Little Whinging was a quite area in south London. The majority of people who lived in this town kept to themselves. Every now and again a neighbour's curtain might flicker; an indication of curiosity nonetheless existed here. It was a place for the sort of people who believed themselves to be superfluous to everybody around them. The sort of place where a family of three could portray pretence of normality for the benefit of their neighbours. Petunia and Vernon Dursley fit this description quite well. Vernon was a robust, ignorant type of a man. Although he was ambitious to succeed in his career, he was equally ambitious that he and his family did not associate with his in-laws. According to him, they were just the sort of people who could damage everything he worked hard for. Petunia, his wife, was slight in build and rarely smiled. She spent her time satisfying her family no matter what the cost. She was embarrassed to admit to anybody that her little sister was a witch, and so didn't fight her husband on this issue. Dudley, their plump pride and joy, knew nothing of his cousins only that his mom and aunt had a falling out before he was born. He never pressed the matter owing to his lack of interest on the subject. A knock on their door could change all this.
James and Lily Potter found themselves standing on the corner of Privet Drive one bright summer morning. Lily and James try to take in their surroundings. The road on which they stand seems destitute yet neither of them can shake off the feeling of being watched. He turns to his wife, smiles as he takes her hand and leads her down the street. Lily inhales deeply as they walk.
"Are you ok Lily?" James asks softly. Lily nods her head and says
"Yeah, James I am. It`s just that...I haven't seen Petunia in so long. It will be difficult convincing her and Vernon to come with us."
"I know Lil but all we can do is try. As Albus said the more we push, the less likely we are to succeed. Let's just think baby steps for now." Lily weakly reciprocated her husband's smile. Seconds later they found themselves at number 4 Privet Drive. James turned to Lily who eyed the front door anxiously.
"It is going to be fine Lily I promise." James whispered before kissing the top of her head. Lily stood up straight, swept back her hair that was falling around her face and said
"Let`s just get this over with James." He smiled proudly at her as they walked to the front door together. Once they reached the door Lily rung the bell immediately before anymore negative thoughts over powered her. James winked at her which she reciprocated with a wide smile. Suddenly they both saw a shadow moving behind the frosted glass window in the door. James and Lily both took deep breaths before the door swung open. Dudley stood there gazing at his aunt and who in turn gazed back at him. Dudley was quite large, weighing approximately 200 pounds, standing at a height of 5`8` his eyes were small and blue, his red round neck t-shirt stretched over his large stomach, he wore baggy blue jeans and white trainers. He held in his hand a large tub of double chocolate ice cream. As he studied the two strangers on his door step, he slowly dragged the spoon from his mouth, squinted at them and said in a manner short of polite;
"Who are you?" Dudley pointed his spoon at them as he addressed them. James and Lily glanced at each other momentarily before James spoke.
"We are looking for Petunia and Vernon Dursley. Are they in?"
"Duddy who is at the door?" Petunia called from the kitchen. Dudley turned his head to say who it was when Petunia, now standing at the kitchen door saw them. Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped in horror. Lily smiled weakly at her sister.
"Dudley close the door." Petunia instructed in a faint voice. Dudley eyed her perplexed.
"Petunia please...don`t. This is important. We need to talk." Lily ushered.
"I have nothing to say to you. I warned you never to come here. You promised you never would. You promised you would keep your kind away from my family." Petunia attempted to keep her voice strong and controlled but each time she spoke, it was shaky.
"She has kept her promise until now. This is important Petunia." James said flatly.
Petunia`s eyes narrowed as they focused on James. She never had any time for him primarily because she blamed him for corrupting her sister. Dudley however, was eying each of them as they spoke as though he were a spectator at a tennis match.
"Petunia, darling when are you..."Vernon saw the reason why his family had left the sitting room. His large, red face swelled up with rage at the sight of Lily and James at the door.
"YOU! How dare you! What do you want? Are you not content enough with your own lives that you must come and ruin ours?"
"Vernon, please listen to us..." James pleaded as he stepped into the hall. Vernon charged at him like a raging bull and pushed him onto the porch.
"James!" Lily cried. "Are you ok?" She asked as she helped him up.
"Yeah, I`m fine Lil." He and Vernon shared a venomous look as Petunia ushered them inside for fear the neighbours would see them.
The four adults sat at the kitchen table whilst Dudley returned to the sitting room with his tub of ice cream.
"So what is all this about then?" Petunia asked in an irksome tone.
Lily looked at James who sat opposite her. He nodded, encouraging her to explain the significance of their visit to her sister and brother-in-law.
"Well, the thing is Tuney; we are facing grave times in our world..."
"You and James?" Petunia asked anxiously gazing from one to the other.
"No, not just James and I. The entire wizarding world is in serious turmoil. The darkest wizard of our generation has returned with a strong vengeance. Lord Voldemort is back."
"What has this got to do with us?" Vernon asks irritably. Lily glared but continued addressing her sister.
