A/N: Ok guys, here's the third to last chapter! I hope you enjoy it! Also, thank you for the reviews everyone! I know that time is kind of an issue at the moment with schools getting hectic before Christmas and with the Thanksgiving holidays, so thank you for anyone who had the time to read or review!
I also want to give a massive shout out to leopardstarismyleader for helping me edit this chapter! Thank you so much! This chapter looks so much better because of your help. =)
The only warnings for this chapter are Gokudera's swearing….again…and maybe the sim story at the end lol.
Part 10
A slightly awkward silence hovered over the two boys as they made their way down the stairs to the main restaurant below, Yamamoto determinedly leading the way while Gokudera followed hesitantly behind him. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Yamamoto was about to turn into the hallway that led to the customer bathrooms when a gruff, yet questioning, voice stopped him.
"Huh? Takeshi? What are you doing?" Tsuyoshi asked perplexedly from his place by the stereo, a couple of Christmas CD's in his hand. He hadn't expected to see his son come down from his room so soon (it had only been about an hour), and with such a determined look on his face, a vast difference from what he looked like a couple hours prior. The older man's questioning gaze quickly turned and landed on Gokudera, who was standing awkwardly off to the side. The silver-haired teen appeared lost, as if he didn't know where to look, the other's eyes refraining from landing on either of the Yamamoto's because of the uncertainty he felt around them.
"We're just heading towards the living room." Yamamoto replied sincerely, his expression serious, but his eyes telling a different story as they silently begged his father not to interfere.
The confusion that Tsuyoshi felt only increased as he picked up on his son's attitude. He assumed that everything wasn't settled with Takeshi's problem yet, if the air between him and Gokudera was anything to go by, so why would the both of them be heading towards the living room? Were they going to watch TV or something? No, that couldn't be it. Why would Takeshi be acting so serious over something like that?
Unsure if he should butt into his son's problem more or just leave things as they were, Tsuyoshi decided to ask.
"Oh…well then, um…will Gokudera-kun be staying for dinner then?"
It was here that Gokudera finally joined in on the conversation, a flustered noise emanating from the smaller teen's throat as he quickly stuttered out.
"A-Ah, n-no, I won't be staying, Yamamoto-san! I could never impose upon you during Christmas—"
"Yeah, he will, Dad. You can set out another plate for him." Yamamoto kindly interrupted, a ghost of a smile finding its way onto his lips as he watched for Gokudera's reaction.
The little bomber didn't disappoint. In an instant, he turned towards Yamamoto, a look of bewildered annoyance on his face.
"Wha—? Yamamoto! I couldn't—"
"Now, now, Gokudera," Yamamoto started out soothingly as he reached out to pat his smaller companion's shoulder, but thought twice about it and awkwardly retracted his hand at the last second, opting for said hand to rub the back of his head instead. The younger teen couldn't help but chuckle nervously at his almost intimate action as he continued, glancing between his confused father and the now awkwardly fidgeting Gokudera. "What I'm about to show you might take a while, so it would be rude to keep you long and not give you something to eat afterwards. Besides, what were you planning to do for Christmas dinner anyway? Were you going to go over to Tsuna's?"
The silver-haired teen shifted his eyes away and quietly muttered his answer.
"No…"
Yamamoto frowned at that, not liking the answer at all. "So you were going to spend your entire Christmas evening alone?" When he didn't receive an answer, the taller teen quickly glanced towards his father, a pleading sheen overshadowing his eyes as he silently begged the man to let Gokudera stay with them.
That look was so powerful, so heart wrenching, that Tsuyoshi just couldn't say no. Honestly, he wasn't going to refuse to let Gokudera stay anyway, not after he had heard that the smaller boy had nowhere to go to celebrate Christmas. He might have been angry with his Italian employee but that didn't mean he would heartlessly kick him to the curb.
Having an idea on why his son was heading towards the living room now and not entirely sure how he felt about it, Tsuyoshi conceded with a sad, yet accepting smile.
"Alright, it's decided then. I will set a plate out for Gokudera-kun." The older man could see that the silver-haired teen was going to protest again, but he quickly held up a hand for silence as he shook his head with a laugh.
"Nope, you can't argue your way out of this one, Gokudera-kun! You're going to sit down and enjoy Christmas dinner with us! Don't worry, we have plenty to go around and I assure you that I'm a pretty good cook!"
Gokudera just sighed in defeat as he awkwardly accepted the Yamamotos' proposals towards Christmas dinner with an uncomfortable grunt. Just what the hell did he get himself into?
The older teen couldn't stop the uneasiness and irritation he felt as he followed Yamamoto down the hallway towards the living room. Just what was Yamamoto thinking? Didn't he feel a bit uncomfortable too? Sure, they were on more friendly terms, but they had just broken up! Didn't couples usually give each other space during this time?
