Author's Notes:

Okay! This chapter has Kanda exchanging a few words with the 14th, as well as something else; after many many chapters I think it's finally time to shed light onto Kanda's shady past! I hope that you'll be able to enjoy it somehow!

Side-note: I'll be in the south of France for a week starting Sunday. I'll leave the laptop at home, but I might take the good old notebook and pen with me (got to do something at the beach other than swimming and getting sunburnt). Anyway, it might take a while until I can update again! But maybe you can inspire me with feedback ;3

P.S. I really, really couldn't think of a title this time.

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

Kapitel 67: Spiderwebs from the Past

Kanda didn't dare to move, but he kept his eyes firmly on the girl in front of him. She let go of his shoulder so she could roll her own, probably also feeling the pain Ellen's body was in.

"The way things are now," she started, looking at her shoulder, her voice clear and loud in the silence engulfing their room, "everything about Ellen will progress faster. Nothing is quite how I planned it to go, but I will not complain about this. It's interesting to see where this will all lead." Kanda's frown deepened, but he finally moved, grabbing Ellen's wrist. She turned her head in his direction. There was actually nothing but the slight curl of her hair or the foreign glint in Ellen's eyes that allowed Kanda to tell that he was dealing with the Noah, but even if he saw nothing at all, he'd still be able to feel it. This woman, whoever she actually was, had a powerful presence, more confident and darker than anything he'd seen in Ellen. At least yet. The Noah's eyes wandered to her wrist, then back to Kanda's face.

"Why are you here?" he asked darkly, but the Noah continued smiling. She leant forwards and even though it was his wife, at least somehow, he drew back, not comfortable with their closeness.

"Because it was Mana's wish that my memory would belong to Ellen," she told him, "from that point onwards, there was no chance to stop this progress of awakening. I've been coming closer. Now I'm here." Kanda raised his eyebrows sceptically, but he kept a firm grip on the girl's wrist.

"It was Mana's choice?" The Noah laughed lightly. "I can't believe that…! That shady bastard! I don't understand why he'd do that to her!"

"Why?" The girl shrugged. "He had great plans for the girl. He always had, from the moment he heard that his beloved sister was pregnant. They just became darker when she was born with Innocence." Kanda listened silently, but incredulously.

"Why are you telling me this…?" the Noah laughed yet again, turning her wrist so, that she now held Kanda's hand in her own. "Wasn't this all just because of you?"

"A person changes when they turn into a Noah. Just like a person changes when they receive Innocence. Mana's goals shifted, just like his methods did. Ellen will change too, but she will be different from Mana, I feel it. As a Noah she can go much further than Mana did, she can do greater things, because other than him, she cares far more about you all, than he ever did." She let go of Kanda's hand and raised her fingers to his cheek, tucking his hair behind his ears. "However, you do know that you restrain her."

"I… What the hell are you talking about…?" The Noah put her hands in the back of his neck, drawing closer to him.

"When the time comes and Ellen finally turns into a Noah, then what will you do?" Kanda averted his eyes, wearing an unsettled expression. "I know you well, son of Kanda…" He raised his eyes, looking at her. "Don't you think Mana was in Japan, the Earl's base? I know how life is there for humans. I know where your affinities lay before you accepted the Innocence. I know why you'll follow Ellen even if she abandoned her role as an exorcist." She pressed her lips to Kanda's earlobe, her fingers drawing the pattern of his tattoo on the left side of his chest. "But Ellen, she doesn't know."

"She doesn't need to know," he said darkly, but the Noah grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her. Her expression was both playful and threatening.

"Fool! Then do you want her to find out when she's in the Earl's hands?" Kanda narrowed his eyes, wrinkling his nose.

"She won't fall into his hands! She'll never-" he started, but the Noah cut him off by putting her finger on his lips.

"Oh… sssh, sssh, dear child," she whispered, following the contours of his lips with her nail. "You keep secrets from Ellen… She keeps secrets from you. There is darkness surrounding you that goes further than you're able to reach. In the end a single human person is limited in what they do, being trapped in a web of other peoples' actions." She withdrew her finger, but entangled her hands in Kanda's long hair. "Ellen will make her own decisions, even if you try to chain her down. You can struggle all you want against that, but she'll become stronger. Probably stronger than you who is always afraid to look back, you, who is even afraid to tell the person he loves about your own worries." Kanda wanted to retort something, but the Noah pressed her lips to his mouth, gently, but firmly. Kanda widened his eyes. She withdrew her lips and Kanda glared at her, only to find a lost look on her face and tears starting to fall.

