Okay every one, I am sooooooo sorry ; after I posted that last chapter I reread it and it was scary at how horribly wrong it was... but please do remember I had written it last minute. So to make up for it a bit I'm writing a small chapter and giving you an early update(: yaaaaaay!

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't
Because it won't
And I will waste no time
Worried 'bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together

John Mayer, Clarity

JPov

"What is your mother like?" He asked, staring at me, my smile dropped.
"Shes dead." I said grimly; purely from the memory of her, not the fact that she was now gone.
"Do you miss her?" He asked, I never put much thought to that question until now...
"You can't miss what you never had."

Her words repeated in my head and I wasn't sure if I completely understood.

"You... Never met her?" I asked, unsure, but the way she looked at me told me I was way off. There was an intensity that I was positive only my Bella had in her eyes. It had happiness, a happiness that I rarely get the honor of seeing, but it was hidden by a thick coat of pain, hurt, and anger.

She sighed, "I have." She stared down at the water and her eyes became foggy. It was like she wasn't here anymore, as if she was remembering something.

"Bellerina?" I asked quietly, I wasn't sure what would happen if I pulled her out of where ever she was but I was sure that I never wanted to see that pain hidden beneath the fog in her big brown eyes. "Bellerina?" I repeated.

Slowly here eyes became clear and she turned her head towards me, "Yeah Cowboy?" She uttered, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back.

"You're okay, right?" I asked slightly unsure.

"Yeah..." She looked at her watch and her eyes went wide, "I have to go!"

"I cant give you a ride?" I asked quickly before she ran away again.

"No!" She said hurriedly, "I mean... no, I like walking..."

"Could I walk you home then, please?" I asked; pleading. She looked torn between accepting and declining my offer, "Atleast half way?"

"Just half?" She asked tentatively.

"Just half." I confirmed smiling, reluctantly we both put on our socks and shoes; never wanting to leave the dock, "It's beautiful, huh?"

She smiled up at me as we stood, then stared off into the sparkling lake water, " Just wait until summer, when it's warm..." She said, her eyes gleaming at the thought.

"Ready?" I asked sadly, wanting to just stay here forever.

"Yeah..." She said back, just as sadly, and lead the way off the dock. I followed instantly, no matter how much I wanted to stay at the dock; I would always want to stay with Bella more, always Bella...

"What's your favorite color?" She asked quietly; interrupting my thoughts half way down the dock.

"Brown." I said back instantly, not having to think of the answer, "What about you?"

"Blue." She said just as fast, yet she seemed very shy about her answer. Slowly we made our way to the street and I subconsciously switched places with my Bella so I would be closer to the curb.

"Bellerina?" I asked tentatively.

"Hm." She hummed quietly.

"Why are you so distant; from every one I mean... Not just me?" I asked, watching her closely for her reaction.

"It's easier that way." She muttered, her face not giving anything away. There was never a time I couldn't tell what someone was feeling, but with my Bella... It was all so complicated...

"It would be easier without me?" I asked, slightly hurt. She looked over at me her face a calm mask. We both stopped walking, her slightly ahead of me.

"No... It would be easier for everyone else without me." She continued to walk but I stopped her by gently taking hold of her wrist.

"That's not true." She didn't look at me, just sighed.

"How would you know?" She asked harshly.

"Bellerina," I spun her around so she would look at me, but she wouldn't look me in the eye, "I may not know your past, what you're going through in the present, not even what will happen in your future..." I took her chin in between my thumb and index finger, making her look into my eyes, "But I do know That I want to be here with you through it all, whether you just want me there as a best friend or something more; it doesn't matter, I just want to be with you; always..." Tears gathered in her eyes and her hand came up to caress my cheek.

Slowly one tear glided down from one of her doe eyes, and I took my hand off her chin and wiped it away, along with some of the makeup that covered her face...

... I'm sorry I couldn't help it! I just had to have Jasper know; it was killing me... I should update on time (next Tuesday) but I'm not positive, just bare with me please. R&R

Scritto con amore ,
-Isabel P