A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews! No words can describe my gratitude guys, really, thank you so much! I was worried about the last chapter so I'm glad that everyone enjoyed it! I just hope that this chapter doesn't pale in comparison to it but it's hard to compare it to last chapter since it was so climatic lol.
I don't have any warnings for this chapter except for Gokudera swearing a little bit, but when has that never happened?
Thank you and enjoy!
Part 9
It could have been minutes, hours, even days or weeks before Yamamoto arrived home; in all honesty, the taller teen wouldn't have known because he wasn't paying attention to anything at the moment. For all he knew, this wasn't even his house and his body just decided to stop in front of a random building because it felt like it. Time and place meant nothing to him; the only thing that seemed to matter were the two gifts he held in his hands, one a crumpled up letter, the other a perfectly wrapped gift box containing a promise ring.
A promise he wasn't able to keep.
Yamamoto swallowed thickly as he stared down at the gifts in his hands. He was used to the feeling of failure when it came to his studies and even when it came to baseball games and fights to protect his 'family' but this failure, the failure of keeping the person he loved close to him, the failure in fixing their problems, the failure in keeping his promise to Gokudera's deceased mother, was on a completely different level. It was a sense of failure so strong that the raven-haired teen wondered if anything he did in his life would make up for what he had lost.
It was here that the taller teen felt something other than despair as a rush of bitter-cold wind blew down the street. Yamamoto shivered uncontrollably in surprise, the rush of air waking him from his depressive stupor. The taller boy was suddenly more aware of his surroundings as he stared up at the building he stood in front of, the words 'Takesushi' barely illuminated within the darkness by a nearby street lamp.
Yamamoto felt a rush of surprise run through him as he took in the title of his family's shop. He hadn't been hallucinating earlier. His feet had unconsciously led him back home. The taller teen almost laughed bitterly at the thought. Truthfully, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go in. The taller teen knew that his old man would notice that something was wrong—no, horribly wrong—and he would question him. Yamamoto really didn't feel like talking about the greatest failure in his life at the moment.
The young athlete was contemplating about whether he should just head to a hotel instead but another gust of winter wind decided for him. As the wind seemed to pierce his very bones, Yamamoto finally realized that he had left Tsuna's house without his winter coat. The taller teen almost lost himself to a fit of hysterical laughter at the thought that he had been so far gone in his misery that he hadn't even noticed the chill of the winter air until he got home.
Thankfully, Yamamoto controlled the urge to laugh at his state of mind since it wasn't exactly the most stable at the moment. It wasn't a laughing matter at all and, as another moment of clarity hit him, he realized that if he had actually succumbed to the temptation, then his dad would have heard him and grilled him on what was wrong. After all, what parent wouldn't be concerned if they found their child standing outside their house in the middle of winter without a coat and laughing hysterically to himself? Yamamoto didn't want that. He couldn't bring himself to discuss with his father on what was wrong at the moment. In fact, he was pretty sure he wouldn't be ready to talk about it ever. In all honesty, he wanted to forget; he wanted to head upstairs and sleep and wake up in the morning and realize that everything that had happened that night was just a really bad nightmare.
That's what he wanted.
Knowing that it would have been suicidal to walk to a hotel without a coat, Yamamoto gathered his courage and opened the door to his house. The taller teen was taken by surprise as the light from within attacked his eyes like merciless daggers as he adjusted from the darkness outside. As he scrunched his eyes up in pain, Yamamoto quietly shut the door behind him in hope that his father wouldn't notice his return but the world seemed to be entirely against him that night because Tsuyoshi had just walked out from the kitchen with a broom in his hand.
"Ah, Takeshi!" The older man greeted in a surprise tone, bestowing his son with a fatherly smile despite the shock he felt. "I didn't expect you to be back so early. How was the party?"
While Tsuyoshi had been asking his questions, Yamamoto had been in the process of quickly slipping out of his shoes and making a beeline for the stairs to escape before his father's parental radar came on and noticed that something was wrong.
Of course, the moment that Yamamoto didn't answer his father's questions and had briskly walked up the stairs towards his room, Tsuyoshi knew that something bad had happened at the party. He had actually had a feeling that something was wrong the moment he saw his son arrive home after only being gone for two hours, without his winter coat, and still holding the gifts that he had left with earlier. Oh yes, Tsuyoshi knew something had gone wrong but he decided to give his son space. After he let his son sleep on whatever problem that had come up (he assumed it was the problem that had been bothering him for the last month or so since his son had been acting so depressed lately) he would gauge how bad the situation really was in the morning when he saw Takeshi again. From there, he would figure out if he needed to step in and talk to his son or just let him figure out the problem himself. After all, Takeshi was almost a grown man now and had the ability to handle his own problems now without his father's input.
With a heavy, worry-filled sigh, Tsuyoshi took the broom he had in hand and started sweeping up his recently closed shop. Something told him that their Christmas wouldn't be a happy one this year.
Beautiful Christmas morning light shone through the windows of every house in Namimori and Gokudera's apartment was no exception. As the overly-happy beams of light penetrated his bedroom window and directly into his sleeping eyes, the smoking bomber awoke with a start. The silver-haired teen stared groggily at his window for about a minute before his sleep addled brain took in the rest of his surroundings with an air of confusion. A couple minutes later, after processing that he was actually in his bedroom and still wearing his clothes from last night's party, Gokudera wondered on how he had actually gotten home last night. He didn't remember a single thing after he had left the party. The only thing that stuck out in the older teen's mind was the broken face of Yamamoto after he had finally ended things between them the night before.
At the reminder, the exhausted teen buried his face into his pillow as a pitiful moan left his lips. He had hardly gotten any sleep last night even after crying himself into exhaustion, Yamamoto's face being the one that haunted his dreams and woke him up every time he tried to sleep, tried to forget.
But he couldn't forget, no matter how hard he tried.
The last moments he shared with Yamamoto had been replaying in his head since he had run away from the taller teen, never stopping in their relentless torture as if they were mocking him, telling him that he was the reason why Yamamoto and him were in such pain. Gokudera couldn't stop the horrible guilt that twisted in his gut at the thought, but then he would remember the last words that Yamamoto said to him that night and the anger and pain he felt towards the other would resurface. He truly hated Yamamoto for making things so difficult last night and for saying….for saying those three words he had never wanted to hear. Gokudera kept telling himself that his decision to leave Yamamoto was for the best, that it was the right decision and that Yamamoto was the one in the wrong, that Yamamoto was the reason he was feeling so much pain now.
Yeah, that's right! If Yamamoto would have just listened to him and hadn't said those words last night then the break up wouldn't have been as bad as it was! Not only that, if the idiot would have realized that the stupid promise ring from his father was a bad idea in the first place, their falling out wouldn't have been so traumatic. It was all Yamamoto's fault that Gokudera was in agony!
…Oh who was he fucking kidding?
Gokudera continuously slammed his head into his pillow in frustration. He actually didn't know what to believe or who to blame for this mess. The silver-haired teen honestly thought that he had been in the right but…he still felt guilty for hurting Yamamoto like he did and he was still angry over the ring that Yamamoto tried to give him. It was his father's promise ring to his mother! Why the fuck would he want that?
