Leonardo watched Brandon keenly as he led the man through a relaxation technique. He was using a couple of the same visualization exercises that he'd created for Calley years ago, when the young woman was fighting her own battles concerning the Akiudo. Wow. Even thinking about the amount of damage that the gang has done to this family is astounding.
Leo was trying to focus his attention on the man sitting across from him, but he was suddenly finding it difficult. With every day that passes, I feel like the noose could be tightening. Here we sit, waiting for the Akiudo to call Greg or make some other mistake that will help us to locate them. I can't imagine many things being more frustrating than this. I probably ought to be using these relaxation exercises on myself.
The blue-masked turtle rolled his eyes and took a deep cleansing breath, then let it out slowly. When he glanced back at Brandon, his friend was already gazing at him.
"I felt like I sort of lost you there," the man mentioned.
Leonardo nodded apologetically. "I'm sorry. My mind is being pulled several directions."
"I can't imagine what you have to think about," Brandon said impishly. "It's not like you feel responsible for a bunch of other lives or anything."
The turtle shrugged helplessly. "Some things can't be turned off, no matter how hard you try. Others will get better with time," he said meaningfully.
Brandon looked at the door for a few silent seconds. "I hope so," he said finally. "I want to believe that I'll be normal again. Sometimes…I can ignore it for a while. But it always finds a way to come back up."
"Bran, repressing it won't work in the long term. Even if you're able to bury it, the emotions are still going to affect you. You don't have to be actively facing down your past to be negatively impacted by memories."
The man didn't say anything, and Leonardo hesitated before continuing.
"This won't go away, Brandon, not that you expect it to disappear. As painful as it is, the only way to get through it is to deal with it."
"It's not like I haven't tried, Leo," he murmured. "The only thing I want from you right now is help in learning to overcome this fear."
"PTSD isn't a normal kind of fear, Bran," the turtle said slowly. "This could get worse if you don't find some way to address it out loud."
"I thought that was what we were doing," the man said stiffly. "You're not telling me anything I haven't heard a hundred times."
Leonardo swallowed sharply. "You know we're only trying to help."
"Of course I know, but when I'm ready to talk, you guys won't have to pry it out of me with a crow bar." Brandon got to his feet.
"C'mon, Brandon, we're not finished," Leonardo objected. "Don't go."
"You might not be finished, but I am."
"Brandon, stop." The authority in his tone actually made his friend freeze in his step. "You can't run away every time someone tells you to open up."
"I don't have anything else to say. If you want to lecture me, you're gonna have to set up another appointment."
"I'm not lecturing you, Brandon." Leonardo fought to maintain a calm demeanor, despite the irritation he felt. "You can't ignore this forever. You can't! Don't get mad at me for telling you the truth."
The man was backing up closer to the door.
"It's not going to get easier," Leo said. "You won't find any real relief until you face these demons."
"I face the demons every day, Leonardo, whether I want to or not." Brandon stalked out of the room, leaving the turtle feeling defeated.
As much as Leo wanted to go after him, experience told him that it probably wouldn't do him any good. He's got to snap out of this. Brandon has to be honest with somebody. I know it's not easy for him, but he's got to let go!
He took a half-hearted swing at the punching bag as frustration peaked. I'm not inside his head – I don't know what he's dealing with. But we can't allow him to continue receding, or nothing is going to change.
Leonardo heard a door slam. By the weight behind the sound, he guessed that someone had just left through the front entrance. The bang was still resounding in his ears when he heard raised voices coming from nearby. The turtle swiftly crossed the dojo and ducked into the hallway.
"Brandon ain't there yet. He already told me he'll come to me when he is!" Raphael was telling someone else.
"It's not always that simple!" Leonardo was surprised to hear Jazz counter his brother. "Sometimes you have to push a little further."
"We have pushed him," Raphael retorted. "It ain't like we can tie Brandon down and make 'im talk!"
"Do you really think that's what I was suggesting?" Jazz sounded annoyed.
"I don't know what you expect us to do, but I know how to handle him when he gets like this. You gotta leave Brandon alone and let him cool off. He gets over things, and then he gets his head on straight."
"If you lay off every time he gets angry, the only message you're sending him is that he can escape if he explodes!" she returned.
"What do you know about it?" Raphael demanded. "You're around one week, and you think you know him? You think we aren't trying to help him?"
"I never said you weren't trying to."
"But we obviously can't do anything ourselves, or you wouldn't be sitting here telling me what to do!"
"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Turtle!"
"That's sure what it feels like, and you've got no call or right to open your mouth about Brandon to begin with!"
"Hey," Leonardo interjected, emerging into the living area. "Why don't we all just relax for a couple of minutes? Neutral corners, you two." He fixed his gaze on Raphael. "What happened with Brandon?"
"He was with you, Fearless. Why don't you tell us what happened?"