"Everybody we know is in jeopardy, particularly Harry."
"So let me get this straight. You want us to take in your son just so he can be safe from this Volder character." Vernon speculated in an irritated tone.
"Have you not been listening to a single thing my wife has been saying Dursley? We are all in danger, you included. So kindly unstick your head from your ass and pay attention."
"Now, just hold on one minute Potter. You are telling me that my family is in danger just because my wife is related to that?" He pointed at Lily outraged which angered James. He rose abruptly from his seat as he glared threateningly at Vernon.
"James, James please sit down. It is important we keep calm. Remember what Albus said." James still menacingly eying Vernon resumed his seat.
Petunia looked fearfully from James to Vernon before turning her attention to Lily.
"Would you like a cup of tea Lily?"
"They are not staying that long Petunia." Vernon replied, appalled at the idea of entertaining his in-laws.
"That would be nice thanks Petunia." Lily said smilingly. Petunia reciprocated as she rose from the table to make a pot of tea.
"So...how many do you have then?" Vernon asked in a forcibly civil tone.
"How many what?" Lily asked perplexed.
"You know childen, children. How many do you have?"
"Oh, well we have two. Harry and Arielle."
"I see...and are they both..."
"Yes, they are. Harry will be fifteen in a couple of weeks and Arielle has recently turned twelve. Actually we are expecting two more..."
"Oh, Lily congratulations." Petunia cried approaching the table with tea and biscuits.
"Thank you Tuney." Lily replied happily.
"Yes, congratulations. Two more freaks no doubt." Vernon said drily.
"Vernon! Stop it. Why can't you be happy for them?"
"Why are you happy for them Petunia? We swore we would never associate with these people and yet here we are listening to their wishy washy nonsense about some twisted wizard threatening to kill us all!"
James sighs as he leans forward on the table and looks at Lily saying
"Maybe this was all a waste of time babe." She reciprocates his despondent smile.
"James, please don't go. I believe what you both say is true. I remember that you both were in danger before from him and Harry too."
"Well that is a turn up for the books." James said aimlessly.
"What do you need us to do Lily?" Petunia asked earnestly.
"Petunia you cannot be serious." Vernon exclaimed aghast
"Quiet Vernon." Petunia ordered which made James snigger.
"We need you to come live with us. We can protect you there."
"Why can't you protect us here then?" Vernon asked fiercely.
"The house we are living in has ample protection and it is big enough for all of us."
"So you want us to up scuttle our lives just so we can accommodate you?"
"Vernon, I know what I am suggesting is massive..." Vernon scoffs.
"...but I am also aware of the implications of you all been unprotected. If Voldemort finds you he will kill you. I promise you that."
After receiving nervous glances from her sister and her brother-in-law, Lily continues addressing them in her urgent tone.
"It is Harry`s birthday next week and we are having a party for him. I would like it if you both came with Dudley. At least that way you could get to know everyone and see the house for yourself. We are not all freaks and monsters Vernon!" Lily barked at a sighing Vernon.
"How can we contact you to confirm whether or not we are coming?" Petunia asked.
"We will send you details by owl. Then all you have to do is dictate a reply and send it back to us. The owl will be able to find us." Lily explained.
Vernon, who was starring at Lily all the while she was explaining to Petunia how to reach her, shakes his head and sneers. Lily, James and Petunia look at him as he says;
"You are all mad. Completely bonkers in fact and you Petunia will be just like them if you pay heed to their wild notions."
"Vernon, I know you have no time for me and even little for James but please, I beg you to think about what is best for your son. Lord Voldemort is unfortunately a very real and a very dangerous wizard who will not even take a second thought when it comes to killing someone. He has tortured people into insanity when they refused to sacrifice the information which he desired. It is Harry he is after because it was Harry`s blood he used to regain power. Last year Hogwarts played host to the triwizard tournament. I won't go into details with you now about what this involves but the main issue which concerns you is this. He found Harry, he tortured him and he would have killed him if James and other wizards didn't show up when they did. He knows I have a sister and he will find out about Dudley. I am pleading with you to put aside your indifference towards our magical abilities and to strongly consider what we are suggesting. I promise you both on my life that nothing will happen to you, either of you or Dudley if you let us help you."
Petunia and Vernon looked at one another nervously. They knew that neither James nor Lily would come all this way and ask so much of them if it wasn't serious. Vernon still didn't like what they were expecting of him of course. However, he did love his son and if moving to wherever was safer than their current home, maybe it was best.
"Lily, send us the details of Harry`s party by owl and we can discuss things further when we have had time to analyse it all together."
"Thank you Petunia. I know what we are asking is a lot but we wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't absolutely necessary." Petunia smiled tightly at her sister. James rose from his seat as Lily followed. Petunia stood up and beckoned Vernon to do the same. They then walked them to the door where they said goodbye and each couple went on their way.
