Author's notes:
Ah, this was finished ages ago, but it got delayed by me not having a computer with English spell-check and me rediscovering how great Final Fantasy XII is! *sparkly eyes* Basch….! *lol*
Well, anyway, it's here now! I just couldn't come up with a fitting title. Bah.
I hope to write the next chapter faster. Even though I'm so slow when it gets to writing fighting scenes...
Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino
Another note: I cannot reply to anonymous reviews other than making a note here, so I do. I just wanted to remind everyone reading this that this story is rated M for a reason. I don't mind minors reading my stories, but still there might be contents like sex scenes (even though tame), violence and especially other mature materials that might not be suitable for certain people... Oh well, and Ellen's pregnancy is something that one can argue about. Aaaaanyway, I do not mind being criticised, however if you simply do not like mature scenes then that's not my fault. I have given enough warning. I don't want to rant now, because I am grateful to hear what people think. :3
Kapitel 31: Efforts to Regain Something Important
A lot of time to think about and doubt her decision was not granted to Ellen. She was woken up by Bak and his cohort of the dutiful Wong and the guardian Foh. She had a hard time telling what time it was, but it seemed to her that she had not nearly got enough sleep. She was stumbling after Foh, still in her nightgown and still a bit wobbly on her feet, while the short girl led her into a common washroom. It was quite spacious with washbasins, mirrors, toilets hidden in little cabins and bath tubs. The stone floor was pretty cold and Ellen shivered slightly as she made her way over to the washbasins.
"Why are you wasting time!? Come on, brat!" Foh called and turned on the taps. Ellen tried hiding her yawn, but it was fruitless: Foh hit her with a towel and shoved her towards the washbasin. "Come on, wash your face!" Ellen sighed inwardly and looked at herself in the mirror. She widened her eyes and this time a sigh escaped her lips. "What now?!" Ellen shook her head, touching her wrapped right hand against her face. She had a lot of bruises and there was still some blood sticking to her face and hair.
"I did not know that I looked this beat up…" Ellen replied after a while and held her hand under the water to tests its temperature. Foh snorted.
"And this surprises you? How do you expect to look after you had a run-in with death itself?" the girl wondered and Ellen sighed again, holding her head under the water. Just when she started to wonder how she should wash her hair with only one arm and the one she had bandaged up to the point where it was completely unusable, there were fingers touching her head, rubbing less gently than they could have. "You've got some bumps. And one nasty bruise. Well there's no way around it, we still need to wash your hair. I don't know if you are aware of it, but you stink," Foh said unsympathetically, pulling Ellen back slightly to rub some lotion into her hair. The young exorcist hissed faintly as the lotion stung in the wound on her head and the small cuts and bruises on her face, but apart from that she wasn't complaining. Foh pushed her back under the water and washed off the lotion, then she turned the taps and wrapped a towel around Ellen's head.
"Thank you for your kind help," Ellen said with a smile, but Foh just snorted once again and pushed her towards a wooden stool.
"Sit!" she ordered and Ellen did what she was told, while Foh rubbed her hair dry and then threw the towel into the nearest sink. "That damned blood, some of it still isn't washed out. The tips of your hair are sticking together!" she complained and before Ellen could say anything, she could feel Foh pulling her hair and then she heard the sound of scissors snipping away at her hair. "Don't worry, you brat. I only take away the tips. I know how women are with their hair", Foh explained and Ellen waited patiently for Foh to finish. She really didn't care all that much about her hair anymore since Cross made her cut it. He had been right after all; white hair is like a canvas for blood. When Foh was done, Ellen got up and looked at herself in the mirror. Blinking back at her was a young woman with a boyish hair-cut. She looked quite like a boy now, a delicate boy, but still a boy who probably had had a not so pleasant encounter with some thugs. She knew better than to complain now or pity herself, therefore she just thanked Foh.
