Author's Notes:

Here I am with a new Ivory Tales chapter! X3 I guess you have been waiting for the 'confession' chapter for a loooong time, but I fear it didn't turn out that good. It's getting a bit cheesy. You'll see what I mean in a bit! XD

Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

Kapitel 12 - Confession

The next morning, Ellen only woke up when someone knocked at her door.

"Ellen? Are you in there?", she heard Linali's voice and sat up in bed slowly.

"Yes…", she said, stifling a yawn. The door opened and the Chinese girl came inside.

"You're still in bed?", she asked with a smile, "Didn't you want to go to the sermon?". Ellen rubbed her face with her hands to shake off the sleepiness and got up.

"I could not fall asleep yesterday because I was thinking so hard", she admitted and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why did you have to plant such strange ideas in my head?", she wondered when she remembered all the things going through her head the last evening. Linali had to laugh and helped her to pull off her nightgown.

"Don't blame me, Ellen! You said you liked Kanda, it's easy to misunderstand such a thing. But why did you still think about it?"

"I do not really know… Maybe because he is the first one…", she tried to answer, her arms folded over her chest to hide her naked breasts.

"I know it's easy to mistake friendship and affection for love… I guess it's hard to draw a line… Especially for young girls…", Linali said and pulled a white bra from a bag she was carrying with her. "Here, for you. I hope it's not too big". Ellen took the piece of underwear sceptically and needed Linali's help to put it on. "No, it fits perfectly! Doesn't it make you feel more feminine?". Ellen turned to the mirror and inspected her chest.

"Well… It looks better like that… But I guess my chest is still rather small…"

"You're fifteen, Ellen. If you gain some weight and wait a little bit it'll be alright", Linali assured her and patted the girl's head. Ellen smiled slightly then went to get her dress.

"Thank you… Do you think this dress is nice enough?", she asked and showed her the white dress, she had acquired with the trousers, back in the town where she had separated from General Cross. It was quite simple with a high neck and a ribbon around the waist. "It is far simpler than the dresses I wore to church at home…"

"I like it, Ellen! It will surely look great on you!", Linali replied and helped Ellen put it on. When they were done she inspected the girl. "You look gorgeous! The dress fits perfectly! Look at yourself!", she exclaimed and pushed Ellen towards the mirror. Ellen looked at her reflection and smiled.

"Really… It fits… And it feels good to be wearing a dress…", she told Linali and turned around.

"Let me do your hair now or you'll be late for the sermon!". Ellen nodded and she sat down at her writing desk. Linali combed her hair and plaited it into two braids with two red ribbons.

"How cute you look! Like a doll!", she exclaimed and inspected the girl.

"Mana always said that!", Ellen giggled and looked at herself.

"Let me get you your shoes. Would you like the black leather shoes?". Ellen nodded and Linali handed her the shoes. Ellen slipped in and looked at herself in the mirror, her reflection pleasing her.

"Thank you so much Linali!", she said and hugged the Chinese girl.

"You're welcome! Now hurry up!", she answered and pushed her towards the door. Ellen looked at her with a confused frown.

"You will not come?", she asked and Linali shook her head.

"I am busy today! But I'm sure we'll meet at lunch or dinner, right?". The two girls left the room and headed in the direction of the Order's chapel.

"That would be nice. I will see you there", Ellen told her, then they parted ways. The girl found her way to the chapel quite fast and pushed open the big wooden doors. They creaked slightly and opened to a big, dimly-lit hall with rows of wooden benches. The walls were decorated with gold-rimmed pictures of angels and saints, the windows were high, arched and made of stained glass. In the very front, behind a richly decorated altar, was a big organ with many golden pipes. The front rows were already filled with various people, mostly finders or staff. Ellen chose to sit at the back, in the shadow of a pillar, and enjoyed the deep voice of the priest at the altar and the melancholic tune of the organ.

She vaguely heard the creaking of the door, the noise being easily drowned by the music. She only became aware of another person, when she heard someone sitting down next to her. Not thinking much about it for a moment or two, Ellen decided to turn her head and greet the person. But when she did look to the side she saw Kanda sitting next to her. He looked straight ahead, wearing black trousers, a white shirt and a black tie. Ellen stared at him for some time then slowly averted her eyes again, her face paling swiftly. Kanda didn't say anything and they silently listened to the priest preaching, without Ellen really hearing anything. Ellen didn't know what she was supposed to say and thus remained silent for a long time.

"Kanda… I…", she finally started in a whisper and he turned his face to look at her.