"Yu…," Ellen whispered and Kanda took a moment to realize that the Noah had left. Relieved he put his arms around the girl.

"You're back!" he exclaimed, relieved. But the hug didn't last long, as Ellen squirmed, pushing her hands against his chest.

"No!" she got up frantically, looking at him with wide eyes. "I… I feel sick…! I need fresh air!" She ran out of the room, wearing nothing but her white night gown, Kanda looking after her. He balled his hands into fists.

"Che!" He got up as well, took a jacket out his wardrobe and rushed after her.

"Where are you going?" a voice stopped him and he found Link coming out of his own room further along the corridor.

"I don't have time for you!" he hissed and started walking down the stairs.

"Well, may I remind you that you still need to hand in the mission report? But be on your way, if you must. I need to talk to Ellen anyway," he heard Link say and stopped on the stairs.

"She's not in her room anymore. Your questions need to wait," he told him and continued walking down the stairs, leaving behind a disgruntled Link. He ran down the stairs until he arrived in the entrance hall. He looked around, then went into the direction of the training halls that also led out to the garden. The corridors were dark, a summer storm had been raging for a few hours, turning the sky black. The rain violently hit the glass panes of the window and the howling wind rattled the shutters. Running on, Kanda suddenly stumbled over something.

"Uah!" a voice shouted and Kanda turned back to see what he had run over. Or who. "Uuuuuuh." Kanda squeezed his eyes shut slightly, recognizing Timothy sitting on the floor. The boy gave a start when lighting illuminated the corridor and he saw who was glaring down at him.

"Kanda!" the boy chirped, jumping up on his feet. But then he suddenly seemed to be apprehensive of the man in front of him. "M… Mister Kanda!"

"What are you doing in the corridor? Go to bed," Kanda told him with a snort and wanted to go on, but Timothy started fidgeting when he turned around.

"I… I was checking out the place, but then the electricity got cut because of the storm… I… I don't know where I am or where I should go!" Kanda turned back around, groaning.

"I have better things to do…!" he hissed under his breath, but then he walked back, hitting the back of Timothy's head as he passed him. "Come!" The boy's expression lit up instantly and he ran after Kanda, falling into pace next to him.

"What were you doing out? Do you have a mission?" Timothy wondered. Kanda tried ignoring him, but the boy was not impressed by his silence. "Or did you come to get a midnight snack? Oh, it's only ten o'clock… So a ten o'clock snack?" Kanda quickened his pace and the boy gave a start, speeding up to keep up with the older exorcist. "So, are you the father of Ellen's baby?" Here Kanda turned his head slightly, glaring at the boy over his shoulder, but because it was so dark the boy didn't see his expression.

"I am." Timothy, happy to have received an answer, grinned, feeling bold to ask more questions.

"And are you married?" Kanda groaned.

"Listen, brat. We're in England here, try to speak English," he said, attempting to end the conversation. They arrived back into the main hall and Kanda climbed the stairs to the first floor. Timothy wailed at that.

"But why? You speak it so well! Why can't we speak French? It's prettier than English anyway!" Kanda consulted the list on the wall, trying to find Timothy's room. When he found it on the map he walked on, not waiting for Timothy to come after him. But the boy did. "Do you come from a French colony? Are there even French colonies in Asia?"

"English, Timothy," Kanda chid, "and no, I'm not from any colony." The boy growled at that.

"Your French is far better than Ellen's. I'm sure she learnt it in school, it sounds a bit artificial. Also… she's got that funny English accept! Yours sounds very nice though." Kanda rolled his eyes at the boy's resistance to speak English. He had heard him speak it before, so he was able to do it. Kanda chose to not answer any more questions unless the boy stopped being stubborn. Timothy had apparently noticed Kanda's strategy and wrinkled his nose.

"When did you learn?" Timothy asked, blushing slightly that he was forced to give in. He didn't get an answer though, bumping into Kanda when the other had stopped. There was a door in front of them, Timothy noticed after having rubbed his nose. "Oh! My room! You've found it!" Kanda opened the door for him and Timothy went inside, grinning brightly. "Thank you."

