

He could only imagine how she must have felt staring at that crib. She was having a child with the man she loved. The happiness she must have felt was probably immeasurable and looking at Sakura made Kakashi remember the image he had conjured up in his mind as he recounted the story to himself over and over to keep from forgetting her. His mother had been happy carrying her husband's child and Sakura carried the same content air around her as well.

And suddenly, his body grew a mind of its own, stepping away from the safety of the door's threshold to cross over to the crib's side where Sakura stood. The air around her seemed to just glow with her and sensing his presence, she turned to him. Her eyes looked at him with startling clarity and as if acting out his mother's stories, he leaned down, capturing her chin between his fingers as his gloved hand covered the hand resting on the crib before kissing her. The kiss was loving and sweet and when she opened her eyes, he was gone with the curtains fluttering softly in the breeze.