Lily and James soon found themselves back at Grimauld Place. As they stepped inside the door they were confronted by sheer silence. After exchanging bemused glances they headed immediately downstairs to the kitchen where they found Shari and Molly at the kitchen sink. Shari was bent over the sink as Molly rubbed her back soothingly. Neither knew James and Lily were behind.
Lily rushed over to Shari, concern etched on her face. She and Molly exchanged soft glances.
"Hey Shari what is the matter?"
Shari looked up at her friend with pain in her eyes.
"How do you do it Lily? How do you carry around twins and not feel so much as a twinge? I can't take it anymore." She bowed her head towards the sink as Molly continued to rub her back in swift motions. Lily turned to James, ordering him to find Sirius.
"He has gone into work." Molly informed them.
"Well go on James. Tell Sirius to hurry back because Shari needs him. GO!" She cried. James started but left immediately for Zonkos.
Lily placed her hands on Shari`s shoulders as she said
"Shari, why don't you come sit down and Molly will make you some nice tea." Molly nodded in agreement as she left to make some tea.
"No, no I just want it to stop. Why won't it stop?" She asked despondently looking at her friend whose face portrayed no answer.
"I don't know sweetie. Shari, leaning over the sink is not going to help you. I would feel more comfortable if you..."
"I don't give a dam what would make you feel more comfortable Lily! I am in agony here. I could be experiencing a miscarriage and all you can think about is yourself."
"No, Shari you are not going to lose these babies I promise you that."
"Are you a doctor suddenly?" Shari questioned cynically.
"No, but you are a nurse. When I went through a similar experience carrying Harry you told me it was just gastroenteritis. You were right Shari. I know that is all it is now. So please, come and sit with me until Sirius gets here."
"Do you promise that is all it is Lily?" Shari asked with anxiety in her voice and in her eyes.
"Yes, yes I do Shari." She helped her back to the kitchen table. Lily aided Shari to her seat as she sat beside her and held her hand. Molly returned with three mugs of tea. Lily smiled appreciatively at her friend who reciprocated. Lily, released her grasp on Shari`s hand as she placed one of the mugs in front of her. She was sitting sideways facing Lily and had her left elbow resting upright on the table with her left hand covering part of her face. She removed her hand from her face as she grasped her mug of tea. She slowly sipped some from it and then replaced it on the table. Molly and Lily exchanged anxious glances.
Moments later Sirius came bursting in with James following behind. He hurried over to Shari, taking the seat that Lily had recently evacuated.
"Shari, what is the matter love?" He asked anxiously placing both of his hands on either side of her face. She looked at him saddened.
"I am so sorry Sirius. I am so sorry. I just couldn't..." She broke off as tears strolled down her cheeks. Sirius brushed them with his thumbs. He combed back her hair with his hands as he looked at her with serenity.
"Hey, come on Shars, what are all these tears for? I`m here. You will be ok love."
I can't do it Sirius. I can't do it. I'm so sorry Sirius but I just can't do it."
Sirius sat back in his seat as he studied his wife for a moment. She was dabbing her face with a tissue given to her by Lily. She seemed so scared and fragile which was uncommon for Shari to be. Sirius knew whatever was bothering her was much deeper than he ever experienced in her before. He knew he had to help her. He just didn't really know how.
"What is it you can't do Shari?" Sirius asks softly.
"This!" She cries angrily as she points to her stomach. Sirius eyes her perplexed.
"This pregnancy has been so painful Sirius. You didn`t know because I didn`t want you to know. For the past six weeks I have been enduring morning sickness which I know is expected. We didn't plan for this. Now is not the time to be having more children for Voldemort to harm. I don't want them Sirius. I don't want them. I know that sounds completely un-natural but I am in just so much pain...make it stop. Sirius please make it stop." She lowers her head as she replaces her left hand to her face. She dabs her cheeks with the tissue in her right hand.
Sirius, alarmed by his wife`s revelation of not wanting the children which they created is speechless.
"Shari, how can you say that? You of all people know that there are couples out there who can't have a family. We can. We are. Why would you say that?" He asks incredulously. Shari looks Sirius deep in his eyes as she says;
"I want them to stop Sirius..." Shari`s eyes widened as she looked at Sirius. Sirius caught hold of her right hand as Shari grabbed the edge of the table with her left. He and Lily eyed each other with great anxiety. Shari`s grip on the table and on Sirius slipped as she collapsed to the floor. Sirius immediately jumped down beside her and began to shake her lightly, calling her name as he did. She was not responsive. Lily cried out in fear at the sight of her friend laying unconscious on the floor. Molly stood frozen to the floor. A look comprising of sheer horror and incredibility spread across her face. James, still standing at the kitchen door flew straight over to Sirius. He bent down beside him. Sirius had two fingers on the side of her neck. James turned to face his wife who was standing behind him and searching his eyes for a positive answer. He refocused his attention on his friend.
"Has she got a pulse?" James asked urgently. Sirius found a faint one.