"I learnt French as a little child," Kanda told him, then he closed the door in Timothy's face and turned around again. He was angry for having been distracted like this. He quickly went back to his room to check if Ellen had returned, but it was empty. He sighed deeply and looked out of the window. It was dark, only the frequent lightning lit up the gardens. He frowned and opened the window, looking outside. He actually could make out a white figure next to a small chapel that was situated behind the walls of the orchard. He ran out of the room again and down the stairs. He went to a door in the back of the entrance hall and unlocked it with the set of keys he had received from his mother-in-law. He went through it, closing and locking the door again. He ran through the corridor and reached another set of locked doors that led him to a big empty hall. He passed that one as well and came to another set of locked doors. He unlocked them again and came into another corridor that had white blankets over all furniture. He locked the door and walked along the corridor to glass doors leading outside. He unlocked them, but left them open when he passed. A cold shower of heavy rain hit him as soon as he stepped out and he hurried towards the orchard. He leaped on top of the wall, not bothering to look for the door. He landed on the other side and passed it before he got to the other wall. His feet nearly sunk into the wet earth, but he didn't care. He'd just wash his shoes later on. He climbed up and jumped back down. He ran up the slope and could see Ellen sitting on the steps of the chapel, completely drenched and head buried in her arms that were placed on her drawn-up knees. He walked up to her, slowly as not to startle her. But the rain and the low grumbling of the thunder drowned out his steps and Ellen still gave a start when he put the jacket over her. She looked up at him, her white hair sticking to her face.

"Beanspout… You're going to catch pneumonia out here," he warned, but let himself fall down on the stairs next to her. She grabbed the jacket with her cold fingers and turned her head away from him again. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking. Crying," she answered calmly and wiped the back of her hand over her nose, sniffling silently.

"Wh-"

"When the 14th took over my body… I was not entirely unconscious… I heard some of the things she said… Just snippets but I…" she lowered her head again, pressing her forehead to her arms. "I heard more than enough…" Kanda hesitated, but then he placed a hand on her shoulder. The wetness of her gown had already partly soaked through the jacket. She lifted her head again and tilted it to the side. "Over there… is Mana's grave. Mother wanted him to be buried in this soil instead of her own family property. My father is also buried here. Like many Bermonts before him, like Mother will be one day, like I will be one day. And, maybe you too." Kanda didn't say anything, but Ellen was not looking for any answers. "I'm… I'm so confused. But I'm also angry! I'm completely disgusted! What did Mana do? Who was that man that I loved like my own father? I… He's becoming all blurry and twisted. More like a nightmare in my head! This family…," she said and raised her head, staring over at the castle with anger in her eyes. "IS ALL MESSED UP!" she shouted. "I hate it! I hate it! This is the first time I ever hated being born into this bloodline!" Kanda could see tears running down her cheek, but the anger was real as well. She seemed to be utterly disappointed. "Sometimes… I wish father were still alive… Maybe… Everything would have been better…" she lowered her head again, "but maybe things would still be this terrible…" Kanda squeezed her shoulder to make her know that he was still here, that he was still listening to her, even though he couldn't speak any words of consolation for her. The sound of the storm filled the silence that followed Ellen's words, until she turned her head to look at Kanda. Her eyes were red from crying, but still, they held an inquiring look. "Yu… What more is there? What can be more terrible than a father fallen in war, a mother that lied to me and tried to sell me to the highest bidder and an uncle that paved a path for me that led to torment and possibly even death?" Kanda, even though he had feared that she would ask, was still taken aback when the question came. "Tell me!" she pleaded, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt, drenched as she was. "Who am I? Who is my family?" Kanda grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. "Kanda!" He reached out, taking her hand into his, closing his fingers tightly around hers. She seemed surprised but could see him biting his lips, a pained expression on his face. He opened his mouth and she could see him formulate words, but the wind drowned them out. "What? I… I couldn't hear you…"

"My family… The Kanda family… They are Brokers." Ellen blinked at him in confusion and Kanda gave Ellen's hand another squeeze that she instantly returned. "Japan… is a terrible land. The Earl, the Noah and an army of Akuma rule with tyranny and brutality. Humans are merely prey to them. My family is old and rich. We've been established members of the ruling class before the Earl made Japan his base." Ellen widened her eyes, staring at her husband. So… So… He was just… Just like her?

