Author's Notes:

We've really made it to chapter 40! It's unbelievable, I've never written something this long in such a "short" span of time (if one year can be considered short). I do not know if that will be reassuring to you; but there is still a long road ahead of us!

This chapter took a bit longer to write because for a rather long time I was unhappy about the first scene and then I nearly made my head explode by thinking about the order of things in this chapter. Who should talk to whom about what and when. This resulted in a "?!????!" in my head which then caused me to be uninspired. That's also why it took me quite some time to reply to the reviews (which I really appreciated. Many of you seem to be quite unhappy with Ellen's class-consciousness which doesn't really come as a surprise *lol*).

I wanted to include a lot more in this chapter, but even unedited and without the last part, the chapter was already way over 8000 words long. As this was a bit much I cut it at a "good" moment. And I'll just leave you hanging for a bit ;3

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.

Kapitel 40: With No Options Left

When mental exhaustion had forced Ellen's eyes shut, her subconscious led her to a dark, cold hall. The weak light that shone through the high, arched gothic windows was partly blocked by what Ellen took to be iron bars. Ellen could hear the faint murmur of a lot of people whispering, but she could not make out words, it merely was a hushed buzz of noises.

"Why don't you advance? Why stand still?" A voice right next to her ear said. Ellen looked to the side but could see nothing but the prison's stone wall in the distance. A cold wind started tugging at Ellen's white night gown and she took a hesitant step forward.

"Yes… Yes, dear little girl, go on. You must. Do not stand still now. Face the world." The voice continued to whisper in an encouraging tone. Ellen, captured and urged on by the voice, moved forward until she came into an area that was illuminated, by what Ellen could not see. There was an altar in front of her and the light source seemed to sit there. With a frown, Ellen advanced and then the light shifted and dimmed down. The young girl, who had closed her eyes, opened them again and was surprised to find an image of herself sitting on the rough stone altar. With her bare legs crossed and an uncharacteristically sly smile on her lips her look-alike studied her. Ellen, too surprised to speak, stared at the young woman in front of her. She had longer white hair than Ellen had and in gentle waves it spilled over her shoulders. She only wore a short dress, unadorned and pure white. She looked like a spectre, something Ellen's troubled mind would summon into this strange dream.

"Who… are you?" Ellen asked and the girl's smile widened, but it was neither friendly nor cheerful.

"I am merely an image of yourself. A glimpse into your future. A burden you carry. A fear you harbour," she replied and Ellen took one step closer. "Are you doing the right thing, little girl?" Ellen widened her eyes in surprise. "Do you know where we are?" The young exorcist took a look around the hall. The high windows, the columns, the marble floor, the altar.

"A church?" The figure smiled contently and leant forward.

"Yes… And will it be this bleak? Will it be a prison?" Ellen lowered her head. "You know the weight that rests on your shoulders." The figure gracefully left her position on the altar and walked behind it. "The weight of your blood. The weight of the world. The weight of your love. Your family. The exorcists and humanity. The young boy who loves you. Depending on what actions you will now take, you will betray their trust."

"I know! Do not tell me what I already am aware of!" Ellen spoke up and shook her head, "what do you take me for, nightmare spectre?! I know my place in this world! I am no fool!"

"Oh? Are you not?" The woman in front of her asked in mocked surprise and laughed in amusement. And with an elegant movement of her hand she wiped the hair off her shoulders. "And what is your place in this world? Who are you? What is most important?" Ellen did not answer her, biting her lips in frustration. Her image continued smiling and lifted her right hand. "Are you a part of your family? Is your blood worth most?" Then she touched her scar. "Are you the one who turned Mana into an Akuma? Is it your duty in life to atone your sins?" She then held out her left arm. "Or maybe you are an exorcist that will save Akuma and humans? Is it this that should have most importance in your life?" Ellen wanted to reply, but the girl in front of her was not finished yet; with her right hand she touched her left and Ellen could see a golden ring appearing around her left ring finger. "Or this?" Ellen widened her eyes and gasped.

