Chapter 21
Kagome honestly didn't know why she got up in the morning. She was sunk so low in her depression that she contemplated suicide a couple of times. She had no one to love, no one to love her, and she'd been emotionally and physically scarred.
She could feel it in the discomfort every time she moved. Walking made her nauseous, pilates made her queasy, and running literally made her throw up. The discomfort that had followed her since that night just frankly made her want to throw up.
It seemed Kevin had gone missing soon after her rape and she couldn't say that she was disappointed. They found his mutilated body a couple days ago and she felt no regret. He deserved to die.
She could feel his baby growing inside her and all she felt was a complete self loathing and a loathing for the infernal baby inhabiting her body, making her want to get it out of her womb as quickly as possible.
She'd stopped eating, nurturing herself. She started exercising irregularly and then completely stopping, not having the energy. As the baby lump grew and grew, she became completely miserable. If it wasn't for Sango and Rin, she would have to reason to live.
Kagome drug herself out of bed, now three months since the incident, and she saw how thin she'd gotten. Her face was thin and gaunt, with dark haunting circles under her eyes. Her cheekbones were much more prominent and her ribs and collarbone stuck out horrible. When you got to her stomach, it was almost completely not there until you got to her lower stomach and saw the baby. It was getting bigger, despite her attempts to starve it. The baby lump was definitely noticeable.
She threw her hair up in an easy, yet business-like and professional, bun on top of her yeah. She put no makeup on, fining that she was ugly anyway and no amount of makeup would help her.
She threw on a plain gray business suit, finding that her baby bump was STILL visible but finding that she no longer felt the need to hide it, and hurried out before she was late to work.
"Good morning, Sango. Why are you up so early?" Kagome asked as she bustles sluggishly through the house.
"Kagome… Are you sure you're okay to go to work?" Sango asked, noting the drastic drop in weight. She knew Kagome was pregnant, had sat up and held her through her heart wrenching sobs as she mourned it, mourned the whole situation. She knew what Kagome was doing, trying to either kill the baby or kill herself and she couldn't stand it.
"I'm just fine," Kagome said darkly as she found her keys and started out the door.
"Kagome?" Sango said.
"Yes?" Kagome asked quietly, looking at the floor.
Sango didn't say anything, just wrapped her up in her strong embrace and held her. She felt the shaking of her now bony shoulders and she wanted to take the immense pain onto her shoulders but Kagome refused to talk about it after that one night.
She pulled back and looked it Kagome's eyes, seeing the slight, unshed tears.
"Honey, you are stronger than this. You can beat this whole thing. If you want to go get an abortion, we will go, just please come out to lunch with me and eat something," Sango pleaded.
"This baby is going to suffer, just like Kevin made me suffer. I swear it," Kagome said, her eyes looking oddly dead.
Kagome ripped away from Sango with a strength she'd figured she would have lost. "I'm going to be late for work," she said in a strange voice. She hurried away.
When Kagome got to the office, she didn't look at her secretary, just walked lethargically to her office. She opened the door and someone was sitting in her Italian leather chair smoking an illegal Cuban cigar.
"Inuyasha," Kagome said in a vulnerable voice, coming in and taking a seat tiredly in a client chair.
Inuyasha felt immediate concern seeing Kagome's condition. She looked like a skeleton, her skin stretched too tightly across the bone. He hadn't seen her since the night of the fire and there was the biggest change he'd ever seen in her.
She was obviously pregnant, the evidence thinly veiled. Her eyes looked disturbed and she moved with a disgusted, self loathing air that set him on edge. She looked like a beautiful eerie wraith, coming to steal his soul.
Seeing Inuyasha revitalized Kagome a little, though it was also saddening to see him. The shock and obvious disgust in his eyes made her cringe, but she hadn't been this happy to see him since their break-up.
She was tired, so tired, brought on by her starving herself this long. She couldn't bring herself to find the energy to stand.
"Kagome," he said in shock, approaching her, "are you alright?"
"I'm just fine," she said tiredly.