Suppressing a scream of frustration in his throat, Gokudera decided to stop wallowing in his bed and to get ready for the day by taking a shower. He needed to forget about Yamamoto. Everything between them was over now; just like he wanted. There was no need to dwell on anything anymore.
But no matter what he did, Gokudera couldn't suppress the guilt in his conscious and the doubt in his mind. He couldn't forget about Yamamoto. Thinking that he actually could meant that Gokudera was just lying to himself.
Sadly, that didn't stop Gokudera from trying. After taking a quick shower and brushing his teeth (duly noting the horrendous black and swollen bags under his eyes), the silver-haired teen went to get dressed into something that didn't remind him of last night. As he opened his closet door, there, smack dab in the middle of his closet, were a couple of Yamamoto's shirts that he left over there for his overnight stays.
Pointedly ignoring the mocking pieces of fabric hanging in his closet, Gokudera got dressed and headed into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Here, the teen was not only reminded of Yamamoto, it was like the taller teen was actually in the kitchen with him as he took in all of Yamamoto's cooking utensils placed around the kitchen. The fish-shaped apron still hung on a hook next to the fridge and, as he opened said refrigerator to block the stupid, mocking, apron from view, the smaller teen was met with an assortment of leftover dishes that Yamamoto had made for him. Even though the last month had been strenuous for them, what with Yamamoto believing that he had took advantage of Gokudera and all, the taller teen had still made him food and brought it over to Gokudera's house to make sure that the smaller teen was still eating right. Of course, Gokudera hadn't had a stomach for anything because of the guilt he felt for the misunderstanding, so Yamamoto's cooking had only accumulated in his refrigerator until it took up every nook and cranny of the unit.
The silver-haired teen slammed the refrigerator door shut, effectively barring himself from the lovingly prepared—and probably now expired—foods. He didn't know how long he glared at the refrigerator and at the katakana fridge magnets sticking to them that still spelt out sushi and baseball (Yamamoto had rearranged them months ago and Gokudera hadn't had the heart to change them), but as he stood motionless in his kitchen, the smaller teen could only feel the silence of his apartment and how it was starting to suffocate him.
Not wanting to stay there a second longer with the memories of Yamamoto as his only source of company, Gokudera headed for the door. He remembered that the Tenth had offered to his guests last night that anyone who didn't have any plans for Christmas were free to come to his house to celebrate. With that goal in mind, Gokudera slipped on his shoes and reached for his winter coat on his coat rack but his hand only met empty air. The silver-haired teen turned his head and stared at his empty coat rack for a second before it dawned on him that he had been in such a rush last night that he had forgotten his coat at the Sawada residence.
So many emotions hit Gokudera in that instant that he was practically floored. Everything from anger at his stupidity for forgetting his coat, to the agony of remembering why he had forgotten his coat in the first place, rushed through him like a ferocious wind. Gokudera didn't know how long he stood there in the entryway of his apartment frozen by his mixed emotions but, when he finally got control of himself again, he ran out of his apartment as fast as he could. It seemed that no matter what he did, everything was connected to Yamamoto in some way. He couldn't forget him and the bastard's memory wouldn't leave him alone even after they had broken up!
As Gokudera ran towards Tsuna's house (he kept telling himself that it was just to keep warm because he didn't have his coat) the feisty Italian felt at a lost with himself on what to do. How could he forget about Yamamoto? When would the pain that he felt finally go away?
Gokudera didn't know if those questions would ever be answered.
By the time that Gokudera had arrived at Tsuna's house, the silver-haired Italian was completely out of breath. His lungs felt like they were on fire from running so hard and from breathing in the chilly winter air. The smaller teen had even started to sweat, the cold winter temperature beginning to cool his body down faster than what was considered safe. He swore his body was beginning to freeze solid and if he didn't get into the Tenth's house soon, he would become a human icicle.
As Gokudera began to shiver uncontrollably at his predicament, he brought one of his fists up and knocked continuously on the door in a panicked state, desperate to get anyone's attention inside the house. Gokudera's silent pleas for warmth were soon answered as the front door was hastily opened, the freezing bomber coming face to face with his surprised, spikey-haired, boss.
Tsuna stood there in shock for a moment as he registered that Gokudera was standing on his front porch with no jacket, dark bags under his eyes, and obviously freezing to death. The silver-haired teen tried to greet his beloved boss but the words that came out were useless chatter as the older boy lost complete control of his mouth due to his constant shivering. It was quite a pathetic sight to see.
Finally waking up from his shock induced haze, Tsuna frantically ushered Gokudera into his home and quickly shut the door behind him. Gokudera barely registered what was going on as his body almost went into shock at the drastic change in temperature he was succumbed to. Because of that, he didn't notice Tsuna leave his side and come back with a blanket until that said blanket was hurriedly wrapped around him.
Gokudera's shivering lessened somewhat as he grabbed hold of the blanket on his shoulders and wrapped it more tightly around himself, snuggling into its offered warmth. Finally, the silver-haired teen regained control of his basic motor functions as his mouth moved to thank his boss's hospitality. "T-Thank y-you, T-T-Tenth." The older teen barely chattered out as he stood before his boss with a worn and pathetic look on his face.
Tsuna couldn't help but continue to panic as he noticed how exhausted his friend was and from remembering his friend's quick getaway last night at the party. It was obvious that something bad had happened between him and Yamamoto. "What's wrong, Gokudera?" Tsuna shouted out in his panic induced state, his eyes shaking vigorously in worry. "You look like you haven't slept at all! Does this have to do with the party last night? Why did you leave so suddenly like that?"
A look of shame quickly overcame Gokudera's features as he averted his gaze away from his boss and his rushed-out questions. "I'm sorry, Tenth." Gokudera replied dejectedly. "The way I left last night was disrespectful towards you and your family. I…I came back to apologize for that and because I…just can't be in my apartment right now."
Tsuna frowned in disappointment, his eyes still panic-stricken and hardening in slight annoyance at Gokudera's lackluster explanation for his actions the previous night. The silver-haired teen had completely averted the question. "I see." The smaller teen mumbled out shortly, a little upset that Gokudera wouldn't tell him what was wrong.
Gokudera didn't have to be looking at Tsuna to know that his boss wasn't happy with him, and truthfully, he wasn't too happy with himself at the moment either for various reasons, but that still didn't stop him from flinching at the smaller teen's tone.
As Tsuna gave his friend another glance over, the brown-haired teen couldn't help but feel a little pity for his companion. It was obvious that Yamamoto wasn't the only one that got hurt last night. Sighing out loud, Tsuna quietly apologized for being short with Gokudera and gave the other teen a comforting smile before offering to lead him to the living room for tea. Tsuna could only hope that Gokudera would open up a little more once he became warmer.
Even though Gokudera still felt bad and stated that his boss shouldn't apologize to someone like him, he did accept the smaller boy's offer and followed him into the living room where he was met with the rest of the Sawada household, including Basil.
As Bianchi glanced his way, a disapproving frown found its way onto her features as she glared at her younger brother, despite his haggard appearance. Reborn, who was sitting on her lap, frowned as well as he scrutinized the exhausted and freezing teen before him while Tsuna poured Gokudera a cup of tea and Nana went into motherly mode and started prodding the silver-haired teen and checking him for fever. With so many different emotions flying at him all at once, Gokudera could feel himself becoming dizzy at just trying to figure out which ones he should respond to first.