Still, that didn't stop the warm feeling that spread throughout the silver-haired teen's body at the thought that Yamamoto still wanted to spend time with him, that he was still wanted despite the pain he put the other through. He just couldn't understand why Yamamoto would still want to be around him, and so soon after their breakup. Surely, the other understood by now that it was for the best that they didn't get back together?
Before Gokudera could think any more on his inner musings, he and Yamamoto had arrived at the living room door. Said living room was located at the very end of the hall, down from the customer bathrooms on the right-hand side. A similar looking door was on the left side of the hallway at the end, which was another door that led to the kitchen. Gokudera remembered how weird he had found it that the living room was on the bottom floor of the restaurant, and not on the upper floor of the establishment like most other family owned shops. He remembered that Yamamoto explained when his grandparents (on his father's side), had built the shop, it had originally been a house. When his grandfather converted it over to a sushi shop, they had no choice but to keep the living room on the bottom floor, as they didn't have enough room on the top floor (where the bedrooms and bathroom were located) to build a new one. In fact, they even had to make the living room smaller in order to fit in the customer bathrooms.
Gokudera couldn't help but remember that little bit of information as he and Yamamoto made their way into the small living room. The little room only had enough space for a three-seat couch, an arm chair, a decent sized TV, a TV cabinet that was filled to the brim with movies, and an assortment of cabinets off to the side, which Gokudera had always assumed to be filled with blankets and futons for guests. Despite its slightly cramped atmosphere, Gokudera found that he didn't mind the size (he lived in an apartment after all), and couldn't help but think that he preferred the living room's tiny size because of how cozy it felt, a characteristic he had always associated with Yamamoto and his dad (but he would never admit that to them!).
Intrigued as to what Yamamoto had to show him, the feisty Italian followed the young athlete over to a four-foot tall cabinet along the side wall, next to the living room window. More curious than ever now, Gokudera watched on as the tall athlete kneeled before the cabinet and opened its doors, which were located a third of the way down from the top of the cabinet, the top third of the cabinet having a separate pair of doors. Once the bottom doors of the cabinet were fully opened, the silver-haired teen was finally able to see what was contained within. Jade-green eyes widened in complete surprise as he took in the sight of a family-made shrine, a beautifully framed picture of a woman placed within the middle of it.
The Italian teen was so stunned and confused about what he saw that he barely registered that Yamamoto was looking at him now, an honest and intent look now adorning the young athlete's face.
"Since I know about your mother now Gokudera, I thought it would only be right to tell you about my mother as well." Yamamoto stated gently, his light brown eyes filled with purpose and resolution. "I know that it won't make us even in a sense, since I got to learn about your mother through the woman herself but…I want to tell you about my mother. I want…" Yamamoto swallowed thickly, his eyes becoming impassioned with such a strong desire that Gokudera could feel himself become week at the knees as he stared back into the other's auburn orbs. "I want to share this with you, Gokudera. I've never shared this with anyone else before."
Gokudera had to avert his eyes away from Yamamoto, the expression on the other's face just too powerful for him to look at directly. He could feel the warmth that he had felt earlier spread throughout his whole body at the taller boy's words, the warmth filling him up until he thought it would spill over. Gokudera tried to suppress what he was feeling, tried to suppress the honor he felt to be the first of Yamamoto's 'friends' to learn about his mother, and tried to suppress the feeling that Yamamoto's impassioned gaze gave him. He wasn't with Yamamoto anymore; he shouldn't be feeling these things!
Trying desperately to distract himself from the awkward feelings that were accumulating within him, Gokudera continued to avert his eyes to the side as he mumbled, "I thought Japanese shrines were supposed to be kept open? Isn't it rude to keep the doors shut on your mother's shrine?"
To the nervous Italian's surprise, Yamamoto gave a heartwarming chuckle at his question, the first smile he had seen since their breakup appearing on his face.
"That's actually a funny story." The raven-haired teen chuckled out, a gentle look overcoming him. "When I was little, I always thought that Mom wouldn't be able to get to sleep unless we shut the cabinet doors. The picture we used for her shrine is one where she has her eyes open, so I thought since she couldn't close her eyes anymore, she wouldn't be able to sleep unless we shut the cabinet doors, haha! I would get so worried about it that my dad decided to shut the doors at night. It's kind of become a bad habit of ours to keep the doors shut, but we found that it's easier that way. Because of that, the shrine doesn't get so dusty and it doesn't feel too awkward when I have friends over. The living room is cramped and small enough as it is, so we thought that if we always had her shrine open, it would make the room feel more stuffy or awkward for guests. That's why we keep it closed, haha."
Gokudera couldn't suppress the humored smirk that found its way onto his face as he shook his head and kneeled down next to Yamamoto in front of the shrine. The silver-haired teen's amusement only increased as he witnessed how the taller teen rubbed the back of his head with a soft and sheepish smile in response. "You're such an idiot." The smaller teen murmured softly, referring to the taller boy's explanation.
