Michelangelo felt like a ghost as he meandered around the Den that afternoon. He didn't want to sit still anymore, but he was also too discouraged to put effort into anything other than pacing. He saw the flickers of activity going on around him, but he was choosing not to engage in it today.
The orange-masked turtle felt like he was on auto-pilot, going through the motions of living, but avoiding the grief that kept springing up. With the passing days, distractions had been harder to come by. Even the children who were acting completely normal in their innocence didn't have the same spark for him.
Mike had spent a large part of the morning trudging through the sewers, but the deep darkness of his environment did nothing to improve his mood. However, returning home meant being reminded of his purple-masked brother everywhere he looked. There was no winning scenario, except the possibility of going to bed and sleeping until the entire storm had passed.
What if this doesn't blow over, he asked himself. Am I being ridiculous to imagine that things could ever be normal again? Maybe it's better to assume the worst, and prepare myself for the strong chance that Donny isn't coming back.
The thought brought Michelangelo up short in his stride. Giving up on his brother's hope of recovery went against every fiber of his being, but helplessness was beginning to take a stronger hold on him. I wish it didn't have to be drawn out and uncertain. It seems like it'd be better just to find out how it's going to end, so I can start adjusting if I have to.
Mike took a sharp breath as he leaned against the wall. Adjust to life without Donny? I can't think about that right now. I can't handle it. The wall didn't feel sturdy enough to withstand the weight the musing left on his shoulders. He didn't realize that he was zoning out until Leonardo was suddenly beside him, without Mike even noticing his arrival.
"Mike?" Leo's voice was tense, as if he could read the youngest turtle's frame of mind. "Do you want to come sit down?"
"No," he mumbled. "I don't wanna do anything."
Leonardo shifted from one foot to the other, hesitating beside him in the hall. "Have you seen Don today?"
Mike shook his head, resisting the urge to ask his brother what the point would be. It had been close to ten days since the night that had rocked the entire family, and the fragments of hope were fading fast. The docs were still unsure of Donatello's condition. Despite being able to see the contusions on his scans, Luke had said there was no way of telling how much brain function had been affected until Donatello came around.
What would Donny choose? The machine is breathing for him; it's like he's not even checked into the building. Can we keep him alive forever, even if his mind is gone? There would be no sense in that. We're going to have to face this reality pretty soon.
"Michelangelo?" Leonardo's soft tone brought him back to his oldest brother. "What can I do for you? Is there anything that would help?"
Mike shook his head again, even though he was grateful for Leonardo's transparency in admitting that he didn't know the right thing to do either.
The blue-masked turtle reached to grip his shoulder. "I know where you heart is, Bro, and so do you. Why don't you stop fighting it, and go spend some time with Don?"
"He's not there," Mike said flatly.
"You don't know that," Leo contradicted. "The docs haven't written him off. Why are you trying to?"
"I want to prepare myself. Doc is the one who said his chances were poor, wasn't he? I don't wanna give up on Donny, but the longer he's stuck in this limbo, the more I feel like I don't have a say in the matter. Are we fooling ourselves, Leo? Shouldn't we be trying to find some way to deal with the fact that he might not be coming back? Is it better to keep holding onto hope when there probably isn't any, or to accept the situation for what it is? We haven't had any news on him in days. It's not just that nothing good has happened. Nothing has changed at all."
"Sometimes no news can be a good thing, Mikey," Leonardo said evenly.
"And you honestly think that's true for Donny's case? You can stand here being completely honest, and say you have confidence that Don is going to snap out of this?"
"People have come back after being in comas for several years, Mike."
"Right, but after too much time passes, most of them die or never get better."
"This isn't you, Mike," Leo countered. "I know you better than this."
"Maybe I don't feel like me, Leo, and I don't wanna walk around with a fake smile. Do you want me to pretend for everyone else's sake?"
"No," he answered. "But I don't want to hear you assume the worst because we don't have information either. You shouldn't try to put on an act for anyone else, but hiding from them isn't the answer either, and you know it."
"Are you trying to say I'm avoiding Donny?"
"I'm not accusing you of anything," he said cautiously. "I'm only trying to get you to open back up, Bro. That's all. When you get upset, you don't usually tend to vent the way Raph does, or find something to stay busy like Don. You turn everything inward, to avoid letting others see it. You said you don't want to fake it, but then you hide so that you never have to."
Mike sighed. "What do you want from me, Leo? Do you want to call another meeting, so I can tell everyone I'm wondering if Don's gonna be a permanent vegetable?"
Leonardo rested both hands on Mike's shoulders. "You don't think everyone else isn't scared of the same thing?"
"Just tell me what you want, so we can finish this conversation." Mike was sharper than he intended to be, but it didn't appear to faze Leonardo.
"Mike, you don't have to talk to me at all. I'm simply suggesting that you don't give up on Don until the docs give us the final word. Until that time, I'm not writing him off for dead, and I don't think you should either."
The blue-masked turtle held on to his shoulders until Mike looked at him.
"Leo, I'm not…I wouldn't give up completely on Donny. I couldn't. I'm just struggling."
