Author's Notes:
I'm sorry that you had to wait this long for the chapter, I was fighting against evil forces – a seminar paper and an ensuing writer's block caused by exhaustion.
That said, on with the chapter!
Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.
Kapitel 48: Reflected Darkness
Ellen awoke slowly the next morning, finding it almost difficult to push her mind into wakefulness. When she finally opened her eyes she met the foreign sight of her new room. She turned on her back, looking up at the ceiling. The bed was more comfortable than the one in her last room, warmer, Ellen mused.
"Good morning, beansprout," Kanda said and Ellen almost shot up when she heard his voice. She looked to the side and found Kanda glaring at her.
"Oh, I am sorry, Kanda. I forgot that we now share a room," she told him with a slightly embarrassed smile. He rolled his eyes, but then he reached out his hand and brushed her unruly white hair out of her face, tugging it behind her ears.
"They're really short," Kanda commented and pulled at the tips of her hair. Ellen reached up, flattening her hair against her head.
"Well, they were not that much longer when we first met," she said and Kanda looked at her, not replying, "besides, it might actually be more practical to wear them short." After she said that Ellen had to laugh, shaking her head with a sigh. "I sound like General Cross… Some months ago it seemed absolutely horrifying to have my hair cut off and now I find myself no longer minding. I do not know if that means that I have grown out of my petty princess self into a soldier…" Kanda frowned, sitting up.
"Well, you still know how to behave like a high society girl, if you didn't then there would be no problems between us," he commented and Ellen pressed her lips together in a unhappy fashion. "But you can be quite different as well… Even though I still have to see the extent of your maturing as an exorcist…"She smiled at him, nodding, but when he then reached out to pull her into a kiss, she raised her hands.
"I have not brushed my teeth yet!" she argued. Kanda frowned, but then he pushed her hands away, bending over to her to kiss her.
"Who cares," he said against her lips and Ellen, surprised as she was at first, soon gave in.
"What time is it?" she asked, when Kanda let go of her again. Both of them sat up, Kanda combing his long hair with his fingers.
"Half past six. I've slept too long...," he replied and Ellen looked over to the window. It was still dark outside, but bordering on twilight.
"Were you up reading until late into the night?" Ellen asked and Kanda nodded, "do you enjoy reading?"
"Don't know," he replied and Ellen had to laugh. "Tch. Shut up," he hissed. Then he reached out to kiss her again.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to laugh," she said and Kanda rolled his eyes. „You seem fond of kissing," she observed when he kissed her yet again – only short touches of lips on lips, nothing that would make Ellen shy away. Kanda didn't reply for some time, apparently it was too embarrassing.
"I'd kiss you more if you'd let me," he told her honestly, which surprised Ellen a bit, but she smiled.
"I'm sorry for being so cold...," she told him gently, but he shook his head.
"You're not being cold, that's not what I meant to say... You just don't seem to like being intimate." Ellen blushed a bit at that, putting her hands on her knees.
"It... I do not really know if I like it," she replied, but then she looked up at him, asking with a slightly embarrassed voice: „do you?"
"Of course I do," he told her, with a frown on his face.
"Well... It's what married people do..."
"I don't think it's limited to marriage, idiot," Kanda said and Ellen had to laugh at that, „but I get what you mean to say. However, I told you before. I'll wait until you're up to it. Thanks for the offer, anyway." Kanda stood up and went to the wardrobe to get dressed. Ellen watched him, not really sure what to think.
"I think I do like it," she said and Kanda turn his head towards her, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Ellen was sitting cross-legged on the bed, playing with her hair as if it would divert from her nervousness, "back then... It was not so bad…" Kanda snorted and shut the door of the wardrobe. "It was…" Ellen was searching for words, but after a while she sighed and shrugged, "strange, I guess." Kanda raised an eyebrow at her way of describing their intimate moments.
"Strange?"
"Good and bad all at once," Ellen tried explaining, but it made Kanda frown. Ellen saw it and sighed, "I guess I'd better stop trying to give words to it…"
"Get out of bed," Kanda suggested and Ellen complied, "and dress."
"Yes, yes." Ellen replied, pulling trousers and a shirt out of the wardrobe. "Why do you look at me like that?" the girl wondered when she saw Kanda's scrutinizing expression.
