Brandon had been sitting in the beaten down recliner for what felt like hours, but he was no closer to being ready for bed. He wasn't happy with the way the evening had turned out, but he hadn't expected to be overjoyed by any of the options.
I knew that Kat would insist on throwing her lot in with the guys against the Akiudo. It makes sense practically speaking; she can kick some serious tail, including mine from time to time. I know she can handle herself, but I still don't want her to go.
Greg and Sayuri think they have just as much right to be there as the turtles, but Leonardo's right. The situation at Indian Point could be unpredictable, and the turtles need the others to be there. There's no telling how many men could be hanging around the Plant. They need a strong Prevention Team, but they need a strong front on the ghostscraper too!
Darn it, why does everything have to be so messed up? I need to be with the guys. That's where I belong. I fought with them twice before, only to be completely cut off this time. Nobody's going to clear me for duty, and I don't blame them. Doesn't mean I have to like it.
Brandon rested his head against the back of the chair, staring up at the ceiling. I'd give anything to go back in time and change a few things. But wishing won't change a single thing, so what's the point?
Raphael entered the room with a thud. Brandon automatically knew it was him because of the way the turtle had taken to announcing his presence so that he wouldn't startle him.
"Ain't you getting tired yet?" the red-masked turtle asked.
"No," Brandon said honestly. "Are you?"
"Not even close. Gonna have to sleep at some point though." Raphael flopped onto the end of the couch and stared at Brandon. "Are you okay, Man?"
Brandon shrugged. "I guess. It is what it is. I want to be there, but I'm not ready. I can't control what my mind does."
"That is important," Raphael replied. "But I wish you were gonna be there too. It sucks to lose you."
The man turned his head to focus on the turtle. "I'm not looking forward to watching you go, but this separation is nothing compared to the last one. At least you guys will be together, minus Donny…which is bad enough. But you have each other, and you have the advantage of secrecy. That's a lot better than it could have been."
"What do you mean, Bran?"
The man broke eye contact for a beat. "Do you know what scared me the most about being taken by the Akiudo?"
Raphael shook his head, not daring to say a word.
"I thought Daichi was going to use me as bait. I saw the scenarios of you four being captured a hundred different ways."
"You thought we were gonna walk into a trap?"
"Apparently Daichi wasn't smart enough to pull something like that."
The turtle shook his head again. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then shut it.
"Do you remember anything about Stolle?" Brandon asked quietly.
"You mean…like from being kidnapped?"
"Uh huh."
"It's complicated, Bran, because my memory was in shambles. But after I got my mind back…I'd have dreams. I don't know if they were flashbacks or memories. I couldn't tell you if any of it really happened."
"It doesn't seem like a memory should be this hard to face, does it? It's an event that happened in the past. What makes it so difficult to deal with?"
"It hurts, Brandon," Raphael said plainly. "Just 'cause it's in the past doesn't mean it's healed. Those wounds are still open, and they're stinging like fury. I think there's a lot of shame involved too. It's a humiliating thing to be taken captive, Man. I know what it's like to be at the mercy of some blockhead who couldn't beat me in a fair fight."
Brandon exhaled deeply. "I'm not as strong as you or your brothers. I never will be."
"I don't agree with you, Brandon. You ain't ever hesitated to jump into action with us, no matter how dangerous it was."
The man snorted. "The only reason I was brave is because you guys were there. Do you think I could have faced the Akiudo if you weren't holding my hand?"
"Was I holding your hand when you took a bullet for me in the rainforest, Bran?"
"I've told you a thousand times, I didn't have a chance to think about it. I reacted."
"That only cements your courage further. You can be brave on purpose, but you're also that way by instinct. Daichi didn't take that from you, Man. I know it might feel like he did, but the panic thing won't be this bad forever. It's gonna get better, and you're going to figure out that they really couldn't break you."
Brandon's breath quickened against his will and his shoulders hunched under the unbearable weight of the memory spinning through his mind. He braced his arms against his chest as he trembled. "I thought it was over for me," he whispered. "There was no hope, no light, nothing. Their questions were white noise. I don't remember even hearing them. All I could think was that I was never going home…never going to see any of you again. And death seemed a lot better than that."
Brandon wasn't surprised to feel Raphael's arms around him, though the turtle's strength almost took his breath away. Raphael said nothing for several seconds as the man cast what pride he had left underfoot by giving full vent to his tears.
"You made it home," Raphael said finally. "You survived everything, even if you didn't want to at the time. You can't get down on yourself for that, Bran. The important thing is that you're here, and you're in one piece. Daichi and his goons already went down, and Takashi and Yukiko are next. You're safe with us, Man, and you always will be."
"Raph?" he gasped.
"Yeah?"
"I can't breathe."
"Oh. Okay." Raphael half chuckled as he let go of him. "You're gonna be all right, Bran. I know you are."
The man gave him a small smile. "Slowly but surely. Maybe by this time next year I'll pass for someone who's sane."