-

Then she woke. Breathing unevenly and clutching her blanket until her knuckles went white, she stared into nothing.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" the concerned matron wondered, putting a hand on Ellen's shoulder, "my, you are trembling! Did you have a nightmare?"

"No…," Ellen breathed, her eyes still wide, "it was no nightmare…!" The matron looked at her with a puzzled expression, unable to make sense of Ellen's words.

"I will fetch you something to drink…," she said after a while, giving Ellen's shoulder a light squeeze, then she walked away. Ellen tried to calm herself, forcing her eyes shut while she attempted to clear her head. When she opened them again, she finally relaxed her hands, then she lifted her left hand, looking at her palm. There she saw black Innocence, the ring finger yet untouched and unbound by any golden chains. But it would be there. It was not a nightmare. It was real.

"Will it be a prison…?" Ellen asked herself and put her hands in front of her face, "Simply… simply because I was so foolish!"

"Ellen? Come, drink a cup of water…," the matron said and Ellen lowered her hands to look at the woman. She took the offered glass after a moment of hesitation and drank slowly under the watchful eye of the matron. The matron took the empty cup out of Ellen's hands and put it on the table next to Ellen's bed. "What is it that troubles you so?" Ellen looked up at her, but could not form an answer. What should she be telling the kind, concerned woman? That she had foolishly become pregnant? No, Ellen did not want to lose the woman's sympathy, she did not want to see her pull a disapproving, judging grimace.

"Just…"

"Do not try to fool me, Ellen… I know that something is the matter with you…," the woman said sternly, but then she sighed and stroked Ellen's head, "it's so cruel to force children to go through so much pain… And you can't even bring yourself to talk about it…"

"I am sorry…," Ellen replied silently. The matron sighed again, then she took a step back. "But there is something I would need to talk about… With Kanda, if you will allow me to…"

"Kanda?" the matron asked in confusion, but then she smiled, "Fine. I will allow you to, you may leave the infirmary, but do not overdo it, or I'll force you to come back," she warned and Ellen nodded. The white haired girl left the bed and the infirmary with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

-

Thanks to all the fighting in the Ark, the different time zones and all the sleeping Ellen had no idea what time it actually was. There was a faint sun barely shining through a layer of dirty grey clouds; it was a stormy day in spring. There were not many people up and about the corridors as Ellen made her way to Kanda's room. She had the feeling that walking up to his door had never been as difficult as it was now and she nearly wanted to turn around and hide in her own room, but it would have been senseless – he would just come to find her. Ellen quickly combed her hair with her fingers (but as her hair was short, she didn't feel like it would help her to look better), then she took a deep breath and knocked. The door wasn't immediately opened, which only added to Ellen's anxiety, but eventually it was. Kanda looked disgruntled at first, but when he recognized Ellen his features lit up just a tiny bit.

"I… am sorry. Have I woken you?"

"I haven't been sleeping. I was just meditating," he told her, "wait a second." He left the door ajar and retreated back inside. Ellen wondered what he was doing, but when he let her into his room his hair was brushed and taken back in a neat ponytail. If Ellen had not been that anxious, she would have been amused by the small display of vanity. Kanda's room was as bleak as ever, but there were quite a few books piling on his desk, next to papers and pencils – something that hadn't been here the last time Ellen had visited him. "Have you recovered?"

"What?" Ellen asked when Kanda had suddenly started speaking. "Oh, yes, thank you. I feel better now…" This of course was not exactly the truth; whereas she only felt a little sore after all the fighting, her mind was especially troubled now. "And you?"

"I heal fast," he told her and Ellen frowned slightly, still not believing what he had already told her back during their first mission. An awkward silence followed where neither of the two wanted to bring the crucial topic up. "Did you come to see me because this time it would be appropriate to talk about certain matters?" Ellen immediately blushed when the dreaded moment finally came.

"… Yes… We must speak about how to proceed from now on," she told him, trying to keep her voice firm. Kanda looked at her, then he sighed.

"Maybe you should calm down a little bit first…," he advised but only earned himself a troubled look by Ellen. "I think it should be quite clear how we must go on now." Ellen remained silent for a while, but then she nodded. "You still do not seem fond of that idea."