"I knew…", he told her. Ellen stared at him, speechless and the silence returned between them. Now, with the first shock gone, Ellen was very embarrassed.

"Why are you here? You…", she started, looking down at her hands.

"I knew that you'd be here", he answered, interrupting her. She felt trapped and scared; she had wanted to tell him, but it shouldn't have been like this!

"Are you… angry with me…? I… I did not mean to lie to you", she whispered, intently looking at her folded hands.

"You didn't lie, you just didn't tell me. I don't care…", he replied with an even voice, his words surprising the young girl. Ellen didn't know whether he meant it or not as she didn't dare to look at this face. "I don't care why you did it. I only want to know why you didn't want to tell me…".

"I… Because I AM a girl, right?", she told him, hands clenching on the fabric of her skirt. "Because girls should not fight. Because you would have acted differently. Because you would not have wanted me". She raised her eyes to meet his, expecting to find an angry scowl, but she could see that he was calm.

"Linali must have told you…", he said, then nodded, "Yes, I don't approve that the order sends women to war. But I wouldn't have refused you, as you were my responsibility…"

"Kanda…I…", Ellen whispered, still very sorry and on the verge of tears.

"I don't mind you being a girl, you're an exorcist after all. But I'll still protect you", he promised. The girl looked at him, her eyes wide, then the tears started to fall. Silently she turned her upper body in his direction and before Kanda could react he had her thin arms wrapped around his neck, the soft fabric of her dress brushing against his skin.

"I am sorry", she whispered, "I really am". Kanda did not speak, but he lifted his arms to put them around her body. She was warm and small. He realized that this was the first time he hugged a girl and somehow he knew that she would be the only one he ever truly wanted to embrace.

So he let her cry, head buried in the crook of his neck until she had calmed. He didn't really know why he tried to comfort her, he would have liked to be detached from her emotions, but he just couldn't bring himself to be and he didn't even feel awkward about it. The sermon had already finished and most people had left the chapel, no one was there to bother them.

"It's lunchtime", he announced, letting go of the girl as she began to stir. Ellen looked up at him, eyes red, and smiled.

"Thank you, Kanda. You truly are a gentleman…". Kanda frowned, but pulled her to her feet. They walked through the chapel doors. "Will anything change?"

"No idea, beansprout, but why should it", he answered, shrugging. Ellen wiped away her tears and put a bright smile on her face.

"Dou you want to take my arm then?", she asked and looked up at him.

"Why?", he wanted to know sceptically, raising an eyebrow.

"It would be nice to be escorted", came her innocent answer. Kanda groaned.

"Stop being such a girl. Just because I know doesn't mean I like your antics", but he held out his arm to her, which she gladly took.

"I reckoned as much. But I wanted to know how far I could take it", she joked and Kanda rolled his eyes. How the hell could she change so fast from being reduced to tears to a silly smiling girl? He didn't know and he chose to ignore it. The two of them received some surprised stares from the people they met along the way, but Kanda didn't pay them any attention. "Do you like my dress?".

"It makes you look like a girl", the older exorcist answered, frowning because of the swift change of topic, which made Ellen giggle.

"I take it as a compliment then. Thank you, Kanda".

"Che...", he spat, frowning. They arrived at the dining hall, where a lot of people were already sitting and having their meals.

"Hello Jerry!", Ellen greeted. The cook recognized her and leaned over the counter to look at her.

"Oh my! How fine you look!", he exclaimed, looking at how she had her hands around Kanda's arm, "you weren't training then?"

"No, Kanda and I were at the chapel", she told him. Jerry eyed Kanda suspiciously, but didn't say anything. Most people knew that Kanda didn't care about anything other than having his meal and training. But Jerry didn't mind to hear that he seemed to like spending time with Ellen Walker.

"So what will it be, you two?", he wanted to know.

"Hm… Kanda, you order", the British girl told him and he frowned. "I promised you, did I not?". He sighed, but then she released him and he stepped to the counter, so Jerry could hear him.

"Just prepare a Japanese meal, I don't care what. Huge portions". Jerry laughed and went inside the kitchen to prepare. The two stepped aside to wait for their order.

"Are you really okay with it?", Ellen wondered and he looked down at her.

"It's not as if I could make you change", he said with a frown and the girl laughed, "you're a girl. Fine with me. You could have told me earlier though. Were you planning to hide it forever?", he wondered and she blushed.

"Of course not! I would never do such a thing!", she told him and pouted, "I just liked training with you… I did not want to give it up…". Kanda remained silent. "Uhm… are people looking at me…?", Ellen wondered, as she saw some people turn their heads to stare at her and Kanda.

