Title: You Are What You Eat

Summary: Kurt really should pay better attention to the food in his house.

Rating: PG-13

A/N: I was going to be all clever with the title so you don't guess what happens but screw it. You guys are smart. You would have figured it out anyways. This is the third installment of my Animal Verse, featuring Piggy!Kurt.

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The great thing about having Carole as a step mother was that she was a Greater Hornbill. They were great mothers. Carole had been a blessing really. As good a father as Burt was, he was a little emotionally stunted. Having Carole around provided an outlet for Kurt to vent his woes and have heart to hearts with. Since his transformation there were things Kurt was in no way comfortable doing yet. Namely buying groceries. Before Kurt took great pride in food shopping. He liked picking out healthy and exotic new foods. He liked the feeling of finding the exact spice he needed. He loved the thrill of sales and the smell of the baked goods aisle. Being a pig had taken the joy out of it. No matter how much his friends and family tried to convince him otherwise, he couldn't help but feel ashamed to go shopping for food. He felt like everyone was watching him. Constantly berating his choices. Picking up a box of junk food would confirm their suspicions that he was a glutton but picking up something healthy made him feel like they were judging him. Like they knew there was no way he'd actually eat any vegetable he picked up.

So grocery shopping now fell to Carole, who liked it just fine. Feeding Finn on a single salary had honed her bargaining skills just fine. After Kurt scavenged through her first "Hudmel" solo grocery trip he became confident in her ability to deliver. It was easier to relax about it after that. Kurt knew that logically he'd have to start shopping for food again someday. He'd live on his own eventually. But until then it was nice to not have to worry about it.

Not doing the shopping did have a few downsides. Namely there were certain snacks and staples he picked up on instinct every trip that he didn't think to ask for because they'd always just been in the house before. She liked to alternate the snack cakes she brought home, unlike Kurt would could cruise for an entire year eating nothing but cosmic brownies. She also tended to pick up already made items like wraps and frozen sandwiches. Kurt hadn't eaten something like that since he was a kid. They became the go to meal after his mother died and once Kurt learned to cook he swore off of them. He didn't particularly dislike them, but he never found himself with the burning urge to eat a superstore deli wrap when he could make his own out of fresher ingredients. The thought of using them in place of actually cooking something on a lunch date was preposterous.

Which is why Kurt was busy fussing over his outfit like it was his first date ever. He really didn't have the time to cook Blaine anything. It was his fault. All his fault. He'd taken a nap, suppose to be a wink nap, but ended up being a little over three hours. Now he had the house to himself, a boyfriend on the way, and no time to make anything up to par. Superstore turkey wraps it was. He made a nice spinach and walnut salad to go with it though. That should count for something. And what he lacked tonight in the culinary department he was more than making up for with these jeans. They were gray denim with a nice metallic wash and fade that shimmered just so if he turned right. They made his ass look fantastic. He paired it with a simple black Henley, two buttons undone, and a turquoise infinity scarf for a pop of color. The scarf was mostly to tease Blaine about the skin that could be showing but Blaine didn't have to know that.

The doorbell rang and Kurt's tail wiggled in excitement, much to his horror. He still wasn't quite use to the feel of it. Kurt ran down the stairs, his hand barely skimming the railing, and stopped just short of the door. He took a few seconds to calm himself down and smooth out his clothes. Blaine didn't need to know he was a giddy last minute mess. Letting out a long breath, Kurt opened the door and smiled. Blaine was wearing a snug black polo and his favorite mustard yellow jeans. And while his hair was gelled into submission, his ears were a fluffy mess. Kurt loved it. "Well hello Blaine Anderson. Come on in."

"Don't mind if I do." Blaine comes in with a smile wide enough to show off his new buck teeth. It makes Kurt want to squeal. Instead he gently pushes on Blaine's lower back, just above his fluffy tail, and guides him into the living room. He has the night all planned out. They're going to eat on a spread blanket while an old movie plays in the background. When they finish their wraps and salad Kurt will pull out some zucchini cake, because honestly Blaine loves it and it's healthy for a cake so win-win. Then they're going to kiss. Like a lot. Somewhere in there they'll get horizontal. Then breathless. Then Kurt will make the coy suggestion that they head upstairs. Then God willing, they'll have sex for the first time with their new traits.

There's no reason why this should derail in any way. He will see his boyfriend naked tonight. There is no maybe. "Just make yourself comfortable. I'm going to get dinner." He fusses over Blaine's ears while he settles, stroking the fur and rubbing at the base where fur meets gelled hair with his thumbs. Once Blaine is smiling like a dope and relaxed into the pillows Kurt pulls back. He pulls the wraps from their cellophane, tossing it in the trash as quick as possible. He really should have done it before Blaine got there but his hair refused to cooperate and that took president. He cut them into halves and tucked them onto a single plate, then grabbed the salad. He'd have to come back for drinks.

Kurt passed the plate and bowl to Blaine, who took them happily. "They're turkey and dijon wraps. What would you like to drink?" Blaine lifted the salad bowl to his face and gave it a sniff. It twitched up just like a rabbits even though it hadn't actually changed.

"Water is fine." Kurt fought the urge to run for the water. They had time. They had the whole night. No need to rush. The way his luck had been going lately, a simple jaunt to the fridge could easily turn into a broken ankle. Calmly, he grabs two waters from the fridge, and calmly walks back to the living room. From the kitchen archway all he can see of Blaine is the tips of his ears and it's adorable. He still can't quite get over having a rabbit boyfriend. Besides cats, rabbits were in high demand. They tended to be very good looking people. Not that he had any doubt Blaine would always be attractive, it was just that he was a pig now. Blaine could have any animal type he wanted but he stuck with a pig.