"We need to get her to a hospital James now." Lily says frantically.
"Yeah, Lily I know but mungos is on the either side of London. We can't apparate when she is in this fragile condition." James replies calmly.
"Well then go outside and phone for an ambulance. We have to get her to the nearest muggle hospital James. She is unconscious for goodness sake!" Lily exclaimed fearfully.
"You don't think I know that?" James replied cynically as he stood up eying his wife.
"Go James!" Molly and Lily cried in unison. James immediately left to get help.
Sirius, who was still kneeling on the ground, held Shari`s head with one hand and supported her legs, which lay across his, with the other.
"She told me she was in pain and I didn't believe her. I thought she was being selfish not wanting our babies and all the time..." Sirius broke off as he fought back tears brewing in his eyes.
Lily knelt down beside him. She swung her arm around his shoulder and kissed the side of his head.
"Shhh Sirius, Shari will be fine. You will see her back on her feet in no time."
"I swear Lily if anything happens to her I will never forgive myself."
"Hey, let`s have no talk like that. Shari is strong. She is a lot stronger than people give her credit for."
"Where are the kids? They can't see their mother like this Lily..."
"Shhh I`ll go find them Sirius. Everything will be fine ok." She smiled warmly at him. Sirius reciprocated weakly, still holding his wife tightly. Lily kissed him on the top of his head as she left for the garden which is where Molly indicated they were. Molly took over from Lily as they waited for James to return.
Outside Lily found Remus and Tonks sitting out on the patio with their twin girls. Regulus was further down the garden playing referee at a quiddtich match. Tonks turned around upon hearing the back door close. Remus followed his wife`s gaze. They both smiled at Lily as they stood up and approached her carrying one child each. Lily smiled weakly at them.
"Wotcher Lily! How did you and James get on at the Dursleys?"
"Yeah, Tonks, fine thanks." She turned to Remus who knew immediately that something wasn't right.
"Lily what is the matter?" He asked concernedly. She began wringing her hands together as she focused on the ground. She then looked at them both, crossed her arms and said
"It`s Shari. She collapsed. I think she is having a miscarriage." Lily said sadly as she clasped one hand across her mouth.
"What?" They cried in disbelief.
"What happened? Where is she?" Remus asked.
"She is in the kitchen. Sirius is with her. James went to call an ambulance. We need to get her to the nearest muggle hospital because she can't travel to mungos."
"Let`s go then." Tonks exclaimed.
"I need someone to stay out here with Regulus. The kids can't know. At least not until we know what is happening."
"Lily, the ambulance is here. Sirius has just taken Shari out and James wants to know if you are going to with them?"
"Yes, of course Molly. I`m on my way." Lily smiled sadly at Remus and Tonks who reciprocated slightly. She then followed Molly back inside
"Remus, you have to go. Sirius is your best friend. He will want you and James there."
"Tonks, you are his cousin."
"I`m also a mother. Please Remus go. I know it's you that will more valuable to him."
"Ok but I will inform you the second I know anything."
"Oh you had better." They smiled warmly before sharing a small kiss. Remus placed Danni into her mother's arms and swiftly left.
Molly then returned and shared an anxious glance with Tonks who was struggling to support both her daughters.
"Here, Tonks let me help you." Molly offered.
"Actually Molly would you mind putting them down for a nap?"
"No, not at all." She smiled softly at an appreciative Tonks.
After Molly left with the twins, Tonks beckoned Regulus up to her. He ran up to the patio after calling half time on the quiddtich match.
"I swear between Harry and the Weasley twins I`m flat out." He panted.
"It`s good exercise for ya man." Tonks replied patting him on the shoulder.
Regulus laughed as he inhaled deeply.
"Listen Reg I know the kids are tiring you out but I need you to keep them out here for a while."
"Yeah sure Tonks. Is everything alright? Did you just get the twins off or something?" He asked smilingly. Tonks bit her lip as she looked at her cousin.
"No not exactly. It's a bit more serious than that. Actually a lot more serious...Shari collapsed Regulus."
Regulus` eyes widened in horror as he cried incredulously
"What? Tonks please tell me no."
"I think there is something wrong with the babies." She answered despondently.
Regulus scooped a hand through his hair as walked towards the back door saying
"Oh hell God no no! Please God no Tonks. This cannot be happening! Where is she?"
"Sirius has gone with her by ambulance to a nearby muggle hospital."
"Sirius was here? Are James and Lily back yet?"
"Yes, they have gone with them and Remus too."
"Why did nobody tell me before now Tonks? I would have gone."
"You were playing with the kids. It seemed best not to disturb the game."
"My sister-in-law collapses and you think I`m worried about a dam quiddtich game?"
"Actually it's the kids we didn't want to worry. Regulus you cannot tell them especially Harry."
"Tonks I need to go to Sirius..."