When Nana had stopped smothering him (even though, Gokudera secretly liked the doting affection) and Tsuna had handed him a warm cup of tea, the silver-haired teen took the offered cup gratefully and drank deeply, the warmth of the liquid spreading throughout his body and warming him to his toes. Sadly, the coziness that the Italian bomber was experiencing was cut short by a very stern sounding Reborn.
"Tsuna, you're subordinates caused a great disturbance last night that affected the party your family had painstakingly set up." The baby arcoboleno pointedly turned his attention towards Gokudera, the frown from before never leaving his face even after the silver-haired teen averted his gaze in shame. "It's the boss's job to solve any of the problems that are happening within the family."
The future mafia don sighed heavily at his mentor's words, fatigue riddling his features. "Yeah, yeah, I know." And with that, Tsuna turned around and gently took ahold of Gokudera's arm, leading the surprised boy towards the stairway and to his room. Tsuna knew that Gokudera would only speak to him about the previous night if he knew that they were alone and no one else was listening in.
As the two entered the bedroom, Tsuna let go of Gokudera's arm and sat down at his worktable as he swept a hand out and offered his taller friend to take a seat. Gokudera hesitated for only a second before he trudged over towards the table, his head hung low and looking very much like a child who knew he had done wrong. With an exhausted sigh, the silver-haired teen sat himself down across from his boss, placing his now empty tea cup on the table.
Tsuna frowned at the sight of his friend once again before he cautiously and calmly stated. "I know that something has been going on between you and Yamamoto and that you have been fighting for the past month or so. I don't expect you to tell me every detail but I at least want to know why you ran out of the house last night, Gokudera-kun; I demand an answer."
It was moments like these that made Gokudera realize just how far his boss/best friend had come in his unwilling quest to become the next mafia boss of the Vongola. Despite the fear he felt towards his boss's tone and the unwillingness he felt in divulging all of the problems between him and Yamamoto, Gokudera couldn't suppress the pride and admiration he felt towards his boss in that moment. Tsuna was only worried about him, it was obvious to see in the smaller boy's concerned yet stern face, and Gokudera couldn't feel happier that he had such a loving boss.
Taking a deep breath, Gokudera thought of the explanation he wanted to go with as he continued to look down at the table rather than at Tsuna, still feeling ashamed of his actions from the previous night. "You remember that Yamamoto ended up in Tokyo after being hit by the bazooka, right?"
Tsuna just nodded his head in confirmation, his eyes boring into Gokudera's form and reading the other boy's body language, making sure that his Italian friend wasn't lying to him or leaving any information out.
Seeing the look that Tsuna was giving him out of the corner of his eye, Gokudera shifted uncomfortably under the smaller teen's scrutiny and tightened his hold on the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders before he continued. "Well, it just so happens that the baseball idiot ran into my mother there and they talked for a bit."
That definitely got Tsuna's attention. In an instant the critical face of the mafia boss was exchanged with a look of utter astonishment, the smaller teen gaping at Gokudera like a fish out of water. "You're mother?" The brown-haired boy exclaimed in surprise as his eyes widened to epic proportions. "How do you know he met your mother? Did Yamamoto tell you?"
A look of hurt quickly overcame Gokudera's features at the reminder in his boss's words. "No, that's what the presents he gave me were for. The letter that came with my present was written by my mother. In the first part of the letter, all she basically talked about was how great Yamamoto was…I…" The silver-haired teen swallowed thickly as a rush of jealousy overcame him again. The older teen tried to gain control of his voice before he continued but his words were still filled with pain and anger. "That letter and the present that came with it…it was like Yamamoto was shoving the fact that he met my mother in my face! I got so angry about that and I ended up taking it out on him last night and leaving the party."
Tsuna could tell that Gokudera wasn't telling him the whole truth but he let it slide for the moment. There was another pressing issue he had to attend to first; an issue he wholeheartedly believed in. "Yamamoto isn't like that, Gokudera-kun. He isn't the type of person who would give you something in order to make you angry."
The pain in Gokudera's eyes receded a little at his boss's reminder but his grip on the blanket increased until his knuckles turned white, the anger and hurt still evident in his body language. "I…I know he didn't do it on purpose." The Italian teen truthfully admitted with some difficulty. He didn't like mentioning his flaws and what made him look week, especially when it was in front of his boss. "It's just that I wasn't expecting to get anything directly from my mother. So when she only talked about her conversation with Yamamoto and the present, I…got a little jealous because…because I felt like she liked Yamamoto more than me."
Tsuna's eyes widened at that but Gokudera quickly continued. "I know I acted childish in that regard and shouldn't have taken my frustration out on him but I couldn't stop myself because I kept on thinking that…" The silver-haired teen paused for a moment as he swallowed thickly yet again, his frustration towards Yamamoto resurfacing. "I kept on thinking how unfair it was that Yamamoto got to meet my mother and how he had the time to get to know her. I hated the fact that he knew more about my own mother than I did and I felt betrayed and…and replaced because Yamamoto had time to truly bond with my mother, unlike me. It was like he made a better son for her than I ever could! Whenever I was with her I thought she was just a nice piano teacher who came to the mansion to help me practice. I never tried to get to know her too much because I believed that I already had a mother and she didn't tell me much about herself either. It was like she was distancing herself from me even though I could tell she liked to be near me…"
Silenced reigned throughout the room as the two boys processed all that had been said, Tsuna appearing sad and pensive while Gokudera blushed and shifted uncomfortably after admitting his inner feelings to his boss. The silver-haired teen hadn't expected to talk as much as he did.
"I…I understand, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna confidently spoke up after the brief silence, truly believing every word that came out of his mouth as he tried to comfort the other. "I really do. If I was in your shoes and I read a letter like that from my own mother, I would feel exactly the same. In fact, I often wondered if my mom actually felt that way when I brought my friends over." The smaller teen mentioned bitterly, a sad smile forming on his face. "With Gokudera-kun being so smart academically and Yamamoto being gifted in sports and people skills, I often wondered if my mom would have rather had one of you guys as her son rather than 'no-good' me."
Gokudera finally had the courage to look at Tsuna once again, his eyes shaking with concern and remorse. "Tenth…"
Tsuna just smiled and gave Gokudera his most encouraging look. "But I know now that that's not the case. My mom still loves me and even though she loves Lambo, I-Pin, and Futa as well as if they were her own children, she has a special place in her heart for each of them and one of them can't replace the other. I know that concerns me too when it comes to what my mother feels about me. If your mom is anything like mine, I know that she didn't replace you with Yamamoto and that he could never take your place in her heart too."
At this point, Gokudera was looking away from Tsuna again, his head hanging low and his bangs covering most of his face. The older teen bit his lip as he tried his hardest not to cry in front of his boss, Tsuna's touching words filling him with hope.
"So, if I'm right in that assumption…" The brown-haired mafia don spoke up again, his confidence never waning. "Then I wouldn't think that the whole letter was just about her conversation with Yamamoto. Of course, I never looked at the letter to see how long it was since Yamamoto took it away before I could get a really good look at it. Was that what the whole letter was about Gokudera-kun, or did you not read all of it? Do you remember if the letter said anything else besides her talk with Yamamoto?"