"Don't thank me yet, we're not finished," the guardian told her, "get off your shirt, you need to wash and change". Ellen nodded and let Foh help her with everything. She was a bit ashamed that she couldn't even do little things like brushing her hair or washing herself. Right now she needed the help of others, but she knew that if she worked hard, then she would be able to overcome this and return to who she had been.
-
When she was properly dressed in baggy pants and a long sleeved top, Ellen went back outside where she found Bak and Wong waiting for her.
"I will dress your wounds now," Wong told her and guided her into a medical room.
"How are you feeling today, Walker?" Bak wanted to know and Ellen showed him a small smile.
"Better now that I am washed. I was very tired and disorientated before… My wounds do not ache that much…," she replied truthfully and unbuttoned her top and folded it on her lap. Bak coughed in embarrassment and looked away while Wong studied her wounds and bandaged her.
"That is good to hear. It seems as if you're able to move well enough, but your right arm is still quite bruised," Bak said when her chest was properly covered.
"I am able to move it, but my hand hurts…," Ellen mumbled and looked at the marks where Suman bit her. It might take a long time for this to heal, but the fact that she wasn't able to save him was far worse than the pain or the scars that might stay with her for the rest of her life.
"Don't worry Miss Walker, it will all heal in due time…" Wong assured her with a gentle smile and Ellen couldn't help but to return it.
"Thank you…" she whispered.
"Now, let's get going. There is still a lot to do. Let us first have a look at your Innocence!" Bak exclaimed and then he led the way out of the medical room into a labyrinth of halls and corridors very similar to the Black Order, only that the ceiling seemed to be nothing but rough stone and that Ellen never saw a window or a bit of natural light. When Ellen asked about their surroundings Bak smiled at her.
„It's not surprising that you spotted no windows, this is all underground," he told her and Ellen looked at him in wonder.
„Underground? Everything?!" Ellen asked in surprise, looking around apprehensively.
„Indeed. Some time ago this used to be a mere cave. Our ancestors expanded it more and more until we got this splendid underground hide-out. We are still expanding today," Bak told her, „actually, the Asia Branch is bigger than Headquarters!" he said proudly and Ellen nodded in awe, even though the thought of being and living far underground seemed a bit uncanny to her. Uncanny but also very interesting.
„Truly fascinating, Mister Chan!"
„Just don't get lost, Walker! There once was a guy that got lost and two weeks later we found his skeleton!" Foh warned and Ellen looked at her with wide eyes while both Bak and Wong stayed quiet.
„Really?" Ellen wondered, not really believing the story „well, do not concern yourself over me, I am confident that I will find my way. I am used to such places," she said and Bak looked at her quizzically.
„Because of the Black Order's structure I guess? I haven't been there that much because of a certain annoying someone," Ellen blinked at him in surprise, „but I know its labyrinth like structure is similar to the Asian Branch".
„Ah, no. It is not just the Black Order, I have been to old castles before", she said but then she shook her head, „It is not important. I will try to memorize the way so as not to inconvenience you." She promised. Bak shortly wondered what kind of background she might have because Komui never told him anything particular about Ellen. She was a young girl, 15 years old, that had joined them in autumn last year. He also heard that she was actually General Cross' pupil and had the mission to find him. But that was all.
"Now silence please, we're here!" Bak announced and Ellen looked ahead of her where a very high wooden door was blocking their paths. Bak turned the key in the lock and opened it, asking Ellen to follow him inside. She stopped in confusion but then the door was loudly shut behind her, which made her flinch slightly. The room seemed to be filled with swirling fog. She looked up where she was not able to make out the ceiling.
"What kind of room is this?" Ellen wondered in surprise looking around her, "is this smoke? No… what… fog maybe?" Ellen mused.
"It is the Innocence that once was your left arm." Bak told her and Ellen looked at him with widened eyes.
