Oh, Sirius is a tetchy bitch and that's why we love him... or not, as the case may be ;)

The light was pale, crisp, slipping through the closed curtains and jumping off the blank walls, glaring into my drowsy eyes. Warm, humid air skipped about the room, swimming and stirring as I paced, the wooden boards only cooling my feet. 5 a.m. My head pounded, sore thoughts, the alcohol from last shrivelling my brain, despite the multiple drinks of water I'd downed in the earlier hours of the day. And still, I couldn't sleep. Not for the pain – I'd felt worse- not even for the heat, but for every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Remus, Remus and Lily, up against that wall, the wall that partnered with my bedroom, the place that I slept, jerking awkwardly in a drunken jive. I could still feel it, pulsing through the walls, crawling and itching beneath my skin like a sickening rash. Even with the constant calls of love that I'd heard sprout from Severus' mouth, the sensation did not deplete.

I placed the glass down on the work top and sighed. This isn't what I wanted. I would have been fine staying in a faithful relationship with Remus, or a sincere one with Sev, but being stuck in limbo, with nowhere else to flee to, not knowing how to feel or who to feel for. It was living hell. Remus was with Lily and I was with a man I couldn't love. Paced once more, into the bathroom to sit and stare at the spot for a moment; let the thoughts flood my mind. If I'd just intervened, maybe it wouldn't have been like that, maybe I could have played the hero and whisk him away. But if it was truly what he wanted, he would feel even less inclined to take me back if I tore them apart. I pulled the hammer, which I'd been using to destroy the shower guard a few days previously, out from the bath and balanced it in my hands, tossing it to and fro, shifting the weight comfortably between my arms. Oh, I had to tell James, watch his little face fall when he found out the girl he'd fancied for years was screwing Moony up against my bathroom wall just meters from where he'd been sitting, watch his heart shatter into a thousand cruel shards, watch him drive those shards in to Remus' smug face... No, the girl's, she was the one who did it, she's the one who left the disgusting red streak of her virginity, dried, flaking, trickling down the white paint, like crass, brown go-faster-stripes. She made me feel sick. That was my wall, my fucking wall. I had to sleep on the other side of that every night, knowing what hell had happened. No amount of bleach could erase that. If I even wanted to, I'd need to strip the paint and then the paper, then line the walls with lead and then paint and then silver and then some more paint and the another layer of lead and the five extra coats of paint and then a plaster and another layer of paint because the bitch was like a malignant tumour. Just repulsive. She fed on my mind, my conscience, and I think she enjoyed it – ruining people's lives – she was like my mother... a young, ginger clone of my mother. The whore could die. She could just die in a fucking hole! Remus could rip her apart when he changed! She deserved it! And, Remus... well... he... he made my blood boil... everything was going fine and he had to do that! I thought I was finally free... finally able to love someone... but no! I didn't want to be alone forever... I didn't want to have to think of him every time I made love to Severus... to get into arguments because I called his name... I wanted to finally be able to be happy!

I charged at the wall, putting all my force, all my weight into the hammer clutched in my hands.

"FUCK"

SMASH

"YOU"

CRACK

"REMUS FUCKING LUPIN!"

My arms swung, pounding, forcing the wall to cave, plaster, paint crumbling at the force, sending spirals of dust up into the air, stinging my eyes and making it hard to breath.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING BASTARD!" I spluttered through the grey cloud.

The bathroom door crept open, a slim figure silhouetted against the dust, cautiously entering the mess.

"S-Sirius... what are you doing?"

I stopped for a moment to glare at the quivering body of my current partner, then started to smash again.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SNIVELLUS!"

"P-please... Sirius... It's kind of scary..."

"AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE?"

He slid towards me and rubbed a comforting hand on my arm.

"Come on... just come back to bed..."

"DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FREAK!"

"Please, Si-"

"JUST GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! DO YOU THINK I COULD LOVE YOU? YOU'RE VILE! YOU'RE NOT REMUS!"

He edged back, slightly awestruck, eyes glistening, letting the flood gate of tears open silently down his face.

"Siri... Sirius... Please just... Sirius..."

"I SAID GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Without a thought, my hands loosened their grip on the hammer, sending it spinning through the air, skimming Severus by mere inches and banging loudly on the floor. He flinched then scurried, vacating my threatening presence, fits of cries sweeping his body, shaking as he ran away. I pulled my wand from my pocket and pointed it fiercely at the collapsing wall.

"BOMBARDA MAXIMA!"

It shattered, opening to a hollow gap, wires trailing, pipes curving within the space. I clambered into the gap and let out a long pained breath. I would do the rest of this with hands, feet, knees, elbows, whatever I could, until there was nothing left of the spot than an empty space where Remus used to be.