As Tsuna's questions reached in his ears, the tears that threatened to spill behind the silver-haired teen's eyes quickly receded. Gokudera's eyes widened in shock upon realizing a certain fact he never noticed before as he peered into Tsuna's awaiting orbs. "I don't." The older teen mumbled out in shock, completely surprised by his revelation. "I actually don't remember anything else written in the letter and I'm pretty sure I didn't finish it either…"
A concerned frown found its way onto Tsuna's face at that statement. "If that's the case, then maybe you should read the rest of the letter before you decide if you have the right to stay angry at Yamamoto. I know you haven't told me the whole story, Gokudera-kun, and that there is probably some other reason why you are angry with Yamamoto, but I also know that he looked very upset last night after you left. He said that he even felt sick and went home immediately afterwards! From the sounds of things, both of you were hurt and upset last night and I think both of you need to sit down and talk with each other in order to fix this problem."
Gokudera gave a slightly incredulous and hesitant look at the smaller teen's notion but Tsuna continued, unperturbed by his friend's attitude. "I know that Yamamoto and you have the ability to get along. I saw that when I was babysitting your younger selves and I even saw that you guys were getting along better during this past year. In fact," The young mafia don continued, a soft yet sad smile now adorning his face. "Since the time we all met each other in middle school, it seemed like Yamamoto and you got along just a little bit better with every year that passed. I love it when you guys get along, so seeing that all fall apart now because of what sounds like a misunderstanding, upsets me. I don't want you guys to lose your friendship over a misunderstanding, Gokudera-kun."
Tsuna stared earnestly into Gokudera's pale-green eyes, imploring his friend to understand him but the silver-haired teen still looked hesitant. The reason why Yamamoto and him had fought wasn't exactly because of a misunderstanding; it was because of the present being from his father and from Gokudera's belief in breaking up. But the head-strong bomber knew that Tsuna still had made a good point. Even though he believed that Yamamoto and him shouldn't be together, he should still try to talk things over more calmly with the taller teen to make things less awkward around them so that they could still be 'friends' in a sense. After all, they were part of the same Family and they had to learn to get along and work with each other despite whatever differences they had between them.
With a little more certainty in his voice and a goal now in mind, Gokudera peered back into his boss's eyes with renewed determination. For the sake of his family, he would try to make friendly amends with Yamamoto. "I understand, Tenth. I'll go and talk to Yamamoto and ask to read the letter again."
Tsuna smiled and sighed in relief upon hearing Gokudera's answer. "Thank you for understanding, Gokudera-kun."
Gokudera just shook his head and gave his boss a look of appreciation. "No, it was because of the Tenth's words that I realized what I had to do. If I hadn't come here and talked to you I would have just kept this bitterness and anger I felt towards Yamamoto inside of me. I should be thanking you, Tenth."
The future mafia don just rubbed his head in embarrassment at his friend's praise, not really sure if he should accept it gratefully or continue to feel modest about it. "Well, that aside, maybe you should head over to Yamamoto's right now? That way you guys can talk and he won't be so depressed for the rest of Christmas. Besides, he left his coat here along with yours so I was wondering if you could return it to him since you're planning on going over there eventually."
There was a short pause before Gokudera finally agreed. In truth he was hoping to wait a couple days before he confronted Yamamoto because he didn't want to intrude upon him and Yamamoto Senior. That and he was apprehensive about meeting up with Yamamoto so soon after their break up but the pleading look in Tsuna's eyes quickly changed that plan. How could Gokudera say no to his boss when he was looking at him like that?
So ten minutes later, Gokudera found himself bundled up in his winter coat and carrying Yamamoto's coat in one of his arms outside of the Sawada residence. With a bow and an apology for intruding upon his household, the silver-haired teen bid his goodbyes to his boss/best friend and started heading towards Takesushi. Gokudera kept reminding himself that he was only going to make amends with Yamamoto about them keeping their friendship since he didn't believe that getting back together would be practical.
No matter what Gokudera did though, he couldn't suppress the nervousness in the pit of his stomach and the worry he felt towards what he was going to do. Would Yamamoto even want him as a friend after all the pain he put him through?
Not too far away, a young baseball player tossed and turned in his bed. Fear and distress marred his sleeping features but not for long. In the next minute, the taller teen flew up into a sitting position as his eyes widened in panic, his breath coming out in heavy pants and a cold sweat running down his body. A tanned, calloused hand came up to rub through his sweaty, black locks as he tried to get his breathing under control; it was just another nightmare.
Yamamoto had lost count on how many he had last night.
The dark-haired teen could feel the bags under his eyes, his body heavy from exhaustion and stress. He honestly wondered if he had gotten any sleep the night before. Since he thought that he wasn't going to get back to sleep anytime soon and that he would probably have another bad dream if he tried (it was obviously morning anyway), the exhausted teen dragged himself out of bed and got ready for the day. After a hot shower that barely woke him up and after changing into some dry clothes, Yamamoto slowly trudged down the stairs to the sushi shop below, his ears immediately assaulted by joyful Christmas music.
Finding the music to be too jolly for his tastes at the moment, the young athlete made his way into the quiet kitchen with a listless look on his face. Yamamoto was so lost within his own agonizing thoughts that he barely registered his father was in the kitchen with him, preparing a light lunch and organizing for Christmas dinner. The ailing teen just sat down at the kitchen table that was set off to the side, away from the main kitchen area that was used for the restaurant, and stared at its wooden surface like breakfast would magically appear before his eyes.
To the taller teen's surprise, something—it definitely wasn't breakfast— actually did. A small envelope with his first name written across it in an untidy scrawl was laid before his downcast eyes. Yamamoto blinked continuously at the magically appearing envelope a couple of times before he hesitantly took it in hand and glanced up.
It was here that Yamamoto finally realized that his father was in the kitchen with him. The older man was standing before him while wiping his hands with a kitchen hand towel, an encouraging, fatherly, smile donning his lips.
"Merry Christmas, Takeshi!" The older man replied joyfully with a laugh and his trademark grin. "I know it's not your typical Christmas present but I thought that it wouldn't matter once you opened it. I think you will be excited to see what I got you!"
Yamamoto blinked up at his father in a perplexed manner, momentarily forgetting his depression. "But…we always open our gifts after dinner…"
Tsuyoshi just gave a boisterous laugh in response as he clapped his son on the back. "Yeah, I know and I usually don't like to break traditions but I felt like you really needed a pick-me-up."
Despite the comforting hand on his shoulder now, Yamamoto's depression returned to him. Who was he kidding? Of course his father would have realized that he wasn't happy and that something was wrong. At least the taller teen felt like he could be thankful that his father wasn't prying into his matters yet and that the older man was obviously giving him space. Yamamoto just didn't know if he would ever be able to share his sadness with his father. He didn't want to think about…about losing Gokudera...and he certainly didn't want to proclaim to his father that he was in a relationship with another man! Just the thought of his father being disgusted with him brought more agony onto the taller teen's shoulders.
Finally realizing that he was falling further and further into his self-made-depression, Yamamoto decided to heed his father's words and tore open the envelope in his hands. As the taller teen dug a hand into the envelope and pulled out what looked to be two train tickets, the rain guardian's eyes widened in surprise as he quickly glanced up towards his father again, his hazel eyes silently begging for an explanation.
