Taaa daaa... it's the past again... but I'm sure you've already worked that out... and I don't know why we decided to put the last bit in... but you can judge for yourself... bit of a twist, me thinks ;) Enjoy and review :D
It was Saturday, four painful days since the start of our dares, only half a week left to go. And it was getting harder by the minute: Remus shined brightly in the delicate spring sun, ever enticing me with his gentle movements, laughing like bells, hanging his vulnerable body so pleasantly out of the bed covers. It was as if he wanted me to cave in. It was as if the world wanted me to cave in – giving the best weather we'd had in months and blowing calm breezes through his hair, making him seem like the male model off an advert for women's perfume.
I sat in the dorm with James, afraid to go down stairs in case I exploded from a callous build up of suppressed emotion; in case Lily slapped me again – not because she was threatening, but because I liked my face and didn't really want to have her ruin it for me (I was hoping to do that myself with years of binge drinking after I'd left Hogwarts). Looking up, I sighed into the fragrant air that buzzed and hummed with the sound of students out to soak up the recently emerged sun. Up to this point, James had actually played the role of "boyfriend" surprisingly well for some on who was supposedly straight, and, well, we didn't really need to pretend when we were alone – no one was watching and we weren't really bothered. My hands cushioned the back of my head as I lay back on the worn carpet. He slid toward me and rested his chin on the top of his bunched up leg, playing with his toes, positively bored.
"Hey, Pads ... What do you think ..."
I nodded as he wiggled his feet and took in a deep breath.
"... would happen if we actually..."
"If we actually what?"
He spreaded the length of himself out beside mine, supporting his head on his fist, staring pensively behind me.
"... if... we actually... hmm... if we actually... like... Y'know..."
I groaned, frustrated by his vagueness.
"No, no I don't. Start making some sense or I'm gonna give up listening."
His free hand fiddled with the collar of my shirt musingly as he mumbled to himself in incoherent slurs.
"Erm, well..."
"Spit it out, Prongs. I don't have all day... well I do, but that's not the point."
He yanked on it, pulling my face into his, kissing me, lips raging. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, lapsing into the mix of dream and reality, running my fingers through his hair. It was shorter, finer than Remus', running like plush carpet below my hands. We weren't pretending anymore. And it scared me. I'd held his hand, kissed his cheeks, his lips, his forehead, as a joke, yes, but never with this much passion; never with this much tongue. His hand slid up my top and pulled it off, baring my naked chest covered in the little red marks I'd created with Remus. I froze. This wasn't right. As much as my head, my groin wanted this. It just wasn't right. Noticing my discomfort, he stopped and gave me a quizzical look.
"Why?" I muttered "Why are we doing this?"
He giggled.
"Why not? I know it's what you want and if I'm going to be gay for a week, I might as well try it out. It sounds... fun!"
I glided my hand across the floor and collected my shirt, standing to tower over him.
"I'm not that shallow, James. I may seem like a monster to everyone else, but I do actually have a conscience."
He instantly rose to meet my height and hung an arm around my shoulders, running the tips of his fingers down my torso.
"You know you want to."
I glanced at the hand that was dangling limply over my shoulder.
"Take it off, or I'll break it off."
He snatched it back and hugged it protectively, giving me puppy dog eyes.
"C'mon! I only want an insight of what it's like."
"Ok then. What happens is I get hard, I shove it up your arse, you scream and you scream because it hurts so much, Remus never forgives me and I die miserable and alone. Enjoy your insight?"
I pulled my top back on and strolled down the stairs. To hell with my pride, I was going to take Remus back. I didn't care what anyone thought anymore. I knew James would probably try to make me do something stupid again and there was no way I would risk every ounce of my current happiness for an emotionless fling. Besides, he hadn't done his dare yet. He was still totally mine. I didn't want anyone else to touch him like I did, anyway. I'd just stop it before he became tainted by someone else's lips; with someone else's saliva. He would stay a part of me and only me. Only mine. His lips only belonged to me. His lips... he's... only... mine...
A mess of gold consumed by flames met my eyes. I stared in astonishment at the thing I was so close to preventing. Lily. That girl was just infuriating. I swear she was only doing this to spite me – stealing James and then Remus – it was just disgusting. James blew in my ear, making me jump a little, and placed his head on my shoulder.
"You sure you don't wanna take back what you just said?"
I shrugged him of.
"Definite! Now, I think I'd rather not watch this clear violation of breeding laws – it must say somewhere that an angel can't mate with a bitch."