"Because that's the first time you show your legs. There aren't many women here", Kanda explained.

"So?", Ellen asked and Kanda groaned.

"You're so naïve, aren't you?", he asked and looked at her, "Most people here are men and a woman raises their interest. That's obvious…".

"Ah… Then it is a good thing I am with you. You scare them off", she told him and he smirked, despite himself.

"Kanda, Ellen, here you go!", Jerry announced and handed them four trays loaded with food Ellen had never seen before.

"Let us go find a table!", Ellen exclaimed and went to one in the corner. They sat down and Kanda handed her a fork, because she was starting to eye the chopsticks.

"You'll only embarrass yourself, idiot", he told her, as she started to pout. "Stop making that face!"

"I will. Enjoy your meal!". She started to pick at the various plates, a bright smile on her face.

"You really eat like a pig…", Kanda told her after a while. The girl stopped eating at once to look at him in utter horror. "Go on, I think it's amusing". But she just eyed her food listlessly. "Idiot, I was joking. It's okay for you to eat huge amounts of food. I told you as much"

"But if it looks disgusting…", Ellen argued, pushing some noodles around on her plate.

"It doesn't", Kanda replied, "go on. There's still more". Ellen hesitated, but the food was just too delicious to ignore, so she continued eating.

"Kanda! Ellen!", someone called from the entrance and both turned their head to see River Wenham standing there. "Finish quickly. Komui has a mission for you two!".

"A mission!", Ellen put her hands together and smiled.

"Don't get so excited, idiot", Kanda told her and stood up, "I told you it's no holiday"

"I know, I know…", Ellen mumbled and followed Kanda out of the dining hall.

When they arrived at Komui's place the man was all over Ellen.

"Look at you! Such a stunning beauty! This dress fits you perfectly! Right Kanda, right Kanda??", he chirped, behaving as if it was his beloved Linali standing next to Kanda.

"Tell us what this mission is about", was the only thing Kanda was willing to say.

"Ah, you spoil my fun", Komui complained, but had Linali hand them some papers. "Your mission will lead you to Southern Italy, to an old abandoned city called Matel. We had some finders investigate a rumour about a living doll. It has been reported that this phenomenon is related to Innocence. I want you two to go there and retrieve the Innocence", Komui explained. "All further information is to be found in the report Linali gave you". Ellen looked at the printed papers in her hands. "Your train leaves this evening, prepare well. And good luck, Ellen". Ellen nodded and thanked him, then she followed Kanda out of the room.

"Would you… Help me prepare?", she asked him. He first wanted to decline, but seeing as it was her first mission and he still was responsible for her, he gave in.

"Fine…". Ellen smiled and they went to her room. After reading the background information about their mission Ellen took her suitcase from under her bed.

"What do I need to take?", she wanted to know.

"You don't need much for fighting Akuma. It's always good to have some items for medical treatment. I'll get those at the infirmary later. Just put in some spare clothes and whatever girly stuff you need", he replied, looking out of the window.

"What? Will we be gone that long?", she wanted to know, but pulled open various drawers.

"Maybe you'll get called to the next mission instantly. I don't think you will, but you always need to be prepared". Ellen nodded and put some clothes and sanitary towels and various other things into her suitcase. "That's all you need… Relax for the rest of the day. I'll get you at five". Ellen nodded and Kanda left her room. She wasn't really sure if she was excited or nervous, maybe it was a mixture of both. But as long as Kanda was with her, everything would be okay.

-o-o-o-

Linali came to her room just shortly before Kanda was supposed to pick her up. She found Ellen sitting on her bed, dressed in trousers, a shirt and the coat hanging over her shoulders.

"Hi Ellen, look what Komui had the Science Department make for you!", she said upon coming in. Ellen turned her head in the Chinese girl's direction and saw her holding two white gloves made of a thick fabric. "They will protect your hands, especially your Innocence, better than normal gloves. And they match your uniform, isn't that nice?". Ellen took them thankfully and put them on. While she did something stirred in the arm of her coat and Timcampy came to view.

"Sir Tim! There you are! Where have you been hiding, you mean thing?", Ellen asked him, quite surprised by the sudden appearance of the little golden golem.

"Good you have him, because with Timcampy you can connect to the Golem Network", Linali explained and watched Tim settle on Ellen's head. "Are you nervous Ellen? You're quite pale…", she asked worriedly. Ellen looked up at her friend and nodded.

"Yes… Were you nervous too?", Ellen wanted to know and Linali smiled at her.