Despite his Italian companion's insult, Yamamoto was still able to hear the note of affection in the other's voice. As Gokudera brought his hands together and bowed before his mother's altar, giving his respects, Yamamoto couldn't stop the loving gaze he bestowed upon the smaller teen as Gokudera silently accepted his offer to learn about his mother.
Of course, Gokudera was too busy paying his respects to have noticed Yamamoto's look. By the time he turned his gaze towards the taller teen, the Rain Guardian was paying his respects too.
When Yamamoto was done, he reached up toward the top of the cabinet and opened the top set of doors. As the doors swung out, Gokudera could see that the back of the doors had wooden picture frames glued to them with pictures held within each frame. There were also picture frames standing up in the middle of the top cabinet section.
"These pictures are sort of set up as a timeline." Yamamoto explained as he pointed to the first picture on the right hand door. "You follow them like pictures in a manga."
Gokudera 'hmm-ed' in understanding as he let his eyes fall on the right-hand picture (the one closest to him), his eyes taking in the sight of a younger looking Tsuyoshi next to Yamamoto's mother, both of them wearing college t-shirts and standing in front of a bricked building. It was here that the silver-haired teen studied the woman's features more closely. He quickly noticed that even though Yamamoto was practically a carbon-copy of his dad, the rounder, softer features that were present in Yamamoto's face, that were not found on Tsuyoshi, came from his mother. The woman had about mid-length, dark brown hair (a slightly darker shade than Haru's) and from what Gokudera could tell by looking at the pictures on the right-hand door, she always kept her partially wavy hair up in a messy bun with her bangs framing her face.
The silver-haired teen's observations were soon cut short as Yamamoto's voice reached his ears again.
"As you can probably see in this first picture," The raven-haired teen started out, a slightly amused tone in his voice. "My mom and dad met during their first year of college in Tokyo. My dad was part of the kendo team while my mom played women's baseball."
Gokudera followed Yamamoto's pointer finger as he indicated the next picture to look at. The next picture frame contained two separate images, one of a close up of Tsuyoshi in his kendo uniform, and one of Yamamoto's mom in her baseball uniform, her hair messily tied back behind her baseball cap with a bat swung over her shoulder as she made a victory sign with her hands, a crazy grin on her face.
"I remember my dad saying that it took about half a year for my mom to admit she liked him." Yamamoto continued again, a humorous smile on his face. "He met her through one of his friends, who had a girlfriend on the baseball team. The first time they met they got into a fight, haha! I think it was about, 'girls couldn't throw fast balls like men could', or something like that."
Gokudera cocked an eyebrow at this, and when Yamamoto glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, the taller teen couldn't help but laugh louder as he continued his story and explanation. "Even though my dad was in the kendo club, he had a good pitching arm. Because of that, he challenged my mom, who was the pitcher for her team, to a contest to see who could throw a better fast ball. In the end, I think it turned out to be a tie."
The silver-haired Italian's eyebrows rose even higher at that piece of information. He had never heard of a woman tie with a man when it came to pitching. Of course, he had never read up on baseball history or the sport in general, so what did he know? But with this new piece of information, it suddenly made sense on how Yamamoto's pitches could be so powerful and fast; he probably gained the conjoined skills of his parents.
"From there," Yamamoto continued. "My dad would always visit my mom after their club activities, and they would practice their throwing together. My dad said that my mom would always tease him and call him names because she was still sore about their first encounter. Eventually though, they started going out half-way through their freshman year."
As Yamamoto pointed to the last picture on the right-hand door, Gokudera felt a sense of déjà vu come over him as his eyes took in the sight of a stupidly smiling Tsuyoshi with his arm around the brown-haired woman's shoulder, who looked rather grumpy about the whole predicament because of her scrunched up brow and the scowl adorning her lips. Why did that picture seem familiar to him?
Before Gokudera could think any more on the familiarity of the photo, Yamamoto continued on with his story. "My mom was quite a character, haha. She was always so lively and loved to do many things. My dad always told me that, no matter how dangerous something was, my mom would always find enjoyment in anything she did. She was always smiling and laughing, and the only time she frowned or got upset was when people talked bad about the things she liked or hurt the people she cared about. My dad said that she was very scary when that happened, haha."
Gokudera's eyes widened as he realized a sudden comparison between Yamamoto and his mother as the dark-haired teen pointed towards the middle of the cabinet to the picture frames held within. Each picture depicted random dates that Tsuyoshi and Yamamoto's mother went on, the woman's ever smiling face a constant within the pictures. Yamamoto was a lot like his parents. He looked exactly like his dad and he had the older man's calming and laid-back personality. The taller teen even had Tsuyoshi's stern glare for when he was angered or serious about protecting his friends. The raven-haired teen was so much like his dad that the silver-haired teen had always secretly wondered if Yamamoto had gotten any traits from his mother.