"You don't look alright. You look absolutely awful," he said, keeping his distance. He could tell that she was close to the edge.
"Oh, Inuyasha, you do know how to make a girl feel amazing," she said in a faint voice.
"Yeah, well," he said, trying to keep himself from wrapping her in his arms.
That satisfaction of pulling that Kevin guy limb from limb, torturing him for days, was not enough to make him or her feel better. She looked so depressed, so lost to him that he was desperate to get her back.
"Kagome, you need to go home. You need to rest and eat," he said, concern showing in his eyes.
"Don't tell me what I need to do. I don't need you. I don't need anyone," she said in an almost unconscious voice.
Kagome need to get up before she fainted. She pushed herself up out of the chair, making her way over to the desk, not making it far. She was so starved, so weak, that she just collapsed. She felt pain in her abdomen and her head and then she felt bliss as she felt nothing, her mind was blank and she felt peace.
Rin hated being doing Kagome's job, but refusing to do it would send Kagome over the edge. She could see Kagome's health dwindling fast and she had no way to know what she should do. She felt helpless.
She hurried into the elevator, eager to get this thing with Sesshoumaru over with so that she could see Shippo, whom she'd wanted to see all week.
She didn't knock when she entered the office, not caring if she found Sesshoumaru and his Girlfriend screwing again. She was trying to put thoughts of Sesshoumaru out of her mind.
Of course, he wasn't alone, Kagura was there, but she was pouting at him, her face growing angry.
He looked up, almost looking relieved to see her. "Kagura, I have a meeting so if you would please leave."
Kagura huffed and stomped her foot like a child and rushed out of the room annoyingly.
"WOW. She's a keeper," Rin said sarcastically, shutting the door behind her and taking out her pad and pencil.
He gave her a dry look, standing and coming around his desk to lean against it. "Actually, she isn't. She was angry because I broke up with her."
He was checking her out like you wouldn't believe and Rin felt smug. It was funny that now that he was available, she wasn't. She actually smirked.
Her look alarmed him for some reason. Sesshoumaru couldn't help admiring her trip hips accented by the skinny jeans hugging her like a second skin. He couldn't stop staring at the cleavage daringly displayed by her halter top. He grew hard just looking at her.
He made his way toward her, intent clear in his eyes. Rin wasn't stupid and she knew, and she didn't want to feel the sensations he made her feel, didn't want to lose control like that, but here he was, looking as sexy as every and walking towards her with obvious intent in his eyes.
He pulled her roughly from her seat and his hands roamed her waist, pulling her hips in to his. His lips found hers and the kiss heated immediately, their tongues playing with each other seductively.
Rin's phone began ringing annoyingly and she tried to break away to answer it.
"Ignore it," he growled at her as his hands warmed her skin. She was tempted but decided against it, pushing him away and answering the phone.
"Hello?" a male voice asked from the other end.
"Yes, this is Rin Higurashi. What can I do for you?" she asked, wondering who would call her.
"I am Doctor Tanaka and Sacred Jewel medical center. I'm sorry to say that we have a Kagome Higurashi here in our Intensive Care Unit. Came You please come down? It an emergency."
"Yes. Of course," she said weakly, tears coming to her eyes as he quickly shut her phone.
"Rin? Where are you doing?"Sesshoumaru asked angrily form his office.
"Kagome is in the hospital. I have to go," she said.
She didn't wait for his response, just hurried to the elevator.
She parked as close to the double automatic doors of the hospital as she possibly could and hurried up to the desk.
"Higurashi, Kagome?" Rin asked, fidgeting where she stood.
The woman behind the desk didn't seem to sense Rin's urgency, because she went at a snail's pace, slowly turning to her computer and typing in the name.
"Yes, she is in room 323, Intensive Care Unit," the woman said, drawing out each syllable. Rin felt like she was about to strangle the woman.