"Don't you have other dresses by now? You no longer need to wear trousers," he told her.
"Do you want me to fight in a skirt? We agreed on training together, have you already forgotten?" Kanda looked at her for a while, but then he nodded shortly. "I'll go to the bathroom for a while, you can go ahead if you want," Ellen told him and he nodded, but didn't move away from the door when they got outside.
"I'll wait here," he explained when Ellen looked at him quizzically. "Be quick." Ellen smiled, then she went to look for the new bathroom. She found it to be a communal bath-room, but it was spacious enough for her tastes. She hurried and then got back out, to find Kanda still waiting.
"You haven't brushed your hair," he commented and Ellen laughed, "when I said be quick I didn't mean do not look in the mirror."
"It cannot be that bad! My hair is short, it sticks out everywhere anyway. Or do I have drool on my face?" she wondered, rubbing the corners of her mouth. Kanda's mouth twitched and he snorted, amused of the face his wife was making. Ellen boxed his upper arm. "How rude to laugh!"
"I did not laugh," Kanda replied flatly.
"For you snorting counts as laughing," Ellen argued, "let's go and eat something, I'm hungry." Kanda, not really surprised by the sudden shift of topics, shrugged and followed her into the dining hall.
-
Jerry seemed to be overly ecstatic when Ellen and Kanda appeared at the counter.
"Good morning, Jerry," Ellen greeted a little bit unsure to find that big grin on his face.
"Good morning to you too," here he bent a bit over the counter, "Mrs. Kanda!" Ellen blushed and Jerry laughed heartily, patting Ellen's head affectionately.
"Komui told you?" Kanda asked in an annoyed tone. Jerry raised his hand to his mouth, trying to hide his grin.
"Oh, I had to tickle it out of him! He was so mysterious about it, but he apparently couldn't keep quiet about it! It's happy news after all! Very happy news!"
"I… It is…," Ellen said after hesitating, "uhm… How many-"
"By the way, I prepared a very big breakfast for our newly weds! It's the least I could do, because Komui discouraged me from preparing a feast. He said as long as the Vatican is still sniffing around here we should not engage in such a festivity. But it's a pity, I tell you…! I had it all planned out the moment the words of your marriage left Komui's lips!"
"Really, Jerry, it is not necessary. I do not want to make such a big deal about it and disturb the whole order," Ellen tried to tell Jerry, because a big wedding party was the last thing she needed now. For once, Kanda agreed with her, but not because he wanted to keep it a secret.
"It's too annoying… I don't want people patting me on the back, congratulating me and making stupid remarks about our married life," he hissed and Ellen looked at him, but then she and Jerry had to laugh.
"Yes, we don't need the kitchen and the dining hall to be destroyed by one of your temper tantrums!" Jerry commented, then he ordered some of the chefs to carry the many plates of their breakfast to a free table. "Oh, young boy, you are still here?" Ellen and Kanda looked at him in wonder and then they turned around to find Link standing behind them. He coughed and nodded.
"It is my duty to keep watch on Miss Walker," he said. Jerry touched his cheek in concern.
"Oh my! How exciting! You are quite a femme fatale, Ellen, to have two men on your heels!" Ellen laughed awkwardly at that, "but haven't you heard the news yet? She no longer is a Miss Walker!"
"I know that," Link said, after he got over being scandalized for being taken as one of Ellen's suitors, "but she asked me not to address her that way."
"Yes, I asked him to call me Ellen, because Mrs. Kanda sounds peculiar to my ears. Especially because everyone still calls him Kanda… It's as if they are addressing him, instead of me…"
"Me? I'm no Mrs. Kanda either!" the young Japanese man argued. But he was actually aware that this was not the real reason for her to be reluctant to accept his name. She still had to come to terms with it, and that was fine for him. At least at the moment. The sooner she accepted his name, the sooner she would accept him, Kanda thought. Jerry was laughing by now.
"But Ellen, don't you call your husband by his first name? I now the boy doesn't like it, but certainly he allows you to call him by his first name!"
"It's not as if he doesn't allow me, but…," Ellen started.