"How could I be fond of the idea?" Ellen asked and Kanda raised an eyebrow, Ellen saw it and started fretting a bit, "I do not mean to say that you are not agreeable to me, Kanda." He snorted.

"Let's ignore the details for the moment," Ellen screwed up her nose, "I do not think that it can be favourable for a woman to be pregnant without being married."

"Of course not."

"And that's why, months ago, I promised you to marry you should anything happen…" Ellen lowered her head and sat on Kanda's bed with a sigh.

"But it seemed to me as you said it just in jest… "

"It was not in jest," Kanda replied calmly, "it might have not been all too thoughtful to make that promise but I do not regret it. And I certainly will not go back on my word." Ellen did not answer and continued looking at the floor. Kanda studied her and sat down on the chair he had pulled away from his writing table. "Would you wish me to go back on my promise?"

"No, no of course not!" Ellen replied, looking up at Kanda with a worried expression.

"Then why do you look so unhappy?" Again, Ellen did not reply, but Kanda could guess part of her uneasiness, but he would not speak about them if she did not start the topic. "At least some things seem obvious," he said and she looked at him, "you are pregnant and we will marry to give you and the child some security." Kanda, while waiting for some kind of reaction from Ellen that did not come, started getting slightly irritated. He stood up and grabbed her hand, to pull her up on her feet, "why are you hesitating so much?"

"I cannot just marry like that! It should not be my decision to make!" Kanda looked at her in surprise.

"Not your decision to make? If it isn't yours then who's should it be?" he asked. Ellen bit her lips and shook her head.

"I must speak to General Cross about it… my mother knows nothing about my circumstances, I want to have at least my master's opinion on this…"

"You haven't told your mother?" Kanda asked in surprise and let go of Ellen's hands. The girl shook her head, "why not?"

"Because it was a mistake…" she whispered, but Kanda heard her well enough. He looked at her for a while, but then he snorted and opened the door.

"Well, it certainly was unexpected and probably even unfortunate, but now the deed is done and we should better face the consequences of our actions," Kanda told her and grabbed her hand. Ellen did not resist and followed Kanda down the corridors. He took her to a room and knocked. It soon opened to reveal General Tiedoll. He smiled pleasantly when he saw the two.

"General, I would now like to talk to you…," Kanda said and Tiedoll seemed surprised to hear him speak so seriously.

"Well, yes, of course. But why do you pull such a face, Yu?" Kanda didn't reply, only muttered something about not using his first name, so Tiedoll looked over at Ellen. "You're a bit pale, Ellen, are you alright? If the boy's bothering you, you should tell me!"

"He is not bothering me. Thank you, General, for your concern…," Ellen replied, finding it difficult to form a convincing smile. The General must have noticed, because the concern did not leave his face yet. Kanda turned towards Ellen and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should speak to Cross alone first…," he said and continued when he saw how Ellen widened her eyes in worry: "I'll join you as soon as I've spoken with my General. I need his opinion as well…"

"I… I understand… I will talk to him… Good day, General Tiedoll," Ellen said and made a curtsey, then she wanted to leave, but Kanda grabbed her hand. "What is it?" Ellen asked uneasily. Kanda frowned and let go of her hand.

"Just… Don't fret so much. There's no reason to be afraid. If he'll start to assail you, just put the blame on me. I can handle it." With this he gave her a small push and went into Tiedoll's room. The General shot Ellen one last troubled look, then he followed his pupil into his room, shutting the door. And Ellen felt like she should just run away.

-

"Has something happened?" Tiedoll wondered as he and Kanda sat into armchairs opposite each other. "It's so unusual for you to come seeking my advice…" Kanda put his chin into his palm, studying the half-finished drawing of some landscape that stood near the window. "It must be about Ellen, is it not?"

"Yes, it is. That's why I need your help now…" Tiedoll sighed deeply, but then he smiled.

"I remember how devastated you were when you heard that she was assumed dead…" Kanda tensed up immediately, narrowing his eyes, a clear sign for Tiedoll that he hadn't gotten over the shock yet. "I just saw you run past me on that day… Hours later I found you out on the hill, stilly crying your heart out. It really…" Tiedoll sniffed and pulled out a handkerchief, blowing his nose, "it really pained me to see you so hurt."