"Yu… I… I had no idea. I am-" Kanda stopped her with the look in his eyes alone and she saw that there was more to it.

"When the Earl first came he made a deal with the former head of the Kanda family. Brokers, that's what we call them today… Human informants and servants of the Earl… We… we serve the Earl." He shook his head "They. They serve the Earl." Kanda sighed, but didn't dare look at his wife, fearing her expression. "I've grown up in a family that supported the Earl, that had contact with him, with the Noah. A family that had Akuma servants, that had dinner parties with the Earl…!" Kanda let go of Ellen's hand to cover his face. "A family that lived a luxurious life while humans all around them were being slaughtered!"

"Yu…," Ellen whispered, and she put her hand on his back, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

"And I was a spoilt brat back then. I knew I was different than the other people, I was proud of it. I remember the Earl pinching my cheek, saying how he expected great deeds of the Kanda heir. And I just know how disgustingly proud I was that I've been acknowledged as being part of that family!"

"But… But you're an exorcist," Ellen whispered, raising her head to look at him. Somehow it both surprised and also calmed him how silently she took it all in. She didn't seem shocked or disgusted at all, but concerned about him. Kanda nodded at her, finally able to look her in the eyes again.

"One day I was out playing… Not too far away from our mansion of course, my parents wouldn't let me… And there I found it… It was so ironic… It was an old sword, sticking out of a heap… Probably the make-shift grave of a fallen swordsman… Whatever it was, I thought that having found it, it should belong to me. I took it… And the world changed… Suddenly everything was different, suddenly everything was terrible. When my parents found out they nearly went out of their minds. An exorcist in the family? My father gave up on me, deciding to subject me to my fate. It was my mother of all people that finally did one thing right. She packed a few of her and my belongings and we left. It was spring, the worst season of all to be human in Japan. Akuma were everywhere and they were drawn to my Innocence. But somehow we did manage to escape the Island and got to China. Finders stumbled upon me and took me away. My mother had not been there at that time. I don't know what happened to her, if she's made it back home and if she survived going back that she wasn't killed afterwards…"

"That's… terrible," Ellen whispered, embracing Kanda. "I'm so sorry… I'm… I'm deeply sorry!" Kanda returned the hug.

"Don't be… It's not your fault… nothing is your fault…," he told her and let go of her again to be able to look at her. "This is… part of who I am… There are still things that I can't tell you yet… But I just want you to understand that I would never turn from you, no matter who you decide to be or where you decide to go. If you turn into a Noah I will follow you." Ellen started crying and Kanda looked at her in confusion. "Why… are you crying?"

"Idiot!" she shouted and he blinked at her, rather taken aback. Wasn't what he had just said very romantic…? "I don't want you to become that way again! You've been carrying this around all this time and I know that this past hurts you! I don't want to force you to change sides again!" she grabbed his arms, looking at him. "I will not become the Earl's ally! Even if I turn into a Noah, no matter what happens, I will always resist! Trust me, Yu! I will not go down that path, no matter what. And I don't want you to go there either!" Kanda hesitated and she strengthened the grip on his arms. "We are not like our family, neither you nor me! Sure, this is where we come from, this is part of who we are, but now that you know about me and I know about you, let's just mix these puzzle pieces up and create something new! " Kanda was surprised, especially as a smile formed on Ellen's lips. "Our child, even though it might either be a Bermont or a Kanda, will not be born into this web… We'll create a new family for it. And when our child is older it can say "this is where I come from" with pride." Kanda looked at her quietly, but then he lowered his head, leaning against Ellen's chest. She started fretting when she noticed and placed her hands on his trembling shoulders.

"I… I'm sorry! Don't-" She stopped when she heard him laughing and he raised his head, still laughing heartily. Ellen seemed utterly confused at this and Kanda wiped his eyes, shaking his head, then he looked at her, smiling fondly.

"Thank you, Ellen. Thank you!" Ellen looked at him sceptically, but then she fell into his arms, sighing.

"Kanda, you're such a cry baby!" she said and Kanda had to laugh again.

"Just don't tell anyone," he warned and Ellen raised her head to look at him.