It seemed like he had finally gotten his answer.
Like he observed before, Yamamoto had softer and rounder features like his mother but that wasn't all; it was also his smile. Gokudera had always thought Yamamoto had gotten his smile from his father too, and truthfully they looked very much alike but…there was something about Yamamoto's smile that was always different from Tsuyoshi's; Gokudera could just never put his finger on it.
But he understood now.
As the silver-haired teen gazed upon the smiling pictures of Yamamoto's mother, he could see the resemblance. His mother's smile, the glint in her eyes, both were so vibrant, so full of life, that they perfectly captured the emotions that were always behind Yamamoto's features. Those same features that had drew him to Yamamoto in the first place.
The same ones that had made Gokudera fall in love with him.
The awestruck Italian quickly shook his head to clear his thoughts. That wasn't something that he should have been thinking about! Not. At. All. He couldn't think of Yamamoto like that anymore. They could only be friends. Friends. Nothing less, nothing more.
Gokudera was broken out of his panic-stricken thoughts by Yamamoto's voice once again as the taller teen pointed to the first picture on the left-hand door. "My mom and dad got married right out of college." The young athlete stated with a soft smile as he pointed to his parents' wedding picture, too distracted by his story to notice Gokudera's worried-filled expression. "From there, my dad moved back to Namimori to take over the family sushi shop, and my mom moved back with him as she waited for the baseball season to start, since she was spotted during college and was assigned onto a national woman's team. My…My mom's dream was to win the World Series but…well…" Yamamoto glanced at Gokudera and laughed sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head. "Women's baseball wasn't as popular as men's baseball, so the funding for the Women's World Series tournaments died out. My mom was depressed but persistent though and very passionate about baseball, so she never stopped on her quest to achieve her dream. She even tried to get onto the men's teams for a shot at the World Series!"
This got Gokudera's attention as he gawked at his taller companion, completely taken aback by that information. Yamamoto's mother was crazy! The men's league would never allow a woman to join! It was rather obvious now where Yamamoto got his passion for the sport from.
Yamamoto just laughed at his companion's reaction before he continued. "Haha, I know. Crazy, huh? Thankfully, before my mom made the national news because of her persistence, she got pregnant with me." The taller teen smiled in amusement as he hitched his thumb at the second to last picture on the left-hand door. The picture consisted of Yamamoto's very pregnant mother sitting in a plush arm chair with a very giddy Tsuyoshi semi-kneeling beside her, his head level with hers and his hands lovingly resting on his wife's shoulders.
Gokudera couldn't hold back a snide comment as he stared at the pregnancy photo, a joking smirk finding its way onto his lips. "Wow, you were big even as a baby."
"Haha, yeah." Yamamoto laughed weakly in response, his hazel eyes slowly losing the warmth they once held only moments ago. "I often wondered if that's the reason why my mom had so many complications during birth."
The silver-haired teen crinkled his brows together in confusion as he gave his companion a questioning glance. Yamamoto only smiled a sad smile and pointed to the last picture, located on the far left side of the left-hand door. His curiosity piqued by his companion's newfound sadness, Gokudera's questioning eyes took in the picture that Yamamoto pointed out. A soft gasp escaped his lips as he beheld the photo of a very worn-out Tsuyoshi holding his newborn child. A sad smile donned the dark-haired man's lips, his eyes slightly blood-shot and hardly holding any warmth, but still crinkled up in happiness. Even though the man appeared to be somewhat happy as he held a healthy-looking, newborn Yamamoto, there were dark bags under the man's eyes that were swollen and red.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had transpired.
Swallowing heavily as remorse and pity turned in his stomach, Gokudera turned his eyes away from the photo to glance towards his now silent companion. The smaller teen had to quickly gaze away once he took in of the sight of the young athlete, the once happy teen the perfect picture of devastation as he stared at the very first picture he ever appeared in.
Gokudera didn't know what to say. What could he say? It wasn't like he could say sorry for something that happened so long ago but…he couldn't ignore how broken Yamamoto looked right now either (and it wasn't caused by him for once). The silver-haired teen knew he wasn't good at the comfort sort of thing though, so he just waited silently for the other to speak up once again, hoping that his presence would be enough to give Yamamoto some form of comfort.
The usually impatient Italian didn't know how long they sat there in silence, but when Yamamoto finally spoke up again, his words were strained and thick with grief.
"My mother had to have an emergency C-section and…she died from major internal bleeding afterwards. I…I didn't know the cause of her death until my first year in middle school, when my father thought I was old enough to know." The raven-haired teen paused for a moment as he clenched his fists together atop his knees, his auburn eyes beginning to burn with a new sense of determination.