"Spare me that now, if you please. I don't like to be reminded of it…" Kanda said.

"Yes, excuse me, Yu. She's back and safe, that's all that matters right now," Tiedoll replied, wiping his eyes. "It is so wonderful that you found someone you can love from the bottom of your heart! I wouldn't have thought it possible!"

"General…," Kanda said in irritation, not wanting him to go on and on about how proud he was to have his dear Yu in love with a girl.

"Yes, yes!" the general replied, sobering up, "what was it that you wanted to speak to me about?"

"It's about our relationship. Before we parted we were…," Kanda coughed, "well, intimate…" Tiedoll leant forward, eyes wide in surprise, which only caused Kanda to blush and become slightly irritated.

"Yu, Yu… You really shouldn't have! You aren't even married!" Tiedoll argued and Kanda rolled his eyes. "But I'll let it pass for the moment. Do you want my advice on how you two should entertain your relationship in conformity with the order's rules?"

"No, I want to have your advice on how to continue our relationship in conformity with society's rules," Kanda replied, he was serious, but still slightly red from embarrassment.

"Continue, because I fear I do not really understand what you want to say," the General said, scratching his head.

"Apparently…," the rest Kanda couldn't voice because he did not know what he should say.

"Apparently?" Tiedoll asked, wanting his pupil to continue. Kanda lowered his head, focusing his eyes on the table without really seeing anything. Apparently what? He felt as if he finally started grasping the true meaning of Ellen's pregnancy, but still, he was far from really comprehending. Kanda clenched his fists and raised his head to look at Tiedoll, who was surprised by the look in Kanda's eyes.

"I am going to be a father." Tiedoll stared at him, without moving or breathing for a moment.

"…What?" Kanda took a deep breath, but still looked at the dumb-struck General.
"I am going to be a father," he repeated, "Ellen is pregnant."

"Good gracious…" Tiedoll started, then he jumped up from his chair, "Yu!" With this he walked over to Kanda, pulled him up and embraced him, nearly squeezing the air out of his lungs. "I am so proud of you!" he wailed.

"You don't have to be proud!" Kanda hissed, trying to get out of the embrace, but Tiedoll wouldn't let him.

"What are you saying?! You are like a son to me! Of course I'm proud!" He finally let go of Kanda to blow his nose yet again.

"Don't you want to reprimand me?" Kanda asked and sat back down in his armchair.

"Reprimand you! Certainly, the circumstances are not the best, but these are very happy news! Happy news indeed!" Kanda first let the General recover a bit before wanting any straight answers out of him. "Well, don't you agree?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do with the situation. Other than try to marry Ellen that is…"

"You're quite a responsible boy, I raised you well!" Tiedoll complimented but Kanda just rolled his eyes, "but more importantly, what do you think about it?"

"I told you… I don't know…" Kanda said and Tiedoll raised an eyebrow.

"Haven't you thought about it yet? You know that being a father is both wonderful but also challenging. A child comes with a lot of responsibilities. But the joy greatly outweighs any troubles!"

"That's what you think… I can't really imagine what it means to be a father…" Kanda said and Tiedoll reached out to put his hand on Kanda's head.

"But are you willing to be one?" he asked with a gentle smile. Kanda looked at him, but after a while he lowered his head and closed his eyes.

"Yes, I am…," he replied with a nod. And while Tiedoll couldn't hold back new tears of joy Kanda tried to imagine what it would be like. And it didn't sound like such a bad idea.

-

Meanwhile, Ellen felt like a convict before a judge. General Cross' room was dark and uninviting even though it was filled with luxury. She sat in a leather armchair with golden embroidery, a table with wine bottles and glasses on its polished surface in front of her. And then there was Cross, staring down at her with one cold red eye.

"You've been sitting here for over five minutes without speaking one single word. And I would expect you to have a thousand questions on your lips! After all when I picked you up from your mother's place you usually couldn't keep silent!"