Most of the school corridors were empty, silent. Broken only once by Wormtail's vociferous mannerisms as I stormed past him outside of the Gryffindor common room. The rest of the students I passed were clever enough to notice the dark cloud I was carrying with me, and quietly shuffled around, spreading out as far as they could as not to get infected by the radiation I was emitting. I sighed, leaning against the wall and staring out across the school grounds, unto the mix of subtle blues and vibrant greens, with the odd hint of pink – blossom playing gently in the breeze, perfuming the winds with sweet scents. Yes, the world hated me. It was obvious. For the first time, I did something worthwhile and life threw it right back in my face, without even the good grace to give me a moment's darkness in mourning of my peace of mind. It was useless. I scraped my wild curls from my face and shook them behind my head, trying to sort my thoughts into one neat pile of understanding. But it didn't seem like it was working, the feeling of bewilderment still stagnant in the air, blocking my passages, making my head float.
"Argh! Why is it just ... so...?"
My fist pounded against the wall, hundred year old mortar crumbling into dust beside my hand, echoing around the corridor. This wasn't what I wanted. I was so close, so very close to keeping him mine. But no, that girl had to ruin everything – he'd have to wash his mouth out with bleach before I even thought about kissing him again. A fraction of movement caught me, flickering in the corner of my eye. It was Snape, head stuck voraciously in a spell book, curled in a corner, camouflaged in the background. I opened my mouth to shout something obscene at him, but decided otherwise, lacking the mental stimulation and effort levels. Though, it seemed he'd noticed me as he began to collect his belongings with much celerity and stand to leave. Even in my current state, I still found it amusing that simply my presence could evoke such aversive fear. But, he turned and started toward me, eyes fixed to mine in an unexpectedly warm way.
"Are you alright?"
"What is it to you?" I snarled.
He tapped his index fingers together and looked to the floor.
"Well... usually you would get up and chase me or tease me or beat me up if you saw me sitting there like that and you look pretty down... so, I figured, maybe something had happened between you and Remus... and I was wondering... if he was ok."
"Playing the little antihero, are we?"
His head fell forward a little more, strings of hair flopping in front of his pale face, quivering like a child being scolded.
"But, yes, he is, and it's all your fault."
He snapped to look at me, eyes bulging, puzzled.
"What? How is it my fault? Anyway, isn't that a good thing?"
"No. He was kissing Lily. Putting aside your 'Lilyyyyy, why you no love me?' crap for a moment, it appears that you seem to lack what little prowess is required to catch a Remus Lupin and I find this quite irritating..."
"So you're asking me to steal your boyfriend?"
I let out a loud breath.
"No, let me finish! You, Severus Snape, were supposed to be the one he kissed because I'd much rather have to put up with having your saliva swilling around my mouth when I kissed him than that insufferable bitch's!"
"I'm still lost."
"It was a dare! He had to kiss someone, that wasn't me, to prove himself and it was supposed to be you because I don't hate you half as much as I hate Lily and, if you squint really hard, you might actually be attractive."
His cheeks glowed a sickly shade of pink.
"Thank you for the compliment... I think... but how, pray tell, was I supposed to do that?"
I rolled up my sleeves and brushed my hair behind my ear, preparing myself for what horror I was about to commit.
"Firstly, you catch their eye; make them aware of who you are and what you're doing." My hand stretched out and swirled elegantly before his face until he paid attention to it alone. "Then, you progressively move closer. But in your case, I think you'd need to wash your hair first." Slowly, I shifted my face toward his, up to the point that I was about a centimetre away, continuously following my words. "You let them catch you scent for a moment. You kiss softly... becoming more passionate... add in your tongues." My arm slid around his waist, pulling him in. "And finally," I reached for the door handle behind me. "You go into the broom cupboard."
I reopened the door and stood in the frame, composing myself once more. His dark eyes gazed into mine, unreadable to my unaccustomed eyes.
"So... are we toge-..."
"No. I raped you because I'm pissed off at the moment, and it's entirely your fault, and you enjoyed it because you're a sick little slut. I'm not really sure which one you should be more disturbed by, but I certainly know which one I am."
I closed him in the cupboard and strolled away, placing my head in my hands. I was a despicable human being. Just repulsive. Today had been so many different shades of wrong. I was going to go back to the dorm, sleep and wake up as if none of today ever happened; wake up and find out it had simply been a terrible nightmare.