"Of course I was… Because a mission could always be dangerous. Where there is Innocence, there could always be Akuma. But you'll be able to defeat them. You don't need to worry. Especially if Kanda is there to help you…". Ellen sighed and nodded. "Oh. By the way; Kanda now knows, right? You came to Komui's office in your dress!", she said with a content smile. Ellen blushed and simply nodded again. "What did he say? Was he angry or anything of that sort?"

"He… came to the chapel, knowing that I would be there… He knew that I was a girl, but I guess he expected me to tell him... He was not angry though…", the white haired girl explained. "I felt relieved… There was a tension I was not even aware of. But it left at this moment and all I could do was cry… I am quite ashamed of myself". Linali patted her head and smiled at her.

"Don't worry… Everything is fine… There's no need to be ashamed…", she grinned and hugged her friend, "but I'm sure Kanda was quite surprised to see you cry"

"He… Probably was", Ellen replied with a small smile, "but he did hug me to comfort me. I appreciated it…"

"He hugged you?", Linali wanted to know, eyes wide. Kanda? The guy who always acted so cold towards anybody and made it a point that he didn't care whether other people lived or died, hugged Ellen? The Chinese girl was delighted. "He really must care about you then. That's so sweet…".

"I thought this too… He is a gentleman", Ellen answered and smiled.

"With you I never know if you say something because you're such a well-mannered lady or because you really mean it…", Linali told her with an amused smile.

"Why? I am always honest!", the girl huffed indignantly. Linali laughed and pinched Ellen's cheeks. Shortly afterwards there was a knock on the door.

"This must be Kanda", Ellen told her friend and opened the door to the Japanese man. "Good Evening Kanda!"

"Hi Kanda!", Linali greeted barely able to contain her laughter. Kanda noticed this but merely raised an eyebrow at her, then he turned to Ellen.

"I've got the medical aid stuff, you should keep it close to you", he advised and handed her a small bag. She nodded and put it into her coat, then took the suitcase from the floor.

"Thank you. Let us leave", Ellen said and the three of them left the room. Kanda led them to the Black Order's waterway, which highly impressed Ellen. But there was someone else that caught her attention.

"Mister Toma!", Ellen exclaimed and saw the finder stand at the dock. "You are back!"

"Good Evening Miss Walker, Mister Kanda. I'll be the finder accompanying you on your mission", he announced and Ellen smiled at him.

"We'll go by boat to reach the next town, from there we'll take a train to the harbour to ship over to the continent", Kanda told Ellen and the girl nodded.

"Have a save trip you two and come back in one piece!", Linali told them, hugging Ellen.

"Thank you Linali, we will". Kanda already was in the boat and held out his hands to the girl. He lifted her into the boat, which Linali observed with a smile. That Kanda… She shook her head and waved as the boat left. Ellen sat down next to Kanda and observed the stone cave.

"How curious this is!", she exclaimed, which earned her a smirk from Kanda.

"You're such a child…", he told her and she pouted. It didn't take long to get out of the cave and soon they were in daylight again. It was already dusk and the setting sun was throwing last red rays on the land and water. The fields were yellow and the forest was shining red and orange.

"It such a beautiful scenery… Entirely different than the Order's forest and gardens…", Ellen sighed, finding much delight in the landscape.

"We could take a walk here once we're back", Kanda suggested, face turned away from her, when Ellen raised her head to look at him.

"Really? That would be wonderful", she told him and smiled. Kanda dared to turn his head to look at her; the sunlight was reflecting in her pure white hair and her face shone joyfully. Kanda had to correct himself. She was not plain…

"She's beautiful…", he thought, then sighed and turned away to look at the water's surface. He found himself liking her, more than he would have expected and contrary to what he had believed it did not bother him one bit.

They left the boat in a small town, the stars were already out and the lights in the windows shone brightly. Kanda helped Ellen out of the boat, Toma following them. The train was already there, white steam was rising up into the dark air.

"Come, we need to hurry", Kanda told Ellen and started running. Still a little bit confused, Ellen followed Kanda and Toma as they rushed up to the small train station and hopped onto the train just before it could roll away.

"Normally we jump on trains", Toma told the girl, as she was still looking around rather confused.

"Jump?!", she exclaimed. Kanda put his hand on her shoulder and turned her towards the door.

"You'll see sooner or later", he told her and opened the door. A man came rushing towards them, complaining, but after he saw the silver crosses on the exorcists' coats, he shut up and lead them to a compartment. Ellen found it quite spacious and luxurious.

"How delightful! Can we always travel like this?", she wanted to know and took a seat next to the window.