"She thinks my name is funny… And it is when used in an English speaking place like the Black Order," Kanda explained and Ellen frowned.
"I told you it is a beautiful name!" she argued and Kanda glared at her.
"And I told you, you're a bad liar!" Ellen pouted. Jerry looked from one to the other and sighed, but not without a smile.
"It doesn't actually matter much how you call each other. Either you go on as before or you make it a point that part of your relationship has changed. None of your friends would address you as Mrs. Kanda anyway, Ellen, because you're just Ellen to us. Same with Kanda. Kanda is Kanda, with wife or without one!" Jerry said and Ellen nodded, smiling.
"You are right of course, Jerry. Thank you," she told him, but his words still made him think. Did their relationship change because they put their names on a document? Ellen felt as if it must, but actually, if she allowed herself to react to Kanda in an unrestrained manner, then nothing much felt different. But they were married now – did they need to appear as one item? It would certainly be beneficial to appear as a harmonized couple when dealing with those people that doubted them.
"Like my uncle… Or mother…," Ellen thought gloomily.
"I'll take two pieces of every pie and cake that you have," Link said and called Ellen out of her thoughts.
"You want to eat sweets for breakfast? And that much? What are you? Ellen?" Jerry asked in disbelief. Ellen huffed indignantly, but she watched in amazement as Link received what he wished for.
"You are not an exorcist are you?" she asked, "a parasitic one I mean. Like me." The three sat down, Link opposite Ellen, but Kanda would have wanted him far away.
"No."
"Then maybe you should eat more healthy food than pies for breakfast!" Ellen argued, looking through her food to find a whole bowl with porridge.
"This for example!"
"I prefer pie, thank you," was the only thing Link said and Ellen frowned.
"Is this the usual breakfast where you come from?" she asked and Kanda raised an eyebrow.
"Just let him be, if he wants to kill himself with a sugar overdose then let him. It's none of your concern what other people are eating," he said and saw her absentmindedly put Indian curry on top of her porridge. "What the hell…?" He thought but was too appalled to actually say anything about it.
"Maybe Mr. Link's habit of eating is none of my concern, but still I'm interested. Howard Link… Are you by chance German?"
"I am," he replied and he apparently wasn't all that bothered by what gross food mixes Ellen was eating. But Kanda just kept on staring as she slowly ate her breakfast, apparently not taking notice of how things actually tasted. Maybe parasitic Innocence wielders didn't have any taste buds.
"Really? Have you met Miranda? She is also German!" Link shook his head, not really interested. "You speak English pretty well, where did you learn?"
"I've been taught in school and by Inspector Leverrier. He told me you were quite proficient in German as well." Ellen smiled and nodded. "And your husband?" Kanda looked up from his breakfast and frowned.
"Why do you care?" he asked in annoyance, but didn't receive a reply from the inspector, "I speak English and French. I have also been forced to study Latin, but I've never had a great interest in German, therefore it doesn't exceed the basics," he explained, but he was a bit proud to see the admiring look on Ellen's face. Apparently being versed in languages gave him some bonus points with his wife.
"What about Japanese?" Ellen asked before Link could say anything.
"I don't use it anymore. It doesn't matter," he replied and Ellen frowned, but she saw his point. Here in Europe it probably wouldn't help him much, apart from him she had never seen a Japanese person.
"Very well. If Ellen and I have to discuss things of importance we will resort to the German language," Link announced and Ellen looked at him in wonder, "there are things that the other people do not need to know."
"I'm her husband," Kanda argued in anger, but Ellen put a hand on his arm, "tch!"
"Oh well, that is fine with me… But I think that a lot of people understand German to some extend, it is an important language after all and I've heard it spoken within the order before."
"That does not matter, we will not discuss things in public places anyway, but I have not received the order to keep your husband away from you, therefore I am not allowed to forbid him from listening to our conversation. But if he does only understand parts of it, then it seems like a good compromise to me."
"Just because I don't understand it now doesn't mean that I won't learn it!" Kanda argued, but Link remained calm.
"I will not stop you. Go ahead," he said, "I will find other ways to keep you from hearing details not destined for your ears." Kanda glared at him, probably on the verge of standing up and slamming his fist into Link's smug face.
