Hello people of the fanfic world, if you've read this far, I want to thank you because 40 chapters can be quite tedious and we still have quite a few to go, and also to ask you if it's possible I could recieve some kind of review from you. It's just slowly been coming to my attention that the quality of my writing has begun to deteriorate or was pretty odd in the first place, with huge unneccacary patches of description and some parts that are very scarce for it and quite bland and I want to know your output on how I could improve in the future so reading what I've written would become less of a task in places where things can be quite baffling.

Thank you,

Lex

x

Me and Remus didn't speak for the next week of the holiday after I'd thrown myself at him in the cupboard, and seldom did after the start of term, as we slowly sank our teeth into the centre of January. Though, I suppose you could have said life was looking up for me in some respects, being that I'd already latched myself to a girl, 6th year, rich, with a particular talent for gymnastics – and when I say particular I mean particular – who'd now officially been classed as a 'longun' by Wormtail and Prongs ever since she'd thrown a set of keys at me on Tuesday night and told me to wait for Saturday.

Hogsmeade was grey, cold, uglier than I'd ever seen it before. The snow from Christmas time had already begun melting, glazing the world with slick patches of compressed white; pools of grey on the dying grass, preserving the sickly yellow with all its pride as night had swept across the surface and tickled the land with her icy fingers. Crude brown strips of mountain ran beside the paths, miniature, a playground for pixies and other snide creatures that I'd rather didn't exist, bathing in the miserable slush that swirled about your feet and clung like dark balconies to the sides of your shoes. Even the snowmen, the epitome of joy and childishness, perched on the side of the road, faces drooping ever closer to the floor, mouths littering downwards in a melancholy smile, large slug-like turds waiting in the distance.

I'd barely been out 10 minutes but I already wanted to go back to dorm.

I suppose I could always hope to see Remus around town, maybe his face would light up the day... or maybe he'd be so stunning in comparison, everything would look more down than it had ever been.

My head immersed itself further into my scarf, pinking nose poking out over the material, as my body tensed to the cold. Wearing a leather jacket and a t-shirt in this sort of weather hadn't been one of my greatest feats, but I guess it was some kind of penance for trying to impress a man that was no longer mine. I sighed, the heat of my breath warming the cloth, bouncing hot air into my face to tickle my upper lip and dance over the surface of my chin.

"Sirikins!"

I swivelled to the sound of Aureliana's voice, hiding behind my commercial smile, the one that meant nothing, felt nothing, a quiet facade on the face of a fraudster. "Hey there, beautiful, how's life been treating you?"

Her arm slid into mine and she lifted herself to plant a kiss on my cheek, beaming the whole time. "Splendidly, actually." She tugged my arm a little, pointing to the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. "Do you want to see it then?"

"Please say you haven't bought me the shrieking shack..."

She giggled and pulled harder, almost dragging me through the mud.

"...You have, haven't to?"

"No," She grinned, letting go of me. "Just wait here a second... and don't peek, ok?"

I heard her skip off, feet working in hushed slaps as they made contact with the wet mud, my eyes firmly shut the whole time. She was gone quite a while, to the point that I almost got worried and opened them, before she rolled into ear shot.

"Ok, you can open your eyes now." She called over the sloshing.

For a minute, I thought I was dreaming, lost in a layer of misbelieve, before the reality struck and, may I say, never had my flabber been so ghasted. "You... got me... a Harley Davidson..."

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Don't pull that face, it's not the model you and James were talking about, but my dad was going to chuck it so I thought I'd give it to you."

I snatched her up in my arms, lifting her over my head and spinning her around. "You – are – a – babe! You've just made my day... no week... month even!"

A gentle smirk played on her lips as she patted them on mine and lowered to the floor. "It was nice doing business with you, Sirius. I guess I'll see you around. Have fun with the bike."

Once again, I was dumbfounded. Had I just be dumped? No, this couldn't happen twice in my life, once was enough, thank you. I mean, it wasn't that I particularly liked her; I just had a certain dignity to uphold. "I'm sorry? I don't quite understand..."

"Well, you've got the present... and we agreed Saturday, so there's no real point in dating me, right? I assumed you were going to dump me on the spot." She sighed, giving me a half-hearted look back.

"Ah, you see, assuming makes and ass out of me and 'u'. I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I did that, would I? Besides, in theory, you'd have till Wednesday."

"You're an idiot."

"But a wonderful one: am I not?" I flashed her my trademark 'pickup grin' and winked.

"Irresistible."

...

The streets of the wizarding town seemed to have become more inhabited in our absence, the paths bustling with packs of girls, marching about as ever, like they were on some kind of crusade – possibly to be the first to buy a new brand of shoes – but girls baffled me, so I wouldn't know. Aureliana leaned further into my back, grasping at my torso as the bike purred down the road.

"Sirius," she muttered, muffled somewhat by the clothes on my back. "Your chest is really cold. Make sure you don't get sick."

I opened my mouth a moment, ready to say something I felt deep down, to let a little of myself slip through the gaps between my teeth, but closed it again. It was better for both of us if she didn't hear what I had to say. "Thanks for worrying, but I'll be fine. It's been like that for a while." I heaved, eyes fixed on the road, trying to find the Three Broomsticks.