Kurt shook his head. Now was not the time to start crying. He swooped down to the blanket, sitting on his knees and bouncing forward until one of his knees was touching Blaine's. He passed him a water and waited patiently for Blaine to pick up a wrap. Knowing that Kurt was wary with eating these days Blaine wasted no time picking up a wrap half and taking a big bite. Content that he wouldn't be the only one enjoying the meal, Kurt followed suit. Their first few moments were filled with nothing but chewing noises. It was the most awkward part of having a dinner date. That's why Kurt kept the salad in a single bowl, so they'd have to share. Any opportunity to talk was a good one.

The wraps weren't even that bad. The turkey wasn't the low quality kind that had a perpetual slime to it and the lettuce was fresh enough to be crisp. The mustard was great too. The tang of it was really setting off something else in the wrap. Something Kurt couldn't place. He hadn't bothered to read the ingredients on the front. Carole wouldn't buy anything he was allergic to after all. Kurt just couldn't place the taste. He leaned against Blaine's side and took another big bite. This time he chewed thoroughly, savoring it and trying to guess without having to pick apart the wrap. "Do you like it Blaine?"

"Yeah. My dad buys these a lot. This one's my favorite because it has—" Blaine stops. Kurt can hear the awkward swallow and starts to worry.

"What? A lot of calories? I'm not too worried about it. I had a good breakfast." Kurt pulls away from Blaine and twists to look him in the eye. His comment about calories hadn't taken the uneasiness from his face. That was bad. Normally if Kurt joked about calories Blaine got this dopey, proud look on his face that made carbs worth it. "What?" Blaine laughed nervously and his ears dropped. If that was his new tell things were going to get harder for Blaine. His face was already an open book. "Blaine I—"

Blaine shook his head and put down the wrap. Then he plucked the salad bowl up and brought it to his nose for a good sniff. "You didn't put any carrots in. That's so sweet. Cooper sent me a bulk box and I keep trying to tell him that just because I'm a rabbit now doesn't mean—"

Kurt reaches out and firmly pushes the bowl down. Blaine sets it in front of his knees and starts nervously spinning it back and forth. "What's wrong with the wrap Blaine? I thought you liked them. Does it have something to do with your dad?" When Blaine shakes his head Kurt tries to think of what else could have Blaine suddenly denying the food. He'd been fine with it. Absolutely fine until he mentioned what was in it. What was in it? Kurt glanced over at the plate where both of their wraps lay abandoned. He spotted a dark patch inside. It didn't look like a vegetable. No it looked like..."Bacon." Kurt's hand flew up to his mouth. He just ate bacon. He ate a piece of a pig and he loved it. "Oh God. Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no." Kurt shot up from the blanket, ignoring Blaine's protest, and threw himself into the bathroom.

He hunched over the toilet bowl and heaved. But nothing came out. Nothing. There was still pig inside of him, right this instant. He opened his mouth as wide as it would go and started to make gagging noises, trying to trick his throat into cooperating. But it wasn't working. Nothing was coming up. With shaking hands Kurt clutched the rim of the bowl and started crying. He just wanted this feeling to go away. Blaine's cautious hands brushing across his back didn't help. Blaine's soothing coos and gentle kisses didn't help. Kurt kept crying. He let himself sit on the floor, pressing his knees into the hard tile. Blaine tugged him back before he could rest his head on the toilet seat. Instead Kurt was pulled back against Blaine's chest.

He tucked his face into the crook of Blaine's neck and let himself go. Kurt cried, loud and long, until snot was dripping out of his nose and his leg was numb because of the weird way he was sitting on his ankle. When he started slowing down Blaine reached down to hold the swell of Kurt's butt. His thumb rested on the top of his tail and he started to kneed there. "Shhh. It's okay. It was an accident. It's okay."

"No. No it's not okay. I ate pork. I'm a cannibal. I'm a disgrace to my brothers. I—" Blaine squeezed Kurt close, cutting off his rant and pushing his slick nose up against his neck.

"You're not a cannibal. Mistakes happen Kurt."

"Let's see how you deal after eating some rabbit stew okay!" Kurt tries to yank away but Blaine holds tight. He lets Kurt pull his face away but keeps one arm around his waste and one firmly on his butt.

"The bacon was hidden. You didn't go to the store and pick up a pork roast for dinner." Blaine leans in and presses his forehead to Kurt's. "It's okay to be upset about this. But it was an accident. I'm sure other people have done it."

"Well I can't exactly ask around without sounding like a cannibal fetish frea—"

"The internet is a wonderful place. Also, I know people who eat their animal counterparts on a regular basis. We have their traits but we're not animals Kurt. Pig DNA is not Kurt DNA. It's normal to be disgusted by eating your counterpart but it's not illegal or immoral." Blaine tips his head forward until his nose bops Kurt's snout, then he pulls away with a grin. "We don't have to finish dinner but maybe I could help clean you up? Then we can watch a movie?" Kurt wants to protest. He wants to end the date right there and try it all again tomorrow but then Blaine starts rubbing down the coil of his tail and it just feels so good.

"Okay. But I get to pick." Kurt pulls away from Blaine and turns to the sink. Maybe since they didn't finish dinner they could work that zucchini cake into their "naughty" plans.

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Here we have it. Piggy!Kurt eats bacon and freaks out. I use to think about this when I read Fruits Basket. It just always bothered me because I don't remember them ever saying anything about whether or not Hatsuharu ate beef or not...

But I digress. Hopefully tomorrow there will be smut.