She hurried down the hall in the direction the slow woman pointed, huffing and shooting glares over her shoulder. When she reached the room, she looked in the small rectangular class to see Kagome laying on the bed, looking pale and tired. Sango sat in a chair close by and held her hand, talking animatedly. Inuyasha stood against the adjacent wall, looking cold and vacant.
Rin pushed open the door. "Hey," Rin said in a overly cheerful voice, "how are you feeling?"
Kagome smiled weakly at Rin. "I'm just fine, baby. I'll make it."
"Have you heard anything from the doctor?" Rin asked, pulling up a seat next to Sango's.
"No. She just got done with taking tests an hour ago, though, so the results should be in soon," Sango said, answering for Kagome because she looked too tired to answer.
"What happened anyway?" Rin asked, looking at Inuyasha with a glare.
Inuyasha glared back. "I came to see her in her office this morning because she's been avoiding me for months. When she got there we kind of got into an argument. She tried to get to her desk, but she just passed out, hitting her stomach and head on her desk," Inuyasha said, looking at Kagome with barely veiled concern.
Rin knew that Inuyasha had made a mistake, she did. But he had paid for them. Plus, he was under the influence of alcohol. That didn't justify his actions, but Kagome only caught him in a compromising situation.
Rin really felt for him, but it seemed that he had stressed her beyond her breaking point.
Rin decided to ignore Inuyasha completely as the doctor came in, looking grave.
"Higurashi-sama, I have some really bad news," he began, adjusting his glasses nervously. "It seems that you have lost your child."
Kagome's eyes lit up in a disturbingly triumphant way. It seemed that she got some of her strength back from the announcement.
The doctor looked perplexed at her reaction. "I'll leave you with your family," he said, exiting with a curious glance at the woman on the bed.
"Thank you, God!" Kagome said, looking up at the ceiling, her hand over her heart.
"Kagome!" Sango and Rin said at the same time.
"Honey, this isn't a good thing," Sango said, sitting back and looking alarmed.
"Sango, it is a great thing!" Kagome said, rubbing her now flat stomach with joy.
"How do you see it this way?" Rin asked.
"I hated that baby! It made me sick, depressed. It ate away at me. I know it was just a baby and I know that it's wrong to kill it but… I was seriously considering killing myself."
Sango and Rin were stunned speechless, but Inuyasha became quite vocal.
"You stupid woman! You could've killed yourself trying to get rid of that baby!" Inuyasha shouted at a stunned Kagome.
"I would've rather died than have that baby," Kagome said with a cold certainty, "I would never want to bring a child like that into this world, fathered by a monster, conceived in a horrible, disgusting, despicable act."
Everyone in the room was stunned speechless. The woman Kagome had become after the baby was conceived was a depressed, self-loathing being that no one could tolerate. She was sad, lonely, and she hated herself for getting pregnant.
Now it seemed they'd got the old Kagome back with a price: the death of an innocent child.
"Rin, Sango," Inuyasha said, "can you give Kagome and me some time alone?"
Rin nodded, knowing that Inuyasha could talk some sense into Kagome, where none of them could, and she dragged Sango out of the room.
"Rin, what the hell are you doing?" Sango asked. "He's the reason she's in here."
"No, Sango, he isn't. She did this to herself. She mutilated herself. Granted, if Kevin hadn't done this to her in the first place, this never would have happened but… Kagome made these choices. Now, you go back to school, and I have a meeting with a gorgeous man to finish," Rin said, hiking her bag onto her shoulder and hurrying back to her car.
Inuyasha knelt next to Kagome and took her hand in his. She tried to rip her hands from his.
"Please, just hear me out, okay? You've been running from me for months. Just let me say my piece," he pleaded.
Kagome got still. She had been running from him for months because she didn't want her heart to get broken.
She nodded at him, trying to hold back the tears he always caused.
"Kagome, that thing that happened with Kikyou, it was nothing. I swear to you. I was drunk in a bar. She was just there and I acted stupid and let her drive me home. I know what you saw. I know it was horrible, but I was trying to put you out of my mind because… you had too much of a hold on me in such a short time. All I could think about was you. All I wanted was you. When we got to my apartment, she started in on me. I tried to make her leave but I was so drunk and you know what alcohol does to me. I couldn't fight her."
