Chapter 4
I learned how to stop crying.
I learned how to hide inside of myself.
I learned how to be somebody else.
I learned how to be cold and numb ...
Will was leaning back in his office chair, elbow on his desk, hand resting against his chin, staring out the window. He vaguely realized he should be in the rundown meeting but there was no way he could sit through that right now and thankfully, no-one had buzzed for him to go in there.
'Mackenzie is leaving.' It kept reverberating through his brain and he couldn't seem to gather his thoughts any further than that. She's leaving … She won't be here … She's leaving … Again … Someone else, her replacement … Replacement? … Is that possible? … She's leaving. His mind was a jumbled mess, but only of those thoughts. He couldn't go any further.
He didn't notice his door open and had no idea how long Charlie had been standing in his office when Will finally noticed him. Charlie stood in front of his desk, arms crossed, frown aimed squarely at Will.
"Charlie," Will started.
"Shouldn't you be in the rundown meeting?"
Will just looked at him pointedly, and Charlie sighed and sat down. "She told you, I take it."
Will scoffed. Charlie's known since Friday, possibly before that based on what Mackenzie had said. And he'd never said a word.
"How long have you known?"
"I've known she's been getting offers for months."
"And you didn't …" Will began.
But Charlie cut him off. "Will, I've never had an EP worth a damn that didn't get offers occasionally. So, no, I didn't make a fuss about it. But when she started handing control over to Jim, I knew her leaving was probably imminent."
Will felt himself getting furious. "And you just decided to keep that to yourself? Aren't you the one that told me she's the best in the business? Line up 10 people and 8 of them will tell you she's the best and the other two will be stupid?" His voice was starting to rise, "You said that to me when you hired her behind my back, remember? Did you even try to talk her out of leaving? I mean, help me out here, Charlie, because I must be missing something."
Charlie simply sat calmly staring at Will, letting him have his little rant. He'd been expecting this kind of reaction, knew worse was likely to come. After a beat, he said sternly, "Will, I want you to listen to me and I don't want you to interrupt." He paused, starting and stopping a few times before finally saying, more softly, "I love you like the son I've never had, you know that. I brought Mackenzie back because she is the best damn EP in the business and also, she brings out the best in you and as I told you then, it was time to right the ship. She's done everything I'd hoped she'd do and more."
He paused again, glancing out the window, "Granted, I didn't know then why it was the two of you broke up and had I known that before, well, I might not have made the same decision in bringing her back." He looked back at Will abruptly, "But that would have been a mistake on my part so frankly, as painful as it might have been for you, I'm glad I did because in the long run, you've been a better man for it."
"But now you're fine with letting her leave?" Will bit out.
Charlie stared at Will for a few seconds. Will thought fleetingly his expression contained accusations but he brushed that thought aside quickly. Finally, Charlie stated, " You really think I could stop her? And even if I could, that I should? There are few things I love more than doing the news but you and Mackenzie are two of them. And because of that I can't continue to sacrifice her just to produce a good news show or to -"
"Sacrifice – "
"You know, I told you not to interrupt me." He waited and Will smartly decided to be quiet. "Now, I've watched you either abuse her or toy with her," Charlie held up his hands in concession when he saw Will about to protest, "maybe unconsciously but toy with her still the same, for almost two years. It's been all I can do to watch it and god knows, she's stronger than I am for being able to tolerate it. Though I think that's because she's seen it as some kind of penance, which is bullshit as far as I'm concerned. Frankly, I think any lingering guilt should have subsided when you pulled that dumb ass stunt bringing Brian here, but still she stood by you. I thought maybe after the whole hospital fiasco and that damn voicemail you might have finally gotten your head out of your ass, but," he sighed heavily, "you didn't."
He paused, standing. He needed to end this conversation for now, he'd struggled with how Will has treated Mac for too long. "I don't know, Will, maybe you really can't get over it. That's not for anyone else to figure out but you. But I, for one, am sure as hell not going to stand in Mac's way now if she has decided leaving is in her best interest, especially since I can't in good conscience disagree with her. I hate it for myself because god knows, I'll miss her and I hate it for News Night. But mostly, Will, I hate it for you."
"This isn't about me and her and our past. She's under contract for three years, remember? She was supposed to be here for three years and now she's just leaving halfway through and you're –"
Charlie was staring toward the bullpen and without turning said, "Do you really want to bring up her contract, Will? You know why she can leave now. You want to say that wasn't about you and her and your past."
At that, Will abruptly closed his mouth.
As he reached the door, Charlie looked back and Will could swear he wore an expression of pity or disappointment, both of which irritated Will though he was loathe to analyze why. "I'm sorry, son. I know this is going to be hard on you, maybe harder than you know. But if you're looking to me to stand in her way, well, I won't do it. Not to Mackenzie. Not even for you."
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Thank you to iworkwithpens for letting me bounce a few ideas off her and for pointing out a few issues. This chapter is short but I really wanted to post something to try to get this going again. The next chapter is easier to write because it doesn't have as much dialogue (thank God). I'm still struggling to write Will so this was a little bit of a cop out since I mostly just wrote Charlie, but I adore Charlie's relationship with Will.