Unfortunately, I hadn't ever had bike lessons before or even knew where the breaks were on the contraption, so I came to the conclusion that the best way to stop it would be to turn off the power and drive it into Hagrid.

"Aw, Sirius, di'nt see yer there. But ya gotta be careful with a bike tha' size. Imagine what'd 'appen if ya drove yer way inta one of 'em litluns there. Ya'd knock their bloomin' lights out." He attempted to scold as I hoisted my bike onto the pavement and rested it against a lamp post.

I shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, don't kill children, got it. Aurely, you coming in?"

"Nah, I think I'm gonna see my friends, they can only take so much neglecting." She laughed, locking our lips for a second and walking away, hand raised behind her in a quaint little wave.

A warm gust of air fled outward as I pulled open the door to the pub, letting its snug hands fiddle their way through my clothes and embrace my tired body while I moved within. I needed a glass Firewhisky. A big glass. With a load of ice. And a little pink umbrella. No, blue... Then it would match Remus' e-... Gold... Then it would match Remus' h-... Green. Then it would match my shirt.

I needed a psychiatrist.

I took my scarf and jacket off and threw them to a seat next to the fire, making my way to the counter and to what looked like the splitting image of myself.

"Hello there, Rosmerta, looking gorgeous as always." I grinned leaning against the sideboard. "And Fabian, may I say you look particularly dashing today."

The matamorphagus scowled at me. "Oh, Fabs, you can't just walk in here and pretend to be me to chat up the barmaids, what will my girlfriend think?"

I shook my head, smirking at the floor. "Oh, you have so much to learn. You see, I, Sirius Black, do not care what my girlfriend thinks because I know she will be gone within the week."

Rosmerta stared at us, looking positively bewildered. "Wait, so which one of you is actually Sirius?"

Fabian huffed and slid back into his regular form, shrinking and fitting his clothes noticeably better than he had done as me.

"There you go." I leered. "Let your testicles breathe. Do you feel that? That's the sensation of the blood running back into your balls."

His hand swished away a mop of honey coloured hair and he gave me a dark look. "My balls were fine, actually."

"Whatever you say, honey bee, just grant yourself lucky that the camel didn't come asking for his toe back... Rosie, a Firewhisky and a Butter Beer, please... What are you doing trying to illegally acquire alcohol as me anyway? Don't you have a big brother to do that for you?"

"I would have, if he hadn't ditched me to go on a date with some dude..." He sneered, snatching his Butter Beer and taking a large swig, before making his way to the table I'd stationed my things at.

My throat gurgled with a satisfied laugh. "Note to self: Kaaleeb is gay. Make sure the whole school knows by week's end."

He didn't look very impressed. "Aren't you gay? Isn't it sort of hypocritical trying to make a mockery of him when you're no better yourself? Pot, kettle, black, is it not?"

"Ah, but you see, the urge to destroy him is only natural, seen as I am the 'Alpha male', or so they call it, and he has the 4th largest fan base in our school, after James and Snape, of course."

"Snape?" His whole face filled with the utmost disgust and stayed in that form for a while. "... Snape... as in... Snivellus, Snape..."

"Well it's less of a fan base and more of a lynch mob, but you get my drift." I said, halfway through taking sips, looking up at him to see him sheepishly avert his gaze. I hadn't encountered the kid much throughout my time in school, but I knew him well enough to know that this wasn't exactly normal behaviour. "What's up, kiddo?"

He flicked his eyes back to me, held them in contact with mine of a strenuous second, and then drove them away once more. "Oh, it's nothing..."

"What sort of nothing? Good nothing, bad nothing, nothing I'd want to discuss with you, none of your business nothing, I can blow bubbles with my snot nothing, this little piggy went wee wee wee wee all the way home nothing?" I growled, my impatience getting the best of me today, despite the apparent ups.

"Well," His eyes locked with mine, nervously blinking and occasionally darting to and fro. "I was just wondering if anyone you ever date... well if you ever have any sincere emotions for them... like if you care about what they do... or what's happening to them..."

I nodded, not really absorbing any of what he just said.

"Well... sort of... are you just dating these people to date them... to have someone to call yours... or is it just centring around the fact you don't really know much about people and the way they work?"

"I really don't get where you're coming from..."

"Do you just not care that a bunch of girls are after your girlfriend's head or are you just so ignorant not to notice?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you're oblivious... well just so you know, your girlfriends gonna be killed by an angry mob of hormonal teens."

I slammed my glass down on the side and gave him one stone cold look. "And you didn't tell me this 5 minutes ago because...? This is exactly why I hate girls!"

I didn't want to admit it but I knew that what I'd been doing was wrong, ever since the start every fibre in my body had gravitated against it, but now it had all opened in front of my eyes and lain itself out on a platter.

This needed to stop.

I was possessed by whoever I gave myself to, not by whoever thought I should be theirs.

And at this time there was only one person who truly owned me, though he'd shut me in the box with all his other discarded toys and locked me in the attic. I guess I could always hope he'd get me out again on a rainy day and we'd be able to play make-believe like we had done in the past.