A Kiss with a Fist

A/N: I just wanted to take this opportunity to say a BIG thanks to BillAtWork, who has been like Virgil to my Dante, holding my hand and guiding throughout this chapter to make sure it was up to scratch. Also, I apologise for the gap between the last chapter and this one, time flies and all that…

Anyway, this chapter is a bit different to the previous two… having said that, I hope you enjoy.

Alas, I do not own Chuck.

It's not that Casey was developing lady feelings, the world would probably implode the day that happened, but, for the last 4-ish years, it had been his job, and his duty, to protect the Intersect. And that meant protecting Chuck. Sometimes from the thing that he never saw coming, the terrorists, those that would use him for his brain. But occasionally, it meant protecting Chuck from the thing that he wanted most, that which would use him for his heart.

Plus, in Casey's book, the kid was alright.

Casey sighed. Spies were creatures of habit. Knowing your surroundings intimately and keeping the same routines meant anomalies were easier to spot, hostiles easier to kill and meant you kept breathing for another day. But finding Walker was almost too easy. Yeah, Maison23 was familiar territory for her, but she obviously, on some level, wanted to be found. Just probably not by him.

Rapping his knuckles on the hard wood of Sarah's door, taking a step back in the process to allow his face to be clearly discerned through the miniscule peep-hole, Casey rehearsed the speech he'd prepared for this rendezvous in his head. Again. For the 5th time. He was, after all, a perfectionist.

The sound of shuffling, and the unmistakeable noise of metal being scraped off of wood just behind the door made Casey smile subtlety.

'Good to hear you haven't lost it all, Walker', Casey mused, glad that his former partner didn't appear to have slipped as much as he had been led to believe.

Casey was pulled from his reverie by the sound of multiple locks being unfastened, followed swiftly by the swish of an opening door.

"What d'ya want, Casey", came Sarah's voice, hard and cold as a stone pillow.

'So much for the warm reception', Casey thought, squinting through the mid-morning sun that had been unleashed into the hallway from Sarah's apartment.

"God, Walker", Casey replied, a hint of sarcasm evident in his voice, "you look like hell."

Sarah, silhouetted by the sun that danced behind her, from what Casey could tell, was a mess. Her hair was something resembling a bird's nest and she appeared to be donning a bizarre sweat pant and shirt combo. The latter, Casey discovered through squints, had apparently been buttoned by a 3 year old.

'Maybe it is as bad as they say', Casey thought, hoping beyond hope that he was mistaken.

"Gee, thanks Casey." Sarah deadpanned. "Is that all? I'm kind of busy…"

"No." Casey stated firmly, placing his left boot between the door and the jamb to keep the rapidly closing door open.

"Can I come in?" Casey asked in a tone that left no room for argument.

His reply came swiftly, the sound of Sarah's trademark Smith & Wesson being cocked on the other side of the door telling Casey all he needed to know. But it took more than a little posturing to scare Casey from his cause.

'I've already lost one toe, what was another?' Casey surmised, throwing caution to the wind.

"Jeez, Walker, it was a simple enough question, no need to go all commando on my ass." Casey growled, an incredulous look on his face.

"Yeah. Well I guess that was your answer. Goodbye Casey." Sarah wheezed, applying her body weight behind the door in an attempt to close it whilst still blocked from its path by Casey's unmistakable size 14's.

"Wait." Casey quickly replied, his toes feeling as though they were going to shoot of the end of his foot at any moment. "Just hear me out, okay? Let me say my piece and I'll be gone… I promise. For an old partner?"

Feeling the pressure on the door lift slightly, Casey wiggled his tortured toes and let out a grunt.

"So," Casey began tentatively, his eyes intent upon the now uncocked gun in Sarah's hand.

"Can I come in?"

Sarah had a good idea why Casey had decided that now seemed like a good time to pay a visit. She had, after all, been in L.A. for a week now, something she was sure a spy of Casey's calibre couldn't help but be aware of. The only thing that had changed in the last week was her impending date with Chuck.

She knew the way this conversation was going to play out. Hell, if she was still Chuck's handler, she would probably be about to say the same things. You can't be involved with a government asset. Spies don't fall in love. Your duty is beyond personal feelings. You chose this path.

But the truth was, she hadn't. This life wasn't the one she'd wanted, or asked for; it was thrust upon her at a time when she didn't have any options left… In that respect, she was nothing like Casey… So why, when she looked in his eyes, did she see so much of what she was reflected back at her?

"He hasn't been the same, Walker." Casey said, his tone surprisingly soft to Sarah's ears. "Since you left… Well, let's just say it hasn't been easy."

Sarah stood, frozen into complete silence, her eyes intent upon the index finger currently in the process of burning a hole in the granite kitchenette worktop with its incessant fidgeting. Despite the fact that no name had been mentioned, Sarah knew immediately who Casey was referring to. This wasn't the way this conversation was supposed to start.

"In the beginning, he was in denial", Casey continued, "he was convinced that you were coming back, that you'd been put on a temporary special assignment, or helping your dad out of some trouble… Heh, the moron kept that malarkey up for a whole year. God, it drove me crazy…"

'Now that's more like the Casey we all know and love', Sarah thought, a smile tinged with sadness, so small it was unperceivable to the naked eye, quirking her lips.

"Y'know, I reckon our boy should be the poster child for the Kübler-Ross model." Casey said, obviously on a roll now, and, much to Sarah's dismay, one that appeared not to be slowing any time soon.

