Past - In the previous chapter, the Easter Ball occurs and, in short, Sirius decides it would be clever to throw himself off the astronomy tower.

Enjoy, review and recommend x

My eyes slowly opened, whiteness glaring back at me, burning to the very backs, willing me to close them once more. I had no idea where I was, the sounds, the smells so unfamiliar to my body. Maybe it was Heaven, Heaven was supposed to be white, right? Then I thought about it more clearly: I was gay; I beat up people simply because I could, and I'd just committed suicide – all major 'no go's if you wanted to go to a better place, or so they called it. Besides, there was no place in this universe that could be classed as greater, if there wasn't a Remus John Lupin that came with it.

My lids fluttered a little, wanting to break from the darkness, to get a glimpse of where I was.

Squinting through my lashes, I was able to make out the very outlines of things in pale blurs of colour, afraid of the sharp light that glowered around me. There was clearly a bit of movement, wherever I was, there was something alive, dark blobs sweeping back and forth across my vision like fat, bumbling flies. I felt a slight, warm pressure rest itself on my forearm and comfortingly rub at it.

"James, I think he's stirring…" Called an all too familiar voice from the depths. "I don't care if you're keeping a look out for moping girls, he needs us both here when he finally wakes up!"

I rolled into the sound, clasping for something I knew, something that wasn't quite as scary. Though a stab at my leg stopped me from moving any further; my gaze adjusting a little, becoming more friendly with the painful glow and fixing on a flow of red hair.

"Lily?" I croaked, voice course and airy, sliding my hands up her arm and clutching in pure terror of this unknown place. "Where am I?"

"It's ok, you're in the infirmary…"

"Do you remember anything about last night?" James asked, leaning in and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't addle him, let his mind take it in in its own time…" She sighed, turning to me with a warm smile. "Last night, you fell off the Astronomy Tower – there's a rumour spreading that you jumped, but let's put that to the side for a moment…"

I nodded, wide eyed and the slightest bit disorientated.

"Luckily, Remus was there and he managed to slow you down before you hit the ground… Your left leg is broken and you might have concussion, but as far as we know, everything else is fine…"

I slumped backwards into the pillow, taking in a deep breath and closing my eyes. I was definitely in Hell, or might as well have been – nothing had changed, it had gotten worse if anything.

For a moment, I let my eyes roll about in the darkness, absorbing the words and making what was left of me process them.

"Where is he?" I whispered, almost out of instinct, words moving freely off of my tongue.

"What?"

"Where is he? Where's Remus?"

"Err… I… don't know… he's not here…"

My throat seized on itself, wringing and choking in denial, so I was barely able to wheeze the words "Find him."

"James, you go," Lily grinned. "If you're around he'll probably want to jump out of bed and do something exciting with you, and we can't have that with his leg broken."

I turned to look at the girl, pulling my arm from beneath her hand.

"Both... both of you go and find him… it'll be faster that way…"

"Sirius, you need someone here to accompany you. You don't want to be alone for however long it takes – in case you haven't noticed, this school is huge!" She stated, gripping my arm once more.

"I said I want you both to find him, so find him… I'll be fine… I'm always fine…"

Any life in the hospital wing fluttered away with their moving feet, sitting alone with only the muffled coughs of skiving children to play on my ears. It was almost pitiable the low level of acting skills Hogwarts students had these days, not to mention the lack of imagination in their plans.

I let a little huff of laughter escape my lips, recalling a very specific occasion in my third year where I repeatedly smashed my face against a wall until my nose broke in order to get out of one very dull Divination lesson. Looking back on it now, I must have been blind not to see how Remus had felt for me, even then; remembering as he took me to the infirmary, on the brink of tears, telling me over and over how stupid I had been, and then sat beside me while it healed. A little smile flickered across my face to the memory, to the recollection of his warm finger brushing along the line of my nose as he sighed "You have such a beautiful face, why would you do something like that to it?" Indeed, my nose was never quite the same again, retaining a slight ridge from the break that made me look 'interesting and troubled' as James once put it.

I pushed my head back into my pillow, nuzzling my cheek against the softness. That must have been nearly 5 years ago now, so it wouldn't have been surprising if he didn't love me like that anymore – they say the chemical that is pulsed around our bodies when we fall in love is only produced for 6 years and suppose that time was almost up.