"What? How? This fog is…"
"It is no fog," Bak spoke up before Ellen could finish her sentence, "After your Innocence has lost its form, it now exists as these particles." Ellen looked around in surprise, lifting her right hand to touch the shimmering substance. "Normally Innocence disappears after it's destroyed and has fallen into its particles…" Bak explained, "but this was not the case with you. Besides, it has not lost its power as crystal of God even after you were saved by us."
"When I got you out of the forest the Innocence circled around you as if it wanted to protect you. That's why I was barely able to see anything. It was quite hard to find my way back here!" Foh spoke up and Ellen looked from Bak to Foh, not really understanding the meaning of this.
"Even in this form it is still alive…" she concluded after a while, "but why only my Innocence?". Bak sighed and smiled at her.
"Unfortunately our scientific knowledge can't give us any answers to this question. This matter seems to surpass even Komui's expectances. He said something really unscientific. It rarely happens with him…" Ellen looked at Bak in wonder.
"What did Mister Li say?" she wanted to know but Bak merely smiled, shaking his head.
"I'd say you've just been lucky," Foh spoke up and Ellen tried to smile despite not being happy with this conclusion.
"Branch leader Bak!" someone called and Ellen looked to her side where three people had entered the room through another door. They were all Asian as far as Ellen could tell and wore similar clothes to the people from the Black Order's science division. But instead of introducing them, Bak snorted at them.
"What are you doing here? Why aren't you doing your work?" he demanded. The tallest of the three grinned down at Bak.
"You will try to regain Walker's Innocence, right? Please let us observe this! We haven't been here for long and have never seen the Innocence in action!"
"Please", the shorter man said, "for the sake of our future work as scientists!". Ellen studied them in interest. So they were scientists after all. They seemed younger than the ones she knew from headquarters, but they had said that they were new.
"Where's this exorcist boy?" the only girl – who had been busy with readjusting her glasses – asked, looking past her colleagues and Bak. Ellen looked at her in surprise.
"A female scientist? How peculiar!" the white haired girl thought, but she smiled at her.
"Nice to meet you," she greeted politely. The girl with the black braids stared at her, then her entire face went red and she had to turn around. "W... What is the matter?"
"Rofa you idiot," one of the scientists said with a deep sigh. While the others kept quiet, shaking their heads. "That's a girl!" The so-called Rofa turned around, still red as a tomato and dared to steal another glance at Ellen, but she was so flustered that she had to turn around again.
"Seems like that doesn't matter..." Ellen just blinked at them in surprise, but Bak interrupted the silly scene with a cough.
"Well fine, you can stay if you absolutely want to. You have nothing against it, right Walker?" Ellen looked up at him in confusion. "We will now try to invocate the scattered Innocence in hope to get your Innocence back into its proper shape." He showed her an encouraging smile. "If you can bring it back into the form of a weapon you can fight again!" Ellen studied his face for some time.
"Fight again..." she thought, but then she nodded.
"Yes. I will try my best!" she announced and walked into the centre of the room.
Ellen felt like standing in the middle of a sandstorm. The glittering particles of the Innocence were still swirling around her, rising far above her head. It was very quiet and the sparkling dust was beautiful. Ellen had to remind herself that these particles were tiny pieces of a weapon, bits and pieces of an arm that had accompanied her all her life. To see it reduced to such a mess of particles was strange and slightly painful for her. Ellen sighed, then she breathed in deeply, readying herself for the activation.
"Good!" she exclaimed and looked up. "Innocence..." she thought, "you used to be my arm, but now you have a very different form. Please forgive me! Come back with me to the battlefield! Next time we will not fail!"
"Activation!" she shouted and felt a pull on her. It was a strange feeling and it was difficult to even remain standing while the Innocence pushed and pulled her while she tried to draw all the particles to her left arm. By the time she managed to force the particles into something like the shape of her arm she was already shaking. Had the activation always been that difficult? She couldn't even remember. "Come back!" Ellen ordered the Innocence and could hear the surprised and amazed shouts of the other people. Ellen pulled her arm upwards and the arm really returned, the only thing left was for it to connect itself to her shoulder. "I-" Ellen shouted in joy, but the next moment she felt her strength and the power fade and the Innocence burst back into dust.