"Mostly. The Order pays for it. Considering that we have a highly dangerous job and get a lousy salary, that's the least they can do", he told her and sat down.

"Will you not join us, Mister Toma?", Ellen asked, as she saw that Toma was shutting the door of their compartment.

"No, I will stay outside and keep watch", he told her and she frowned, "don't worry. I'll be alright". She nodded and he closed the door.

"We'll be at the harbour in about three hours", Kanda announced and took out the report again.

"I should have brought a book then…", she mused, then smiled, "ah well. I will find other ways to entertain myself!". Kanda just glanced over the edge of the report sceptically, but chose not to comment on it. Ellen pulled off her uniform and folded it next to her. Kanda lowered his report to watch her.

"Why didn't you wear the skirt?", he wanted to know and she looked up at him.

"I have become comfortable with pants. And I guessed that it would be easier to run and fight in pants", she answered, "was I wrong?". Kanda turned his attention back to the report.

"No. Now be quiet. I'm reading". Ellen huffed, but nodded. The first hour of the train ride she was just happy by looking out of the window as the train made its way along the coast. When it got too dark to see anything but the stars reflecting on the water's surface she turned back to Kanda, but the young man had dozen off. Ellen sighed and got up. Because her heels made clicking noises on the compartment's floor Kanda opened an eye.

"Did I wake you? I am sorry", Ellen apologizes as she saw him stir and sit up straight. She touched her hand to his thigh and smiled. "I will just go out for a bit, you go back to sleep". He frowned, but as he didn't mind a bit of extra sleep, he didn't complain and shut his eyes again. Ellen smiled at him, then opened the door to join Toma. The finder was sitting on the floor, playing cards spread out in front of him.

"Miss Walker. Do you need anything?", he asked as he became aware of her presence. The girl shook her head and kneeled down in front of him.

"No, but I was getting slightly bored. What are you doing?"

"Ah, this is just a hobby of mine to spend the time. It's always good to have a stack of cards at hand when travelling", he told her. Ellen nodded and watched Toma take something out of his huge suitcase he normally had strapped to his back. "Here, I have a spare one", he told the girl and handed her a set of cards.

"Can I really keep this?", she asked him joyfully and he nodded, "thank you very much! Oh, I do love playing cards!".

"You're welcome, Miss Walker". Ellen shuffled the cards and started playing with them, Toma observing. "Are you trying cheating tricks?", he asked quite amazed. Ellen blushed, but nodded.

"Yes… My uncle taught me and now that he has died I want to cherish everything I learnt from him, even if it is cheating…", she explained with a smile, "and maybe it will prove to be a useful ability in the future". The two were silent for a while until Ellen spoke up again: "Why did you join the Order, Toma? I should understand how people go to war on their own accord, but I cannot… Not when you are under constant threat to be killed".

"Well… We finders don't do it for the glory or for honour… You know how Mister Kanda thinks of us. We are exchangeable", Ellen frowned, "we do it because we want to help. All of us have friends or family who were either harmed by Akuma or have been drawn into this war because they are compatible. For me it's the first. I've seen the sorrow and I couldn't sleep as long as I knew I couldn't do anything against it…".

"It is so sad, is it not…", the girl whispered, drawing her knees to her chest and hugging them. "War…"

"Yes, Miss Walker… It's not a thing worth dying for…", he told her, trying to comfort her just by speaking. The girl sighed.

"This… It is entirely different… We do not fight humans like us… I do not know if this is comforting or disturbing…"

"You shouldn't worry about such things, Miss Walker, or you'll get crushed under the heavy burden… You exorcists fight for a good cause. That's all you should think about". Ellen lifted her head to look at Toma and smiled.

"Thank you…", she told him and he nodded, then turned his attention back to his cards. Ellen got up on her feet again and went back into her compartment, where Kanda was leaning against the window, looking outside.

"Did you sleep well?", she wanted to know, taking her seat opposite him.

"Whatever…", he replied. He had woken some minutes ago and had heard her conversation with Toma, but didn't comment on it. "We'll soon reach the harbour. You'd better get ready". Ellen turned her gaze from the window to Kanda and nodded.

"I will"

To be continiued

Notes:

So, what do you think? Too cheesy, too stupid?

As you can see I follow canon for now, no Yullen story without Matel, right? XD I'm sorry for those who get bored with hearing Matel over and over. X3 Be sure that I'll put in some extra stuff there. And to make it realistic: The next chapters will focus on their journey to Southern Italy. Let's see how Kanda stomachs being stuck in a narrow space (train / ship) with Ellen for two weeks. XD