Tsuyoshi laughed yet again but this time in a more affectionate tone as he squeezed his only son's shoulder. "I thought since you're old enough to be out on your own that it would be fun for you to take one of your friends on a little trip. Just think of this as my parting gift for you when you go off to college. Those tickets are supposed to be used on your summer break."
Yamamoto didn't know what to say at that but his eyes shone with gratitude up towards his father, a loving smile spreading across his lips. "Thanks, Pops."
The older man smiled warmly in return. "No problem, Takeshi. Just make sure you have fun! I don't want those tickets to go to waste since they were so expensive. A trip to Tokyo isn't exactly pocket change."
"…Tokyo?" The darker-haired teen muttered in slight shock as he checked the train tickets to make sure that his dad hadn't been lying to him. His eyes lost whatever glint of life they had as he confirmed his suspicions, the train tickets reminding him of his recent time trip to Tokyo and, of course, Gokudera.
Tsuyoshi was taken aback by his son's quick change in attitude. He had always imagined his son jumping for joy and excitement when he had purchased this particular gift weeks ago, not going into an immediate depressive slump! Just what had happened at the party last night? No teenager in their right mind would be depressed about a full-paid trip to Tokyo without parental supervision!
The grip he had on his son's shoulder tightened as the older Japanese man's eyes crinkled in worry, his voice questioning and wavering in uncertainty. "Takeshi…?"
There was a brief moment of silence while the younger Yamamoto stared forlornly at the train tickets in his hand while the elder glanced down at him in worry, waiting for his son to respond. When Yamamoto finally did respond, it was about something his father hadn't expected to hear.
"Dad, how did you know that Mom was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?"
Tsuyoshi was struck speechless, unable to process why his son would randomly ask such a question. Gathering his scattered thoughts back together, the older man took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh as he patted his son's shoulder. "Well…" Tsuyoshi started out awkwardly as he prepared himself to tell his little story; he really hadn't been expecting this. "When I was with your mother back in college, I had to transfer to another college for a year due to my job at the time. That time I spent away from her was, well, let's just say that it was hard to keep my sanity." The older man let out a soft chuckle as he continued, his eyes going distant again as he revisited years past. "That's when I knew your mother had to be the one."
Yamamoto's eyes narrowed in concentration as he considered his father's words, the boy's face so serious that Yamamoto Senior couldn't help but jokingly laugh. "So what was up with that question all of sudden, Takeshi? Have you been hiding a girlfriend from me?"
It didn't matter at that moment that his father had been joking because all Yamamoto could feel was the sting of those words and the reminder of what he once had. The young athlete shut his eyes and clenched his fists together as an indescribable pain overcame him, his hands accidentally crushing the tickets to Tokyo in the process.
Tsuyoshi knew what was transpiring then. Truthfully, he already had a feeling as to why his son had been so depressed lately. It seemed that his suspicions towards his son's love life had been confirmed.
Not caring what his son thought of him at the moment since he hated to see such a look of pain on his face, Tsuyoshi grabbed Takeshi by the shoulders and turned him around in his chair so that he was facing him. The taller teen's eyes widened in astonishment at his abrupt change in position but they widened even further when he saw his father stoop down and bring him into a bone crushing hug. Yamamoto could only sit there in shock as his father hugged him like his life depended on it, as if the force of his embrace could squeeze out the agony that his son felt.
"Remember what I told you all those years ago, Takeshi, when you fell and scraped your knee?" The older man muttered quietly, his voice stern yet wavering with lament as he did the only thing that a parent could do in the situation he was in. "You were just a little kid and you were crying in pain. I told you that men weren't supposed to cry when they were hurt and that keeping their pain inside of them helped to build character and made them grow stronger. You took those words to heart and always brushed off your pain with a smile…"
Takeshi scrunched his eye up in confusion at his father words as the older man continued to hold him, trying to figure out what his father was getting at.
It seemed he could sense his son's curiosity because Tsuyoshi continued with his speech, his voice gruff with determination. "I'm mentioning this now Takeshi because I didn't explain it well enough. I know you're hurting now and what I say probably won't be able to take that pain away no matter how much I want it to. But…even though I told you back then not to cry whenever you got physically injured, it's ok to cry when you are emotionally hurt. Pain like that should never be held inside because it can destroy a man so much more than any fatal cut or broken bone ever could. So please, Takeshi, I won't think any less of you, just don't hold yourself back because of that pride I instilled in you long ago."
Those words shook Yamamoto to his core as he realized that he had been putting up a strong front around his father because he didn't want him to think any less of him if he saw his tears. The taller teen felt so foolish for believing that his father would be ashamed if he saw him cry but, since he always felt his father would feel shame if he ever found out his relationship with Gokudera, he associated that shame with the shame he would feel from crying about it. He had been holding his agony back because of that and because he didn't want his father to pry deeper into his pain for fear of finding out the truth. But sitting there with his father's protective arms around him and holding onto him with all the love in the world, Yamamoto couldn't hold himself back anymore.
Tsuyoshi finally received the response he was looking for as he felt his son wrap his arms around him and bury his face into his shoulder, an agonized sob escaping his throat as he finally allowed the tears that had been threatening to spill since last night flow from his eyes. Even though he was glad that his precious Takeshi was finally letting his agony out, Tsuyoshi could feel anger and rage build within him as he thought of the person who had subjected his son to so much torture.
Before the older man could think more on that fact, he felt Takeshi push away from him, the younger boy's tears ending just as soon as they started. Tsuyoshi felt perplexed at such a quick adjustment and could only feel concern worm its way into his gut when he noticed that his son wasn't looking at him.
Yamamoto stared down at his feet as he felt the shame from earlier resurface again. He wondered if his dad would actually still hold him like that if he knew who he was crying about. As he kept on thinking of that particular matter, the taller teen had forcibly stopped his tears and held them back once again, finding himself unable to cry in front of his father now because of it. "I'm sorry, Dad." The younger Yamamoto mumbled out in dejection as he continued to avert his eyes away. "I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm just feeling tired since I hardly got any sleep last night. Do you think I can go upstairs and rest for a bit?"
Tsuyoshi could only give his consent as the worry he felt escalated inside of him from knowing that his son was running away from him, despite his earlier speech. The older man felt lost as he wondered what any parent would do in his situation. It's not like he could force his son to stay there and make him talk about what was bothering him when it was clear that he still felt such raw agony over it. No, he felt it was best that his son had a little more time with himself. Maybe after hearing his little speech, Takeshi wouldn't keep his pain locked inside of him now and the healing process could finally begin.
The older man couldn't help but wonder though, as he watched his son drag himself from the kitchen table and out of the room towards the stairs with his train tickets still clutched in his hand, if the healing process he spoke of would ever take effect.
Five minutes. It had been five minutes already and he still was standing outside and staring up at the sign to Takesushi like it was going to bestow divine judgment onto him if he so much as knocked on the door. Gokudera shook his head to clear his thoughts; his nerves were just getting the better of him.
Taking a deep breath, the silver-haired teen reached out a hesitant hand and knocked loudly upon the door. He hated that he was doing this now on Christmas day since he didn't want to impose upon the Yamamoto's during a holiday that was supposed to be celebrated with the family. That and he had upset Yamamoto last night so he felt that he would only be rubbing that fact in even more if he confronted him now but, as Gokudera looked down at Yamamoto's winter coat in his arms, he knew that he had to at least give this back.