"Huh?! It dissolved again?!" Bak shouted in surprise, "you almost had it! Try again Walker!". Ellen nodded and tried again. And again and again always with the same result until she was completely exhausted.
"This is really strange, why does it always fall back into particles?" Bak and the other three scientists wondered. Ellen didn't really listen to them, she was mainly concerned with steadying her breath after so much exhaustion.
"Are you okay, Miss Walker?" Wong wondered in a concerned tone while Foh just looked at her in slight amusement not even attempting to help her.
"I... This is a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I should not hope for it to be easy," Ellen thought and sighed, "but I will not give up that easily!"
-
Ellen realized that her attempts to get back her Innocence were not quite the same like her previous attempts to get her Innocence to activate. Back then, when Kanda taught her, she had been exhausted quite easily but was able to make up with it by eating enough food. That was not the case this time, probably because the Innocence was not consuming her power seeing how it was no longer attached to her body.
"However, I have Innocence particles in my body... I wonder if this has an influence on the process of regaining the Innocence..." She tried to invocate again, but it didn't work and the power of the bursting Innocence sent her flying against the next wall.
"Ouch..." she mumbled rubbing the back of her head. "It just does not work... But why? The synchronization seems to be doing just fine. Why am I unable to form the weapon?" She drew her knees up to her chest and put her hand over her head, sulking slightly. After her first failed attempts to regain her Innocence, Bak had brought her back to her room to rest, but Ellen hadn't been able to stay there for long. After getting a small bite to eat, she had stolen back to this room and tried again. When she didn't manage she tried again the next day, and the next. To no avail. "The more I try the faster it falls back into its particles. I do not even manage to form my arm for a short time! Aaah, I am losing precious time here..." Ellen sighed again and looked up to the chandelier that hung in the middle of the room. "My friends... I have to return to them... What might they be doing right now...? Are they still on the ship? Are they already in Japan? Are they fighting? Oh, I do not know..." She closed her eyes but the strange dream she had had flashed through her mind. "I wonder if this was a portent... I feel so uneasy thinking about it... I have to hurry...!" She shook her head. "I cannot give up now even if I seem to be only doing worse and worse. I have to continue trying!" she decided and got up, bumping her head against something. "Oh!" she exclaimed in surprise, seeing Bak slumping to the floor. "Oh no, Mister Chan! I am so sorry, I was deep in thought and did not notice that you were here!". Bak managed to sit back up, blood dropping from his nose.
"You should be resting, Walker! You haven't slept properly for two days!!" Bak reprimanded her, wiping his nose.
"But I..." Ellen wanted to protest, but then she saw that Bak had dropped something on the floor "Ah, I am sorry Mister Chan! I have messed up your files!" she said, trying to gather them, but once she saw what they contained she widened her eyes in slight surprise. They were all photographs of Linali Li.
"UWAAAH!!!" Bak howled and grabbed all the files, trying to hide them even though Ellen had already seen their content. She just looked up at him without saying anything. Actually, she was only a bit surprised, but Bak turned a deep shade of red in embarrassment.
"I have not made these pictures secretly. I definitely haven't made them secretly!" he assured.
"Do you like Linali, Mister Chan?" Ellen simply asked, unsure if she should feel delighted with this new information. But maybe it had sounded like an accusation to Bak because he paled and then red spots appeared on his face.
"Mister Chan?!" Ellen shouted when she saw the change in the man.
"Don't- Don't look at me!" Bak shrieked. "If the honourable me gets so excited, I only get a rash! DON'T LOOK!!"
"Could anybody help us?! Help!" Ellen shouted and when Bak fell to the floor like an actor of a great tragedy, Wong appeared out of nowhere to catch him.