"There really are many questions I want to ask you, questions about the Ark and that song… But I came because of a different matter…," Ellen said and Cross raised an eyebrow. As there came nothing more, he took his glass and poured in some more wine.

"And what trouble have you gotten yourself into? Do you want me to return you home or what?"

"No." Ellen said firmly, "I want you to tell me how to continue." Cross studied her from over the brim of his glass. When he saw the serious expression she wore he put the glass back down and leant back in his chair.

"Don't tell me you've been thrown off-track just because of the things you've seen at the order and out in the world! You must have been aware that you needed to grow up after Mana's death."

"Do not take me for a fool, General Cross. I am not going to lose faith at this point. I have gotten very far even without your guidance – guidance that you certainly would have owned me!" Cross was slightly surprised to hear her speak in such an accusing tone with him. But only slightly, it was good that she was more daring and determined now, exactly how she should be.

"Especially in this hidden world one has to grow by oneself," Cross said but Ellen just looked at him with hard eyes.

"No, I do not agree, General. You took the chance that I would meet an early end or break down with the burden of my new life. You could have avoided a lot of damage done to me if you had been a better mentor. But right now I am not going to complain any further about this, nor do I have the mind to confront you with the issues of our most recent battle. What I do require is that you will now assist me in the trouble that lies before me, so that you can amend for your previous short-comings." Ellen said in a demanding tone, but Cross still heard the slight trembling of her voice and he saw how her hands clutched the fabric of her clothes. Cross, after studying her a bit, snorted.

"Tch. Fine. What is this all about?". Before Ellen could lose her courage, there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for Cross to allow admittance, the door opened to reveal Kanda. Ellen widened her eyes, unsure whether she should be glad that he would now assist her. "Look at this, Tiedoll's brat! Did the old guy send you?"

"No. I'm here because of her," Kanda replied walking over to where Ellen was sitting, "Have you already spoken about it?" Ellen shook her head and Kanda snorted. Cross studied the two and then he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, then grab a chair and sit down. I have a feeling what this could all be about…" Kanda did what he was told and pulled another armchair next to Ellen's. "Now, brat, speak up." This was directed at Ellen and she breathed in.

"I don't know where to start…," Ellen whispered, but Cross just groaned.

"Leave out the unimportant stuff and get to the juicy bit," he said and Ellen frowned at him, slightly dignified.
"Well fine then. Kanda and I have entertained a friendship for quite some time. But we have been intimate as well. I am with child now." She said in one long breath, without even stopping once. But the General had heard all of it. Cross studied her and the young man next to her, then he sighed and shook his head.

"You had sex once and now you're pregnant?"

"No, to be more specific we enjoyed each other's company more than once," Kanda remarked which made Ellen blush.
"Do not be specific!" she whispered and Kanda frowned at her, then he turned back to Cross. The man had put his finger to his forehead, glaring at his protégé, who refused to meet his eyes.

"Well. You certainly are aware that you are a complete idiot!" Cross said loudly, "One would expect a young lady of your calibre not to be so thoughtless! And you!" He turned to Kanda, who did not yield one bit, "You should have let your hormones run wild in a brothel, like every respectable man does! Why waste your time with an inexperienced idiot like her?!" Ellen glared at him in indignation.

"Kanda is more reliable than you ever were regarding me, General!" Ellen argued, but Cross simply ignored that remark. Kanda didn't think it was appropriate to make a remark.

"How far along are you?" he asked, suddenly getting more serious, which surprised Ellen a bit.

"Bak Chan told me it should take less than half a year now…," she replied. Cross snorted, putting on a dark grin.

"Pretty though that child of yours, it even lived through all the battles," he commented and Ellen nodded gravely. "Does your mother know?" Ellen shook her head, "I thought so. But I guess it's better that she does not… She would have a fit." Ellen lowered her head in shame, but Kanda put a hand on her shoulder. "So, you told me that you will cause me a lot of trouble, we took a note that you are both fools and now what? What do you want me to do?"

"I want to know how we should proceed…," Ellen said, "what options are there?" The red-haired general studied the girl in front of him.