Oh who was he kidding! Gokudera knew that if he put confronting Yamamoto off he would never do it and wouldn't that disappoint the Tenth? He had to talk to Yamamoto and set things straight between them and apologize for getting angry with him about the letter. So that's what Gokudera kept telling himself as he waited for the door to be answered. He was doing this for the Tenth and not because he felt guilty.
And it definitely wasn't because he longed to see Yamamoto! That definitely wasn't the case either!
Before the silver-haired teen could delve any more into his personal feelings the door to the Takesushi shop opened and Yamamoto Tsuyoshi was blinking at him in confusion. It was a good thing that Gokudera bowed out of respect at the next second because he completely missed how the older man's features hardened.
"I'm sorry to disturb you on Christmas day, Yamamoto-san!" The silver-haired teen exclaimed in repentance, refusing to look up because of the shame he felt in his lov—in Yamamoto's father's presence. "The Tenth asked me to return Yamamoto's coat since he forgot it at the party last night."
Yamamoto Senior frowned as the still bowed teenager presented his son's jacket to him like an offering by holding it out in front of him with both hands. Taking the coat out of slight pity, since it seemed that it was taking all of Gokudera's energy to stay in that position, the older man asked in a gruff yet curious voice, "Is that all, Gokudera-kun?"
The Italian bomber flinched as he heard the angered expectancy in Tsuyoshi's voice, like he knew that Gokudera was there because he needed to do something else at their house. "Um…uh…" the smaller teen stuttered out nervously, remembering what it felt like to be at the end of Tsuyoshi's anger/disappointment. Truthfully, he hadn't expected the older man to be happy by any means because he would have surely noticed that his son had been hurt at the party last night but he hadn't expected to feel the anger of the older man directed at him! Had Yamamoto told him about what happened last night?
Feeling even more ashamed of himself, Gokudera was surprised when he eventually stuttered out. "Is…um…is Yamamoto available to talk?"
The smaller teen was too afraid to look up and see the look on the obviously angered man's face but he didn't need to do that to understand how the older man felt as he replied stiffly, "Takeshi is sleeping at the moment."
Gokudera was more than ready to call it quits there and accept that Yamamoto Senior didn't want him anywhere near his son but something stopped him from moving from his spot. All of a sudden, he wanted to do this, he wanted to set things right between him and Yamamoto. Not for the sake of the Tenth and for the Family but for himself. It seemed like now, since it felt like Yamamoto's father didn't want Gokudera to see his son that it only made Gokudera want to see him all the more. The little Italian wasn't going to back down from this fight and he wasn't going to run away!
He needed to see Yamamoto.
"I-I left something up in Yamamoto's room the last time I was here." Gokudera muttered out his excuse as he boldly peered up into Tsuyoshi's eyes, his jade-green orbs slightly desperate. It wasn't like it was a complete lie since the letter from his mother was supposed to be for him and he assumed that Yamamoto would keep it in his room. "It will only take a minute!"
There was a tense silence as the older man and younger teen stared each other down, Tsuyoshi's stern glare never wavering and Gokudera's shaking in slight fear but refusing to budge out of pride. Seeing the determination in his eyes, Tsuyoshi conceded defeat and stepped aside, his body language offering Gokudera entrance into his home.
The smaller teen was hesitant for a moment before he stepped inside. The air between the silver-haired bomber and his father figure was stiff as Gokudera heard the door slide shut behind him and click into place with a note of finality; there was no turning back now.
After slipping off his shoes and putting his coat onto the coat rack next to Yamamoto's, Gokudera started making his way towards the stairs in apprehension. He could feel the calculating stare from Yamamoto Senior dig into his back. Gokudera refused to turn around and look the older man in the eye out of intimidation. Tsuyoshi was actually beginning to frighten him now.
It was just as the silver-haired teen arrived at the bottom of the stairs that the silence was broken within the shop, Gokudera so shocked by the words he heard that he stopped dead in his tracks.
"Take all the time you need, Gokudera-kun."
Gokudera didn't know what made Tsuyoshi say those words but they were spoken with such an acceptance that the silver-haired teen couldn't refuse them. Not wanting to disappoint the older man any more that he probably already had (why was he angry with him in the first place?), Gokudera nodded and started climbing the stairs to Yamamoto's room. He was more than ready to settle things between him and Yamamoto and hopefully they could still be friends and they would be happier after they talked.
As Tsuyoshi watched the feisty Italian make his way up the stairs with more confidence in his steps, he could only wonder if he had done the right thing.
Gokudera swallowed hard as he stood outside of Yamamoto's bedroom door. He couldn't hear any movements inside. Did that mean that Yamamoto's father had been right in saying that his son was asleep? How was he supposed to talk to the baseball idiot if he wasn't even awake? Did that mean he had to wake him up?
The silver-haired teen could feel a blush spread across his cheeks at the thought. He could only imagine how awkward that would be, waking up to the person who had thrown you away the night before. If Yamamoto was asleep and he woke him up, wouldn't the idiot think that everything last night had been a dream? If that was the case, then that would only make working things out between them more difficult, right?
Not really sure on what to do but refusing to back down since he had come so far, Gokudera reached out and rapped his knuckles against the bedroom door. It couldn't hurt to be courteous after all.
Much to Gokudera's fear, there was no reply.
Desperate to not go through the whole breaking up thing again, the smaller teen knocked on the door a little louder, hoping that Yamamoto really wasn't asleep.
This time, the silver-haired teen was surprised to hear a reply.
"I told you I'm tired, Dad. I want to be alone." Yamamoto's muffled voice sounded from the opposite side of the door. Gokudera was frozen in mid-motion at the sound of the other's voice, his hand held in place where he had just used it to knock on the door. The smaller teen never expected to react the way he did just by hearing the other but how could he not when he heard the anger and pain in the other's voice and knew that he was the reason why Yamamoto sounded like that?
Gokudera bit his bottom lip, guilt sweeping over him like a fast approaching storm. Would his presence only continue to hurt Yamamoto instead of help in working things out between them? In all honesty, the smaller teen found himself fearing that he would lose Yamamoto more than he already had. It was bad enough that they couldn't be together anymore but to have their friendship completely destroyed too? Gokudera wasn't sure if he could live with himself if that happened. Should he just leave now and wait to confront him or should he walk into the room? Both the Tenth and Yamamoto's father wanted him to fix the problem immediately but could it really be fixed that fast?
It seemed like his pride answered for him as Gokudera felt himself grab onto the bedroom door's handle and turn it. He had come all this way already and he'd be damned if he ran away now!
As the silver-haired teen pushed open the door and walked into the room, his senses were bombarded with the sights and smells that exemplified Yamamoto. Baseball memorabilia was plastered on the walls and around the room, clothes were scattered on the floor in messy piles, and everything smelled of dirt, sun-kissed leather and freshly dewed grass. Gokudera would be lying to himself if he said that he hadn't grown to love that smell.
Steeling himself for the struggle he knew he was going to face, Gokudera turned towards Yamamoto's bed, shutting the bedroom door in the process. What his sight was met with almost tore him apart as he saw the tall dejected form of his beloved baseball player splayed out across his bed, he arms wrapped under a pillow that was buried against his face.