"Master, you should pay attention to your health! Don't get so excited!!" Wong said and spread a futon and a blanket on the floor, putting Bak into it. Ellen just watched the spectacle in bewilderment.
-
Once Bak was nicely put into the make-shift bed and taken care for, he seemed to be ready to talk about the reason he came to look for Ellen.
"The difference between an activation of a parasitic and equipment type?" she wondered, "is there even a difference?"
"Mmh. Yes. I guess it has to do with emotions..." Bak replied, "In parasitic type users the Innocence is situated in the compatibles' body, is that correct?"
"Yes...", she replied calmly, kneeling by his bedside. His reaction to a rash seemed highly exaggerated to Ellen, but she decided not to say anything about it. Maybe such things were of greater impact for Asian people? Ellen had no clue, but judging from the fuss Komui made over Linali it could be. Ellen contented herself with listening to Bak, ignoring the rest. "The compatibles of the equipment type don't stand in any close contact to their Innocence. That's why it's harder for them to master their Innocence. Even if they manage to synchronize it is not easy to control the Innocence. That is why we reorganize it into Anti-Akuma weapons. This way the power of the Innocence is enclosed into the weapon, which makes it easier for the compatibles to synchronize and activate the weapon."
"So..." Ellen started, "so we of the parasitic type stand in direct contact to the Innocence in its original form...?" Bak nodded.
"Exactly... What I say now might sound rude... the compatibles of the parasitic type are like weapons that draw on the power of the Innocence they carry in their body. The compatibles themselves are the Anti-Akuma weapons." Ellen shortly widened her eyes in surprise, but then she lowered her head.
"I am supposed to be a weapon...?" she asked in a faint voice. A weapon? She? Really…
"In a simplified way, yes... Of course you remain a human," Bak explained. "If we want to transform Innocence into an Anti-Akuma weapon we first have to know something about the Innocence. We need to know about its powers and figure out the form, structure and functions which match it the best. That's how we create a style for the Innocence..." Ellen looked at him in surprise. "Maybe you cannot activate your Innocence because you don't know it well enough. Maybe you have not found a style yet that matches your Innocence." Ellen lowered her head.
"So you say that I do not know my Innocence properly, despite it being a part of me since birth...?" Ellen asked and sighed when all Bak could do was nod apologetically. Somehow it was true, she had first activated it not even half a year ago. Before that her Innocence had simply been her arm, her arm that had frightened and pained her with its deformity...
"Unfortunately we don't have enough time to allow you to study your Innocence," Bak continued and sat up. "It might be a bit daring to do it this way... but...". Ellen looked at him in wonder, however, Bak did not explain. He seemed to have recovered from his rash and now stood up, leading Ellen away from the room.
"Ah, the Innocence is following me!" Ellen exclaimed as she saw the fog swirling around her.
"Don't worry about it. We want it to accompany you," Bak replied and Ellen looked at him doubtfully. He led her to the big hall where Ellen had first met him. She saw the gigantic wall painting or colourful door in the flickering light of the torches. It was chilly in here, more chilly than she had remembered it and the scent of burning candles lay in the air.
"Why did you lead me to this place, Mister Chan?" Ellen wondered.
"We want you to engage in a proper fight for us," Bak explained and Ellen turned to him in surprise.
"A fight?"
"Foh!" Bak called instead of replying to the girl and she blinked at him in surprise, but then she heard the sounds of electric sparks behind her.
"Haaah, how tedious," Foh's voice said from behind her, "it really isn't my job to look after that brat. Stupid Bak!" Ellen turned around and saw Foh's form emerging out of the gate's stone.
"She is no human and has a body made of the crystal that my great-grandfather extracted from the guardian deity", Bak offered as explanation but Ellen was too astounded to reply.
"This means that I am a warrior protecting this Asia Branch. And I'm pretty strong, Walker!" Foh exclaimed, stepping out of the stone entirely. The guardian raised her arms above her head and her hands transformed into two blades. Ellen gasped in shock and barely took one step back while Foh was already standing in front of her in the blink of an eye. Ellen could see the deadly spark in Foh's eyes and then she already had a sharp blade at her throat.