"No Regulus you can't. If you go the kids will suspect something is wrong. Remus has promised to inform me the second he knows anything. I will tell you in turn."
He inhales deeply and reluctantly agrees to secrecy on the condition Tonks inform him of any new development.
Back at the hospital Lily is sitting with James and Remus outside Shari`s room. Sirius is pacing enthusiastically up and down the corridor.
"Sirius why don't you sit down?" Lily suggests patting the seat beside her.
"No." Sirius answers as he continues to pace.
"Sirius, Shari will be fine. You heard the doctor. He said it was a simple procedure."
Sirius stops mid pace as he turns abruptly to face his friend.
"James, she has a hernia. You were there when Dr. Frankenstein took her away. You heard what he said. He said he wasn't sure whether my kids would be affected. We could lose our unborn babies." He exclaimed saddened by the thought.
"I know Sirius mate." James answers despondently.
"It`s all my fault." Sirius says flatly.
"No it's not Sirius." Remus replies supportively.
"It is Remus. You weren't there in the kitchen when she was practically begging me to take her pain away. She was begging me and I didn't do a thing except attack her for not wanting our babies. I`m the selfish one."
"Sirius you didn't know what was wrong. None of us did. Let's not play the blame game."
Lily, she is my wife. I am supposed to protect her not put her in harm's way."
You didn't do this to her Sirius." Lily exclaims
"I am the one who got her pregnant. This may never have happened if I didn't..."
"We can't know that for sure Sirius. This could have happened whether Shari was pregnant or not..."
"I don't buy it Remus. I don't buy it." Sirius said as he took the vacant seat beside Lily. He leaned forward, covering his face with his hands. Lily rubbed his back. The doctor came down the corridor. Lily tapped Sirius alerting him to this. All four of them stood up.
"Doctor, how is she? How is my wife?" Sirius enquired anxiously hoping for a positive result.
"Your wife is doing well Mr. Black. The operation was a success for the most part. Your wife is in recovery. I can take you to her if you like."
"What do you mean for the most part?"
"Mr. Black I am so sorry to inform you but the reason your wife was suffering agonising pain was not only because of a hernia but also due to a miscarriage. I am so sorry" Sirius stared at him incredulously. He began to shake. The shock of this information went straight through him. His friends looked at each other deeply saddened by this news.
"You`re lying. No, you said it was a hernia." Sirius exclaimed in a tone of denial.
"She did have a hernia and we have successfully operated on her. However, we saw evidence of spotting when she first arrived and after further tests we sadly must convey that she has miscarried." Dr. Morris crossed his hands in front as he looked at Sirius and his friends in turn.
"This is my fault." Sirius stuttered as he buried his face with his left hand.
"No, it is not your fault nor is it your wife`s fault. This is just one of nature`s greatest and saddest mysteries. We have parents in here every day experiencing what you are experiencing. I wish there was a better explanation Mr. Black I really do..."
"Sirius."
"I`m sorry?" He asked perplexed.
"Please call me Sirius." Sirius requested in a low voice as he stared at the floor.
"Ok then Sirius. I can take you to your wife if you like?"
Sirius nodded his head. The doctor smiled as he led the way.
"Could you guys just give us a minute please?" Sirius asked turning to his friends who all did as he requested.
"We will be here when you want us mate." James called after him.
Inside Shari was laying there looking like she had been through the worst experience of her life and in truth, she had. She was drowsy but conscious.
Sirius took her hand as he sat on the seat next to her bed. He smiled weakly at her.
"Hey Sirius." She called as she smiled softly at him. Sirius returned a weak smile as he brushed her hair off her face.
"How are you feeling Shari?" He asked absentmindedly running his fingers along hers.
"I`m ok but I guess that will soon change once the morphine dose expires." She laughed lightly as Sirius nodded in agreement.
Shari turns her head sideways. Sirius is focusing on her hand still. She softly calls out to him.
"Sirius, is there something that you are not telling me?"
He looks at her sheepishly "Like what Shars?"
"Sirius, please I know you. I know there is something going on. Is the babies? I didn't mean what I said earlier you know? I do want them more than anything..."
"I know you do love." Sirius answers simply as he smiles lamely at her, still clutching her hand. She stares at him with one eyebrow raised; an indication to tell her now what he knows and what she needs to know in turn. Sirius relinquishes his grasp on her hand as he rubs his face with both hands. He releases an exhausted sigh as he faces her and says.
"Shari, you`re right. I do need to tell you something. I wish it was better news, I really do."
"Just tell me Sirius." She says firmly. He nods his head as he continues.
"The doctor who operated on you came to talk to me shortly after I came to see you. He said it was a success and that you would be fine..."
"...and the babies Sirius? Please tell me they are ok." She begged fearful of the answer.
Sirius looked at her, despondency etched on his face. Shari knew the news was grim.
