Author's Notes:

I am sorry for the delay! First exams, then all that Christmas stress and then I was burnt out… But the chapter is here now!

This chapter was difficult because here I state what is to be (part of) the truth about Mana in Ivory Tales, and it's different from the Manga (though I think that Cross is lying… *lol*). I don't know why this makes me so anxious! It was also difficult to get the right reaction out of Ellen. I hope it feels fine to read!

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

Kapitel 54: Parts of the Truth

The light from outside dimmed as the rain clouds darkened the sky. The room was getting gloomier, but it was illuminated by a magic barrier the guards had erected in the room. Ellen was standing inside the barrier, but still lingered in the shadows, while Cross was calmly gazing at her from the opposite end of the room.

"Who was Mana?" Ellen asked into the silence, "who was that man that raised me like his own daughter? Who was that man that cursed me because I dared to bring him back to life?"

"You know the answer, Ellen," Cross replied and took one step towards her, "you know the truth." Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, but didn't speak, pain and guilt that doubt in Mana caused her to be silent. Cross studied her face, taking another step in her direction. "Mana Walker was the Fourteenth. He was a Noah." Ellen wanted to shout out, to call him a liar, but she couldn't. "He knew that he would die because he had tried to kill the Earl of Millennium. So he prepared for the inevitable, he prepared you, his niece, to continue the task that he most likely wouldn't manage to bring to its end."

"That cannot be…" Ellen forced herself to say.

"You deny it?" Cross asked and Ellen fell into silence again. "You can't. He taught you to read his secret code, he taught you things worthless for a girl that was destined to merely become an obedient housewife. He carved his memories right into you." Ellen looked up at Cross with wide eyes and he pointed to her scar. "The moment you resurrected him was that decisive moment when he transferred the role of the Fourteenth to you." The exorcist was speechless, but after a while she shook her head and glared at Cross.

"He could not be sure that his plan would work!" she tried to remind him, but even she knew that this was a weak argument.

"He was sure that you would resurrect him if he died too early. But it is true, there was a danger that something would go wrong, he was lucky though. It was convenient that your father died early, because Mana could assume his place and it was even more convenient that you happened to be an apostle."

"But… What… what does that mean for me?" Cross snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That you, Ellen Walker, will turn into a Noah. It is only a question of time." Ellen looked at him with wide eyes, opening her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to retort to this revelation.

"You knew when you came to pick me up…?" She asked after a while, even though she found it hard to speak. Her master nodded.

"Mana asked me to pick you up should he die. I promised him to make you a member of the Black Order and to see to it that you would grow stronger. Strong enough to do what he could not and I reckon you are on your way there."

"What do you mean?" Ellen whispered, trembling slightly but Cross merely stepped to the side and gave Ellen full view of the window behind him. There he was again; that black shadow leering at her.

"You see something, don't you? As I said, your awakening is only a matter of time. I don't know what will become of you when the Fourteenth comes back to life, but I am sure you already feel his presence inside of you." Ellen stared at the reflection and she could see it nod at her. "You should properly prepare yourself, because you cannot stop this process." Ellen didn't move and Cross frowned, walking up at her. "Are you even listening?" As she didn't react he lifted his hand to slap her, but before he could she lifted her face. He was almost shocked to see her ghostly pale, but with a look both challenging and tormented in her tear filled eyes.

"What has my mother to do with this?" Cross let his hand drop. "What is her role in this?"

"You probably know that after Mana left his position within the Walker family, she was the only one who still supported him even though his disappearance caused a scandal within the family. She probably doesn't know the real reason why he suddenly abandoned his family, but she does know some basic facts about Innocence and Akuma. She tried to keep you away from it as long as possible, seeing what his involvement with these things had done to her brother. However, after Mana's death it was no longer possible, so she gave you up to the Black Order. Even though she brought you back to your home, she must know that she cannot have you back now." Ellen bit her lips, looking up at Cross with a pained expression.