"Your neck's mine!" she said and with a smirk, but instead of slashing she slammed her foot into Ellen's stomach, sending the girl flying against the wall behind Bak and Wong. Ellen slid to the ground, coughing, while blood dropped from her mouth.
"Put some effort into this, girl! If you do not get your Innocence working again I will really kill you," Foh warned, grinning and emitting an aura that seemed dangerous even to Ellen.
"Yes! Innocence can be recovered fastest when in battle! The danger makes humans evolve very quickly. If you feel cornered suddenly new roads open up before you! At least that's the plan I came up with!", Bak explained frantically, but then he turned around, "But maybe I have to blow it off after all! Foh! I told you not to be that violent!" Foh only rolled her eyes in annoyance, "She's pregnant for God's sake!" Ellen got over her shock and managed to get back up on her feet. She wiped the blood from her lips and shook her head at Bak.
"No, that is perfectly fine, your plan I mean," Ellen said, facing Foh with a grim smile, "I will fight. Cornering me might be a very good idea." Back some months ago she had not been able to invocate without being in a dire situation, less alone fight if not confronted with immediate danger. She had been unable to do anything decent without someone there she could rely on. Now the only thing she could do was trust in her own strength.
"I won't get easy on you, no matter the circumstances. If your child does not survive this beating then it will certainly not survive the battles afterwards!". These words, cruel as they might appear, seemed very plausible to Ellen. The child might have saved her, but Ellen didn't have the liberty of returning the favour if she really had to. All that she could do now was see to her own survival.
"Foh!" Bak called but Ellen just lifted her right hand, smiling at him and shaking her head.
"No, you do not have to interrupt. Mister Chan, you will have to agree that Foh is right... My priority is to regain my Innocence. I know that I am being selfish, but I think that I am more important to this war against the Akuma than an unborn child is..." Ellen said calmly and Bak sighed with a troubled expression.
"Of course you are right..." he told her, "but that's not the way a young girl like you should be forced to think..." he added in his head, but allowed Foh to continue the fight.
-
After some hours of continuous fighting (while Ellen mostly just tried to evade Foh's attacks with little effect) Wong interrupted them in order to change Ellen's bandages and to give her new clothes which now consisted of black pants and a sleeveless top. He put a black glove around the bandages of her arm because she no longer needed the plaster, but still needed to protect her arm to some extend.
"Your healing process is exceedingly fast." Wong observed when he fixed the bandages around Ellen's chest.
"Which is quite good. Maybe the remaining connection between you and the Innocence residing in your body is better than we assumed." Bak said still averting his eyes until Ellen's upper body was properly covered by the sleeveless top.
"Have parasitic types a tendency to heal faster?" Ellen wondered and Bak nodded, but cautiously.
"We think so. The Innocence draws its power from your body after all. It should be interested in keeping it in shape..." Ellen frowned and Bak laughed uneasily. "Don't worry..."
"I guess I should not..." Ellen replied with an unfazed expression and got up again, "I will just concentrate on regaining my Innocence. There will be time later for solemn pondering." Bak sighed and watched the two girls resume their fighting. Ellen's fighting spirit was really exceptional. He wondered what urged her to carry on. As a member of the Black Order he of course was interested in exorcists returning to the battle field. And as a scientist he was very keen on seeing the progress of Ellen recovering her Innocence. However, some part of him had wished her to just take his hinted offer of abandoning everything and returning to her previous life, whatever that was. A young girl, a girl with child even, should really just lead a quiet and protected life. But he knew that the life of those chosen by Innocence was not easy and it certainly was not fair.