X

A dark, heavy fog lifted from my body, thinning out around me. At some point I must have fallen asleep in the well of thoughts that had raced my brain, though I never quite recalled closing my eyes.

"Please wake up," Remus whispered, his breath, his lips brushing against the back of my hand in bittersweet ecstasy. "I-I thought you'd died... I thought I wasn't quite fast enough... Just... Please just wake up..."

I felt my insides ignite with joy, burning through my body until a broad grin slipped across my mouth and opened my eyes. He leapt onto me, drawing my into a crushing hug I could not have predicted, leaving me deprived for air. It took some time for my limbs to respond, lost in his scent that even without a wash smelled so musty, interesting, euphoric that it made me want to clutch to him and never let go.

"Thank you," I whispered into his neck, unsure of whether I was speaking to him or my good fortune.

He held me back from him for a moment, eyes wild and slightly nervous as if he'd committed some heinous deed.

"I have to explain about Clabe... I was talking to him because, well, I saw him with Regulus... I saw him with your brother. I was going to break up with him... but I never thought that... I never dreamed-"

I pushed my lips into his, too tired to listen, too pleased to care, too troubled by my own faults to let him put himself down like that.

"I didn't want to live in a world where someone as wonderful as you wanted someone as terrible as him over me – he's a horrible human being who only ever had his interests at heart." I sighed, sheepishly averting my gaze. "And... well, I've done some god-awful things to you, things that I'll regret my every waking hour for the rest of my life. But I can tell you now, that if you even consider taking me back I will be nothing but your loyal slave for the rest of time. I will love you until the sun stops shining."

When I finally looked back at him, his eyes were brimming, dribbling down his face, a faint smile curving in the corners. I drew him once more into a warm hug, a vain attempt to console his worn heart, to stop the tears.

"Sirius... Siri, I'm sorry, so, so sorry... I tore us both to shreds. I don't deserve any of this, I know, but I'm a selfish bastard who will never let you go again. Please come back to me..."

"Of course," I answered.

At that moment I had been never more sure of anything in my life.

Then he went silent, startled looking, his chest ceasing to move.

"Breath, Remmie! Breath! I'm not losing you again!" I called, violently shaking him.

He gave a hug gasp, drawing himself back to the living world and then inspecting me with much grace.

"Excuse me. Why is he still in here? He looks fine!" He stated rather forcefully at the tired looking healer.

"Mr Lupin, I would thank you not to do my job for me."

"But he's fiiiiiine," he added more persistently. "He just needs to rest up in the dorm!"

"I don't quite think you're in the right position to dispute my patients' wellbeing. Besides, I'm sure your sorts' definition of 'rest up in dorm' requires a lot more sex than mine does," she finished in quite a huff.

My mind went for a bit of a walk after that though, when he clambered onto of my lap, giving more of his groin in my face than I'd had in a long while. I stared downwards in fascination for a short while before he looked to me.

"Sirius, are you in pain?"

I frantically shook my head, drawing myself into him for a well needed love session with his neck. Surprisingly, he tasted better than I had remembered him, sure that Kaaleeb would have tainted him somehow. Though, my enjoyment was cut short by the impending eyes of a first year, that seemed to have 'rattled my cage,' so to speak.

"Hey, kid! Have you never seen two men in love before?" I snarled, giving him a dark look. "Just because we're the same sex doesn't make it any different!"

"That still standing, I would prefer it if you two were to stop. Please leave, Remus, it's not like you to be like this and I'd be glad it not to tarnish my memory of you for years to come," she sighed, severe disappointment hanging on her face.

"I'll leave if I can take my boyfriend with me."

"This is not a bartering mater! Leave now or I will be forced to call the headmaster!"

"Then call him! But I'm not moving and if I am, I'm taking Sirius with me!"

Dumbledore swept into the room, causing me to panic a little and clutch onto Remus as if he were the last thing in the world, afraid that if I parted from him now it would be the last time I ever saw him.

"Poppy, both of these young men have been through a hard night, would it not be wise to give Mr Black here a set of crutches and let him heal in his own time."

She gave a quite disdainful look at me and Rems, thrusting crutches at me and storming off to attend to her other patients.

Wow! I'd managed to make another enemy! I was going to end up more hated than Snivellus by then end of my time a Hogwarts – I could feel it.