"I am so sorry Shari. The doctor he said...he said your pain was a contribution of a hernia and...and a miscarriage." Sirius lowers his head on to the bed. He sobs lightly. It seems he is the only one. He raises his head, wipes away stray tears and looks at his wife who appears frozen. Shari is lying on the bed with her head facing Sirius but her eyes are looking towards the window. He touches her hand lightly. She doesn't move.
"Shari did you hear what I just said?" He asks softly. She mutters something inaudible. She repeats it on Sirius` request.
"Just go." Sirius stares at her in awe. He doesn't comprehend her behaviour after what they both just experienced. Nevertheless he obliges. He slowly rises from the chair as he leaves the room, looking back at his wife who is still starring out the window.
Outside his three friends are waiting for him. They rise from their seats when they see him approaching. Sirius walks towards them with his head lowered and brow furrowed. James encourages Lily to speak to him first. She calls out to him.
"Sirius what happened? How did Shari take the news?"
Sirius stops in front of them. He looks at each of them pensively. He folds his arms across his chest as he declares their worst fears.
"She said nothing. She didn't even seem to care. All she wanted was to be left alone."
He lowers himself into a nearby seat as his friends mimic his actions.
"How can she not care that we just lost our children?" Sirius searches their faces for answers but simply receives sympathetic eyes. Lily, who is seated beside him, rubs his shoulder saying
"Hey Sirius, do you want me to talk to her? I`m sure she is just trying to absorb it all."
"Yeah, maybe you`re right Lil. I think that we should all just give her some space for now. I`m going to check when she can come home."
"Ok Sirius." Lily replies smiling sympathetically after him.
"How can she shut him out like this? He is the only one who can really help her through this."
"James, none of us know what Shari is going through but Shari. She will open up when she is ready so until then we all need to be patient including Sirius." Remus said.
"Remus is right James. Sirius is who we need to focus on now." Lily offered her husband a small smile. He reciprocated it weakly.
"The doctor said Shari can go home tomorrow morning. They just need to keep her in for overnight observation. I`ll come back later tonight." Sirius said matter-of-factly.
"Let`s get you home mate." James said standing up and clasping his friends shoulder. The three of them walked out of the hospital and apparated home.
As soon as they arrived they were welcomed enthusiastically by Samia and Kyrah running down the stairs shouting "Daddy! Daddy!" They ran straight to their father who hugged them together. "How are my beautiful angels? I hope ye had a fun day." He forces a warm smile for his beloved daughters. He didn't want them to sense his sadness just yet.
"We were playing quiddtich with Harry and the Weasleys!" Samia exclaimed jovially.
"Oh yeah? Did you guys win?" Sirius asked continuing with his happy pretence.
"Yeah, of course. We couldn't lose with Harry on our side. Uncle Regulus was the referee so I think our team won because of him." Kyrah exclaimed chirpily.
"Oh, well I sure hope he did show his favourite nieces favouritism. I would have to have words if he didn't." They giggled as Sirius winked at them.
"Where is mom?" Samia asked looking behind the three adults.
"Well Sam, mom was sick but she is better now. The doctor just wants to keep her with him overnight just to make sure she is good to come home tomorrow."
"Hey Samia, Kyrah, what do you say we go down to the kitchen and make some cookies? I think your dad has had a tough day and needs some rest." Lily said as she caught both their hands and led them away from Sirius.
"COOKIES! YAY!" They exclaimed exasperated as they ran down to the kitchen with Lily. Lily smiled softly back at Sirius who winked and saluted her.
"You know where we are mate." James said as he patted his shoulder and walked towards the kitchen.
"I do Prongs and thanks for today. You too Moony. I couldn't have gotten through it without you."
"What are friends for Padfoot?" Remus said slapping Sirius` arm lightly as he followed James. Sirius sighed to himself as he looked up at the dark stairway. He ventured up to his room on the third floor to try and get some rest even though he didn't believe such a thing were possible. As he reached the second floor he heard someone call his name. He looked up to find Arielle standing at her bedroom door.
"Oh hey Arielle. How are you doing?"
"I`m ok Sirius but more importantly how are you?"
"I`m fine love." He smiled drily at her. She beamed back at him.
"So, what do you say me and you hang out Sirius?" She called out as Sirius continued walking to the next floor.
"No, not today Arielle. I need to lie down for a while angel."
"Are you ok Sirius? You don't seem yourself." She said quizzically as she followed him up the stairs.
"Arielle, please, I`ll be fine. Why don't you go play with Ginny?" Sirius was trying to keep his temper even with her. She was completely oblivious to Sirius` black and cloud and he in turn was determined to not lose it. However, she was testing him.
"I don't want to play Sirius. I want to duel. Well obviously it would be a mock duel..."
"Arielle! That is enough. I have a splitting headache sweetheart so please, stop." Sirius stood on the stairs and placed both this hands in front, signalling her to stop talking. Of course he immediately regretted his actions.
"Ok, Sirius I`m sorry. I just thought that maybe we could practice spells to fight off Voldemort and his goons."
