Killing the Past

Pain.

My world was pain.

I was dying when I last saw my love, Justin. My vision had left me blind in my finial moment. For some reason. I thought about how the pack would react to my dying. Scott would be sad for a while, but he would move on. He would try and comfort Allison who would feel like she lost a sister.

Jackson would be sad until the funeral was over. That would be it, and that's just the way he is.

Stiles, lovable Stiles would probably be sad for a while. But he's too light hearted and child-like to stay down for too long. He would move on.

Derek would be Derek. He would be the way he always is. He has lost too many people in his life to really be hurt by much anymore. I know I'm his friend and that it would hurt him more than he would let show. I just hope he and Justin make up.

Speaking of Justin, I don't know if he would ever be whole again. He lost Laura to a werewolf, and now he was going to lose me as well. It would be hard for him to get over, but I hope he moves on. I hope that when I'm dead and gone, the things I love most about him wouldn't be. He could find a nice girl. He could have a new relationship. But I know he wouldn't want to.

More pain.

The hole in my body burned like the surface of the sun, making me want to writhe on the ground to make it stop. But I didn't have the strength for that, anymore. I couldn't even move while Justin pleaded me to stay with him. But I couldn't fight anymore. I was only a weak human who's body just couldn't take anymore.

I felt myself drifting, nothing holding me to earth. I was dying, almost ready to see my sister again. I was free of pain and fear. Light was everywhere.

Until something brought it all back. The darkness returned and so did the consuming pain. Why? Why must I still bare this? Why couldn't I just die?

Justin. I held on for him. He was worth all the agony. All the suffering. I thought of him as something lifted my broken body. Someone held me close the whole time. Finally, I lay flat on something, and my consciousness goes away. Though I was still blind, I could feel the world around me.

Some how, I understood I was laying some place. I understood I was safe and that there were people with me. I heard two voices of people I love. Derek, my best friend was there. Justin, my everything was also there. He was close to me, saying soothing things. I couldn't understand what they were, but they made me feel better just knowing he was clinging to me just as much as I had to cling to him now.

I fell into a long, painless sleep. Thank God for good drugs.

I woke eventually, my head spinning with disconnected thoughts of what was going on. I opened my eyes to see the world around me. The first thing I notice is Justin, always loyal sleeping in the chair next to me. Then I notice I'm in a hospital, barely able to move from the binding of gauze on my torso.

Someone came in the door. It was Derek. When he saw me awake, he did the most weird thing I have ever seen. Derek Hale smiled. He came to my side and barely ran his hand down the side of my face in a soothing motion. "Glad you're back with the living."

Justin heard him talking and mumbled in his sleep about wanting "five more minuets, mommy." I wanted to laugh, but it hurt too much. Derek slapped the teen on the back of the head, waking him up. His eyes flashed a dangerous green and he almost started cursing until he saw what Derek was looking at.

Me.

Tears welled up in Justin's eyes and he fell to his knees by my side. "Aideen, you're awake!"

"Yeah," I managed to croak out. He buried his face on my bed, not wanting to hurt me. He saw how fragile I was at the moment. I lifted my hand with great effort and placed it in his hand. It was so warm and nice just to be with him. "What happened?"

Derek, our alpha was happy to explain the fact that we won the battle. The Arianna and Reggie had both died along with Austin. Arianna's siblings had given up and ran away when they saw me kill Austin. When I pulled the blade from my own body, it had made the wound much bigger than when I stabbed myself. My heart had almost stopped when Justin had used werewolf tears to save me. Derek and Justin had rushed me to the hospital where I had been out for a week.

The whole pack was waiting for news of me. Because Justin refused to leave my side and only two visitors were allowed at a time, Derek had kept them filled in. The pack had taken care of Arianna's and Austin's bodies by burning them, which was the respectful way of a werewolf.

When Derek and Justin filled me in, Derek had to leave to let the pack know I was ok. Justin was with me alone, and I was happy despite my pain. I patted the bed asking him to crawl next to me. He looked worried. "What if I hurt you?"

"You won't," I mumbled. He lay gently next to me and I smiled happy to be near him. "Justin, I'm sorry about Reggie. What can I do to make it better?"

He grew grim. "Nothing. His funeral is tomorrow. My aunt was devastated. She doesn't know anything about us. Wolves, that is. I won't be going to it, though."

"Why?"

"I'm staying with you. I lost you once. I won't let it happen again."

I patted his hand. "Justin, I'm human. I'm not as strong as you. You'll probably outlive me. You just have to understand that."

"No! Don't say things like things like that, baby. I would be nothing without you."

"Justin, it's just the truth. There would only be one way for me to be as strong as you."

"What are you saying, Aideen?" I swallowed hard.

"Something an alpha can give me."

"Aideen, I know you. You're just thinking this right now because you're not thinking strait. You love being human. At least think about it before you make such a big choice."

I hmmphed, "Justin, if I was what you are, I'd be healed by now. I mean, I'm healing fast from werewolf tears, but that's it."

"I know but once you do it, you're stuck with it. Just think about it ok?"

I sighed but nodded. Then I perked up. "Justin, how does it feel to be the alpha now? And are you still going to hang out with your old pack?"

He smiled. "I feel more powerful now. With Austin dead, I take his place. I plan to stay with this pack. They and you are my family. I'm happy with them."

I was happy with this answer. I could feel myself drifting again, my eyes getting heavy. "Do me a favor, Justin. Leave and see you cousin off tomorrow. Derek or Stiles can hang out with me while you're there. I'll be fine."

"Do you really want me to?"

I nodded, snuggling into his side. I fell fast asleep, dreaming. I was in my room. A large wound on my neck was bleeding, but it healed in front of my eyes which had now turned the same emerald color as Justin's had been before the red of alpha took over. I grinned at the change, flashing a deadly set of fangs that gleamed white. I looked down to see that my stubs of fingernails had grown long and sharp into claws. I knew what I was, and the wolf inside me let out a howl curdled my own blood.

I woke up in bed with a cold sweat. Justin's warm body was gone now, and I was freezing. I wasn't alone, though. Someone sat in the chair next to me giving me a knowing stare. "You had a dream you were one of us, didn't you?" Derek asked. It was scary how well he knew me, sometimes.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and nodded, "Yeah. How did you know?"

"Justin told me about it when you left. He said you wanted to be one of us. He asked me what I thought."

"And?"

"I think you should wait until you are married. Until you are totally committed to each other."

"Derek, if I asked you to do it right now, would you?"

He thought about it, but slowly shook his raven hair. "No, I wouldn't do it. It's not my place."

I smiled at him, though he denied me. "Thanks, Derek. You always do what's best for me no matter what."

He smiled back.