"So I have been given up by both of them? I am merely to be a tool…? Do I mean nothing to them after all…?" She slipped to the floor, lowering her head, crying silently. "I don't understand… I refuse to understand this…!" Cross kneeled down and pulled her towards his chest, hugging her. She gasped, because she would have never expected such an affectionate gesture from Cross.

"You are very unfortunate, Ellen. It seems that fate is really out to make life hard for you. But if you stop struggling now, then you will lose even more than you already lost up to this moment," he told her silently and she widened her eyes. "If you don't know what you really want once the Noah takes you over, then you will kill the people you love." With this he let go of her and stood up. "So choose well." Ellen stared up at Cross.

"What… what do you mean? Kill?! Me? Why would I end up killing the ones I love?! Master Cross, I demand an answer!" Ellen shouted as Cross opened the door and wanted to leave. A guard came to her and helped her back up on her feet.

"What does family mean to you? Is it still most important, or would you be able to sacrifice it? And for what? Think well, because there will be a time you need to decide."

"The interrogation is over," a guard said and Ellen glared at him, "Miss Walker, you will be put back under surveillance." Ellen protested, but she was conducted through the corridors and soon found herself in front of the door to her own room. The door was opened and Ellen shoved inside.

"Wait a moment!" Ellen called, but the door was shut and the lock turned. "Hey!" Ellen, in an uncontrollable fury, kicked against the door, but it didn't open again. Her arms were still chained and she let herself fall on her knees, trying to get free of it.

"What is the meaning of this?" she asked herself, "I am supposed to be a Noah?! Me?! Ridiculous! I have Innocence! I am an exorcist!" She stared at her arm, covered by the magic charm. She clenched her teeth. "Take these chains off!" Ellen shouted, but no reply came, "take them off or I will-" The door opened and Link entered her room. Ellen widened her eyes and instantly stopped shouting.

"Mr. Link…," Ellen said in surprise and got up from the floor.

"Hold out your hands," he said and closed the door behind him. Ellen did as she was told and Link touched the charms. They immediately fell to the floor and Ellen was free again. She looked at her hands, but after a moment of surprised silence, she suddenly grabbed Link's arm. "What is going on," she demanded in a dark voice.

"It has been confirmed that you are a Noah, the heir to Mana Walker, so to speak. The Vatican both sees you as a potential danger but also a useful addition to our forces – if you decide to cooperate."

"I am an exorcist! I would never change sides! I will not become a Noah!" Ellen argued in irritation, tightening the grip on Link's arm. Link frowned, but he didn't think it necessary to shake her off yet.

"Even if it was Mana Walker's wish?" Ellen widened her eyes when she heard that, letting go of Link's arm. "You understand the position you are in, don't you Ellen?" He looked around in her room; the walls were decorated with red and golden tapestry and it had a window from which the tower with the Black Order's flag was visible. "Even though your mother had sent you to the Black Order to become an exorcist, she now called you back, because you still are the heir to Lord Bermont. You are also under the surveillance of the Vatican, because they expect you to be obedient. If you are not-"

"Mr. Link," Ellen spoke up, interrupting him and Link looked at her. "What should I do…?" Ellen had covered her pale face with both of her hands and she was crying. "Every passing day I get more disintegrated, even though I had finally become a person I could respect." Link looked at her silently, but after a while he put his hand on her shoulder and she lowered her hands to look at him.

"Didn't you take the plunge?" he asked and Ellen blinked at him, recalling their conversation earlier that day. "You might be a prisoner here at Bermont Castle, but that does not mean that you need to turn your back on the Order. Do what the Vatican tells you, trust in your god-father."

"You want me to become a Noah?" Ellen asked disbelievingly, but Link nodded.

"Become a Noah and remain on this side, we will make sure that you will be controlled." Ellen frowned upon hearing that. "What is it that you want? Do you intend to run from your responsibility? It is our duty to destroy the enemy and protect humankind." Ellen widened her eyes, but after a while she nodded.