"Can we please stop the fighting? It is a bit annoying, to be honest," Ellen said with a sigh and Kanda looked at her in surprise. "We can converse in German if we need to discuss important topics, but until I have been strictly forbidden from talking, there is no guarantee that I will not go on to discuss the very things we talked about with my husband as well – no matter if he's present at your interrogation or not allowed to take part in it."
"Very well," Link said and Ellen nodded. Kanda was still put off slightly, but he didn't say anything else and waited for Ellen to finish eating.
-
Link followed diligently when the two were making their way to the training halls. Kanda had chosen to go to the small one they had used to train in when Ellen first arrived at the order.
"The damages have not been repaired," Ellen commented, still seeing the holes in the walls from where she had tried out her Innocence.
"Because not many people come here. The damage was not nearly big enough to require repairing," Kanda told her. "What do you want to do? A fencing match?"
"Fencing? I'm no good with a sword," Ellen confessed. "But maybe I should train it," she mused.
"You should train as many different styles as you can, even if you won't need them," Kanda said and Ellen looked at him, "what?"
"You haven't seen me fight with my regained Innocence yet?" she asked and Kanda looked at her in wonder. Ellen reached out her left hand and grabbed her wrist with the right hand. In a matter of seconds her Innocence transformed into a giant sword which made Kanda stare at her with wide eyes. Link sat down on one of the benches and took out a book, leaving them to train. Ellen smiled slightly and held the sword out to Kanda. "See?"
"You no longer fight with your claw?"
"I am not sure, actually, it seems more powerful than the claw alone. Maybe it depends on the opponent," she replied. Kanda walked up to her and studied her.
"You carry it as if it doesn't weigh much, but you're stance is not that good. You don't know how to use a sword, especially one this tall," he said and put his hand on hers, correcting her stance. "Legs apart a bit more and grip it tighter – you only have one hand to stabilize the sword so you must do it right. It's different than a fencing sword. You should not swing it around needlessly, or you use up to much of your stamina."
"My fighting style was never quite elaborated on. I just do what comes to me," she said and Kanda frowned. "It seems easier… I am just not a fighter…"
"Don't make up excuses," he told her and made her raise her arm a bit further, "the way you fight should not be governed by your Innocence controlling you. You have to control the Innocence. You have to master it to bring out its full potential. If you just always go with the flow then you will only be able to get a little part of what the Innocence is willing to give you."
"I… I will try," Ellen said with a concentrated face, "by the way," she started and made her Innocence take the form of her arm again, "where is your sword?" Kanda frowned, hesitating to answer.
"It got damaged in my fight against the Noah… The science division is repairing it," he said.
"Oh… I see… Then let us just fight with our bare hands," Ellen suggested and Kanda frowned. She took in the boxing stance again. "Like back when you trained me! Come, Kanda!" He reluctantly assumed a fighting stance, but it was not a boxer's stance.
"I'll teach you some Asian fighting techniques, it requires less movement, so maybe it would help you to fidget less," he said and Ellen nodded, trying to mimic his stance. "You can still try to hit me, watch how I evade and block."
"Yes!"
Link watched the two fight silently, every now and then writing down a few notes. For him, Ellen Walker (or Kanda, he corrected himself) was still a very peculiar person. When fighting she lost most of the dignified grace she possessed when politely interacting with other people. With her short hair and strange way of dressing it was not hard to mistake her as a young man. But it actually only needed a closer look at her face to see that she really was a girl, because she still possessed some sort of noble beauty. But maybe her smiling face, that was the main charm of her, at least in Links humble opinion, was due to the fact that she was currently engaged in a mock fight with her husband. It was hard to say how she behaved on the battle field without seeing her battling real enemies.
"Well fine then, let's start for serious," Kanda warned and Ellen nodded.
"But do not think that you need to hold back," Ellen warned him cheekily, but Kanda only snorted. Of course he would be holding back, he could not risk her to be hurt – she was pregnant after all, even though she often seemed to forget that. However, Ellen did quickly prove that she was far stronger than she had been four months ago. He actually found it difficult to block her attacks and with a surprised face he saw Ellen grin at him for a split second, then she managed to land a blow. It was not hard, but Ellen had – maybe mercilessly – managed to hit his face spot on. Kanda, surprised as he was, stumbled backwards and landed on the floor. Ellen grinned down at him, but then she held out her hand to help him back up. Kanda touched his nose; blood was freely dripping from his nostrils.