Before the young Italian could adequately prepare himself for what he was about to do and grab Yamamoto's attention, the said athlete's face detached itself from the pillow and turned towards him, his brows knitted together in frustration.
"I said I wanted to be—" The taller teen yelled out in an upset manner but stopped short once he realized that his dad hadn't been the one to enter his room. Shocked hazel eyes met just as shocked green as Yamamoto took in the teen standing by his doorway, unable to believe his eyes. Gokudera just stared back in turn as he held the other teen's shocked but still hurt gaze, ignoring the longing that the sight of the taller teen produced within him as it twisted in his gut along with his guilt.
The two of them didn't know how long they stood like that, their eyes hungrily taking the other in as they lost themselves to the moment.
It was here that Yamamoto was finally able to find his voice as he slowly sat up on his bed, his eyes never straying from the other teen. "Gokudera…what…" The raven-haired teen started out in breathless wonder, half-believing that he had to be dreaming. How else could Gokudera be standing in his room? "…what are you doing here?"
That question seemed to wake the silver-haired teen from whatever trance he was in. Realizing that he was staring so openly at the person he had given up the night before, Gokudera averted his gaze out of horror-struck embarrassment. "I…" The older teen croaked out weakly, angered by the sound of his own voice as one of his hands grabbed onto his other arm and held it tightly. Gokudera bit his lip as he gathered his courage to say what he had come there to say. "I came to apologize for last night."
Yamamoto's eyes widened in shock again before they shook with slight hope as Gokudera struggled to continue. "I shouldn't have taken my anger, no, most of my anger out on you because of the letter." The silver-haired teen chuckled bitterly at the reminder as he tightened his hold on his arm, still averting his gaze from Yamamoto's. "I don't even remember most of the letter because I was so upset about my father's ring…among other things. I think I only got half-way through."
There was a short pause as Gokudera fidgeted awkwardly on the other side of the room and while Yamamoto shifted uncomfortably on his bed, rubbing the back of his head at the guilt he felt towards giving Gokudera a present that was originally from his father. "Does this mean that you want to read the rest of the letter?" Yamamoto finally mentioned as his still hopeful eyes searched Gokudera's downturned face. If Gokudera actually read the full letter and saw the ring for himself, maybe he would change his mind about them being together?
More silence consumed the room as Gokudera bit his lip harder. He could feel the longing and hope in the other's gaze. The silver-haired teen tried not to get swept away by it as he gathered his courage yet again and met Yamamoto's eyes with a steadfast look, his voice stoic and unmoving as he finally answered. "Yes."
And that's how Gokudera found himself sitting next to Yamamoto on his bed as the taller teen reached over to his bedside table, opened a drawer, and took out the slightly crumpled letter and the still wrapped gift. Yamamoto held onto the present as he gave the letter back to his companion, the smaller teen taking a deep breath before re-reading the letter. Yamamoto could only look on hopefully as he watched the other read, shifting away slightly at a respectful distance to give the smaller teen space and privacy to read.
Gokudera didn't notice Yamamoto shift away from him or that he had even sat down so close to the taller teen in the first place since he was so immersed in reading the letter. It was just like he remembered. The beginning of it consisted of his mother proving who she was by telling him information about his family that he only knew of and then went on to explain how she came to meet Yamamoto in Tokyo. The smaller teen kept reminding himself not to get jealous as his mother gushed on about Yamamoto and explained that the promise ring came from his father and that, since it meant so much to her, that she wanted him to have it, especially since it expressed both hers and Yamamoto's feelings for him perfectly.
Gokudera could feel his anger over the ring come over him again but that feeling was quickly extinguished once he finally reached the second half of the letter. The second half consisted of what he wanted to see most dearly. His mother went on and on about how she learned more about him through Yamamoto. The woman's words were riddled with excitement as she listed her hobbies; throwing out the names of her favorite science fiction authors, talking about the latest news about UMA sightings in her time, and even going on to tell him about the adorable cat she had at home and how cats were seriously underrated and way more better than dogs (even though she liked them too).
A soft, affectionate smile found its way onto the Italian boy's face as his eyes shook with unshed tears. The last part of the letter went on to explain how proud she was of him upon hearing him become the right-hand man to the prestigious Vongola family and about how they were trying to turn it into a vigilante group. His mother also expressed her worry about how she heard how depressed he had been lately and wished that she could have lived long enough to know him better. She apologized for the decision she made to stay away from him because of her illness but she did it in order to protect him. The older woman then went on to express her hope that he would like the present Yamamoto and her had given him and that she wanted him to start playing the piano again, if not for himself, then as a last wish from her. She didn't want such talent like his to go to waste because of his memory of her. To make up for this fact, she also mentioned a title of one of her own compositions, saying that she had written it for him and had even played it for him when he was younger. After asking him to look up the sheet music for her song for him, just to see if he could remember it (and hopefully play it himself), the letter finally ended with her best wishes towards his future in the Vongola…and with Yamamoto.
Gokudera swallowed the heavy lump in his throat as he finished the letter. He suppressed the urge he felt to cry after finishing such a beautiful and loved filled letter and for the guilt he felt for misinterpreting it, especially now that he realized that Yamamoto had been right when he said that his mother approved of them. Even with that knowledge though, the silver-haired teen still knew that it was best that Yamamoto and him stayed separated. More pain and heartache would only come from it if they got back together.
During this time, Yamamoto was watching silently, noticing each drastic change in his companion's facial features as he read through the letter. Once the look of bitter finality made its way onto Gokudera's features, Yamamoto noticed that the other's hand was outstretched towards him, his palm upturned as if asking for something and his eyes still averted from his, staring blankly ahead. It was here that the taller teen realized that Gokudera was silently asking for the present. With a look of apprehension, (Yamamoto didn't like the look on Gokudera's face since it didn't look like he had changed his mind at all) the raven-hair athlete set the small package in the other's hand.
With trepidation, Gokudera slowly and carefully unwrapped the little package that held his mother's and his ex-lover's gift. As he lifted the top of the gift box off and rifled through the tissue paper held within, the bomber's pale hand finally retrieved the promise ring and held it up so that he could finally see it.
The early afternoon sun from Yamamoto's bedroom window shone down upon the ring as Gokudera held it up to the light, the many tiny diamonds and emeralds glittering along the silver surface of the ring in abandon. Gokudera felt breathless as he became fully engrossed with the beauty that the ring possessed but that didn't stop the startled choke that emanated from his throat as he found the words engraved into the ring. The smoking bomber bit his lip as he felt his eyes begin to tear up again. So that's what his mother and Yamamoto had meant when they had said that the ring expressed both of their feelings.
'I'll love you forever.'
Gokudera tried to smother how touched he felt as he read the promise on the ring over and over again, knowing that he didn't have the right to hold onto the ring or the promise it held.
The silver-haired teen's knuckles turned white as he clutched the ring in his palm, his silver locks shadowing his face from view as he broke the silence in the room, his voice solemn. "You were right." Gokudera mumbled out morosely to his silent companion as he remembered his mother's words from the letter that was now laying beside him on the bed. "My mother did approve of us."
