Thanks for the encouragement! What are the odds I can get to 200 reviews? I decided to put my own spin on things. I hope you like it.

January 28, 2007

I used to think the kind of life I lived was normal. People sent their kids to boarding, and kids ignored their parents. Friends tended to mean a lot more than family. Ian Summers was like a brother to me. He meant more to me than my own dad. I cried when I was transferred to another school across the country. I didn't understand what a real family was. A family with a mother and a father and a brother and a sister. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for taking that away from me.

Is it such a terrible thing that I hate my father? He kept her from me all those years. All those old photos were stashed in boxes. All those letters he never gave me. I can barely remember what she looks like. My dad says I look like her. I can't picture her well enough to know if he's telling the truth. I guess I should know by now that he doesn't respect me enough to tell me the truth anyway, so why should it matter?

I know he still loves her. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me. But maybe it's not about love anymore. Maybe it's about the kind of heartache that drives people to forget the past. But he wants to forget and still hold onto her. You can't have both at the same time.

February 2, 2007

I talked the Dean today. Ten more weeks and I'm done with school for good. I can't wait to get out of here. It's felt suffocating ever since I learned the truth. I spent all of yesterday reading the letters I should have opened years ago. She wrote that she loves me. I want to believe that she did.

March 27, 2007

It's been sixty days since I've talked to my dad. I've started thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to get to know the family I have left. I'm going to Pennsylvania after graduation. It's the only way, I think, to make up for lost time. I can't give my grandparents all the years they missed, but maybe I can share the years that are coming with them.

What would she have wanted me to do with my life? I think she would have liked for me to do good in the world. I think she would have wanted me to be happy. The problem is I don't know what happiness means anymore. Does happiness mean the same thing for all people? Or is it unique to each individual?

April 16, 2007

I just got the call from my dad. He said my grandparents died. It's the first conversation we've had in months. The only link I had to her was gone. How am I supposed to find her now? What am I supposed to do?

April 25, 2007

I didn't make it to their funeral, but I'm sure it was a beautiful service. All funerals are supposed to be, aren't they? I don't think I could have taken it, looking at family lying there in a box. I was told they left me their house. Is that what I should do? That house is the only thing I have left of them. I remember the tree house Grandpa built me in the back yard. I used to have fun there. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe there's something waiting for me there besides death.

Dad's the only family I have left. What am I going to do when he leaves me? Not that he was ever there much in the first place. I'm still so angry at him for everything he did to me. I think I'm letting my anger cloud my ability to forgive, but I don't care right now.

May 12, 2007

Today was graduation. My dad couldn't even be bothered to show up. I leave for Rosewood tomorrow. I have an interview teaching high school English. I'm not sure it's what I want to do with my life, but it's a job. I guess if I get it, it was meant to be.

May 14, 2007

I got the job. I decided to drive past the house just to see what it looked like. It was all boarded up and sad-looking. The house next door to it seems nice though. I saw a girl reading on her front porch. She waved at me. Maybe it's a sign. I hope so. I think I'm going to like it here. I just don't know how long I plan to stay.

July 24, 2007

I spent the day unpacking. Mrs. Montgomery came by and gave me a plate of cookies. I could tell they were homemade. She was a nice woman and she had that aura that mothers have. It made me a little sad just looking at her. It turns out she's going to be a colleague at Rosewood High. I get the feeling that Grandma and Grandpa are looking out for me.

July 25, 2007

The girl from next door, Aria, came by. She wanted to read in the tree house. I hope she uses it often. I feel guilty that it's sitting there in the backyard idle. She was reading To Kill a Mockingbird. That's such a big book for such a small girl. I wonder if she'll like reading Of Mice and Men.

August 20, 2007

Today was my first day as a teacher. It was terrible. I spilled coffee on myself before the end of first period. I was aware of how young I am. I'm only a few years older than most of the students. I feel ages older. The day seemed to go well though. I think I'm really going to like teaching. And living next door to the Montgomery's.

July 15, 2009

My dad had a heart attack. A part of me knew this was coming. Another part me can't believe it actually happened. I'm sitting here on the plane to California, and I feel like I'm dreaming. I guess that broken heart finally caught up with him. I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.

At least he's with my mom now. Maybe he's finally happy. I'm an orphan now. Ella would be yelling at me if she knew I had written that. She considers herself my family. I'm like another son to her. She makes me feel warm and soft inside. Is that how mothers are supposed to make you feel? I hope that if my mother had lived she would have been like Ella.

July 18, 2009

Jackie showed up at the funeral today. I hadn't seen her in years. She looked good. She told me that she had gotten a job at Hollis. I could hardly believe it. I could tell she wanted to be a part of my life again. But she hurt me so badly the last time, I don't know if my heart could take it. She's the one who broke up with me after we had been engaged.

My father's death puts a new spin on things. I never really forgave him or gave him a second chance after I found out about Mom's letters. Maybe I should have. It's too late now. But I think it's time to make things up with her.

July 19, 2009

Dad's lawyer came to talk to me today. He said that I had inherited Dad's estate. I always knew my family truncated Fitzgerald to Fitz, but that branch of the family was never really acknowledged. Turns out I'm the heir to the majority of the Fitzgerald fortune. Thanks, Dad, for keeping that a secret from me. What am I supposed to do with my life now?