The turtle snickered. "That's saying you were in your right mind before."
"Takes one to know one," he shot back. "All this talk about 'Team Suicide', and I'm the crazy one?"
Raphael gripped his shoulder. "We're coming back. You know that, right?"
"Of course you are; those idiots don't have anything on you. Now that you don't have to watch my back, maybe you can take them down faster. I'd appreciate it if you still kept an eye on Kat for me though."
Raphael nodded swiftly. "Don't worry about your sister, Bran. We're not gonna let her out of our sight any more than we did you."
"Thanks, Raph. Kat can take them, but it's a good feeling to know that you guys are in her corner." Brandon sighed shakily. "I'm feeling nowhere near as calm about this as I'm acting, but I need one night to breathe. I'll worry about all of you tomorrow."
"No reason to start getting anxious before we've even left," Raphael agreed.
Brandon sank back into the recliner. With the release of tears had come a stronger measure of weariness, but he was too comfortable to move yet. "Are you going to miss me?" he asked impishly.
"You kidding? Who's gonna jinx us without you on board?"
"Mikey's pretty well-known for his mouth too," the man pointed out.
Raphael stretched out on the couch with his hands behind his head. "If we let that floodgate open, we're all gonna drown."
Brandon heard footsteps on the stairs and looked over his shoulder to see Jazz coming down. The young woman had a towel draped around her shoulders, and damp hair fell across her face as she descended. His eyes lingered on her frame longer than they should have, but he was emboldened because she wasn't paying attention to him.
"Hey, Jazz," Raphael called out. "That is you in there, isn't it?"
"I'm practicing going under cover," she replied, using her fingers to smooth hair out her eyes.
"You're not going to have to worry about hiding much longer," Brandon told her. "The guys are about to neutralize the threat once and for all."
She gave him a meaningful smile. "I don't know. I think I'm probably scared enough to hide out for a good long time."
"Hm, there's an idea," Raphael said thoughtfully. "It's a good thing you've got some crazy people to entertain you."
"The craziest," she replied. "But it's not like I could fit in with normal people."
"Why would you want to?" Brandon chuckled. "It's so boring, comparatively speaking."
"I can think of a few things I'd rather do than get caught in a gunfight, but you're right. Boring they are not." Jazz stretched her arms behind her back with a grunt. "The next time Jenna invites me to come 'stretch' with her, remind me to say no."
"Aw, c'mon, Jazz," Raphael scoffed. "It'll get easier. It's a good kind of pain, isn't it?"
"Those two words don't go together," Jazz said dryly. "It's a great idea in theory, but I'm not cut out for the physical stuff."
Brandon accidentally caught himself staring again as she arched her back, but the young woman seemed unaware of his attention.
"Well, I'm beat," she said. "I'm gonna head back, boys. G'night." Jazz nodded at each of them in turn, but her smile rested on Brandon for a couple of seconds longer before she went down the hall.
Brandon glanced in Raphael's direction, and found the turtle's amber eyes focused on him. "Is there anything good on TV?" he asked.
"What do you need TV for, Bran? Looks like you've got plenty to watch around here as it is." Raphael smirked.
"What are you talking about?"
"Are you gonna make me say it, Man? Really?"
"Say what?"
Raphael sat up on the couch and peered down the hallway before responding. "I'm a lot of things, Brandon, but I'm not blind."
"Wait, you think I'm—"
"Crushing on Jazz? Yeah, that's what it looks like."
Brandon could feel himself changing colors. "Are you crazy? Raph, I barely know her. I don't fall for girls like that."
The turtle laughed. "Hey, I'm not gonna argue about you feel. I'm just telling you what I see."
"There hasn't been time for anything like that to develop. I'm just starting to figure out who she is."
"Then why are you still defending yourself?" Raphael asked pointedly.
"It's ridiculous, Raph. My head isn't on straight. I'm a complete mess—"
"You're not a complete mess, Bran. You and Jazz seem to get along pretty well, that's all I'm saying. I don't see that as a bad thing."
"I'm trying to make her feel welcome, Raph. We had a terrible first impression. I had to make things right with her, didn't I?"
"You've done that, Man," Raphael said seriously, but he was obviously holding back another laugh.
"You'd better keep your mouth shut, Raph," he said mock-threateningly. "I don't need an intervention, and neither does Jazz. We're friends. We don't need anyone to make up a pairing where it doesn't exist."
"Hey, I'm out of it, Brandon. We got other stuff to think about right now anyhow, y'know, like taking down the Akiudo."
Brandon nodded. Good. Yes. Put the focus where it belongs, and please don't embarrass me.
"You realize that this isn't just going to resolve itself though, don't you?" Raphael grinned again. "What's wrong with admitting that you've got a thing for her?"
"Can you stop? Please? Haven't I been humiliated enough for one year?"
Raphael threw his head back and laughed. "Aw, Man, you're in big trouble, and you don't even know it."