"I understand…," she whispered and raiser her eyes to meet Link's, "but I will do it my own way." Link looked at her in wonder and Ellen put her Innocence hand to her breast. "I do not know what to think right now, but your words made me recall what I vowed earlier on. And that is not to stop. I want to save Akuma and I want to protect humans. General Cross told me to think well about what is important to me. And I will. Thank you, Mr. Link, for your words of encouragement." Link nodded, but he was not entirely sure if his words had managed to reach their aim. Ellen was not bound to go her own way, she must tread the path the Vatican has decided upon. One wrong step and she would become an irredeemable traitor. Link would not allow that, he would continue watching her.

-

It was certainly peculiar to be locked into her old apartments in Bermont castle. She was not entirely sure who had issued the order to confine her. Her uncle because she could turn out to be a threat? Her mother because she did not want her to put on her uniform again? Both options were utterly ridiculous in Ellen's opinion. She was greatly offended that anybody (and her god-father especially) would think her capable of turning against her comrades and join the Earl's destructive forces. And even if it was her mother's decision to have her locked up, she must certainly know that there was no point in doing so. Ellen hadn't wanted to leave her mother's side and she had wanted to return – but now that she was an exorcist she had sworn not to run away. Even if they took away her uniform, she still had her Innocence. And if they took away her Innocence, then she still had… Ellen stopped her train of thoughts, raising her head. She was sitting in a comfortable armchair, hands stubbornly crossed over her chest, musing. But now she turned her eyes towards the window. The black shadow moved around in the panels, blocking Ellen's view outside. As if it wished to be acknowledged, as if it demanded to be accepted. But at the moment Ellen could and would not do either.

"I have moved out of my home because I wanted to wash the guilt from my soul… I brought Mana back to life and I considered that to be the greatest catastrophe, but now it seems as if it was something I had to do…," she thought unhappily and hung her head, resting her forehead on her knuckles. "Did he know what pain I would have to go through? Did he pitilessly plan everything beforehand? Did he decide to sacrifice both his and my life to get a second chance?" She sighed deeply and leant back in her armchair, closing her eyes. "Did you only raise me for this purpose…?" she asked in a mere whisper.

"Are you alright?" Link, who was sitting at Ellen's writing desk, wondered after hearing her mumbling, "if you are tired you should go to sleep." Ellen shook her head and sat up, looking around her room. It was very splendidly furnished, as expected of an Earl's daughter, but Ellen could not feel at home among all the furniture, pictures, books, knick-knacks and dolls. She felt oddly out of place in a world that had been her little paradise not all too long ago.

"Mr. Link… when you questioned me about my connections to the Fourteenth, did you already assume who the Fourteenth used to be?" Link, surprised to have her ask that, turned around with the chair, facing her. Ellen wore an expression that clearly told him that even though she was trying to be rational about this, she still did not believe that her beloved Mana used to be a Noah.

"We had theories about it, yes, but we did not know all. That is why we wanted to get that information out of you…" he replied.

"But I knew nothing," Ellen said with a bitter smile, shaking her head, "I thought I knew my parents well but in the end I knew nothing at all." Link studied her calmly. He did not exactly pity her, she was an exorcist after all, but he wasn't entirely unmoved either. He had a certain amount of detached respect for her, seeing as she was both a descendant of a noble family and, more importantly, Inspector Leverrier's god-child. He was not averse to watching over her and trying to help her find her proper path again. It certainly was in the Vatican's interest to not make her lose faith entirely, neither in her family, nor in her duty as an apostle.

"Even though you are now in a difficult situation, try not to despair," he told her after a while and Ellen studied him.

"I won't despair, but I don't feel particularly good now knowing that…" Link raised an eyebrow as she stopped.

"That what?" Ellen sighed.

"That my family is not free from hypocrisy and lies either. My mother wants to dissolve my marriage in order to become the wife of another man and Mana wants me to become a Noah. Neither options are all too desirable." The German inspector looked at her, then he turned around to continue writing his report.