Yamamoto didn't respond as he watched the other worriedly, noticing the tremble in the other's voice. The taller teen could feel a foreboding sadness overcome him again as he continued to listen to Gokudera's speech.
"I've already explained my reasons to you, Yamamoto." Gokudera started again, his voice wavering sorrowfully as he held out the ring for the other to take, still not looking in the other's direction. "It's best if we stay apart because our dangerous lifestyles would never allow us to be happy together. That's why…that's why I can't accept this ring."
Yamamoto took in a shaking breath as he glanced down at the offered ring, hearing the silent apology in the Italian bomber's voice.
"I'm…sorry…about my reaction to the letter." Gokudera forced out a moment later, a little bothered that Yamamoto hadn't taken the ring from him yet. The promise held in the ring was beginning to feel heavy in his palm, and Gokudera didn't like the burning sensation he felt because of it. The silver-haired teen seemed to struggle with himself a little more before he finally admitted, "I was…jealous. I was so angry and jealous because…because you got to know more about my mother before I even did."
Yamamoto's eyes widened in realization as Gokudera's words hit him. He suddenly understood why Gokudera had reacted the way he did when he first confronted him on Tsuna's lawn the night before. The raven-haired teen couldn't help but feel even more guilt at his realization, wanting nothing more than to make it up to the person that he loved. "If you want, I can tell you about her." Yamamoto hesitantly offered.
The hand holding the ring immediately closed up as it was slammed down onto the bed, Gokudera finally turning his head to glare at Yamamoto in his anger. "It's not the fucking same!" The smaller teen bellowed in rage. "I don't want to hear about her from a second hand source, I wanted her to tell me herself!"
As the silver-haired teen stewed in his abrupt anger, he noticed how taken aback and hurt Yamamoto looked at his outburst and realized that maybe he had been a little too insensitive, especially since they were wavering on such an emotional thread already with their breakup. Hadn't he wanted to be Yamamoto's friend at least? Taking in a shaking breath, Gokudera struggled with himself a little more before apologizing again. It was harder than it looked! "S-Sorry. I shouldn't have yelled." The silver-haired teen finally mumbled out as his free hand ruffled through his hair. "I should have said that…that my mother already shared a little about herself with me in her letter. I don't know how much of it you already know and I don't want you to tell me either."
Yamamoto eyes shone in understanding as he witnessed Gokudera wince at his lackluster ending. "No, I understand." The taller teen spoke soothingly but still with a hint of sadness. He hated how distant Gokudera felt from him now, even though he was sitting right next to him. "If I was in your shoes I would have probably reacted the same way."
The two teens' eyes met for a moment before Gokudera quickly looked away again, his body slumping in what looked like defeat. As Yamamoto watched him, the taller teen continued to think about what he could do. He still felt like he had to make things up to Gokudera even though it wasn't his fault he had met the other teen's mother in the first place. Maybe it was because he just wanted an excuse for the smaller teen not to leave?
As an idea popped into his head and a look of determination flitted across his face, Yamamoto knew that he had been correct in his last thought. He understood where Gokudera was coming from with his worries about the mafia but it was time that the other teen had to hear his reasons out. He wasn't just going to give up and let the other walk out of his life without a fight! Yamamoto owed it to their relationship and to the promise he had made with Gokudera's mother. He would just go about explaining his reasons in a more subtle way instead of forcing them on Gokudera like he had the night before.
Besides, he felt that it was time that he shared a different part of himself with Gokudera; a part of his life that he hadn't shared with anybody else. It wouldn't exactly make them even in regard to Gokudera's mother, but the silver-haired teen did have the right to know more about him, since he already knew so much about his little bomber.
With newfound energy running through his veins, Yamamoto stood abruptly, startling his silver-haired companion from his own inner musings. With a look of determination still on his face, hazel eyes met pale green once again as Yamamoto purposefully asked, "Gokudera, can I show you something?"
Confusion crossed the smaller teen's face but only for a moment as he noticed the pleading look in his taller companion's eyes. Gokudera didn't know what came over him but he couldn't resist that look. Feeling like he really had nothing more to lose (that and he hadn't accomplished his mission about getting Yamamoto to stay friends with him yet) the silver-haired bomber hesitantly nodded in assent as he offered the ring and the letter back to Yamamoto.
The taller teen appeared hurt by the smaller teen's actions but only for a second as determination reappeared in his eyes. Taking the letter and ring and carefully replacing them in his bedside drawer once again, the raven-haired teen headed towards his bedroom door and asked Gokudera to politely follow him. The silver-haired teen couldn't quell the sense of intrigue and mystery he felt as he followed after his taller companion, leaving the gift box and the wrapping paper that had contained his mother's ring on the bed where he left them.
As Gokudera closed the door behind him, he sent a silent and heart-wrenching goodbye to his mother's letter and the promise ring he left behind. He knew he wouldn't be back for them.
A/N: There you have it guys! I know that nothing really happened too much but I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I'm going to have fun writing the next one! I bet some of you have already guessed on what I'm going to do, and honestly, I find that my idea is a little clichéd but I hope that I can write it in a way that makes it new and interesting for you guys to read!
8059 Sims Story: Alright, the next story I'm going to share with you guys is cute but a little sad too. Yoshi was finally growing up into a kid from a toddler and Gokudera wanted to throw him a party! Yamamoto was at work and worked most of the evening at the time so Gokudera was by himself when he threw it. Everything was going good for the most part. I bought some cake and a stereo so that people could dance and I invited the guests over. Most of the guests were Gokudera's co-workers but Rikku from across the street was invited too and she became fast friends with Yoshi! They were so cute playing together even though Rikku was a teen and Yoshi was a child lol.
Also, just so you know, when Yoshi grew up into a child he looked so much like Yama but it was like Gokudera dressed him up. He had a flannel shirt but it was tucked into his pants XD. I could just see Gokudera fixing little Yoshi up like that lol.
Anyway, the party was going well but then, all of a sudden, a fight broke out between some of Gokudera's co-workers (both of whom had crushes on Gokudera but he wasn't interested in the slightest) and the party became a disaster! I was so mad because I had no idea why they were fighting! It depressed me that the first memory that Yoshi made as a child was that his papa threw him a bad birthday party. T_T
So Yoshi went to bed all angry, Yamamoto came home all tired from work and had no idea that a party was thrown at all, and Gokudera went to bed with him all depressed. Gokudera even woke up in the middle of the night, crying about his failure of a party. I almost cried with him but the cutest thing happened afterwards! I wasn't controlling Gokudera at the moment but I saw him walk towards Yoshi's room, which was down the hall, after he was done crying. He went to his sleeping son and tucked him in and gave him a little kiss on the forehead. It was such an adorable and very out of character moment for Gokudera, I just squealed! Gokudera was such a loving papa!
Even after that though, Gokudera started crying again so I finally took action and woke Yama up to comfort him (comfort sex for the win!) and when they woke up the next morning, I made Yoshi walk up to him and hug Gokudera and Goku was so happy after that, he had a spring in his step for the rest of the day lol.
That just goes to show that despite what Gokudera wants people to believe, he is a very caring and loving person (especially when it comes to his and Yamamoto's son! *insert fan-girl squeal here*)
Thank you guys for reading and, for those of you in the states, have a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope to get the next chapter out by the end of the month at the latest!