"After I learned about how my mother died, I also learned about her dream, the dream she never had the chance to fulfill. I hated the fact that my mother never got a chance, so I vowed to get into the majors to win the World Series for her. It worked out very well for me too, as winning the World Series was my own dream as well. Knowing that my mother shared the same dream as me just made me work all the more to achieve it."
Gokudera's eyes narrowed as another realization dawned on him.
"Is that why you tried to jump off the school roof in middle school after breaking your arm?" The smaller teen questioned softly, a touch of anger in his voice. He hadn't been in school that day, but with someone as popular as Yamamoto trying to kill himself so publically, it became a hot topic within the school for months. It was only natural that Gokudera had heard the story. Back then though, he didn't care. To him, knowing Yamamoto tried to kill himself just went to prove how stupid and weak the other was, and how he was not worthy of becoming part of the Family. Now, that was a different story. Just the thought of Yamamoto trying to do something like that sent anger coursing throughout his body and made him feel sick to his stomach.
The determination in Yamamoto's eyes withered away at Gokudera's reminder, the previous emotion quickly replaced by regret.
"Yeah…" The taller teen confirmed quietly as his downcast eyes became clouded with shame. "When I broke my arm, the possibility that it wouldn't heal right or that I wouldn't be able to pitch as well as I used too, worried me. I thought that if my arm wasn't quite the same after it healed, I would never be considered good enough to play in the majors. Because of that, I spiraled down into depression. I thought that because of my lack of focus and stupidity that I had completely ruined any chance of achieving my dream and, if that was the case, I broke my vow and ruined my mother's dream too. It felt…it felt like I had betrayed her again…"
Gokudera's scrunched his eyes up in worry as a look of pity crossed his features. He was certain he had heard the last part of Yamamoto's sentence correctly; he was certain that the taller teen had said 'betrayed her again'. Did that mean that Yamamoto saw his birth and his mother's death as a betrayal on his part? The silver-haired teen felt lost on what to do. Should he call Yamamoto out on that? Did he honestly want to bring something like that up?
In the end, Gokudera decided to hold his tongue. If he dug any deeper and asked such personal questions, there was no doubt in his mind that Yamamoto would only get more upset than he was now. Also, like he stated before, he wasn't good at comforting people. No, he would just stay quiet and see how things played out.
As the smaller teen was strategizing, his taller companion felt compelled to speak again, a sad yet thankful smile now adorning his face.
"Well, that aside, Tsuna thankfully showed up and stopped me from making the greatest mistake of my life. He convinced me that killing myself would do nothing, and that it was a really stupid thing to do in the first place. Once I was thinking straight again, I…I felt so guilty for what I almost did. Here my mom gave up her life in order for me to live, and I almost made her sacrifice meaningless! That and I didn't even think of my dad before I climbed up to the roof that day. I didn't even think of the man that had taken care of me all of my life. I didn't even think about how I was going to devastate him and leave him completely alone after my death!"
It seemed that despite his wish to stay out of an emotional situation, Gokudera found himself in one anyway as he witnessed the young baseball player beside him become overcome with grief, self-anger, and disappointment. As the taller teen next to him clenched his fists and his eyes closed in pain, all Gokudera could do was sit there and struggle with himself on what to do. He felt that he needed to comfort the other (even though he was scared to), but he also felt like this was something that Yamamoto had to deal with on his own. These were his inner demons, just like Gokudera's feelings towards his father and his childhood were his. No matter what form of comfort someone else would give him considering the subject, there was always an internal dilemma within him, and it was something that Gokudera knew that he would battle with for the rest of his life. Wouldn't that be the same for Yamamoto in this situation? Wouldn't comforting him be pointless?
Why did he suddenly feel so helpless?
The anger and frustration accumulated in the silver-haired teen's gut as Yamamoto finally seemed to calm down. With a distraught and pitiful gaze towards his older friend, the raven-haired teen quietly added, "Do you remember when I mentioned that my dad goes to Tokyo for his college class reunions? When I was transported to Tokyo and I found my dad in that hotel, I finally found the reason why my younger self had been walking the streets of Tokyo by himself. My dad hadn't even noticed that I was gone because he was too drunk to notice anything at the moment. My dad would never act so carelessly unless he was really angry or upset about something. It was easy to tell that my mother's death was still a raw subject for him, so to be surrounded by their old college friends was probably too much for him to handle. I can't tell you how guilty I felt when I saw that, when I saw him trying to forget the pain he felt because of my mother's death."
As he watched the other guilt trip in front of him, as he watched the other's hazel eyes swim in agony, Gokudera couldn't suppress the first thought that came into his head. Yamamoto was too caring, too friendly, and too gentle for the life they would be leading. Why was a guy like him hanging out with the Tenth and him when they were destined for a mafia lifestyle? Why, when it was obvious that the taller teen had other ambitions? He could understand that Yamamoto felt like he owed the Tenth his life, but would he really be cut out for the mafia?