"About your family? Not a word," she promised and Kanda pinched her cheeks.

"Not that, silly! That you always manage to make me cry!" Ellen rolled her eyes and kissed him.

"Stupid Kanda. But I promise." Kanda sighed in relief, hugging Ellen. It felt quite good to have told her. Of course, there were other things that still threw their shadow over his life, but Ellen had been understanding, she'd been gentle. It filled him with hope that one day he could tell her everything about himself. One day. But not now.

-o-

Kanda and Ellen were completely drenched when they came back into the mansion.

"I wanted to chase after you right when you left, like any good husband does," Kanda joked and Ellen laughed while he guided her up the stairs in the dark. "But I first had to get Timothy back to his room; he'd been wandering the corridors and had lost his way when the electricity went out."

"Very commendable of you," Ellen said, wiping her nose, "I thought you didn't like him?" Kanda snorted, opening the door to a bathroom instead of their own sleeping quarters.

"I still don't like the brat," Kanda hissed and tried the light switch. Still nothing. "Let's check if at least the hot water works," he said, but suddenly a yellow glow illuminated the room. He turned his eyes and saw Ellen putting away matches.

"There are still gas lamps in some of the rooms," she explained and turned the light up slightly. Kanda shrugged and turned the faucet. Warm water started filling the tub and he nodded, apparently pleased. Ellen seemed slightly uneasy when Kanda took off his clothes, throwing them in the washing bin.

"Come on, beansprout. You need to warm up again. You aren't even wearing shoes," he told her and Ellen sighed deeply. She took off his jacket and the nightgown. Kanda widened his eyes when he looked at her naked body and Ellen flushed red, trying to put her hands over the long scar. "Beansprout…"

"This is so… embarrassing…," she told him, "my body is marked by my foolishness." Kanda sighed and she looked up.

"Stop that nonsense…" He walked up to her and drew her to the bath, lifting her in. She sat down when he climbed in after her, smearing lotion on his hands to wash her hair.

"Ah, not in my eyes! That burns!" Ellen shrieked and Kanda pinched her nose.

"Ellen, I don't mind the scars on your body… I just feel bad that I could not have prevented them… I don't want you to feel awful about it. Certainly not because of me," he told her and Ellen raised her head to say something, but he threw water over her head to rinse out the shampoo. Ellen wiped her long hair out of her eyes, coughing slightly.

"It's not that I care for myself. I'm not a vain person, I hope you've realized that by now… But I still am afraid that one day you'll change your mind about me… After all, there are beautiful girls around…" Kanda rolled his eyes. Ellen thought he was a bit dense, hadn't he realized the way Emilia kept staring at him?

"That's never going to happen," he insisted, washing his hair. Ellen lowered herself deeper into the water, so that only her head was above the surface. The water blurred some of it, but Kanda's body was still incredibly satisfying to look at. Other than her body, his was not full of scars, at least none were visible. She still didn't quite understand how that was possible, but she didn't dare to ask any more questions now that he has opened up to her about his past. She sighed, rubbing her arms. Kanda raised his eyebrow at her.

"Why are you so beautiful…?" she whined and Kanda snorted at her.

"That's hereditary, can't change it," he said, scratching the back of his head. "Why? Do you feel like complaining?" Ellen laughed at that, shaking her head. "Besides, I can't think of anyone more beautiful than you." Ellen looked at him, blinking in confusion. Kanda seemed to be embarrassed about it, judging by how his eyes were turned away from her and how he wrinkled his nose. "Everything about you is just perfect."

"Ah, but I can't even hug you properly because my belly gets in the way," Ellen complained and Kanda sighed deeply.

"But you're pregnant – with my child! How couldn't I find that beautiful?" Ellen smiled at him, slightly embarrassed as well, but still happy.

"You're really cute, Yu," Ellen said, patting his knee that reached out of the water. Kanda snorted indignantly. "Really, really cute!"

-o-

Kanda took it upon himself to write the mission report.

"You shouldn't always do it. I can write myself," Ellen told him. She was still lying in bed, blanket drawn up to her chin. Kanda snorted and continued writing.

"You've still got a fever, so shut up and rest," he said and Ellen pouted at him.