"If you want to subject yourself to neither of the two, then you still have a third option," he told her calmly and Ellen looked up. Link lifted his left hand, still writing. Ellen was puzzled by his gesture and looked at her hand and then she widened her eyes. "Maybe the third option is worth fighting for." Ellen had to smile, gently touching the ring on her finger.

"Yes… You are right…"

-

Ellen was up really early the next day and slightly confused when she first woke up, finding herself in a bed she used to occupy for a few weeks every year. The room was dimly lit and when she walked up to the window she could see that the early morning was still darkened by the stormy weather. She checked the clock standing on a drawer and the golden fingers pointed towards six in the morning. She put on a pair of silk slippers she had found in a box the previous evening and walked over to her wardrobe. When she opened it she could hear a faint rustling from her sitting room that was only separated from her bedroom by a curtain. She walked over and peeked into the other room, finding Link sitting up, rubbing his face.

"I did not mean to wake you," she whispered and Link shook his head, "good morning."

"Good morning," Link replied and got up. Ellen retreated back into her bedroom to change.

"What about my uniform?"

"You will probably get it back," Link called from the other room and Ellen sighed. She looked through the dresses hanging in the wardrobe, wondering if they would still fit. All of them – despite being dearly beloved by Ellen – did not seem appropriate for an exorcist. After some hesitating, she decided on a long, pale blue dress and proceeded to put it on. She sat down at her dressing table, looking into the mirror, generously ignoring the shadow of the Fourteenth. She brushed her hair and left it open as neither ribbons nor pins looked nice. Ellen sighed and left the table, joining Link in the sitting room.

"I would like to go out of my room now," Ellen told him and Link studied her, unwilling to grant that request until he received further orders. "You know that if I really want out I can get out." The inspector raised an eyebrow and Ellen put her finger to her forehead. Link, understanding, raised his hand, stopping her.

"Don't foolishly summon a gate to the Ark," he chid her and Ellen linked her hands behind her back, looking at Link expectantly. He sighed and nodded. "As long as you are with me nothing will happen," she reminded him and Link kept his silence while he opened the door. Ellen slipped past him and stepped out into the corridor. The faint morning light that made it past the clouds shone through the many windows lining the corridor and she quickly advanced, Link following closely.

"Where are you going?" he wanted to know and Ellen shook her head. "If you do not have any set plans, then how about breakfast?" Ellen looked over her shoulder and smiled.

"That is a good idea," she replied and they walked down the stairs until they arrived at the ground floor. The new dining hall was located in the big ballroom of the castle's main building. When Ellen and Link entered, the girl was quite surprised to see the high hall altered so as to accommodate for all the people that needed to eat. The room had been used for that purpose before but Ellen usually knew the big room to be empty and not filled by tables and chairs. The walls, white with golden patterns, were draped with long black flags of the Black Order, but there were also banners with the Bermont family's crest. The long windows on the side facing the moor were shaded by black curtains and the room was only lit by flickering candles lining the wall opposite the windows.

"I wonder if the kitchen is already working. It's so quiet," Ellen said and they crossed the hall, their steps making echoing noises in the ballroom. Ellen pulled the door on the other side open and they entered a dark corridor, but there were light and noises coming from the other end, signalling that the kitchen staff was already up. The prospect of getting something to eat cheered Ellen up and she hurried to the door.

"Good morning!" Ellen called and the kitchen stuff looked up and greeted her.

"Ellen! Up so early?" Jerry wondered, carrying around a tower of dishes. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, are you already set up enough to take up business?" Ellen wondered, letting her eyes travel over the kitchen once again. Jerry laughed and nodded cheerfully.

"Of course! It will be busy but we'll be ready once the others come later today! But what will it be you two?" Ellen didn't even need to say anything as Jerry just handed her many trays with food already prepared in advance and she and the inspector went back to the dining hall, enjoying the silence.

"When there were big parties at the castle, I would mostly stay up in my room," Ellen said after a while, looking up to the painted ceiling.