Gokudera couldn't hold it back any longer. As Yamamoto's sorrowful eyes met his, the feisty bomber gruffly muttered out, "You're too soft."
Yamamoto could only blink at the other sadly in confusion, taken back by the other's words.
"Huh?" Where was this coming from?
"I said you're too soft!" Gokudera grumbled out louder, averting his eyes away from the taller teen to hide the mixed feeling he felt as he added, "Someone like you isn't cut out to be in the mafia. You would be better off without the Tenth and me by following your dream."
There was a short silence as Yamamoto blinked at the other teen in astonishment.
"I'm not…cut out? Heh." The young athlete laughed out bitterly; this time being the one to turn his eyes away from Gokudera. "I'm perfect for the mafia, Gokudera. The Little Guy calls me a natural-born assassin, after all. Isn't my mother's death proof of that?"
Did…Did Gokudera just hear that correctly?
"Are you fucking stupid!" The silver-haired Italian blew up in indignation, his jade-green eyes ablaze with fury. "It's not your fault that your mother died, you dumbass! She died because of something beyond both of your guys' control! Blaming yourself for your mother's death is like if I would blame myself for my mother dying on my birthday! Just because she was driving on her way to my birthday party when her sickness took her doesn't make it my fault that she's dead! Don't you dare go and blame yourself for a similar reason, you idiot!"
Yamamoto's eyes widened in shock as he stared at the bristling teen before him, the other's words permeating his mind and etching themselves into his memory. He had always blamed himself for his mother's death and his father's agony but, the way that Gokudera had phrased it, Yamamoto had never thought about it in that way before. Of course, he had previously thought that Gokudera's father had killed his mother too, but something must have happened to change the silver-haired teen's mind about that issue. Was it during their time skip? Whatever the case was, if he thought about his mother's death in the way that Gokudera had phrased it now, his previous feelings of self-hatred seemed rather…silly.
A small, gentle smile spread its way across Yamamoto's lips as he realized that Gokudera was trying to comfort him, if only in his own special way.
"Thank you for trying to cheer me up, Gokudera. Really. I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling guilty but…thank you." There was a short pause before he continued, remembering the other thing that Gokudera had said to him. "With what you said before though…you know, about leaving the mafia for my dream? I don't think I can do that. I feel like I do owe my mother for our joint dream, but I also owe Tsuna my life, so I just can't leave him. I want to do both. I want to work towards my dream while supporting Tsuna." The taller teen finished with a knowing look, his eyes withholding unspoken words as he directed his gaze towards Gokudera.
Of course, the silver-haired teen understood those unspoken words as Yamamoto's passionate gaze met his. The meaning behind that look, the longing in the other's eyes, went without saying. Even though Yamamoto didn't want to give up his and his mother's dream, and he didn't want to abandon the Tsuna, there was something else that kept the young athlete on his current mindset.
He didn't want to leave Gokudera too.
The feisty Italian's anger that had been held back for a while now suddenly exploded as the other's words rung through the air. He wanted to do both? Did Yamamoto just get stupider? Despite Gokudera's anger though, the smoking bomber couldn't hide the blush that arose in his cheeks from the raven-haired teen's earlier look.
"Are you a fucking idiot? You can't do both! There's no way you can be in the major league while you're still part of the mafia! You can only choose one or the other!"
Yamamoto's eyes narrowed a little in response as he held up his hands in a placating manner.
"Now, now, Gokudera, there's no need to get angry. I don't see why I can only choose one. Can't I try joining the majors and winning the World Series, and then join back with the Vongola after that? That shouldn't be a problem, right?"
"Are you kidding? Of course that's a problem!" Gokudera shot back in his all-knowing attitude. "You think that Reborn-san would actually let you do something half-assed like that? Who the hell knows when you would actually win the World Series, if at all? How the hell do you expect Reborn-san and the Tenth to let you follow your dream and let you back into the mafia, when it's impossible to tell when or if you will actually achieve your dream in the first place? How the hell could they count on you to actually come back?"
Even though he understood where Gokudera was coming from, Yamamoto was becoming a little irked by the other's attitude as he tried to convince the stubborn bomber to see things his way with an earnest gaze.
"Well, then maybe I could convince the Little Guy and Tsuna about trying out for the majors for one year? Even if I'm only given a season to try and obtain my dream, I know I can live with that, because I would at least know that I had tried! I don't see my mother faulting me for that and I know that she would also want me to help my friends as well. Wouldn't that work at all? Couldn't I try for a season and then come back?"
"I told you already." Gokudera ground out in reaffirmation, frustration evident in his scowl and creasing brow. "It. Can't. Happen. By choosing baseball over your Family, it shows that your loyalties lie somewhere else. Do you honestly expect Reborn-san to let you back in after that? Even though I know that the Tenth would probably allow you to come back, Reborn-san would convince him otherwise. It doesn't matter if you talk to him or not, the answer is still either one or the other. You can't have both, Yamamoto!"