Kagome was shaking her head. "Please, Inuyasha, don't do this to me."
"The reason I am here is because I love you, so much. I haven't been able to say it because I panicked and pushed you away and you had every right to avoid me, but I love you so much. If you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
"Oh Inuyasha. I just don't know if we have anything worth salvaging. Please, you're killing me here," Kagome said, pain filling her voice.
"Kagome, you don't have to say yes now, just please. Let me prove myself."
"I will… let you try." Kagome said, taking his hand in hers. She was still skittish around men, other men, but not Inuyasha. He'd never tried to hurt her.
Inuyasha's eyes filled with wonder as he wrapped his arms around Kagome tightly, kissing her until they both couldn't breathe.
Miroku had been leaving Sango messages once a week for months. She just didn't want to go through the pain she felt in high school again.
The last two weeks, he left her a message every day, sometimes twice a day.
She opened her phone and read the message.
-Okay, so you didn't meet me at the sushi bar. That's fine. I only waited for 4 hours! Could you please meet me at Inuyasha's club tonight? I know you haven't met me for any of the other 25 dates I've tried to set up, but I hope you will change your mind. I hope to see you at 8 p.m. in the VIP room. Give my name at the door.
Sango texted him back.
-Miroku, since you insist on being so annoying on the topic, I will meet you at that club at 8. See you there.
Sango shut her phone and got back to her dress design that she'd almost finished. It was almost time for her to go home but she wanted to finish her dress for tonight especially. She didn't know why, but she was so through fighting Miroku's goofy charm, the feelings that welled up in her when she was around him.
-:}
She laughed at the goofy smiley face and finished hemming the shimmery gray fabric. It was one of the prettiest dresses she'd made. It had a strapless, sweetheart neckline, a wide band of black velvet tied high around the waist, coming to a pretty bow in the back. It flared just under the band that was just below her bust line to her thighs, stopping about midway. It was simple and the fabric was gorgeous, making the cut, though simple, really elegant.
She finished by lining the top of the sweetheart neckline with pretty black lace.
When the clock said 7:30 p.m. she hurried out of the fashion college, booking it home.
When she was in her room, she jumped in the shower, washing her hair and body as fast as she could. She dried herself off and put on some self tanner, putting rollers in her hair and applying makeup. She blow dried her hair, pulled the rollers away and arranged her hair in soft waves. She'd gone easy on the makeup, pink tinted gloss and a light dusting of shimmery gray eye shadow.
She pulled on her strapless bra, slipping the dress on over it and looking in the mirror. The band of black velvet hit her waist just under her breasts and the way the dress flared made her look thinner than she actually was. Her breasts were just barely fitting into bodice of the little dress. It seemed that she hadn't measured right.
The club she was going to was in walking distance, so she put on her high heels, grabbed her purse and house keys, and quietly left the apartment.
When she got to the huge building with neon lights, she cut in line and smiled at the bouncer. "I'm here with Miroku Houshi," Sango said, flashing her id.
She was let in the velvet ropes and climbed the stairs to the plus VIP section. Miroku sat with a pretty blonde American woman, tall and slender. She had bronze skin and blue eyes and when Miroku looked up from laughing with the woman, he caught Sango's eye and smiled.
Sango's face hardened as she made her way over to the table and took a seat in one of the chairs.
"Well, Miroku, if I had known you were bringing a date I would've brought my own," she said, giving him a tight smile.
"This is Amber. She's just someone I work with. We had to talk business before I could enjoy you're pleasurable company," Miroku said, laying it on thick.
"Mmhmm," Sango said, looking around the room and noticing that the Amber woman was giving her some weird looks.
"Sango," Miroku said softly, leaning close to her and making her look at him. She stared back defiantly.
"She's a lesbian," he said quietly, with a low chuckle as her eyes widened in shock.