Leonardo extended his arms to embrace him fiercely. "I'm sorry, Bro. If I could change it, if I could go back a few days in time…"
"Leo, stop. We're all gonna drown in our own guilt if we keep thinking about things that way."
His brother nodded. "I know. But in my bad moments, it's the first thing to come to me."
Mike didn't fight Leonardo's grip, letting him hang on for several seconds before the orange-masked turtle started to let go. He heard a scuffle of feet, and glanced over Leo's shoulder to see Jenna backing away from the hallway.
"Uh…sorry," she apologized.
"No, you're fine, Jen," Mike assured her. "What's going on? Can we get something for you?"
The raven-haired woman shook her head. "No, I'm just going to try and get some sleep. Calley told me it was all right if…"
"If you used our room, yes," Leonardo filled in. "Go ahead, Jen."
"Thanks." The woman slid past the two turtles silently, disappearing into another bedroom down the hall.
Leonardo gave Mike a questioning look. "What do you want to do right now?"
"Go see Donny, I guess. Do you want to come with?"
Leonardo nodded, throwing an arm around Mike's shell. They went around the corner of the hallway, stopping short at the entrance to the living area. April was on the floor with Olivia cuddled up in her lap, and the woman was cooing softly over the baby turtle. Liv looked downright peaceful in the woman's arms, a feat that was rarely achieved.
"You're good with her, Ape," Mike commented. "Olivia won't give in to everybody like that."
"She can't be any harder to handle than her father, and I've had enough experience with Raph," April offered with a wry smile.
Mike felt the woman's eyes linger on him with concern, and he bent down to kiss Olivia's forehead to satisfy her anxiety over him.
"We're going to see Donny, April. You know where we are if the kids get to be too much. Where is Reina?" Leo asked.
April pointed to the plastic tub that served as a toy box, right before the little girl popped up amidst the contents of the tote. Reina squealed when she saw Mike, and the turtle reached to pluck her out of the container.
"You know this tub isn't a toy, don't you, Reina?" he asked. The blond girl grabbed for his leg as he set her back down. "Can you play out here with April like a big girl?" Mike scanned the floor behind the toy bin, and found one of the ride-on trains that had proved so popular with the girls that they each needed their own for playtime. Mike scooted the toy across the floor, and Reina happily climbed onto the train.
Leo shot him a half smile before turning to April again. "So that's where we'll be."
"I can handle these two," April insisted with a wink.
As Mike entered the Lab behind Leonardo, he noticed Marcus standing across the room, taking notes with a clipboard. "Hey, Marc. Whatcha doing?" he tried to ask casually.
"Keeping records on where Don's vitals are hanging out," the man replied. "It would be faster to enter it directly into the computer, but I don't always like using the tablet. The written word is one of Man's greatest triumphs."
"That and you're not used to the new stuff?" Mike suggested. Donatello's Lab had been essentially destroyed in the earthquake, and rebuilt with newer, better equipment when they returned to the city.
Marcus shook his head. "Yeah, that too. Your brother keeps adding things, and going higher tech. I'm an old dog, and I have a hard time keeping up."
Leonardo snorted. "An 'old dog' with some of the best orthopedic skills in the country."
Marc shrugged modestly. "I'm going to input some notes. You guys have a seat, and stay as long as you like."
Mike settled into one of the nearby chairs, but he'd no sooner been sitting for a few seconds than he shifted for a new position. He had to force himself to sit still, so he could focus on his prone brother. There was never a time when he'd come to sit with Donny, but that he wished he could take his brother's place.
It's no good to wish that though, he thought glumly. Becky doesn't deserve…Michelangelo's thought trailed off as he thought he noticed a tiny flicker of movement in Donny's face. He would have missed it entirely if he hadn't been paying attention. He stared at his brother harder, but didn't see anything changing. My imagination is playing tricks on me. Probably another sign that I'm not getting enough sleep, but who is?
He looked away from Donatello and rubbed bleary eyes, his overstressed mind falling back into a silent holding pattern.
"Hey, Don," Leonardo greeted their brother as if he expected Donny to hear him. "Mike and I are both here for you. Jenna's gone to rest for a while, but she'll be back."
I suppose if he could hear him, Donny would wanna know that. Mike didn't have any desire to remain fixed on his brother's injured form, but he couldn't help noticing the way Leonardo was gazing at him. Time to be a big turtle. If Leo can be an adult about this, so can I.
"Yeah, we're here, Donny, and we'd appreciate it if you didn't make us wait any longer," Mike added, patting his brother's arm.
The orange-masked turtle was stunned when the muscles in Donatello's face visibly flinched. He gasped at the same time as Leonardo shot upright in his chair beside him.
"Don?" Leo said urgently.
Mike watched frozen in time as Donatello suddenly gagged violently.
"Marcus!" Leonardo's voice cut through the air, even though the man was already rushing that direction.
"Marc, what is it, what's happening?" Mike demanded, even as the man elbowed the blue-masked turtle out of the way.
Marcus smoothly withdrew a tube out of Donatello's throat, casting it aside before he bothered to answer Michelangelo. "Just hang on, okay? I need to check a couple of things."
Mike hovered just out of the doctor's way as Marcus rapidly began taking vitals by hand. He successfully remained where he was standing, until Donatello opened his eyes.