The silver-haired Italian was startled out of his frustrating explanation by the sound of Yamamoto's hands slamming onto the wooden floor boards below him.
"And just why can't talking things over with Reborn and Tsuna convince them otherwise, Gokudera? It's only for a year!" The taller teen yelled in frustration as his hazel eyes flashed with anger and narrowed pointedly at his smaller companion. Gokudera could only stare back in shock as he was at the rare mercy of Yamamoto's full verbal attack, the smaller teen noticing that his friend must be serious if he was bothering to call Reborn by his actual name. "Why are you so damn stubborn?" Yamamoto continued heatedly as his eyes swam with more despair than anger. "Not everything is black or white, yes or no, or one or the other! There are grey areas, Gokudera! Grey areas that can be reached through understanding and compromise! Can't you see that?"
The Italian bomber's only response was to stare back at Yamamoto completely shell shocked, his mouth hanging partially open in his surprise as his eyes shook with confusion, realization finally dawning on him. Gokudera knew that the desperate look the other was giving him was caused by something more personal than their previous argument, the other's passionate stare withholding a deeper meaning along with his words. The silver-haired teen could feel the other's glare burn into his very soul as the last words of their conversation repeated themselves over and over again in his head, the weight of the words pressing down on him until they, and the look he was receiving from his taller friend, made the smaller boy avert his eyes away in self-consciousness.
Yamamoto's glare lessened in intensity upon seeing Gokudera's reaction. He was about to open his mouth and talk to the smaller teen about his convictions, about how he wanted to be with Gokudera no matter what happened to them in the future, but it just so happened that his father's voice broke through the silence in that moment, the older man calling the two boys to Christmas dinner.
There was a stagnant pause as the two teens exchanged a quick, hesitant glance before Yamamoto looked away and shut the doors to his mother's shrine. The silence between the young athlete and his companion was stifling and awkward as the two boys slowly stood up and— after shuffling uncomfortably for a bit and wondering if they should finish their talk or heed Tsuyoshi's call— the two boys decided to walk out towards the main area, a single word not uttered between them, and both unsure on how to act around the other. It was so…weird, to end their conversation where they did but, what could they do? Wouldn't Tsuyoshi come looking for them if they made him wait too long? Did they really want the older man to overhear their conversation?
Knowing full well that there was nothing they could do concerning their situation, Yamamoto and Gokudera continued silently down the hall to the main restaurant. When the two of them finally entered the room, they were met with an assortment of stylishly prepared Japanese dishes, the foods placed on one of the main area's larger tables with Yamamoto's father standing beside it.
"Since I cooked so much food, I thought we could eat out here." Tsuyoshi mentioned with a good-natured laugh as he witnessed the two boys make their entrance, ignoring the awkward air that surrounded the two teens, if he had noticed it at all.
Yamamoto's only response was to laugh a little uncomfortably and praise his father for a good idea, while the silver-haired teen beside him quietly complimented the older man on how good the food looked. At that, the taller teen shifted his gaze towards Gokudera, the other quick to notice how distant the smaller teen's eyes looked, like he wasn't completely there. Feeling responsible for the look in the other boy's eyes but knowing the air was so awkward between them still, the darker-haired boy kept his mouth shut and didn't try to ask what was on the other's mind, even though he really wanted too. He understood that it probably wasn't a good idea to ask when his father was right next to them anyway. In any case, the only thing Yamamoto knew that he could do was sit down and enjoy his dinner with his father and his best friend/ex-lover, and hope for a time to talk to Gokudera again after they were done.
All throughout the rest of dinner, Gokudera remained silent, the only form of noise coming from Yamamoto and his father's various conversations. Every once in a while, the older man or his son would glance in the silent Italian's direction, only to be met with the same exact sight; the silver-haired teen quietly eating his food, his brow furrowed in deep contemplation and his eyes shaking with a distant, unreadable, emotion. Tsuyoshi gave his son a questioning glance after they were half-way through their meal, and the taller teen could only shrug as he rubbed the back of his neck in worry. Had it been wrong to yell at Gokudera like he had earlier? Had he been too harsh? In all honesty, Yamamoto believed that he had every right to yell at Gokudera, but maybe the timing hadn't exactly been the best. After all, they were both still pretty emotional and hesitant around each other after…after the break up.
When dinner finally ended, Gokudera finally spoke up again, the smaller teen's words and posture heavy with gratitude as he bowed towards Tsuyoshi and thanked him for the delicious meal. The older man just laughed, thanked the other for the compliment, and started to carry off the dirty dishes. Yamamoto was about to help his dad with the chores, but to his surprise, Gokudera stopped him by grabbing his arm.