"Why is that?" Link calmly wondered and Ellen smiled at him.

"Hmm… Well, my mother did not think that it would be wise to make me attend the parties. I was a sickly child after all."

"Sickly? Was that the excuse she used for your Innocence? Didn't your mother want outsiders to see it?" Ellen shrugged with a weak smile, "you are the heir of the family, she couldn't just deny your existence."

"She did not," Ellen replied, "My mother made me meet certain people in private, where she could clearly overlook our interactions… When it got to family members it was very different. They just assumed I had a birth defect, actually everyone that met me and caught a glimpse at my arm assumed that." Link looked at the girl for a while, but then he turned his attention back to his breakfast.

"It seemed very prudent. When you are a mother yourself you will probably display a similar extend of prudence when watching your child's interaction with others," he said and Ellen had to laugh.

"Usually you are more eager to doubt and now you dismiss it?" she asked and Link frowned at her, making her smile slip.

"It is not as if I was eager to either doubt you or cause you to doubt your family. You should worry more about Mana Walker's wrongdoings and not try to find them in your mother. She probably has her flaws as well, she probably is not entirely innocent in this matter either, but you must cool down a bit before you rush into this matter," he advised her and Ellen sighed. "But what was on your mind?" Ellen hit her silver spoon against the tea cup in a nervous manner until Link had to reach out to stop her.

"Just…," Ellen started pulling her hand from Link's, "I was so well-sheltered before. She tried her best to not get me into anybody's attention as if she tried to prevent the people of the Black Order to notice my Innocence. Uncle didn't come, nobody came before Master Cross… Not even Akuma… But then suddenly a secret plan gets its gears into motion. Mana dies, I am cursed, my Innocence awakens, Cross comes and my mother hands her treasure over…" Ellen rubbed her forehead, letting her fingers trace the pentacle over her left eyebrow. "She does know what Innocence is, she does know what exorcists are, otherwise she wouldn't have supported the order with money. So why? What if they chose to look into her person? They would have found me sooner than she would have wanted. Do you call that prudent?"

"What would you call it?" Link asked sharply, but with a motionless expression, that shut Ellen up instantly, "treason?"

"… it is just not right…," Ellen told him and Link shook his head.

"It is not."

-

Morning passed slowly now that Ellen had gotten up so early and had nothing much to do, but to watch the rain patter against her window and the rain clouds swiftly moving over the hills. She had tried to spend some of the time by reading documents that Link had handed her; accusations of heresy, documentations of the musician's score, the secret code between her and Mana and other things. But there was no new knowledge to gain neither for her by reading them, nor for the Vatican by making her read it over and over again. She did not know more than she had already told them, she had been swiftly pushed into the position of an innocent, clueless victim and she was bound to stay there. She had to deal with the doubt and the anger and the sadness as she slowly also had to accept the fact that what she had heard the day before was the truth. Or part of the truth. But things still did not make sense to her. If he used to be a Noah, then why did he go against the Earl? If he knew he would die by the time Ellen was born and robbed of her father's protection, why did he still form his plan around his infant niece? Did every thing he taught her, every journey he took her with, serve to train her for some special mission he planned her to accomplish once he was gone? How could he be so cruel to jeopardize her life for the sake of his goal, whatever that might be?

"There is not only misery in a life as an exorcist," Ellen thought, looking out of the window again, but her eyes darted to the reflected shadow. "But it is cruel nevertheless. And it is cruel to first push me to be an exorcist and then tear me right out of it again by turning me into a Noah, a traitor among the Black Order!" The girl put her forehead into her palm, glaring at the shadow. "What was that man thinking?!"

"Ellen. There was a knock on your door," Link called her out of her thoughts and she looked up in surprise. The knocking was repeated, followed by a voice.
"It's me, open the door, beansprout!" Ellen's face lit up instantly and she rushed to the door, but had to wait for Link to come with the key first. "Why did that take so l-" Ellen didn't let him finish, but pulled him into a tight embrace that squeezed the air out of his lungs.

