My wrist was throbbing when I woke the next morning, the redness in it faded to an ugly, splotchy purple. The swelling had gone down, but not completely. It still looked terrible. Dad and I made the trip out to the Seam once the morning rush was finished, leaving Rye to look after the bakery. It was freezing; my hands were so numb I couldn't even feel the pain in my wrist by the time we arrived. Dad sat by the fire, chatting with Mrs. Everdeen and warming up before making the trip back. Mrs. Everdeen offered to walk with me to the school so that neither Rye or my dad would need to venture out into the cold this far. Her offer was refused, of course. Dad would wait out front before he let her do something like that. She walked him to the porch, as if the partially closed door hid the kiss he planted on her cheek before leaving. Mrs. Everdeen's face was flushed when she came back into the house, quietly closing the door behind her.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, smoothing her hand over her hair as she crossed the room back to me. I shrugged as she sat on the couch beside me and gestured toward my injured wrist. "May I?"
I pulled back the sleeve of my shirt and held my arm out toward her. Mrs. Everdeen carefully curled her hand around my wrist, manipulating my fingers with her other hand and squeezing gently. It hurt, and I bit back a whimper when she tried bending my hand back. I pulled away from her instead.
"I'm sorry," she smiled faintly, dropping her hands into her lap. "That looks much better than last night. Did you bring the brace?"
"It's—in my coat," I nodded toward where it hung on the wall. "Right p-pocket."
"Katniss told me about school while we were on our way back home last night," she said, getting up from the couch and walking over to my coat. "She was too upset to say much of anything beyond the immediate problem on the way to the bakery except to snap at me to hurry up." She smiled to herself for a moment, pausing before reaching into my coat for the brace. "But she told me on the way home. What those boys have been doing. I know that has to be hard to deal with. You can talk about it with me, if you like."
"That's um—that's okay," I frowned, staring at the floor as she sat down beside me again and lifted my wrist to put the brace on. It felt too tight, and having it on felt like a hard fall backward—I'd been free of it for months.
"Peeta," she sighed. "I'll let this go for now, just know that we are going to have to discuss it at some point. Soon." I nodded , glancing at her as she shifted to the chair across from me. I didn't want to discuss it with anyone, ever. It was embarrassing to have people I used to consider friends turn on me like that, not to mention how true everything they said felt. It hurt. And just thinking about it reinforced that hurt, let alone actually talking about it.
Mrs. Everdeen lifted one of her notebooks from the table beside her chair, thumbing through it for a moment. Buttercup jumped onto the arm of the couch, craning his neck toward me and purring before I even reached out to touch him. He pawed for my hand, arching his back against my fingers and stepping into my lap. My injured wrist captured his attention, and he nuzzled at the brace as he dropped onto his side on my legs.
"It's been a while since we've gone through all of these questions," she said, and I frowned down at the cat, knowing that meant I'd have to suffer through every last humiliating piece of it today. I'd hoped that the fact that I had to leave for class would have meant this would be shortened, maybe a even little rushed. I was hoping she'd just skip to the exercises in the books or maybe attempt a little physical therapy for my hand. No such luck. "I don't really need to ask if your wrist is worse, do I?"
"No," I shook my head, smirking to myself.
"Is the pain in it now the same or different as the initial injury?" she asked, making a note before looking up at me.
"It's, um—n-not as bad," I looked down at my hand. Buttercup had given up on his nuzzling and had one paw draped over my forearm, holding me still while he licked the patches of skin visible through the holes in the brace. "It's worse n-near my th-thumb. Before it was j-just—my um, my wrist."
"Did it keep you awake last night?" she asked.
"No." I bit down on the inside of my lip, letting out a short, quiet laugh. "I, um—took an extra pill. To get to s-sleep." Not entirely a lie, though it was thinking of Katniss that would have kept me awake, not my wrist.
"Does that mean you're actually taking your medications?" she raised her eyebrows, fixing me with a small smile.
"M-more than I used to," I said as I scratched under Buttercup's chin. He'd finally decided I'd had enough grooming and curled up with his head tucked against the brace on my wrist.
"That's wonderful, Peeta," she smiled. "Let's try making that a solid 'yes' for the next time we go through all this, hm?"
"Maybe," I smirked, and she shook her head.
"Headaches?"
"Still—awful." I shifted in my seat, looking over at the fire, knowing where this was about to go and hating it. "Worse when it s-snows."
"I'm going to guess it makes the ache in your arm worse, too," she said, her voice soft and gentle. I nodded. "That's not just the cold; that's the pressure change in the atmosphere. Unfortunately, that's not going to be a symptom confined to winter. You'll feel it when the summer thunderstorms roll through, as well."
"Oh, good," I deadpanned. In the height of summer those storms happened nearly every afternoon.
"How is your appetite?"
"Not—so great," I shrugged. I never really told her how much the idea of food had repulsed me for a while; the fact that I actually wanted to eat at times was certainly an improvement, but there were still days I didn't want anything.