"He got angry, and I mean really angry. I know you guys think that I have an angry centre, and I'd tend to agree with you, but Chuck… Man, that was something else. He was angry at me, at you, but mainly himself… It may have proved good for hunting terrorists and may have been a welcome change from his usual pansy ass self, but it definitely was not so good on the health..." Casey paused in his recollection to take a greedy schlurp of his black and bitter coffee.

Sarah wasn't sure she believed what she was hearing. Chuck had never once raised his voice to her, excluding his girlish screams of terror, so imagining that Chuck could be that angry – so much so that Casey noticed - was difficult for her, if not impossible.

"Most recently he's been bargaining... Haggling with some higher power… I've heard it all on the bugs when he thought he was alone. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad." Casey said, accusation rife in his tone.

"You really did a number on him, Walker, I'll give you that."

'Casey's right', Sarah thought, guilt quickly spreading its way like wildfire through every fibre of her being.

'I did this to him. I knew when I left that he would be angry at me, I accepted that as a necessary evil. But angry at himself? He had, and has, done absolutely nothing wrong. What could he possibly blame himself for? The denial, the grief, the bargaining… He grieves as if someone had died...'

If she was alone at this moment, she probably would have curled up in a ball on her bed and not moved for a week. The thought that Chuck had been in this much pain, and she had been the cause of it…

"But… it's nothing compared to what I've heard about you, Walker." Casey carried on, oblivious.

"Want to tell me what really happened in Morocco?"

Sarah nearly gasped in shock. How did he know about Morocco, that information was classified to the highest level in the CIA, only the agents in the field and the director himself had access to those. But more importantly, what had been said about her behind her back? Morocco was definitely not a topic she wanted to broach at this point, that wound was too fresh… and the rumours? This was the first she'd been confirmed of their existence, but she had already guessed something must have leaked from somewhere, and in Sarah's experience, what was once a trickle almost invariably becomes a flood. The rumours were something she wasn't even sure she wanted to acknowledge, let alone discuss with Casey.

So she stood, head low, using her hair to shield herself from Casey's piercing gaze, ever present, boring a hole into the top of her head.

"He knows about it too, Walker. About you, about Morocco, about the medical leave. Well, he doesn't know the details, but he knows enough to get the gist." Casey informed, his voice once again taking on that unfamiliar softness.

"He's a smart kid, and it doesn't take a genius to work out why you did what you did. He can put two and two together."

"In some ways," Casey continued, "this whole dog shit of a situation you found yourself in in Morocco; it was somewhat of a blessing in disguise. Well, for Chuck it was. It gave him a purpose, a drive, hope, y'know. I haven't seen him so focussed since you left. I think he thinks he can save you, Walker. Poor lovesick bastard."

"But the question is, do you need to be saved, Walker. Or, more to the point, do you want to be saved?" Casey finished, his eyes glued to her expectantly.

'And that', Sarah mused, 'was the million dollar question.'

But in her heart, Sarah already knew the answer. She had, after all, with the entire world at her disposal, come to this sunny little corner of California – to L.A., to Burbank. Right now, however, there was a bigger question looming on the horizon. The true million dollar question, the one Sarah was currently asking herself:

'Am I even worthy of being saved?'

Sipping his coffee, Casey never let his eyes wander from the figure standing directly opposite him. She was probably the best partner he'd ever had, and as much as it pained him to say, it hurt him to see her so completely broken. She hadn't said a word since his initial lukewarm reception, that and asking whether he wanted a drink. Apart from those two snippets, she had remained stalwartly silent.

Placing his mug back on the worktop, Casey crossed his arms over his chest and awaited a reply. If he was anything, and Casey was many things, he was patient. Hiding in a wall for a week and impatience weren't a combo that mixed that well, so he could wait, standing in the same position, moving nary a muscle, for as long as it took. He just hoped that it wouldn't take a week.

'What's going on in that head of yours, Walker?' Casey pondered, psychology, especially of the female brain, never being his speciality. After all, hadn't he once told the very person in front of him that he broke things, he didn't fix them?

Casey sighed, something that he had been doing a lot of lately. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get an answer anytime soon, and as much as he would have liked to stay and wait it out, he had to get back to maintain surveillance on the Intersect sooner, rather than later.

"So, the way I see it, you've got two options." Casey began, an edge of finality shattering the silence that had been lingering in the air since his earlier words.

"You either leave now, before you crush Chuck anymore and be the bigger person, or you stay. For good this time, because for some reason, even after all that has happened – what you put him through – he never once stopped loving you."

Sarah's head immediately shot up upon hearing Casey announce that word, her own baby blues staring as penetratingly at Casey as he had been at her, only moments ago, causing him to smirk.

'Can always rely on those lady feelings to get a reaction'¸ Casey thought, trying to rein back his smirk to deliver, what he hoped, was the one thing Sarah needed to hear, out loud and from a person who knew the perils of being in love and being a spy could bring.

"And as much as you've tried to fool yourself otherwise, Walker, you love him too."

Letting his arms drop to his sides, Casey made his way to the front door, pausing as his hand reached the door knob.

"It was good to see you, Sarah." Casey bid farewell, opening the door to be greeted by a bland, empty hallway.

Glacing backwards over his shoulder into the dazzling sunlight before he left for good, Casey saw something in the eyes of Sarah Walker. He wasn't sure what it was, someone more poetic than he would probably describe it as a fire, but Casey just knew that it was something.

And something was darn sight better than nothing.

"Thank you John." Sarah whispered her voice hoarse despite the coffee she'd been nursing for the last hour and a half. A single tear traced its way down her pale cheek as the door clicked shut behind her former partner.

"I won't let you down."

A/N 2: I know, no Chuck, but I hope this chapter has been enjoyable. As always, make sure you guys have a good'un.