Housekeeping

Thoughts

Sexy Scarecrow Voice

Speaking

Chapter 29: The Culinary Clown

(Starting right off with the good stuff since my readers are just that awesome)

My pregnancy must be a big turn on to all the guys because Edward was kissing me like no tomorrow against his door. He'd actually willingly ripped his own shirt off and broke the zipper on his dress pants.

"V just knowing that a little puzzle baby is growing inside of you makes me so excited." Edward was kissing up and down my neck and his fingers were going wild inside of me.

My brain was about melted from my earlier romp with Scarecrow and I could only moan at his ministrations. He ripped out of his boxers and was inside me in seconds. The door started shaking in its hinges as Edward started pounding me to heaven. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my hands fisted in his hair. His mouth was everywhere leaving bruising kisses on my skin and I wasn't exactly being subtle. He drove me over the edge again and again before joining me with a low moan.

"Gods V, my riddle queen. Mother to my puzzle babies." He nuzzled against my neck and he moved us to the bed with shaky legs.

(There ya go)

I laid my head on his shoulder and traced his scar with my fingertips as he held me close. For now everything was alright with the world and I drifted off into an orgasmic induced slumber.

I wanted to roll over but I was so warm and toasty. I cracked my eyes open to find Edward just snuggling me with a grin on his face. His hand cupped my lower stomach gently and he had stars shining behind his eyes. I nuzzled against his chin and he chuckled a bit to himself.

"Okay V we can't spend all day in bed; even though I want to. I've gotta make sure that I keep both my babies fed so lets get some food in you hmm?" He untangled his limbs from mine and helped me into a pair of his boxers and one of his dress shirts. By the time I finished fixing my green hair he was already slipping a pair of pants on and pulling me out of bed.

"As long as Joker isn't cooking I think I'll be alright." I followed him into the kitchen but we both froze seeing none other then Joker cooking right in front of us.

"Ah finally up I see. Now that little clown in my wife's belly needs to get fed so put her at the table." He waved a large wooden spoon at Edward and I was instantly carted to a chair. Edward sat down nervously next to me and Scarecrow popped up to my right. He was just peeking over the top of the table at Joker and I tugged on his hat to get his attention.

"Shh woman. I'm stalking my enemy, that painted freak nearly took out my Johnnie boy with cut vegetables. I need to find a way to kill him, and maybe get you off under the table." He shot a grin with his burlap lips before turning to watch Joker again. I suddenly became very nervous as Joker checked something in the oven before using the giant spoon to stir something in a large pot on top of the stove.

"Eddie I'm getting kinda scared." I looked over to him and he was pale. We shared a look before Joker slammed some bowls down on the counter. We both jumped and snapped our gazes to Joker. He poured some soup like liquid into both bowls and walked over to us. He set both steaming bowls down and tossed some spoons our way.

"Enjoy my little missus." Joker sat down and stared intently at me. "Now feed that brat growing in your stomach." He pointed at my bowl and I shakily picked up my spoon. I looked down at my bowl and my stomach actually growled. It looked like vegetable beef soup and smelled good. I took a small spoonful and tasted it. My eyes grew wide and I quickly began eating as if my life depended on it. This was friggin delicious! My bowl was nearly empty by the time Edward took his first bite. He gagged and it looked like it took all his willpower to swallow. He pushed his bowl to me and I quickly devoured it, I don't know what was in it but both me and my baby wanted more.

"Joker more please." I held out Edward's now empty bowl and Joker actually looked surprised. He cocked his eyebrow and looked at the empty bowls for a moment.

"You uh liked that?" He licked his scars and grabbed both bowels before refilling one and placing it in front of me. I ate six more bowls before my stomach screamed at me stop. I groaned and rubbed my belly making both Edward and Joker look shocked.

"I don't know what was in that but the baby loved it." I felt all warm and fuzzy inside and I leaned back in my chair. I thought Joker couldn't cook.

"Well now look at that, I did something that not even the great Edward Nigma could do." Joker taunted. "I cooked…and it was edible." He chuckled and dropped the dishes into the sink with a loud clank. All this food made me drowsy and I laid my head down on the table and fell asleep while Joker and Edward were bickering.

Oh god I'm gonna be sick! My eyes snapped open and I quickly launched myself off the bed I was on and hurtled to the bathroom. I kicked the door shut behind me before emptying my stomach to the point it hurt. I dry heaved for awhile and clung to the porcelain throne until my eyes stopped watering. I took a few calming breaths and flushed away the mess before staggering to the sink to clean my mouth out. I brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash, twice.

"Morning sickness already V?" Scarecrow appeared behind me in the mirror and I groaned putting on my best puppy dog eyes. He chuckled and walked up behind me to wrap his arms around me. I leaned back against him and held onto his arms.