As the taller teen's eyes widened at the action and Gokudera looked away from him out of embarrassment, the silver-haired teen glanced towards Yamamoto Senior as the older man blinked at the both of them in confusion, piles of dirty dishes in his hands.
"Um, sorry Yamamoto-san, but do you think I can borrow your son for the moment?"
The older man just blinked a couple more times before an understanding expression found its way onto his features.
"Sure, I don't mind. I can handle all of this myself, so you don't need to worry or anything."
And with that, the spikey-haired man left them alone in the main area as he headed towards the kitchen to place the dishes in the sink. It was here that Yamamoto glanced down at his companion in wonder, noticing the look of hesitation on the smaller boy's face as he internally debated with himself. Finally, Gokudera found the nerve to look at Yamamoto again, appearing completely embarrassed to the taller teen, like he didn't know what he was saying and why he was saying it.
"Um…I kind of…forgot where you put the ring and the letter…yeah, so…could you, I don't know…show me where you left them, or something…?"
The taller teen couldn't hold back the look he sent his smaller companion's way. Was Gokudera playing with him? He was pretty certain that the older teen had seen him place the presents back in his bedside drawer but…that wasn't the only thing that was weird about the young bomber's words.
Still sending the other an incredulous look, Yamamoto couldn't help but ask.
"But…didn't you say that you couldn't accept the ring? Why do you want me to show you were I—"
"Just show me, you idiot, before I change my mind!" Gokudera snapped in exasperation, an obvious blush marring his porcelain cheeks, the other still looking completely embarrassed that he was going through with whatever he was doing. Yamamoto was still a little hesitant and confused about his friend's change in behavior, but when Gokudera sent him a look of utter determination, this steel-green eyes burning with some unknown fire, Yamamoto couldn't refuse the other's strange request.
Intrigued by Gokudera's behavior, Yamamoto led the way back upstairs to his bedroom. Something told him that he was going to get his talk with Gokudera after all.
A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked this chapter! I tried really hard with setting up Yamamoto's mother; I did research on women's baseball and everything! I also really wanted to write this chapter because I wanted to explain the reason why I thought Yamamoto tried to jump from the roof in his debut chapter. I always felt like something was off and that there had to be more of a reason as to why Yamamoto tried to kill himself. It just couldn't be because he felt like he wouldn't play baseball as well as he used too! But, that's just my interpretation and maybe I was looking a bit too much into it lol. Well, I'm interested to hear what you guys have to say about it. With that, onto the next story.
8059 Sim Story: Well I just have to get this story out because it's just too hilarious to pass up, in my opinion lol. I just wanted to tell you guys that even though both Yamamoto and Gokudera had full time jobs and were constantly working towards getting promoted and taking care of their son, they still had time to spend together and go on dates.
And my goodness, were those dates heated XD.
I don't know why my 8059 sims are like this, because I'm not entirely sure on the idea if Gokudera would actually do this but, well, after their first date where they first had sex with each other in a photo booth at a family restaurant, and Gokudera got slapped in the face with the old woman's purse for doing so (old lady pwnage for the win! XD), Yama and Goku absolutely love having sex with each other in public.
I'm not even kidding, they're not even romance sims and it's practically all they think about when they go out on a date. Ok sure, their thoughts are pretty innocent when the date first starts out. They sit down and have a romantic dinner, exchange a few kisses, and they always have to share a slow dance afterwards (Goku loves dancing with his Yamamoto!) but after that, it's basically sex in every possible fashion and anywhere they can have it XD. Seriously, in both of their wants, all four of the slots will be filled with all the different areas they can have sex, so basically the other half of the date consists of constant sex in every shape and form. My 8059 sims are a bunch of horn-dogs! Yama more than Goku, of course XD.
As an example, I swear that one date consisted of dinner, slow dance, sex in photo booth, sex in car, sex in photo booth again, sex in car (it's actually a blue minivan. Just thought I'd throw that out XD), and then go home to have sex again in their bed. I swear if there was a hot tub in the place I had my date, they would have gone for that too! XD and the funny thing is, is that I think they do it half the time to spite the old lady who always shows up when they are on their dates. I think they like being sneaky around her XD. Gokudera even saw her one time and his immediate want was to put bubbles in the fountain and she was standing right in front of it lol.
But yeah, I also have to point out something else about my sims. Actually, it's Yamamoto in particular. Yamamoto constantly has the same major want, and I mean constantly. And that want is to have sex in bed with Gokudera. I'm not joking, either. Every time I make him have sex with Gokudera and his want is completed, it's replaced by the same exact want every single time, no exceptions! XDDD It's been that way ever since they adopted Yoshi lol. All I can say is that the 8059 fandom was right in the fact that Yamamoto is an insatiable, horny, sex god. XD
You heard it here folks, it's officially true! Spread the word! It must be known! XD
Thank you for reading again and I hope to get the next chapter up by the first part of December at the most but there will be no guarantees with finals slowly approaching. =(