He found himself standing outside the Medbay peering in.
Exhausted. Such a simple little word that immeasurably described everything he felt.
This is the last time I take command of anything besides the helm of a ship. Joker growled to himself. I dunno how Shepard made it look so easy. If EDI wasn't the brains behind the operation, I'd be screwed!
Ever since the trial had ended for the day; Joker , or Flight Commander Moreau's time has been dominated by damage control. Tensions had only amplified as word spread through the ship that Kaidan had been attacked by Dr. T'Soni.
Joker knew it wasn't true, but that had done little to staunch the bleeding or to stop the rumor carrions from feeding. The Ardennes's brig was full of its share of soldiers cooling off after exchanges of words and fists. Even two MPs rounded out the caged menagerie.
The one saving grace were the riots roiling in the streets of the Capitol. The crew of the Ardennes, and every other Alliance docked ship, had been put on Orange alert which meant regular shifts of armed guards had been posted to patrol the Alliance berths of the Dockbay in order to keep the trouble where it belonged. Out.
"Stupid son-of-a-bitch." Joker said quietly as he looked in as the figure of a sleeping man, while his wife gently sat by his side.
Part of him was still angry with Kaidan. Anger like an age old resentment. Like a callus. Never threatening, just always there. An ever present ugly reminder.
Yet Joker couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The same feeling the likes of which anyone would have for seeing someone put his or her naked hand on a smoldering hot pot handle.
"Stupid son-of-a-bitch."
"Do you need something Jeff?"
The voice was kind, yet he could tell it was tired. Joker's sight shot over to Dr. Chalkwas.
"No Doc. Just...checking in."
"I see." Chalkwas said as she drew near.
"How is he?" Joker asked.
"Out by a sedative now for the past four hours, and I expect he will be out for at least three times that."
"Not exactly what I was wondering; but did ya hit him hard enough?" Joker quipped as his trademark snarky smirk started to creep in to view from a corner of his mouth.
Chalkwas said nothing in return. She simply stood with her hands clasped behind her back as her gaze was drawn into the room.
Joker shifted to his left setting his arms across his chest as he cast a quick eye over Chalkwas. There were only two people he could never bait. Her, and Shepard. At times he found it uncanny how the two seemed to act so alike at times. It was as if they were related. Both held a strong disposition about them. The kind that anyone could tell they were never to cross. They also each had an attentive ear; always ready to listen rather then speak.
He turned his gaze back inside as he watched Miranda dab Kaidan's forehead with a wet sponge. "You know I have kept my mouth shut on the matter, but what does Miranda see in Kaidan? She could have had any guy, and one, in the Galaxy. Why him? I mean Miranda is charismatic, but Kaidan is quiet. Miranda is the woman of action. Kaidan; the man of patients."
"I would have to say that it is because Kaidan isn't the Hero. He never has wanted to be one. He's simply a good man." Chalkwas said evenly. "She saved his life, and in return he simply loves her."
"A good man?" Joker sneered. "A good man wouldn't have stumbled all over his words like he did in the Tribunal. Wouldn't have been the nut case he was with Garrus. The Good man would have been fighting for Shepard." he hissed as he turned to face her.
"And there your reasoning is flawed." Chalkwas quipped.
"Flawed?" Joker turned to look at Chalkwas, anger burning in his face. "Now wait a minuet Doc. You can't tell me that Shepard deserves what is being done to her."
"What do good men do when they are confused? What do they do when they see nothing worth fighting for? When all they have is the 'truth' they believe, and nothing else." Chalkwas continued to look in to the medbay. "This trial is as much about the Galaxy as it is about Shepard. The Greeks had their Tyrants. The Romans, their Caesars. The Chinese, their War Lords, and the Japanese, their Shoguns."
"I'm not getting the historical references Doc. Shepard practically saved the whole damn Galaxy. She never tried to take power."
"But how many people know that?" Chalkwas winced with annoyance. "It is rare that people like her are treated and remembered with any degree of charity and kindness in history. People like her are called upon in the most dire of needs. Created in the darkest of hours, and during their time the only order they ever hear is 'do whatever needs to be done'. And they do it."
Chalkwas turned and faced him. "Do you think Kaidan's words weren't true? Do you honestly believe that Shepard is not a traitor to the Alliance? Shepard may have been dead when Cerberus took her, but she still agreed to work with them Joker. She worked with terrorists. You and I are no less as guilty in Kaidan's or the Alliance's eyes. You and I both took the oath of Service for the Alliance, and you and I both broke that oath. Don't forget that."