Sirius sat at the top step of the third floor and said
"Arielle, there are so many other hideous things in this world that we have no control over. Voldemort might be deranged but he is not worth thinking about 24/7. Trust me when I say he isn't worth spitting on. So please babe go and have fun because that is what life should be about." He offered her a short smile as he clutched the banister to aid himself up. Then he turned around to walk straight to his bedroom.
"It's fun when you are here Sirius." She called out, still following him.
"I appreciate that angel I really do. Arielle I`m old and tired. There are people downstairs who you can have a hundred times more fun with than me."
"Not like you can Sirius..." She said smiling happily. Sirius had his back to her when he roared
"DAM IT ARIELLE WILL YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE?"
Immediately Sirius regretted his action. Arielle stared at him stunned with sadness. Sirius banged his hand against his forehead. He looked back and she was gone. He sighed, frustrated that he shouted at someone so innocent and ignorant of his day, like Arielle was. He walked to his room muttering "dam" under his breath. He reached his room and closed the door behind him. He then went to his bed and threw himself down on top of it. As Sirius lay on his back with his hands behind his head, his eyes fixated on the now dark, moon lit ceiling, all he could think about was how much pain he had inflicted on Arielle.
"She is a child Sirius. She was oblivious to how tragic your day has been." Sirius told himself.
"Arielle is so sweet and angelic. You know for absolute certainty that if she were aware of what happened today, she would have done everything in her power to relieve you of your pain. She loves you Sirius and you love her so why don't you go and tell her this?"
Sirius slowly raised himself off the bed. He sat at the edge, contemplating how he would best convey his apologies to Arielle so that she would know it was nothing personal. With that there was a knock on his door. He jerked his head in its direction as he ordered whoever it was to come in. As the door knob turned, Sirius expecting to find Arielle on the other side, stood up, preparing himself to welcome her warmly. The door swung open and standing there was not Arielle but Tonks. There was no light in the room however, the light from the hallway illuminated the hidden pain on her cousin`s feigned smiling face. She looked at him sympathetically before running to hug him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck as he wrapped his around her back.
"I am so sorry Sirius." Tonks whispered into his ear. She released her grip on him; standing back she saw the sadness he had tried to hide from her. Sirius had his head bowed and eyes closed. He was determined to imprison his tears for now. He inhaled deeply, shot his eyes open, exhaled as he raised his head to look at his young cousin. Her expression perfectly mirrored his inner turmoil. He stepped closer to her as he placed his index finger against her lips and said in a soft, barely audible tone;
"I appreciate that Tonks. I really do love. However, right now I am trying to be strong for Shari and my kids downstairs who need me." He removed his finger so she could speak.
"Sirius, you cannot keep your emotions about this bottled up. Eventually it will explode within you. If Shari doesn't want to acknowledge what has happened, it does not mean that you have to do the same. People grieve in different ways Sirius." She stated poignantly.
"You don't think I know that Tonks?" Sirius asked smiling cynically.
"I think that right now you are in too fragile a state to be thinking clearly."
"Tonks I will be fine." Sirius assured her firmly.
"No you won't Sirius. You need to acknowledge that you have lost your unborn sons. Once you have done that and have in turn grieved for them then and only then can you move on with your life."
"Are you some sort of authority on grief now Tonks?" He asked irritably.
"No I`m not but I know what grief does to people when they mess with nature. It is natural to be sad and even angry that this happened Sirius. The sooner you deal with this, the sooner you can be there for Shari, your kids and most importantly, yourself."
Sirius studied her pensively momentarily. He knew she was right, that grieving is an essential part of mourning the loss of someone you love. But how was he supposed to mourn someone he never met as well as being there for his family during this difficult time. This was not just about him. This also affected his four children who needed him downstairs. Shari, what about Shari? She had just experienced the most painful experience in a woman`s life. The loss of a child is difficult enough but to lose two? Sirius was the glue holding his family together. Shari had completely shut down on him. She wouldn't speak to him, she wouldn't look at him, and she wouldn't even touch him. Samia and Kyrah, his two precious daughters, they were two young to understand a tragedy such as this. It would be bad enough trying to explain to them why their mother was suddenly so sad without their father mirroring her behaviour. Sirius was determined to remain strong for their sake. Ryan and Rob on the other hand would of course be able to comprehend the significance of this tragic situation. Sirius felt more at ease portraying natural, raw emotions around his sons.
"I need to speak to Ryan and Rob. Where are they?" Sirius asked as he walked to the door.
"They are in the kitchen. Do you want me to get them for you?" Tonks asked following him.
"No, Tonks I`ll go to the kitchen. I need some food anyway. Are you coming?"
She nodded her head and followed Sirius down to the kitchen.
Down in the kitchen, Harry was playing wizard's chess with Ron at the table. Ryan and Rob were mere spectators, sitting beside Harry and Ron respectively.