"What will you write…? About the incident with my sword…?" she wondered after a while, wrapping herself up more in the blanket, breathing in the scent of Kanda's cushion.

"That you used the sword to trap the Level four and that it unexpectedly affected you," she heard Kanda say and looked over to the writing table where he was sitting. He still had his back towards her, writing diligently. "I won't mention the 14th waking up. We'll keep it secret. Even though Central is incredibly eager to have its own tame Noah, I don't think we should water their mouths yet."

"What do you mean?" Ellen asked and Kanda finally turned towards her, hitting the pen against the palm of his hand nervously.

"If they know that the 14th is so close, they will probably try to speed it up. Maybe you'll be brought to Rome, maybe you'll be brought to another Branch, maybe they'll imprison you or maybe they'll run tests on you. No matter what, I won't allow them to touch you now. Especially as you're so close to giving birth. It might endanger you and the child." Ellen studied him quietly, but then she nodded.

"Thank you," she said and Kanda shrugged, turning back to his mission report.

Kanda only raised his head again when there was a knock on the door, but before he could go to see who it was, the door opened and Timothy rushed in.

"That's no behaviour, Timothy, there's a lady in the room!" the couple could hear Link say from the corridor. "Ellen, are you decent?"

"Yes, come in," Ellen said, laughing lightly. She sat up straight, wiping her hair out of her face. Timothy ran up to her, with a tray in his hands. He put the tray on the night table and then jumped onto the bed, hugging Ellen.

"Good morning!" he said and Ellen, surprised as she was by this sudden assault, tousled his hair.

"Good morning, Timothy! Oh, I see you've already gotten your uniform!" The boy drew back a little and proudly showed it off.

"Yes! And it looks good on me!" The boy turned to the tray. "I've got you breakfast. Howard put on lots of cake, but I thought you'd might like something real better. So I put on lots of croissants!" Ellen chuckled, thanking him. Timothy turned his attention towards Kanda.

"Morning, Mister Kanda!" Kanda just rolled his eyes. "I've got something for you too. Though I don't know what that stuff is," the boy said, a disgusted expression on his face as he handed Kanda his soba. Kanda snorted, but took it anyway.

"Here," he said, handing the report to Link, who took it, looking over it quickly.

"Good. I'll go hand it in," he said, then he excused himself and left the room, quietly closing the door after himself.

Timothy lay on Kanda's side of the bed, happily munching on a croissant. Kanda observed how he spread crumbs all over his bed with a glare.

"How do you like the castle, Timothy? Kanda told me you were exploring yesterday," Ellen said, putting a piece of pancake into her mouth. Kanda tried his best to ignore Timothy's loud chewing noises and ate his soba silently.

"Hmm… It was dark yesterday, quite scary."

"Timothy, swallow before speaking. Or you'll choke." Kanda warned, hoping to put an end to his noisy eating. Timothy gulped noisily, but nodded, before continuing:

"But I got up super early today to check out the place. In daylight it's nice!" he looked up at Ellen and she smiled at him with an inquiring look in her eyes. "Is it true that this aaaaaaall belongs to you? Are you the princess of this castle?" Ellen started laughing.

"I'm no princess. But it belongs to," here she stopped and put stray hair behind her ear with a small sigh but still a smile on her lips. "It belongs to my husband."

"Nonsense," Kanda snorted, finishing his soba. "It'll belong to our son when he's older."

"Are you going to have a boy then?" Timothy wondered and Kanda looked at him sharply. "Sorry. The baby's a boy?"

"Kanda seems to think that," Ellen said and Timothy patted Ellen's stomach. "But we don't know."

"When is it going to be born?" Timothy wanted to know, tickling Ellen's stomach. She giggled and Kanda rolled his eyes, taking away the tray to prevent the two from spilling anything.

"In two months," Ellen answered and Timothy grinned brightly.

"I can't wait!" he announced and Ellen looked at him, a smile on her face. She then looked up at Kanda, who seemed embarrassed, but he didn't have to smile for her to realize that he was excited too. Ellen, despite being glad that it'll be over soon, was also afraid. Because in two more months everything would change.

To be continued

Note:

This revelation of Kanda's past has been long in the making, maybe some of you have already guessed what's behind his unwillingness to speak about it. Like with all revelations, this one made me slightly nervous. So I'd be really glad to hear what you think about it! :3