"You cheeky bastard," he hissed, but he wasn't actually angry at her. He was very impressed, maybe even more than he allowed himself to acknowledge.
"That was the punishment for forcing me to tell Linali about our relationship!" Ellen exclaimed, "and for thinking that you have to go easy on me. What do you think I've already been through! Do you honestly think I cannot cope with some of your blows when I've survived Noah and Akuma trying to kill me?"
"Tch, I have underestimated you, beansprout," Kanda said, his wound already healed, and wiped away the blood. "You and Linali are both quite dangerous when underestimated."
"And you still uphold the view that we do not belong on the battle-field," Ellen said, raising her hands again for them to continue training.
"You do not belong on the battle-field," he argued, "I see that you are an indispensable part in this war, but still, if you want a war to fight you can still turn towards a different battle ground," he said.
"What? Do you want to imply that domestic life is a battle ground in itself?" Ellen asked, laughing in amusement.
"Well, apparently yes. Especially if you have to fight dragons and keep children from falling down the stairs," he said.
"Dragons? Are you by chance talking about my mother?" the girl asked and Kanda caught her fist, grinning at her.
"Maybe," he replied and threw her to the floor. "There. I win."
"How does this fight end by being thrown on the floor?" Ellen asked and sat up panting a bit. "Ah, I think I have a bump now…!" Kanda kneeled down as well and touched her head.
"Let me feel," he said, "nothing bad." Ellen laughed and they stood up. "You put up a nice fight, beansprout."
"You too, I'm sorry for hitting you in the face, but I felt that you still deserved it."
"Yeah, yeah. I don't care, it's not as if a broken nose would kill me," he said and Ellen widened her eyes.
"I broke your nose?! I'm sorry!" Kanda snorted when he saw her fretting.
"Idiot…"
-
It was decided that after a short snack Link and Ellen would start working on the topic of the 14th and his connection to Ellen. She was not very fond of the idea, but actually, she needed some of her questions answered.
"Well then, Miss Walker, let us go to a less crowded place," he said after Ellen had a tea and something to eat to regain the energy lost during training with Kanda.
"Will you come with us?" Ellen asked Kanda, but he just shrugged.
"I have other things to do. I need to get Mugen back as fast as possible," he said and Ellen nodded. It was actually fine with her and she and Link looked for a quiet study.
"Take a seat, Ellen," Link said and put some papers in front of himself, sorting them.
"Yes, thank you," Ellen mumbled and sat down, wondering what kind of questions Link would now go on to ask her.
"Well, then let us start," he said, "are there any things that came to your mind? Anything worth mentioning?" Ellen narrowed her eyes a bit.
"I fear not. Wouldn't it be best if you informed me what exactly is going on? So, if I understand correctly, I have received powers that only a Noah should possess."
"Ah, that is not entirely correct, Ellen," Link started, "in fact, we do not know if humans other than Noah can possess such power," he explained. Ellen wanted to speak up but he prevented her from doing so: "but it is a fact that the person who possessed the power you now call your own were previously held by a member of the Noah family. By no means must we downplay that. You received a Noah's power. This power lets you control the enemy's tools. And you received them within Noah's Ark. This is enough to make you suspicious."
"I understand that, but all the rest I do not understand," Ellen replied. "I am an exorcist, I have Innocence. How could I be considered an enemy? That is utter foolishness!"
"Immer mit der Ruhe," Link said emotionlessly and Ellen huffed.
"How can I be calm? I know that I have done nothing wrong and yet I cannot prove my innocence! I have nothing to do with Noahs or the Earl!"
"What if you do?" Link asked and Ellen groaned silently, "consider this, Ellen; what if you do have a connection with the Noah family and you simply don't know? We do not know how and when you received the powers of the Musician. We have to try to find out how you came into contact with the 14th and how the powers were transmitted."
"And how do we find out?"
"Speak about strange encounters you've had. Where have you been in your life? What have you done? Have you every received something or have you had something done to you by another person?"