"Bowel movements?" she didn't even look up from her writing. I closed my eyes, frowning and trying to find the word she used.
"Ir-irregular."
"And your sex drive?" she glanced up at me. The progression of these questions never failed to disgust me.
"It's—the same," I shook my head, staring into the fire. Just when these questions had gotten a little easier things had started with Katniss, and I would never be able to look her mother in the eye again.
"Still able to achieve and maintain an erection?" she asked. I nodded, trying to keep my face neutral and push last night out of my head. I hoped she wouldn't find out her daughter could answer those questions for me. "And orgasms—still disappointing?"
"No," I chuckled, raising my eyebrows and regretting it the instant her pen dropped. I pressed my lips together, keeping my eyes on those flames in the fireplace and ignoring her eyes on me.
"That's different," she said, her voice carefully light. "So what changed?"
"N-nothing," I shook my head. What changed was your daughter. It was Katniss letting me lay her in my bed and make things happen that I'd thought about for years. I shrugged, hating the heat rising to my face and hoping she didn't suspect the true source of my embarrassment. "I d-don't know."
"Well," she looked back down at her notes, and I ventured a glance at her. There was a hint of a smirk on her face and it made my chest knot up. "That's an improvement, at least, even if the reason is a mystery." There was a brief moment of silence while she wrote, and I pressed my lips together, turning my attention to the cat as he rolled onto his back, stretching in his sleep. "Your speech has been getting much better. I've noticed it myself, and your father and Katniss have both pointed it out. That must feel wonderful."
"I still, um, st-stutter," I frowned, scratching at the soft, thick fur over Buttercup's belly. "Especially at sc-school."
"That's where a great deal of this bullying problem is stemming from, isn't it," she said, and I nodded. She closed her notebook and set it aside, looking at me thoughtfully for a moment. "Peeta, you need to understand something. You're different. From who you used to be, and from the other people in this District. But you are not abnormal, and you are not defective." There was that word. Katniss must have heard Verne, shared that with her. I bit down on my lip. "People don't survive head injuries here. I have miners brought to me with them. A lot. I'm sure you didn't know that. Most people don't." I looked up at her, furrowing my brow. I didn't know that. "They take a blow as bad as yours, or worse—and once they wake up they seem fine for a few days. Almost back to normal. Then they just drop dead. That's if they wake up at all. I'm not exactly sure what's different about what happened to you, or why your injury was bad enough for you to be going through all of this, but not enough to actually kill you. I do know that you understand you came close to dying, but I don't think you truly understand how close. And that it wasn't just while you were lying on that kitchen floor."
I stared at her. I didn't know any of that. Of course I knew I'd almost died. I'd woken up in my father's arms in a puddle of my own blood. I didn't remember much of it, just brief images and sounds, but Rye had told me after I begged him to. The look on his face and the tone of his voice while he related the story told me everything I needed to know about how bad it really was, even more than his actual words could convey. But I thought that was the end of the danger I had been in.
"You're safe now," Mrs. Everdeen smiled at me. "You have been for a good long while. But for the first few days—the first couple of weeks, really—any time you fell asleep could have been the time you didn't wake up." I sat back against the couch, letting that settle in. It didn't feel real, and the gravity of it was too big for me to get a solid handle on. "I'm only telling you this because I want you to understand what the people who poke fun at you never can. It's a miracle you're still here, even though most of the time it feels like a curse." Her eyes softened, her smile warming, and I did my best to return the expression. I knew I was falling pitifully short.
The rest of the appointment was spent on logic problems and speech exercises, both of which left me with a headache and worsened my stutter. I still had to get through two classes, one of which was math and never failed to remind me of exactly how pathetic I'd become. Rye turned up with a bag of food almost an hour early, shivering and flushed with the cold.
"I told your father I'd take him," Mrs. Everdeen huffed, arranging Rye on the edge of the hearth with a cup of tea.
"You don't know him very well if you actually thought he'd accept," Rye smirked, pressing his hands against the sides of the mug. She turned away, hiding a smile and shaking her head. The two of us traded a look, and I couldn't help but wonder if she had any idea we knew about her relationship with him. Buttercup jumped off my lap, slinking toward Rye and sniffing tentatively at the leg of his pants. Rye glanced up at me. "Is this that cat she keeps bitching about?" I smirked and nodded, though I didn't understand Katniss' loathing of Buttercup. Rye grinned, reaching down and sliding his hand over Buttercup's back before the cat decided he'd had enough and loped across the room.
"So did he tell you he's still not taking his medications?" Rye said, turning away from the fire to face Mrs. Everdeen.
"Stop," I said, cocking my head to one side. He just smirked at me over the edge of his mug.
"He mentioned something about that," Mrs. Everdeen said, cutting her eyes toward me briefly as she bit back a smile.
"I t-take them," I insisted before quietly tacking on, "somet-times."
"I'm just looking out for you, you know," Rye said. Mrs. Everdeen turned back toward the kitchen. "Did you mention that it's been about four days since you took a shit?"