The weight of her words felt like a searing slap across Joker's face. He shut his eyes realizing his tone. "Look Doc...Are you alright?"
Chalkwas turned to look back into the medical bay and raised her hand to her head. "No Jeff, I'm not. I still have nightmares of the abductions by the Collectors and by Cerberus. If they are anywhere near what Shepard deals with, I just want them to stop. I want peace. I want her to have peace." Her features softened. "But it has been a long and trying day and I will the first to admit that I am tired." She turned and gave him a warm smile. "Why don't you get some rest as well?"
"Yeah. Sure thing Doc. That's what everyone keeps telling me." Joker said as he turned to head towards his quarters. As he started to head away, he stopped and called out once more to the doctor.
"Doc." He asked softly. "Do you regret joining with Cerberus all those years ago when we went after the Collectors? You would do it again, right?"
Chalkwas turned to look back at him. "In a heart beat."
"And the prosecutor's claim is a Charlie Foxtrot, right?"
Chalkwas went still. Joker could tell she was not quite sure how to answer.
"I have seen enough to know what a Reaper is." She said simply and softly but then a ghost passed over her face. "But I also know who she was, and what she became. Most that go to the valley of the shadow of death never come back. Those who do are never the same."
She walked around the corner and disappeared back into the medbay.
The air around Joker suddenly felt ten degrees cooler as he continued back to his cabin. An old guilt settling in the pit of his stomach.
I wanted her to come back... his mind whispered.
As quickly as he could, he stepped in to his cabin and let the door close.
As he slumped on to the bed, he felt the lump in his stomach tighten.
"...she never did..." He let out as he slid the cap off his head and let if fall on to the night stand.
"Jeff?" EDI's bodiless voice called through the comms to him.
He sat on the edge of the bed staring at the door.
"Are you alright Jeff?"
He never took his eyes off the door.
"...Yeah...I'm fine EDI."
"That is not accurate Jeff. Your body is displaying the classic signs of stress coupled with depression."
Joker winced in aggravation at the AI's accurate assessment. "Still spying on me EDI? Let it go."
"No." The AI responded tersely. "It is simply in my best interest to keep myself apprised of how you are."
Joker let out a breath and flopped back on to the bed.
"EDI. I just think I need some rest." He let out.
"I see. But do you have time for one question?"
The AI's query brought a smile to Joker's face. "Sure...and that was the answer."
"Joker." EDI retorted, her tone irritated.
"Alright, OK, what is it EDI?"
"What was Shepard like, before she died?
Joker's eyes creased together. "Why do you ask?"
A moment or two passed before EDI responded, which surprised him. Usually EDI had been quick with her responses, but then again he had noticed subtle differences in how she interacted with him versus other people.
"I never inquired to Shepard directly. My programming told me that it was not a topic for open discussion." EDI stated flatly.
"EDI, you haven't been bound to your programming for years." Joker stated as he looked up to the ceiling. In his mind he tried to imagine what the AI would look like if he could see a face. What expression would be on EDI's face right now? He wondered.
"...Shepard's reaction to Thane's passing was...indicative. Recording initiated. Date ten years, one month ago." EDI said in a sterile tone.
Yet Death...death disturbs me. I understand it, but there is something unnatural in Death. The cessation of life, of motion, of ...'forward', is alien to me. Even more so when the memory of my own death is only of blurry vision; screaming lungs, and beyond intolerable cold. Yet my second life began with blurry vision and a screaming body.
The voice was Shepard's.
"Replay stopped. Recording removed from memory. Shepard said this just after Thane's death. Was Shepard this introspective...before?"
Joker eyes still contained the hint of surprise. "...that didn't even sound like the Commander. Wait a minute EDI. Where was the Commander when you made that recording?"
"...there was a hole..." EDI stated.
A snarky grin roved over Joker's face. "You spying on her weren't you."
"Casual observation and the recording of ambient sound does not constitute 'spying' Mr. Moreau." EDI responded defensively.
"uh-huh, and of course that is what you do to me every day."
"Would you please kindly answer my inquiry?" EDI retorted heatedly.