"You should know even better than I do. You, Ellen, don't really have an option. But the pretty boy does…" Ellen raised her head and looked at Kanda.

"Why should I?" he wanted to know and Cross laughed shortly.

"Well, either you decide to spare you the trouble and wash your hands off Ellen or you try to face all the monstrosities in front of you. But I think that Ellen probably is more trouble to you than she's worth."

"General, please…" Ellen whispered and shook her head, then she looked up at Cross. "Is there really nothing that I can do?" Cross looked at the troubled young woman and after a while he sighed.

"Well, as an exorcist we cannot allow you to stop fighting. You'll fight as long as you can and if the child dies in the process then thought luck for it. You are an indispensable part of the Black Order, we cannot go easy on you just because you've been foolish enough to become pregnant. The only option you have is give birth to the child. You got yourself into the trouble, so you might as well face the consequences. I already told you what Prince Charming can do."

"I am ready to take responsibility," Kanda said without hesitating. Cross looked at him and then he filled another glass of wine. He emptied it before he continued speaking.

"Well, if you insist, then Ellen has some good luck in all this trouble. Even though she seems to be unable to appreciate it, that little fool. Anyway, you must marry her," Kanda nodded, "and that as fast as possible. If she gives birth to a child without being married then this would probably be a catastrophe for her and her family. Well, it already is a catastrophe, but it would be even worse. Also, you are an exorcist as well, Kanda, I would not have voted for you to ever marry anyone and you know why…" Kanda frowned but did not reply to it, "but if you died in battle without Ellen being married to you then she would give birth to a bastard. Certainly you both would not like that. Therefore I'd say you marry as soon as possible."

"What about my mother?" Ellen asked silently.

"We won't tell your mother now. We'll first get this done, I'll act as your guardian. If she knew then she'd oppose it and it would drag on forever. She can oppose all she wants after you're married."

"I understand," Ellen whispered, visibly troubled by Cross' words.

"When should we do it?" Kanda wondered, focusing his eyes on Ellen.

"We'll do it this evening," Cross replied and both Ellen and Kanda looked up at him in surprise.

"This evening?!" Ellen asked, jumping up form her chair, "so soon?" Cross looked at her and nodded.

"Yes. I'll arrange it. I would do it right now if I could, but I thought I'd give you some more time to calm down and be realistic" he replied.
"But I am not prepared at all!" Ellen tried to argue, feeling cornered by his decision. Cross glared at her.

"You don't need to be prepared. You will just come into the chapel, sign your name and leave. You can have a real wedding when there's more time, but now we have to just do what we can." Ellen put her hands in front of her face, failing to say anything. Kanda, who was also taken aback by Cross' desire to rush this, got up as well, looking at Ellen. He did pity her because this was certainly not what Ellen had wished her wedding to be like, but he also understood Cross' point.

"I… understand…," Ellen finally said, lowering her hands. She had not been crying but she looked on the verge of tears, "thank you for your assistance… I will retreat now…" With this she turned around and left the room.

"Hey, Kanda!" Kanda turned around when he heard Cross call. The man had his arms crossed and looked at him sternly. "Are you serious with her?"

"I have always been. I will not back down now," was Kanda's reply and Cross snorted – Kanda didn't know if it was supposed to be in approval. The young exorcist bid him good-bye, then he left, following Ellen. He walked a few paced behind her, not saying anything until they reached her room.

"Do you want to be alone for a moment?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded.

"I need to gather my thoughts… Give me an hour please…," she asked, not daring to look at Kanda.

"I will. It's already past noon, I'll bring you something to eat in about an hour," Ellen nodded again and Kanda hesitated. But then he reached out and put his hand on Ellen's cheek. She was surprised, but did raise her head to meet Kanda's eyes. "I am sorry…"

"You should not be…" she replied silently, then she turned away from his touch and went into her room, closing the door behind her without another word.

Ellen walked into her room, which looked the same as on the day she had left it, almost three months ago. This mission had really taken a long, long time. And she couldn't even say that she was glad to be back. Ellen saw the pile of unread letters that someone must have brought her from the infirmary where she had left them. She was not really up to reading the letters that her mother had send her because it reminded her of how her mother would probably react when she was informed of her daughter's disgrace.