"Hey Crow?" Something had been plaguing me in the back of my mind.

"Yea V?" He nuzzled the top of my head and I smiled.

"Does Jonathan know anything about babies or am I going to need to get a doctor?" Scarecrow froze behind me and his eyes snapped open.

"Uh you might wanna ask him. I never really thought about that, doesn't the baby just grow and pop out when it's ready?"

"I wanna make sure that the baby grows up healthy. Kinda need a doctor or a nurse for that."

"I'm gonna go get Jonathan from his meeting, maybe one of the other guys know. You should ask, I'll be back in two shakes of a Scarecrow's tail." He was gone in an instant and I sighed.

"Scarecrows don't have tails." I shook my head and left the bathroom in search of the other guys. Joker was cooking again and Edward was tied to a chair, gagged, with a bowl in front of him. It looked like torture and once he saw me he sent me a pleading look with his eyes.

"Ahh Mrs. J good timing. I'm testing out my new recipe for potato soup, care to partake?" Joker grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and I sat down. Edward was frantically shaking his head from side to side as if to warn me.

"Actually before I eat I had a question to ask both of you." Joker turned and looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Shoot Mrs. J, what's on your mind?" He walked over and sat down at the table close to Edward. He pulled the gag out of Edward's mouth and leaned back in his chair.

"How much do you guys know about prenatal care? I want to make sure the baby's healthy but I wasn't sure if I should just go walk into a clinic or if you guys knew anybody." Both guys looked at me clueless.

"What brought this on V?" Edward was trying to free himself of his bonds without Joker noticing.

"Well I've started to get, um, morning sickness. And cravings." I rubbed my stomach wondering why I was craving nacho flavored ice cream.

"How far along are you Mrs. J?" Joker was resting his head on one of his hands and motioned towards my stomach.

"I have no idea Joker. I'd like to find out though, and I'm getting really hungry." I pouted and Joker was instantly on his feet spooning some potato soup into a bowl and setting it in front of me. I took a bite and the next thing I knew the bowl was empty.

"What exactly are you craving V?" Edward had gotten himself free and was now at my side gently rubbing my stomach. He looked like he didn't trust Joker's cooking at all.

"Well besides Jokers cooking, nacho flavored ice cream." I had a weird taste on my tongue and I quickly pushed Edward away and ran to the nearest bathroom. Once again my stomach emptied itself and my eyes burned. What the hell did this baby want? I sat in front of the toilet for awhile until I heard a knock from the door frame.

"Hey V, you look like hell." Jonathan looked worried and looked like he didn't want to come any closer.

"I'm not gonna hurt you Jonathan. The baby's just keeping me from eating that's all." I sighed and stood up with shaky legs. At once Jonathan was by my side holding onto me. He walked me to the sink where I brushed my teeth yet again and caught my breath.

"Maybe we should drop you off at a clinic." I snapped my gaze to Jonathan who raised a finger to my lips to shush me before I could snap at him. "We're kind of recognizable V. I don't want the bat finding out that you've got a future rogue growing in you." He pulled me against him and nuzzled into my hair with a sigh.

"What about Scarecrow? Is there a way that I can bring him along without him driving?" I peeked up at him as he stiffened.

"I really don't like that he can just pop into you at will V."

"I could try it. I wanna see my little baby inside V anyways, they can do that ultrasound thing and I'll be the first to see them." Scarecrow appeared with a giant grin on his face.

"V I'm going to have a chat with Crow here, go try to get some food to stay in you." Jonathan ushered me out of the room towards the kitchen and I sat down once again. A bowl of soup was placed before me and Edward sat at my side.

"V I don't know how you eat this stuff but I'm not letting my baby starve." Edward sighed and rested his head on my shoulder. I nuzzled his hair making him chuckle before I dug into the soup. I tried to eat it slowly to see if that would help and it did a little bit. I managed to keep two bowls down and I celebrated a bit in my head.

"Okay V it's decided." Jonathan walked out of his room and adjusted his suit. "Scarecrow will go with you to make sure nothing happens but you're taking a few of Edward's goons with you. I'm sure he won't mind letting you borrow some to take you to the clinic."

"You're letting her go alone?" Edward was on his feet in an instant. "If anything happens to my wife or my baby I will personally riddle you to death Jonathan."

"Just go call your men, I'm sure V wants to get there and home as quickly as possible." Edward stalked to his room and I could hear him talking angrily on his phone. I stood up and looked down at my clothes.

"Do you guys think you can go without killing each other while I'm out?" I pouted and headed towards where I kept my small stash of clothing. I pulled out a loose fitting pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"I'm sure we'll be fine V." Jonathan sounded unsure and I gave him a look. "It's just weird not having Scarecrow in my head all the time. Well he's there but he's not."