The blue-masked turtle's brow furrowed. "It started out fine. I was just leading him through some breathing and visualization exercises. Then I tried to actually talk to him, and it went downhill fast. Brandon is stuck in this mindset of locking things up tightly. I get the feeling that he thinks the fear is the root of all the problems he's experiencing. He doesn't understand that facing the memories is exactly what he needs to do in order to get somewhere."
"Leo, we can't force Brandon to talk about this stuff," Raphael said gruffly. "How many times have you said it yourself? He's got to deal with it at his own pace."
Jazz shook her head. "That doesn't always work. You can't give in to him just because he throws a tantrum, not if you really care about him!"
"Bran is like a brother to us, Jazz. We don't need your advice on how to treat him!" Raphael said heatedly. "Mind your own business, and let us worry about Brandon."
Jazz's eyes narrowed as she climbed to her feet. "Do everything your way then, and don't come crying around me if you lose him."
Leonardo had to bite his lip to prevent himself from chuckling over the sight of his younger brother's shock that the woman was still talking.
"It ain't about doing things my way," Raphael's tone flattened. "Why the shell do you think you know so much more than us? We've been around, seen a lot of evil, and stuck together through everything. Brandon is gonna come out on the other side of this thing, and he won't need any advice from you to do it. None of us need to hear your mouth."
The young woman glared at him, unflinching, then rolled her eyes. "You're right. I don't know anything. I've never seen a day of trouble in my perfect life, and everything has always been coming up roses."
"You bring trouble on yourself," he shot back. "You want me to feel sorry for you 'cause you got caught breaking the law?"
"I never asked for sympathy from anyone, and I sure don't want it from you!" Her voice rose higher. "All I was trying to say is that you can't let Brandon's emotions dictate how far you're willing to push him."
"Why do his emotions have anything to do with you?"
"I don't know!" she answered with crossed arms. "Because some crazy punks decided to drop into the middle of my life, and now I'm caught up in some insane scenario that I never asked for! This isn't me telling you what to do, Raphael; I'm trying to warn you. You may think that you're too smart to listen to anything an ex-con has to say, but experience has taught me that these things won't always resolve themselves."
"You hear that, Leo?" Raphael said mockingly. "Instead of chasing down the criminals, we ought to be taking advice from them."
"To hell with you!" Jazz spat angrily. "To hell with all of this! I'm out."
Leonardo smoothly cut across her path, and he saw an immediate flash of fear in her eyes. What boldness had been there seconds before was replaced with the cringing girl they'd met days ago.
"I knew it," her voice trembled. "You're never gonna let me leave, are you? I've seen too much."
Leo shook his head as he adjusted his posture, trying to appear less threatening. "That's not true, Jazz. You're not our prisoner. We invited you here to make sure that you'd be safe. We have no intention of holding you against your will. I just don't want you to run away without thinking this through."
Leonardo shot a look at Raphael, then focused on Jazz. "Tempers run high around here sometimes, but that doesn't mean you need to leave. If you really want to go, I'll talk to Greg when the others get back, and find out if there's a way to keep you safe on the surface. Is there anyone else you can turn to up there?"
"I don't need anyone else," she said shortly.
"Please don't give up on us, Jazz," Leonardo requested, and shot his brother a glare.
Raphael unfolded his arms, but his features lost none of their hardness. "Fine, Leo," he muttered, turning in Jazz's direction. "Talking about Bran like that gets me defensive, okay?"
"Whatever," she replied. "Do you think you two trust me to go to the Lounge? I have to go consider my options."
The blue-masked turtle nodded and stepped out of the way so she could retreat down the hall to the room she'd been using since she'd arrived. The instant the door closed behind her, Leonardo spun to face his brother.
"What the shell is your problem, Raph? Where do you get off talking to her like that?"
His brother bristled defiantly. "It's not her business, Leo. She just met Brandon. How is she gonna tell me how to handle him?"
"Did you listen to anything she was saying? Jazz may have had a good reason for speaking up in her mind. I think you owe her a real apology."
"I'll go consider my options," the red-masked turtle said sarcastically, and headed for the stairs.
Leonardo shook off the excess anger that seemed to be gathering inside his muscles. That was ridiculous. Why did I just allow the exchange go that far?
Raphael had no sooner gone upstairs than Michelangelo peered out of the Lab.
"What just happened, Leo?"
"No doubt you heard most of it," he replied morosely. "But I don't blame you for staying out of the way."
"Did Brandon leave?"
"He'll be back, or…maybe you could go after him. Brandon wasn't happy with me when he left, but he probably didn't go far."
The orange-masked turtle sighed softly. "Just another day on the roller coaster around here, huh? I'll go see if I can find him. Send out a search party if I'm not back in a couple of hours," he added wryly.
Leo settled into a chair as his youngest brother left. Would it be too much to ask for a day off at some point?