I'd watched the spell ripple across your body, tearing your flesh in half, quietly, quietly, beneath the layers of cloth to seep and play on the surface and dance to the floor, dripping from the rafters unto the apartment below.

When I said I'd love you to death

I never meant it like that...

The train rattled and clicked on the tracks, shaking us from side to side, pistons chugging, breathing sweet bursts of steam into the lazy September air. Remus was sat opposite me, his face pressed against the cold glass in a vain attempt at reducing the crude red hand mark that presented itself on his cheek, watching the world sway past, the drizzle drip from the trees and roll ravines of water down the pane. I wasn't sure what he felt, or if he'd realised that what he'd done with Lily would only cause him more trouble than good – though he'd have to be an idiot not to. And even if he had realised it, if it was just a ploy to get back at me, well, he must have been an even bigger idiot.

I held my head high and huffed through my nose. Dating a greaseball was bad, but dating an idiot was worse. Yet my entirety still yearned for his subtle touch, the warmth, the kindness that glowed so beautifully beneath that ravaged skin. It was almost embarrassing to think that he was all that kept me alive for the past few years. I needed neither food nor water: Remus was the answer to all questions; cure to all illness; the North Star on a dark night. But I couldn't let him get to me as he shuffled delicately beneath his coat and sank into a quiet sleep, so fragile, stunning as ever with his soft veil of gold wafting in front of his face.

The carriage door clicked and rolled to, our short lump of a friend slipping through the gap and placing himself beside Remus.

"Orright, Wormtail?" I smiled, trying to look genuinely happy. "Where you been all this time?"

He shuffled about on his spot, trying to make a comfortable dip in the cushions for the journey and returned his gaze to me. "Chatting to James. Apparently him and Lily have their own carriage for the Head Boy and Girl."

I smirked and lent my head in my hand, staring out of the window at the dreary clouds that hung above. "So, Wonder Boy's got himself his own compartment, eh? The sod..."

My body twisted, resting my arm on the small table stretching from the wall, to a quiet rap on the glass door. A short girl with chocolate brown hair sauntered in, face glowing with a mountain of makeup, clearly put on in a last minute rush during the train ride. A cluster of girls who must have be about two years bellow me gathered around her, pushing her back and rubbing her shoulders as if preparing her for some kind of gruelling task.

"Can I help you, ladies?" I grinned. Oh yes, I had another chance to shatter the bastard sitting in front of me.

She looked to the floor, a rose sweep consuming her head. "Ah-Er... H-hi... um... I-I heard that you were... single...? And... Err... well... I was wondering... if... maybe... you'd go out with me..."

I trapped a laugh in the back of my throat – Even after my reputation had been destroyed but the monster that was Remus Lupin, I still had little girls falling at my feet. Rising to my feet, I moved toward the girl that was going to be an implement of death to anything happy he had ever retained, seeing if she would almost meet my standards. "I'd love to."

The girl bounded back to her friends, leaving me in my spot for a moment to consult my friends.

"Oh, Remmy... Feeling a bit left out, are we?"

He sighed through a smug smile. "Not in the slightest. Squealing little 15-year-old girls don't bother me... besides, I wouldn't betray myself like that – it's only going to hurt in the long run."

I shrugged the concept off and moved for the door. "Smell ya later, losers. I have birds to play with."

The girl bounded over, grinning like a mad man, and locked her arm in mine, squeezing so hard I was frightened she would rip it off if the train moved and forced us apart. It was odd walking beside someone that wasn't Remus, that wasn't a man, with all the flesh they had, cushioning against my skin, and the strong scent of some kind of perfume. An ugly feeling, if I'd ever had one. I could feel it swilling in my stomach, clenching in my chest, an awkward tingle beneath my skin. It was just wrong for me, I knew it, but it was something I had to do to get back at the bastard and, maybe one day, it might feel right, I might be free.

She flicked a curious look at me and flushed when I glanced down at her. "So..." Her voice bubbled from her mouth. "Aren't you going... to ask me my name?"

My mind swelled for a moment, as if stepping from a dream into reality, still slightly lost in my thoughts, and relaxed. "Oh... yeah... name... sorry my head went for a walk..."

A quiet giggle slipped from her lips and she clung to me tighter. "Don't worry about it... It's Anya, by the way, and oh, there's our carriage." She pointed forward for a moment, letting my eyes drift to the door before lowering her hand.

"YOU WHAT? There is no way in hell I'm going in there with them – I'd rather endure a boring and depressing journey with Remus and fatty before them."

In the carriage where her finger had once pointed were some of the people I detested most, starting with my cousin, Bellatrix Black, and ending with Severus Snape, Lucius, Narcissa and Regulus seated somewhere in between.

Anya giggled once more, something that I'd already started to be annoyed by and shook her head. "No, silly, the one next to it." She freed my arm, letting the blood come back to it and skipped inside to get a spot for us.

The door behind me rolled and clicked shut before an all too familiar voice seeped into my head.

"Sirius?"

I sighed and released the door I was holding, pressing a hand against the glass and miming to the girl waiting within. I hadn't spoken to him in a while. A very long while. And even when we had, it was cold, meaningless. He'd hated me for running away, for leaving him there, being a Gryffindor, and I him, for trying to make me stay a little longer, for being a Slytherin. Before then, we may have almost been classed as friends. But he had always thought inside the box, whereas I had always longed to dance outside it, and there, well that was what was wrong with him.

"What is it, Regulus?" I heaved and turned to face what I once would call 'my baby brother', older now, not quite as tall as me though, with our matching eyes and hair colour.

"I heard about you... everything that happened..."

"And what?" I snapped, glaring at him despite the apparent softness that was lining the corners of his words. "What has that got to do with you, hmm?"

He looked down at his feet, as if this were shameful and breathed "I was just curious as to whether you were alright."

"Whether I'm alright or not is none of your business."

"Yes it is... It doesn't matter that you don't live with us anymore: You're still my big brother. Besides, mum was worried. She was heartbroken when you left – she even burnt you off the tapestry."

I stopped a ball of laughter bouncing up my throat and shook my head in amusement. "That's not heartbroken, Regs, that's hate. And according to that tapestry, no I'm not. So if you'd be so kind, get out of my sight." I turned back and pulled open the door, passing him one final glance a sighing. "See you around..."

"Sirius, don't be like this. You can't heal the wounds of love by falling in love again. Remember-"

The door slid shut midsentence and I dropped myself next to my new girlfriend – a phrase I never thought I'd hear myself saying. But maybe he was right and if he was I'd have to live with it. But I wouldn't give this one more than a week or two, anyway. She was just not my type.