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3. Uncertainty
"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."-Confucius
When she left, I felt oddly empty. But, at the same time, I was in peace with myself because, once again, I was back at my old routine. I was back to believing I was a monster.
Honestly, I don't know what happened when she was with me. It was like my frozen heart had taken care of everything for me and started talking without my brain's agreement. Maybe it was her red eyes… Or her giggle… Or her clumsiness… Or her ginger hair…
I chuckled.
It's funny how I had never looked at a ginger before. People usually liked to make a difference between them and the rest because, I guess, being a ginger was to be different. Well, Evelina certainly was special. But now that she had left it was like she hadn't even existed. It was a dream, you know? I haven't dreamt in decades… Vampirism, unfortunately, didn't include sleep. I wish it did. I would be sure about these past few hours.
Why did you do it, Nathan?, a small voice asked me. You're not looking for someone, remember? You don't need a partner in crime. Why did you fall under her charm?
Charm?
She was no witch. She was so pure. Too pure for her own good…
I was going to see her again, I was sure of it. The question was: where would I lead this to? I wasn't ready. No. She was the one that wasn't ready. Accepting a monster so easily… She would never do that.
The cell phone I had recently bought started ringing. I took it out of my coat's pocket and answered.
"Where are you?" A grumpy, raspy voice asked.
"In the woods, why?" I asked, standing up. When he didn't reply, I sighed. "Do you need me?"
"If I didn't, I wouldn't have called, would I?" The other person in line replied angrily. I shook my head. Why was he always getting in trouble? If he followed my type of life, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't get these phone calls which I terribly hated.
"What did you do?" I asked, frustrated.
"I'll show you when you arrive."
After that, he gave me the specific address of where he was and I hung up without saying goodbye.
I ran in vampire speed till Forks. It wasn't far away from Seattle, I thanked God for that. That moron had the tendency to leave without telling me and then, when he was really far away, he would call me, begging for my help because, as always, he had screwed up.
I finally arrived at the address he gave me and I found him, leaning against a wall, jaw tensed up, and his right foot tapping the ground repeatedly and annoyingly.
"What did you do, Jeremy?" I asked straight away.
He looked at me, his red eyes sparkling in relief, and walked closer. As always, his blonde, thick hair balanced with every step he took.
"It was an accident!" He exclaimed, already trying to defend himself. "We're having sex and… I couldn't resist her blood."
I sighed.
"Jackass."
He cursed.
"Come on, help me! She's in the bed." He confessed.
"Still?" I replied, pissed off. "Can't you throw a body away without my f'ing help? For God's sakes, Jeremy, man up!"
I walked inside the small motel with him following me very quietly.
I met Jeremy a few months ago, when I decided to come back to the USA. He was travelling on the same ship as I was. The moment I saw his ruby eyes I freaked out and threw him inside a room, demanding to know why he was being so reckless. Turns out, he's always reckless. It's like a motto to him or something.
I kept him close because I knew how the Volturi worked and the poor guy was just too stupid to follow the rules.
I opened the door to his room and found a young, brunette girl laying on the bed, paralyzed, eyes wide-opened in shock.
"Jeremy, you idiot." I said coldly.
"I know! Can you help you now?" He asked, making puppy eyes.
I made a face.
"Don't. That's just disturbing." I looked back at the scene. The woods were nearby and, hell, we were vampires. We could run faster than any human.
"Grab a sheet, wrapped it around her and take her to the woods to be fed by the wild animals."
"Will that work?"
"Who cares? She's dead, isn't she?" I complained before walking out the room.
While I waited for him to be done, I lit up another cigarette, thinking, once again, about Evelina and her ginger hair. When was I going to see her again? Damn it. I shouldn't be craving for her attention.
"How about your partner in crime?" She had asked and I stupidly accepted it. What's wrong with me that I could not say no to her as I usually did to the others? I mean, what was the difference?
I shook my head.
She was beautiful, that's what it was. She was the only person I could look at and see no flaws. Strange, wasn't it?
"Yo, I'm ready."
I looked back at Jeremy who had the dead woman wrapped around a white sheet and placed on his shoulder.
"Let's go." I said and threw to the floor my cigarette before tapping it. "But you got to stop doing these things, okay? It's dangerous."
He sighed.
"I know, I know… I couldn't control myself, okay? It happens…" He pouted.
I stared at him with an eyebrow raised.
"Don't. That's disturbing." I repeated.
We walked to the woods in silence, making sure no one saw us. I looked at the sky, thanking the clouds for hiding the sun's light. I hated when my skin sparkled, it pissed me off, made me feel so...weird. But, anyways, I always felt like that.
Jeremy dropped the body in a small valley, while I smoked another cigarette. I was trying to relax, to go back to being myself, but I couldn't stop thinking about Evelina. Damn it, what was wrong with me?
"Everything's okay?" Jeremy asked.
I nodded.
"Wonderful, why?"
He stared at me, frowning. I'm not always a sarcastic guy, but, when I was, Jeremy knew that something was terribly wrong.
"What's happened?"
I shrugged.
"Nothing important."
"Liar."
"Sue me!" I exclaimed, pissed, and turned by back at him.
He was silent for a few moments, as if the quietness would help me relax. At this point of the game, I don't know what will help me or not.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked.
I shook my head. "You sure?"
I stayed quiet.
"So-"
"No, I'm not." I answered and sighed. "I… met someone today. It was strange."
"Why? You didn't fuck her?"
I looked back at him, growling. He chuckled and held his hands up in surrender.
"Trying to make a joke, okay?"
"Not helping." I complained, angry.
"Okay, sorry, man." He stared at me, his ruby eyes trying to figure out what my thoughts were. "So, what's up?"
I shrugged.
"I… liked her too much, I guess."
I heard a mocking laugh.
"And that's bad? Honestly, Nathan, take a break. Enjoy your immortality." He advised and walked up to me, placing an arm around my shoulders. "I know you have some… issues, but…"
"Issues?" I interrupted and backed away, once again angry. "What do you think she'll do if she found out what I do, eh? And I'm not even talking about being a vampire because she's one as well, so she's fucking fine with it. I'm talking about the other thing! She wouldn't take me. No one would."
Jeremy stared at me, sympathetic. Or, at least, trying to look like that.
"It's not a big de-"
"It is to me!" I exclaimed and shook my head. "I need to alone. I'm going hunting."
Without giving him time to say anything, I ran in vampire speed to the middle of the woods. I knew that I'd apologized after my bad temper was controlled. That's how I worked.