Joker grinned. "Alright, alright. I was just giving you a bad time." His face turned more passive and pensive. "I dunno if you will understand this EDI; but back when I first met Shepard when we were chasing Saren, she struck me as being driven. As if, someone or something was always pushing her. Driving her." He closed his eyes and gave a soft snort. "I guess we all now know why..."
"What changed? How was she different after Lazerus?" EDI quickly asked.
Joker swallowed. He remembered seeing her again on the station before they boarded the new Normandy. He remembered how strangely calm her demeanor was. Serene. Yet he also noted her slightly glowing eyes, and the thin scars that lined his face. Her red armor was different from her old set. Heavier and brutal. There was only one statement that really fit how she had changed to him. Only one thought that really encompassed everything.
"She was filled with a terrible and awesome purpose." He said.
"I...I understand." The AI responded.
Joker continued looking up at the ceiling, his mind changing back to current events. "What I don't understand is why wasn't Liara called to testify? I mean if the Council is going to filet Shepard's life, why not pull her fiancé in to the shit storm." Joker looked at EDI's reflection. "Hell if anyone knows Shepard, it's her."
"That is part of the problem. In fact I do not think that chances are high that a Quarian or a Krogan will testify in the Tribunal either." EDI said matter-of-factly. "The Prosecution wants to portray a certain image of Shepard, and the Council wants the trial to appear unbiased. Having Dr. T'Soni testify would disrupt this. Also she cannot request to testify because doing so would lead to her apprehension by C-Sec."
Joker shot the AI a careful look. "I didn't know she was wanted."
"C-Sec has not made any public notices about its interest in Dr. T'Soni, but some C-Sec communications I have been monitoring have been stating that they are actively looking for her. That she is a 'person of interest.' Given her well known 'affiliation' with the Shadow Broker; it is not surprising. I surmise the quiet nature of this search is so that C-Sec does not look like that it is trying to go after people closely associated with Shepard. They want and need to maintain as positive of a public image as they can."
"Well they pretty much took what ever good will they had and tossed it out the airlock." Joker snorted. "Then I guess it is a good thing Liara is with her half Krogan father and a bunch of Asari commandos."
"It must be very hard for her." EDI said, a tinge of sadness on her voice. "To not be able to help Shepard directly. To not be able to support someone you...love..."
"I know." Joker responded wirily. "Look, its late...and I need some rest." Joker said as he sat up and rubbed his face with his hands.
"I...all right Jeff." EDI responded.
"Are you ok?" Joker asked as he lifted his legs on to the bed. He was so tired he didn't even care to try to get undressed.
"...could I stay with you tonight? I don't want to be alone."
At the Academy it was not unusual for EDI to 'stay' with him at night, be it building and running simulations, or simply talking. Joker could remember many times when he would simply pass out, and EDI would to continue 'staying' in his quarters. Shepard had arranged for hardline connections to be installed between the main Campus of the Academy and the various other Instructor's offices and private quarters. The premise was that EDI could assist with any task that might require a specialized 'VI', even if it was being simply a secretary. EDI had slipped in to the task flawlessly. It also afforded EDI a great degree of freedom that the AI had not previously had.
But EDI had never asked to stay the night. The AI had also never expressed not wanting to be alone...
"...Yeah EDI sure...just a minuet." Joker responded as he brought up his omni tool and tapped in a few commands for a wireless access point to the Ardennes's VI computers. In an instant EDI bloomed to life as it's familiar blue orb self. Joker slid the omni tool's circlet from his arm and set it on the light stand, and EDI reduced the glow of it's appearance.
Joker turned his head to look at the form. "Better?"
"Yes. Thank you." EDI responded quietly.
Joker rolled his head back upright and closed his eyes. "Good night EDI."
"Good night Jeff. Have pleasant dreams." EDI calmly stated.
Just before Joker slipped away to slumber his last thoughts were.
She has a nice voice...
I know you folks must be thinking. "An update?! what took so long?!" Well fear not, I am still working on this story. I have new content (I really hate the word content) that I will be posting over the next few weeks so expect to see more from me soon! I am also continuing to improve the first chapters, and have revised a few characters. Nothing earth shattering, but if you want to re-read the beginning of Sea and the Rose, I hope it is more enjoyable. As always let me know what you think.
By the way. I'm toying around with two other stories related to Sea and the Rose. One dealing with Tali and Legion, the other dealing with Grunt and Mordin. If you would be interested if these two stories, also let me know.