"Well aren`t ye a sight for sore eyes?" Sirius exclaimed jovially as he walked into the kitchen. All four sets of eyes focused on Sirius. Sirius sat down next to Ryan. His eyes returned Harry`s anxious gaze. He knew Harry was unsure of what to say to him. Sirius was in no form to be pitied so he pointed to the chess board as he addressed Harry and said
"If you move your queen to e5 it will be an easy play mate." Harry smiled back a little at Sirius as he instructed his queen to do just that. Sirius was right.
"Thanks Sirius." Harry said flatly.
"You`re welcome Prongslet." Sirius replied with a wink.
"Dad told me about what happened..." Sirius held up a hand to stop him from going any further.
"I`m going to stop you right there Harry. I came down here with the initial intention of speaking to Rob and Ryan but now I see I don't need to do that. I won't lie to you fellas and say its all hunky dorey because it is not. It is a bittersweet time for our family. It`s bitter because we have lost two future marauders and its sweet because we still have each other. I can`t begin to articulate how much I miss my sons that I will never know. It hurts all over. I do know that I will heal in time with your help but I will never forget them. I don't want to forget them. I don't want any of us to forget them. It`s ok to be sad you know? Life sucks sometimes but it is also so beautiful. Shari will be home tomorrow. She is going to need all the support you got in you. She has shut me out completely but maybe she will open up to one of you. If she does then please be there for her. If she opens her heart to you then listen to her, tell her whatever you think will help her. Do not under any circumstance come and get me unless she asks you to. I have resigned myself to the fact that it may be a while before she wants to talk to me about this. That is why I need everybody on board. That is all I want to say." Harry and Rob turned to one another, both wearing the same compassionate look. They rose from their seats as they walked around the table to where Sirius was sitting. Sirius turned his body to face them. They sat on either side of him, wrapping an arm around him. Ryan and Rob followed suit as Sirius embraced all four of them fondly.
James and Lily were in the second floor sitting room with Remus and Tonks watching the news when Sirius walked in. Sirius smiled at them as he sat in the vacant arm chair behind the door. He looked at them all and saw miserable faces.
"I don't want to be pitied not by you Prongs or Moony so please smile." Sirius grinned at his friends who merely eyed him with uncertainty.
"Sirius, don't think you can't be sad around us." Lily said softly.
"You seem to be doing a good job at that for me Lily flower." He stated flatly.
"Sirius..." Tonks started but Sirius cut her off.
"No Tonks please just listen ok. I have been down in the kitchen for the last hour with four of the kids. I have explicitly told them that this is a sad occasion but that it doesn't mean we all need to be sad all day every day. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Right now I don't feel as sad as I did before. So please, stop acting like miserable, moping muppets."
"Have you told Samia and Kyrah?" Remus asked.
"No I haven't mate because they didn't even know Shari was pregnant. We decided to tell them after we got passed the three month period. At least that way if anything did go wrong we wouldn't have to explain to them. In saying that we didn't expect this to happen and no Lily, Tonks, I don't need a tissue or a hug ok?" They all laughed a little which made Sirius feel more at ease.
"What time is Shari coming out tomorrow?" James asked.
"I`m not sure. The doctor said tomorrow morning. I`ll go up about nine or so and see what the story is. I did intend to go up tonight but I just couldn't deal with her rejection again."
"You need time to help yourself too Sirius." Tonks stated
"Yes, that is what I have been doing love. I hope tomorrow she will at least look at me but if not then I need ye to be there for her."
"Of course Sirius." They replied in unison.
Sirius smiled his gratitude.
"If it's ok with you guys I think I might head to bed, not that I envisage getting much sleep tonight." His friends smiled sadly as Sirius got up and approached the door.
"Thank you for today. Good night." Sirius called before leaving the room.
"Good night Sirius." They answered.
Before returning to his room Sirius thought he needed to make amends with Arielle. He knocked gingerly on her door, conscious of the fact that she or other people on the floor may be asleep. He was relieved when she opened the door, still dressed in her day clothes.
"Hi Sirius." She meekly called. Sirius smiled affectionately at her as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.
"Hi angel. How are you?" He enquired sincerely.
"I`m doing ok Sirius. How about you? I heard what happened and I apologise for my earlier behaviour. If I had known..."
"Shhh angel don`t say that ok? You didn't know then what you do know now. I am the one who should be apologising to you. I was sad and hurt, I still am but I`ll get there. I should not have snapped at you. You are so much like your mother you know? You are sweet, kind, caring and warm. I love you for that you know?"
"I love you too Sirius." She replied as she threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. He embraced her securely as he stroked her hair. He then kissed the top of her head before he relinquished her. She quirked a small smile which Sirius returned. He tapped her lightly on the cheek and said "Goodnight Airs."
"Goodnight Sirius." Sirius winked at her before walking to his own room. Arielle closed the door as soon as he was out of sight, relieved that she wasn't despised but loved instead.