August 16, 2009

Aria came over this morning. She caught me off guard. She was surprised to see Jackie. She was hurt too, but I don't know why. She had pink streaks in her hair. Why did she ruin it? It was so beautiful before she changed it. I guess it's her way of saying she's growing up. She starts high school in a few days. Have I really been in Rosewood that long?

I decided that I'm going to keep my life the way it is. I like teaching at Rosewood High, and I like living in the house I live in. Life is going to stay the same. I'll just have a financial advisor now. Maybe I'll surprise Hardy with box tickets to the World Series. He would like that. It's right up his alley. Maybe I'll buy myself a couple of first editions while I'm at it.

March 11, 2010

Something's wrong with Aria. I can't quite put my finger on it. She's been unusually quiet lately. I gave her a new book, something to take her mind off things. Something's happening over at the Montgomery house although Mike seems to be doing fine.

July 6, 2010

The Montgomery's left for Iceland today. Of all the places they could go, why did they choose the top of the world? It's going to be lonely this year. The only people I consider family are gone. Writing isn't helping, and neither is Jackie. She doesn't seem to get it. Maybe it's time I start doing what I came here to do—to find myself.

August 22, 2011

Holy Crap! What am I doing? It's Aria. You've known since she was twelve. No, that's not the Aria I used to know. This is different Aria, grown up Aria. This is world-traveler Aria. I would never have imagined that she could kiss like that. She's obviously not a child anymore. She doesn't expect me to see her like one either.

What am I supposed to do? She's my student now, and I couldn't bear the thought of Byron and Ella thinking the worst of me because I'm into their teenage daughter. I'm twenty-six years old. What's wrong with me? I don't want to hurt her.

August 25, 2011

They found the DiLaurentis' girl's body today. Do I bring death with me wherever I go? The police ruled it as an accident. She fell and bumped her head on a rock and was accidently buried alive. It seems questionable to me, but it's not my call to make. The whole town seems like it's in mourning. Aria's been looking especially hurt and sad lately. I know what she wants. I just don't know if I'm the kind of person who can give it to her. She doesn't deserve this much baggage. Plus, I'm her teacher. That's a complication she doesn't need in her life right now. What is this feeling I have in the bottom of gut supposed to mean?

August 27, 2011

I couldn't stay away from her. I just can't.

September 12, 2011

She's angry at me. She blames me for staying away from my grandparents. I let her yell at me. I let her walk out. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have told her everything. But then she would know what a mess I was. She would see how the layers of hurt go deeper than she ever thought possible. I got angry with her. I called her a child. I just didn't want to let her see how deep her words cut.

September 16, 2011

Today I learned that people are frailer than I thought possible, that families are bound together by thin and invisible threads that are easier to snap than I ever realized. I told her part of my story. I wasn't ready to tell her all of it. Not yet. It is enough for now that Ella knows. I held Aria in my arms and kissed her. I want to hold on tight and never let her go.

September 27, 2011

I let her go. I'm afraid what will happen if people find out that she's seeing her teacher. She doesn't need to go through that. Hardy noticed, and other people won't be as forgiving. I want to spare her from everything my mom went through. I wonder if she hadn't fallen in love with her professor, if life would have been easier for her.

November 25, 2011

Noel Khan knows about me and Aria. I don't know what I'm going to do. Resign? I don't have to work, but he could still hurt her whether I'm there or not. I can't change his grade. I just can't. I can't lose what respect I have for myself as a teacher. I would hate myself if I did it. Aria would hate me.

January 16, 2012

I finally read my grandfather's journals today. He talked about Aria. He wrote about Grandma. They really loved each other. I miss him so much. He's the one who convinced Aria to start writing a journal. She doesn't know that he's the one who encouraged me to tell stories. It's the one clear memory I have of him before Mom died. I guess the habit of journal-writing just kind of stuck. He said that Aria was going to be part of the future. Maybe that feeling he had meant my future.

March 19, 2012

I ran away. I guess it's what I do best. I went to Mom's grave. Dad's buried next to her. I told Aria almost everything and she didn't run away. She's a better person than I am. Byron is not happy about us. He's dealing with his own inner demons. I think he's afraid that the sins of the father will be his daughter's legacy. But he's right. I shouldn't be chaining her down. If I really loved her, I would set her free. Do I have the strength to do it?

April 1, 2012

Aria knows everything now. She knows about Jackie. She knows about the past. She knows how I ended up in Rosewood. I can't keep anything from her anymore. I love her too much. I can't bear the thought that I'm hurting her.

She's only seventeen years old. She deserves to have fun with her friends, to worry about things like college and prom dates. She wouldn't have to agonize over things like death and loss. I'm willing to wait until she's ready, until we are at the same stage in life. If I have to wait to have children until I'm forty, then I'll wait. I would rather have a family with her than do anything else in the world.

One day, when she's ready, I'll give her the world. I'll show her how much she means to me. She will never want for anything. But if getting to that place means letting her go now, then I'll wait for forever. Maybe what I want isn't normal. But what is normal but our own beliefs about how the world should be?

Spencer looked across the room to where her friend sat cross-legged reading on her bed. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"I am now," answered Aria as she wiped away a tear.