-
For Ellen the days spent in the Asia Branch were starting to feel like torture. Her routine consisted of sleeping and eating very little and fighting with Foh in order to regain her Innocence as much as she could. However, even a week after she had woken up in the strange underground hide-out she had not been able to make any progress in this. Her body was recovering very quickly and her right arm and hand had healed very well. She also managed to evade Foh's attack by now, having adapted to her speed and power quite well. However, the sparring with Foh was nothing like the training with Kanda, where he had tried to take her condition as a beginner into consideration. Foh didn't care about things like her health or the circumstances she was in. At first Ellen had welcomed this, but the longer the stayed in this place the more irritated she got. She was worrying about her friends and more often than not her eye tormented her even though no Akuma were near. She had the feeling that something bad was happening or something bad would be happening in the near future. She had not encountered Akuma for a long time and it seemed that her eye wanted to push her to leave this place to do her duty – namely saving Akuma by destroying them. Of course she couldn't do that as she was confined here and had no Innocence to fight with. She would be running into her certain death if she would, but still – the curse of her eye did not consider that. Her fighting spirit was getting low and she was distracted often because she had to think about her friend's well-being and nobody in this place did consider that. She was mentally exhausted, she really had had enough, but she knew all too well that this was far from over.
"This... IDIOT!!!" Ellen could hear Foh shouting in anger and the next thing she knew was being punched in the face.
"Miss Walker?! Miss Walker!!" Rofa – who was watching the fight with the other young scientists Rikei and Shifu – came running over to her.
"I won't continue like this! Finally get your act together, Walker!!"
"Foh! Please... Miss Walker doesn't seem to be feeling well..." Rofa tried talking some sense into the enraged Foh, but she wouldn't listen.
"Silence!! Why should I care?!", she shouted, "why don't you put more effort into this?!"
"I am...!" Ellen argued faintly, getting up on her knees and palm.
"This is supposed to be all you've got?!" Foh screamed banging Ellen on the head with her fist, "I don't see any intention to kill in you!! You're scared shitless because you are afraid! You are only defending against my attacks and never attacking! You're nothing but a bloody coward!!" Ellen just stayed at the ground, listening to the accusations. "And a beansprout like you wants to activate her Innocence?!" And somehow this did it for Ellen. She shot up, shouting out in anger:
"Now that's enough!!!"
"What?! What do you want?! Bring it on you silly cow!!"
"Stop it you two!!" Rofa called "There is no sense in fighting over this!"
"I don't understand it myself!" Ellen shouted, ignoring the poor Rofa, "Do you honestly think that I am enjoying this?! I simply don't understand!! I understand nothing!!". The other people were now silent, even Foh looked at her in surprise. "Damn! Damn! How long... do I still have to go through this...?!". She dropped back to the floor and stared at the ground, biting her lips in frustration.
"I think it is time for Walker to have a break" Bak's voice said over a golem fluttering next to Rofa, "let her rest a bit." The others agreed and Ellen got back up on her feet, leaving the room without another word.
-
The girl wandered around a bit aimlessly until she found a stone railing to sit on in a big hall. Next to her was a pool of water. It was calming her down quite a bit and she sighed deeply, resting her head against the stone pillar behind her.
"I was so angry that I took out all my frustration on Foh. Even though she is doing all this for me. I really am a terrible person..." Ellen said faintly putting her hand against the side of her face. "I should better apologize to her..." She took her hand away from her face and studied her palm. "But I have put so much effort into it. Maybe it is futile…?" She stayed silent for some time but then she lowered her head, her hair falling into her face. "How... have I even invocated in the past? I can no longer remember how this ugly arm felt like. I know nothing at all..." She lifted her head with a pained smile on her face. "Haaaah... Everything is so dark...", she whispered into the solitude of the hall.
A hand touched her shoulder and Ellen turned around finding a partly illuminated face grinning up at her.
"Miss Walker!", the face said. Ellen shrieked in surprise but found it to be Rofa with a lamp in her hand, hanging on the wall.