"And where is he?" I slipped into the clothing and pulled some shoes on.

'Right here baby.' The voice echoed in my head sending a strange buzzing behind my eyes. I blinked it away and I felt Scarecrow brush against my soul making me relax.

"Gotta let me know when you're gonna hop in me Crow. I don't like you sneaking into my body." I pouted and Jonathan sighed before walking over and wrapping his arms around me.

"Relax V I don't know how he feels for you but as long as it's not the icy chill of death I'll be fine." Scarecrow chuckled in the back of my head at this and I snuggled against Jonathan's chest.

"Actually Scarecrow feels all warm and fuzzy, like I'm full of kittens." Jonathan froze and Crow shifted uncomfortably against my soul.

"Kittens?" Jonathan looked shocked and a big grin spread across his face. "Scarecrow has a softer side?"

'Damn it woman you're ruining my reputation with my host. I'm gonna have to pound him back into shape once we're done with everything.' Crow huffed and I felt like I'd wounded his pride.

'I'll make it up to you later my big strong straw daddy.' I purred in my head making him groan. I chuckled before pulling my attention back out of my head.

"V you looked a little dazed there." Jonathan was stroking my hair and I was about to say something before a loud pounding started on the front door. I was instantly shoved behind Jonathan who had a canister of fear gas ready to go. Edward waltzed out of his room in full Riddler suit and opened the door. Two confused looking goons waltzed in wearing green outfits. They looked halfway normal but very uncomfortable.

"Finally I called you buffoons almost five minutes ago! Here's the address wait outside and bring her right home or I'll end you both." Edward hissed and Jonathan relaxed.

"I'll hurry home." I pulled Jonathan down for a kiss before walking over to Edward and kissing him as well. He relaxed against me but still shot a murderous glare at his goons. They quickly ushered me out to a small white car and strapped me into the passenger seat. The goon driving wasn't taking any chances and drove like an old woman.

Eventually we made it to a small clinic on the edge of Gotham and they waited outside while I walked in. I checked in and they didn't ask for much information, which I was glad because I didn't even have my ID with me. All too soon I was taken into the back where they seemed to rush through all the tests. I was weighed, had to pee in a cup, blood drawn, temperature, etc. My head was spinning from being carted around so quickly and I was finally sitting down on a table. A tired looking nurse carted in the ultrasound machine and had me lie on my back.

"Ah that's cold!" She had me pull my shirt up and pants down while she squirted the cold jelly on my belly.

'This is weird V. What is that goop? It makes me feel queasy.' Crow poked at my mind and shifted uncomfortably.

'Don't you dare throw up inside my head. And its ultrasound jelly, they use it to help slide the machine around I think.' The nurse pressed the machine against my stomach and moved it around until she could get a clear picture of my baby.

'What are those little squiggly things? Is that a baby or a parasite?' Crow squeezed against my soul as he tried to get a better view through my eyes.

"Well would you look at that." The nurse sounded sarcastic and took some pictures for me to take home with me.

"Is that?" My eyes were wide and my jaw dropped.

"Congratulations, its twins. You look to be about six weeks along and they look healthy so far." The nurse handed me the pictures and a towel to clean myself off.

"Wait so I'm about a month and a half already?" I was that far along? How did I not notice this before?

'Twins.' Scarecrow went silent after that and I wondered if he actually passed out. I cleaned myself off and thanked the nurse. She just handed me a card and a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. I officially had a nurse to oversee the babies and I was a little dizzy from the information. Twins. Two babies. I had two babies growing inside me. The two goons dropped me back off at home and drove off just as quickly as they'd arrived. I walked inside and saw all three guys pacing nervously; they froze and turned their gazes to me once I'd closed the door.

"Well?" Joker blurted out.

"Is the baby healthy?" Edward was wringing his cane between his hands tightly.

"Are you alright V?" Jonathan kept looking from me to my stomach.

"Well I'm fine," I pulled the pictures from my pocket. "And I brought pictures of the babies."

"Babies?" All three men choked out with wide eyes.

"Yea looks like I'm having twins." All three men were pale and a collective thud when down as all three of them passed out. My eyes went wide and shock flooded my system. Scarecrow appeared next to me pale and rubbed the back of his head.

"Give them time V. They're all new daddies and need to let their minds adapt to the fact that there's gonna be two bundles of chaos instead of one." He moved to rub my stomach softly. "Two little crows to cause worldwide domination."

"What am I going to do about the guys though, they're gonna wake up right?"I bit my lip nervously.

"Well I have an idea of what we could do while they're out." Crow chuckled huskily into my ear and pulled me towards Joker's room.