"Oh! Married this evening!" Ellen moaned, "I! Married so soon! I should have listened to Kanda! Rash actions will be the death of me!" She hurried to the window, opening it to let some air in because she felt suffocated. After she had calmed down a bit by watching the fog rise from the forest, she turned around and sat in front of her writing desk. She pulled out her mother's letters, opening them and reading them. Her mother told her nothing special, only reporting some of the events in London and the doings of her relatives, occasionally voicing her concern that her daughter seemed to neglect writing to her poor mother. But one letter made Ellen turn pale.

"Dear Ellen.

The gentleman who voiced interest in obtaining your hand has sent me a letter for you. I forwarded it to your new home. I really am looking forward to your meeting. He has so many good qualities that I cannot even name them all. He is also very pleasing to the eye, you would probably be delighted even though you usually are not a vain child. If your father were still alive, he would be proud to know that his daughter has found herself such a noble suitor.

With love,

Your Mother"

"Dear God! I forgot!" Ellen whispered and folded her hands in front of her mouth. The fact that she would now marry Kanda when she could have had this Lord only worsened the situation. "With all the faults mother would certainly find in Kanda, how will she accuse me for losing the opportunity of marrying a lord! And even one my mother approves of." Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, but then she recalled her suitor's letter. The mere thought of him made her uneasy. She opened the letter and started reading.

"Dear Miss Bermont

We have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, but your mother's accounts of you have made me look forward to the day when I can finally see you. By this letter I wanted to tell you that I would be very delighted in a match between us. Therefore I would also like us to become friends before we become engaged.

I have included a present for you, I hope that it is to your liking, I asked your mother for advice on my choice."

Ellen put down the letter and took the parcel, unpacking it. She opened the box and found a beautiful necklace made of white silver with a gem in the shape of a flower dangling on it. It really was something that Ellen would have been keen on wearing, but the fact that it was a gift of this Lord prevented her from placing it around her neck. Instead she continued reading the last lines of the letter:

"I hope that we will be able to meet each other, I am sure that we will get along well, we seem to have some common interests. If you allow me to, then I would like to invite you to a meeting. I will contact your mother to schedule a date. I heard that you were fond of teahouses; let that be the place of our rendezvous.

Hoping for a reply from your dear hand, I remain sincerely yours,

Lord T. Mikk"

Ellen's heart started beating frantically.

"What?!" She whispered in dread, going back over the very last line. "No! That cannot be!" She let the letter drop and grabbed the box, turning it around to find a little inscription:

"To my esteemed Miss Bermont, with love, Lord Tyki Mikk". Ellen put her hands in front of her mouth.

"Tyki Mikk?! I was supposed to marry Tyki Mikk?!" This realization forced a humourless laugh out of Ellen, "Impossible. How dreadful! I could never marry him, a Noah! And if he knew then he would never have sent such a letter filled with fake esteem!" With bitterness making her eyes water, she stood up, angrily wiping the wetness from her eyes before the tears could fall. "I might not have many options… But him I will not marry," she whispered and walked over to her bed. She wondered how her mother could have possibly been fooled into believing that Tyki was a wonderful, charming gentleman. He was nothing but a vicious, murdering rascal. Even if he were not a Noah he was still a vagabond without a name, without education, without money. Ellen let herself fall onto her bed, covering her face with her hands.

"But Kanda doesn't have these qualities either! How could mother ever approve of the man that I have to marry when I should be marrying a respectable lord?!" Ellen lowered her hands and shyly put them on her stomach. "But what lord would marry a woman expecting another man's child?" Ellen clenched her hands in frustration. "If only this child hadn't been conceived! If only it had disappeared as secretly as it had appeared!" Ellen looked up at her ceiling. "If only…" Suddenly she remembered something and dropped to her knees next to the bed, looking under it. She found her suitcase and pulled it out from underneath her bed. She put it on the bed and with nervous fingers she opened it. And there it was, wrapped in layers of cloth; the child eating Innocence of Filip.

To be continued…

Notes:

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