Sango looked at the woman and noticed that she was licking her lips and staring at her breasts. That explained it. She almost smacked herself at how obvious this girl was.
"Amber, You may now go enjoy your evening. Sorry to have wasted a portion of it with work," Miroku said, motioning for her to leave.
"Do I get to enjoy the evening with her?" Amber asked, giving Sango a wolfish grin.
"No, I'm afraid you don't," Miroku said with a tight smile.
"Oh well. Your loss, sweetheart," she said to Sango, giving her a sassy grin before sauntering off like a super model walking the cat walk.
"Alright, Miroku. Why did you want to see me so bad?" Sango asked.
"Well, I always want to see you, my beautiful cherry blossom," he said with a cheeky smile.
"Well, if that's the case, I'll just be on my way-" Sango said, starting to gather her things.
"Wait. I did ask you here for a reason," he said, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm listening."
"I want you to give me a chance. You started to in high school, and somehow it got wrecked," he said, looking down at the table.
"Somehow?" Sango asked incredulously, "You fucked a cheerleader, Miroku, while we were dating."
"Sango, you have to believe me, I never touched any woman while we were together," he said, taking her hand from across the table.
"So, everyone was lying?" she asked sarcastically.
"No… she was starting those rumors. She was obsessed with me," he said.
"You're so full of yourself," she said, standing to leave.
"Sango, I swear."
He said it with so much earnestness that she couldn't help but believe him.
"Why didn't you tell me, Miroku?"
"You ignored me! You wouldn't talk to me or answer my calls. You completely disregarded me in the hallways. I was invisible to you."
"So, what, now you want to pick up where we left off?" Sango asked softly, feeling sheepish.
"No," he said.
Sango was shocked. Now that she knew the truth, she missed what they'd had high school, but now he didn't.
"I don't expect that for you. All I ask is that we take this one date at a time," he said, looking at her with pleading eyes.
"I really want to pick up where we left off," Sango said with a naughty grin.
"Huh?" he looked shocked, "why?"
"Because, Miroku. I was just about to have sex with you before that rumor started going around."
Miroku visibly gulped, staring at her with huge eyes. Sango scooted her chair closer to his, putting a hand on his chest and leaning in to whisper in his ear, "How about we get out of here?"
Miroku couldn't pull Sango out of there fast enough.
When Rin got back to the office, Sesshoumaru was waiting for her, lounging on his desk like she'd never left.
"I'm sorry. Thank god Kagome is alright. Where were we?" Rin said, taking out her pad and pencil.
He started towards her again, gripping her hair and kissing her while pulling up her top. His hands ran over her exposed skin like fire and Rin felt craving well up in her. His hands continued to her skinny jeans, running over the front of them, making her moan. She couldn't handle this. Was she even old enough to handle him?
He started unbuttoning her pants, his mouth continuing from her lips to her neck, leaving a liquid hot trail to the tops of her breasts.
His hands started inside her pants, rubbing through her panties until she almost lost her senses. The last sane train of thought she had was, 'This is wrong,'. She clung to it as she pushed him away, panting with need but knowing it was the right thing to do.
"I'm seeing someone and I am not going to be a booty call for you," she said, picking her top up from the floor and putting it on. She buttoned her pants.
"I didn't intend to make you feel like a booty call, Rin," he said in his flat, stoic voice.
"Well, if you didn't intend it, why did you do it?" she asked.
"I've been worried about you since that incident at your apartment. I just couldn't take you acting like I don't exist anymore," he said, his voice actually holding some emotion.
"Sesshoumaru, right now, for me, you don't exist romantically," Rin said, staring at the floor, "I'm in high school, I have a boyfriend my age, and I like him. You waited around and you missed the chance. You shouldn't have done that."
"But, Rin…" he started and there was actual pain in his voice. It made her hesitate, but only for a second.
"I'm leaving and all you will be is someone I am forced to do business with," Rin said, and she did just that. She left.
What she couldn't see was the stricken look that Sesshoumaru wore as she did.