"Oh, how should I know! Apparently we cannot tell humans and Noahs apart when they are in their white form. I have always had Innocence though and my mother has succeeded quite well to keep me away from many people. When I met other people then I never truly interacted with them, my mother would also not allow myself to be touched by other people than my family." Link nodded, but Ellen didn't like it at all. "I know what you're thinking – but my family has nothing to do with it!"
"What about your mother? They allowed you to become an exorcist when Cross came to your house."
"She only agreed because she didn't know what the Black Order is!"
"But why did she know Cross? And how did Cross know about your Innocence? That cannot be a coincidence, right?" Link asked and Ellen paled, shocked speechless. Actually he was right, but Ellen was too afraid to think about it, but she couldn't prevent to recall Cross' words: her mother understood well enough. Link studied her for a while, but then he produced a picture.
"This is a copy of the Musician's score," he said and Ellen's eyes snapped open when she saw it, "you can read these symbols. You know how to translate them into notes and words for the song needed to control the Ark. Where have you learnt to read this?" Ellen kept silent, bitterly pressing her lips together. "We have looked into it; we were not able to make out where they came from, nobody uses it to write and communicate in. So how do you know how to read them?"
"I… I can't tell," she hissed, "I don't understand it!"
"Well, but it's not hard to come to a conclusion, right? These are symbols that the 14th made up." Ellen could no longer listen to him, she slammed her hands flat on the writing desk and stood up. Link didn't even flinch or comment on it. The white haired girl walked to the window, holding her hand to her forehead. "Do not try to fool yourself, Ellen. These are the facts that you can't deny. It's better we try to solve the puzzle now and reduce the damage." Actually the threatening heap of puzzle pieces was forced into place bit by bit, thanks to Link's interrogation and the fast workings of her own mind. But while the picture became clearer Ellen didn't want to see it. As more pieces were fit together they started to shove themselves over another picture that had been there for so many years.
"That cannot be, it just doesn't make any sense! My mother doesn't know what Innocence is and Mana died before I even became an exorcist! The song and the secret code, they were just children's play, something they had made for me, only for me! There is no secret meaning to it, it has absolutely nothing to do with Innocence or the Noah!" Ellen opened her eyes to look out of the window, but instead of the early spring landscape, she was greeted by her own reflection. And darkness. Behind her some black and white shape was floating and she quickly darted a glance behind her but only Link looked up at her, one eyebrow raised.
"Well?" Ellen couldn't speak and just turned around again, hoping that her mind had played a trick on her. But it was still there; the same menacing and mocking ghost-like shape she had already seen in the mirrors of the 14th's secret room.
"What is this…?" Ellen asked, "why are you here?!" Link got up and looked out of the window.
"What is wrong?"
"Don't you see him?! Behind us in the window!" Link looked.
"There are only our reflections. You should not play games, Ellen, you are no longer a small child," he said with a sneer, then he got back to the desk and sat down again. Ellen remained standing, staring into the white hollow eyes behind the glass.
"I'm… going mad," Ellen thought, terrified, "Mother, Mana… We were a happy, normal family, right? But if not… If there is more to it… Then what were we?!"
She was in danger of losing her identity, she knew. "I'm Ellen Bermont! I'm Ellen Bermont!" Ellen shouted in her head. But there was this little teasing voice that told her:
"No, you no longer are."
-
To be continued
-
Notes:
How gloomy…
I wanted Ellen to be a bit more forceful, maybe I was a bit overenthusiastic with making her cause Kanda to have a nosebleed ;3
Anyway, for those who worried: I'm not planning to make Link and Ellen converse in German and write it out, because I think it would break the flow of the story, even if I provided translations at the end of the story. I did include the fact that they will be talking in German though to a) create some sort of bond between Link and Ellen and b) to make Kanda jealous (and maybe push him to learn German to impress his wife). I pretend that Kanda knows French – he's been educated by Tiedoll after all.
With the next chapter we'll go back to Manga-verse for a little while (keyword: Lulubell)! We've almost reached the end of volume 14 – I guess I'm proud! :D
P.S.
There. Strange eating habits of Ellen. I feel with Kanda. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sick when I imagined the taste of sweet porridge with curry.