"You are here earlier than expected," Ellen said, "how did you find my room?"

"I asked Komui for directions… We don't have joined rooms anymore. I'm almost at the other end of the castle," he complained.

"I am still Ellen Walker on the documents, of course those that planned did not know that Kanda and Walker should be in the same room," Ellen said with a weak smile and Kanda frowned. "What is it?"

"You appear to be disgruntled," Kanda observed and Ellen looked at him in surprise, "and I heard from Rabi that you were interrogated and now locked into your room. With him!" Link remained silent at that even though Kanda darted him ugly looks, but Ellen sighed deeply.

"I remember that Rabi was present…," she said in a subdued voice but Kanda didn't know why this would trouble her, "did he not tell you what it was about?"

"He was silent as a grave. I found it unusual, but I did not press it," Kanda replied, "And? What was it about?" Ellen opened her mouth, but then she shook her head and looked at Link.

"Might I have a moment?" Link didn't appear all too thrilled, but he left the room, locking it from the outside. Ellen pulled Kanda towards the couch, sitting down with him.

"Talk," Kanda urged his silent wife and she nodded.

"It… it slightly complicated, I know not where to start…," she confessed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling. For once, Kanda was silent, giving her the time she needed to make up her mind. After a while Ellen turned her head towards Kanda. "This castle, partly transformed into the new Black Order headquarters, used to be the home of my ancestors," she started and Kanda widened his eyes in surprise. "Bermont Castle was provided as new headquarters by my mother, who appears to be an important supporter of the order, donating money."

"And she never told you?" Ellen shook her head.

"I thought that she knew nothing about the Black Order, but she must know some things, otherwise she would not have supported it the way she did," Ellen told him. "And I feel quite wretched to know that this castle is now open for everyone to explore – it used to be my private fairy-tale world, something I only shared with my family. And now that charm is gone… It's not mine anymore…"

"It is still yours… You're still the heir of the Bermont family… Doesn't Komui know about this? He shouldn't have allowed this to happen!" Kanda told her and Ellen shrugged.

"I do not think he is aware of this… But…" Kanda looked at her when she lowered her head.

"But what? That wasn't all then?"

"No…," Ellen replied and raised her head again. "My suspicions were proven to be true…" Kanda frowned in confusion. "Mana was a Noah…"

"Well, but-"
"And he passed his abilities on to me when he cursed me," Ellen interrupted him, "which means that it's only a question of time until I will turn into a Noah as well." After Ellen had said that both of them were silent for a while, Ellen looking at Kanda with an expression of both anxiety and fear, and Kanda just had raised his eyebrows, studying Ellen. She did not know what kind of reaction she had to expect and maybe it was wrong to even tell this secret to anybody. But she wanted Kanda to know; his reaction was the only one that really mattered at the moment. Some moments nothing came, but then he snorted, putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't despair," Kanda said and Ellen stared at him in wonder. "I'll be your follower." He pressed a kiss on Ellen's forehead and didn't draw back again, embracing Ellen. And somehow, Ellen had the strange feeling that there was something dark and bitter but also something like relief, in the gentle strokes of Kanda's palm on the back of Ellen's head.

"Don't promise things like that. What if I will become cruel like the other Noah? Or what if I just cease being me?" Ellen drew back, looking firmly into Kanda's eyes. "Don't make promises you cannot keep."

"I am not. I will keep my promise. But you must promise to try your best to struggle to stay the way you are. I know you can. You would never be able to cruelly kill humans, that won't change just because you will turn into a Noah…," Kanda assured her. Ellen pressed her lips together, but she nodded and hugged Kanda.

"Thank you… Thank you," she whispered and he nodded, not saying anything, because even he had thoughts and a dull pain that he did not share.

-

To be continued

-

Notes:

More to come on what's bothering Kanda hopefully soon!

I just meant to say something on Link sleeping in Ellen's sitting room; it's not quite "proper" but he'll get his own room eventually! ;3