"Oh! It is you!" Ellen said in relief and looked at her, "why are you coming up the wall?" she wondered but Rofa just smiled and held the lamp up.
"I heard that you said it was dark, so I came to bring you a light!"
"Oh... I did not mean it that...", she started but Rofa just put the lamp into Ellen's hands, "Uhm... thank you..." Rofa sat down next to Ellen and smiled at her.
"Your arm... It's really terrible and you're trying so hard..." Rofa said and Ellen looked at her.
"Well... It is just frustrating that I am not making any progress and achieve nothing..." Ellen told her.
"No! You are putting much effort into it!" Rofa argued and Ellen laughed lightly, shaking her head.
"If you put effort into something and manage to achieve nothing then it is meaningless..." Ellen told her..
"Achieve nothing?" Rofa wondered, "then what exactly are you aiming for?". Ellen looked at her in confusion. "As far as I know you have found friends. The Noahs appeared and they aimed for the Heart. A lot of people had to die. You have seen a Fallen One. You have lost your weapon. And this doesn't even seem to be all that troubles you..."
Ellen still looked at Rofa in surprise, not able to form a reply. "It this why you think that you have to protect your friends? Do you have to kill the Noahs? Even for those who can no longer be saved? And is that why you want to fight with all your power? What makes you fight on is your love for humans, isn't it? But this feeling that you have to fight. This feeling that comes out of your love... Doesn't this suppress your real wishes? One does not fight for the sake of fighting. One does not live for war. Humans fight because there is something dear to them. What is it that is dear to you? Who are you fighting for?". Ellen blushed even though she was not sure how to answer her questions. Yes... Why exactly did she want to fight? What does she fight for now? And what had initially pushed her to the battlefield?
"I..." she started, but was interrupted by a loud shriek.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Ellen turned around in surprise and saw another Rofa standing behind her, pointing at them with a tomato red face. "That's me! That's me! And I am smooching Miss Walker!" Ellen blinked at her in surprise, then she looked to the other Rofa sitting next to her.
"I do not quite understand. What is going on here?" Ellen asked a bit more reasonable that Rofa's shouting about a doppelgänger.
"Damn it!" the other Rofa hissed, then she transformed into Foh. "Now she ruined everything!" Ellen looked at her in surprise.
"Ah, I heard that Foh can take on the appearance of other people..." Shifu said.
"But why Rofa...?" Rikei wondered faintly while Foh got up from her sitting position.
"Don't get me wrong, Walker!", she said and Ellen looked up at her in surprise.
"Pardon me?" she asked but Foh wouldn't look her in the eyes, her whole face was red.
"I wasn't planning on cheering you up or something like that! I'm still very angry at you! Damn, I'm tired! That's because I'm always getting angry! And all of this only because of a cheeky brat! That's so tedious!!", she shouted and jumped off the railing on the water's surface.
"Foh! Thank you..." Ellen called and Foh stopped in surprise. Blushing slightly Ellen lifted the lamp. "For the light."
"... You should rest now. We will continue soon", Foh replied after a while and Ellen nodded.
"Yes." The three scientists joined Ellen and she greeted them cheerfully, but then she saw Foh stopping dead in her tracks. "Foh?". The girl didn't react, not even to Rofa's angry shouting.
"Bak...! Bak, Bak!" Ellen was widening her eyes, feeling that something was wrong with her, "BAK! Hide Walker!!!", she screamed and then something tore through her – a black shape emerging from her chest where a hole had opened up.
"FOH!!" Ellen shouted in concern, but then Ellen saw something come out of this black shape. She had never seen something like this, but she knew immediately what it was.
"I have come to get you. Allen Walker!"
And while her cursed eye came to life, Ellen felt a heat circulating in her that she had not felt for quite some time. It was as if she now had blood running in her again, as if she had woken up from a long slumber. Because right here in front of her eyes was her reason to be an exorcist.
Akuma.
To be continued
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Notes:
Can't think of anything witty to say... I Hope you liked it :3