"Sh-shut up," I snapped, glancing toward the kitchen. Mrs. Everdeen had her back to us, but I swear I saw her shoulders shaking with laughter.
Katniss was waiting for me outside of class, craning her neck looking for me and shifting her books from one hand to the other. As soon as she spotted me she sagged a little, an apologetic look crossing her face. She wove through the students in the short stretch of the hall separating us and stopped in front of me.
"I really didn't mean to tell her as much as I did," she grimaced. "I was just so mad, and I started ranting, and it sort of all came out. I didn't realize it until we got home and she started asking me more about it how much I had said. I'm sorry."
"It's f-fine," I smirked. The worst part of sitting with her mom had absolutely nothing to do with any of that, though I couldn't exactly share that embarrassment with Katniss.
"And for the record," she moved to the back of my chair, "I'm not letting you try pushing yourself around with your wrist fucked up again."
"K-Kat-" I scratched my forehead, looking down at my feet as she pushed me the rest of the way to class. I was torn between being grateful for the help and terrified this would somehow make things worse. Or get her caught up in whatever stupid campaign Merx and Verne were trying to run on me.
"I know you can get around yourself. I just want to help. You can stop being such a stubborn ass about it for a few days," she said before we entered the classroom.
"N-no promises," I said, and Katniss laughed quietly. She brought me to the back of the room, continuing around to her desk in the row by the windows. Verne and Merx were staring at each other, wordlessly communicating something I could tell I was going to hate. I tugged the sleeve of my sweater down over the brace, keeping it below my desk in my lap and hoping neither of them would see.
Katniss pushed me down to the cafeteria for lunch. Somehow that was even more awkward than doing it myself. Madge and Delly were already at the table, engrossed in their own conversation that ended as soon as Katniss and I approached.
"Hey," Delly beamed at me as Katniss sat down beside me. Her expression shifted to worry so quickly I had a hard time not smirking at her. Dell's emotions have had a hair trigger since we were little. "How's your hand?"
"F-fine," I glanced down, pulling the sleeve of my sweater back down over the brace. Katniss caught the gesture and frowned at me, shifting a little closer.
"Dell told me what happened," Madge said, scowling and casting a look over her shoulder toward where Merx and the Whitaker twins sat surrounded by the rest of the merchant kids. "They're assholes. Seriously. Don't let them get to you."
"Y-yeah," I chewed the inside of my lip, wishing it could be that easy.
The cafeteria was painfully overwhelming. Everyone's conversations echoed off the high ceiling and merged into one overpowering jumble of noise. I struggled to focus on the one in front of me, but their voices blended into the rest. Katniss' hand found mine under the table and she curled our fingers together. I dropped my eyes and smiled for a moment, hanging onto her hand to ground myself.
"You should come, too," Madge said, and I looked up at her, realizing she was talking to me and I had no idea what I was being invited to do. I glanced at Katniss, looking for help.
"Delly and I are going over to Madge's after school," she clarified, and I nodded, flashing a brief smile toward Madge. I'd assumed Katniss would be going to the bakery today and felt more than a little stupid for it. Of course she had other things going on in her life, even though I didn't.
"And Gale," Madge said. As if I needed something more to keep me from wanting to go. I knew, honestly, that he didn't mean anything by the way he acted toward me. He just had no idea how to deal with it, or with me, and it made everything painfully awkward. He was trying to make me feel more comfortable, but he couldn't find a more ass backwards way to go about it. Katniss seemed a little too amused by it most of the time.
"You okay?" she said softly, turning toward me. I straightened up, taking a breath, forcing myself to nod. She frowned, studying me for a moment. "What is it?"
"Um," I glanced toward Madge and Delly, who were clearly absorbed in their own conversation. I still felt self-conscious. Katniss leaned forward, her expression soft and encouraging. I lowered my voice. "I j-just um—thought we'd s-sp-spend time together. You and m-me."
"We will," she smiled and bit her lip, keeping her voice low. A faint blush rose in her face. "We'll leave early. And um, go back to the bakery."
I nodded, glad for the promise but still apprehensive about the entire thing. Aside from school, that delivery Katniss and I had made, trips to the doctor in town and to see Mrs. Everdeen out in the Seam I hadn't spent any length of time out of the house in months. And I hadn't spent any time with anyone new, either. Delly wasn't exactly new, but we had drifted so far apart it felt like she was at times. Madge was new. Gale may as well have been. I didn't know what to expect of this; I didn't know what to expect of myself. The more I thought about it, the more I worked myself up, with the noise of the cafeteria adding to it. The overhead lights suddenly felt a thousand times brighter, and I could feel the beginnings of a headache creeping in at the base of my skull. And I still had another class and a half to sit through.
"Peet?" Katniss said quietly. I glanced around. I hadn't realized lunch was over. Everyone was getting up from their tables. Madge and Delly were already leaving the cafeteria. "Everything okay?" I nodded, but I could tell just by the look on her face that she knew I was lying. "Listen, if you need to get home I'll take you. I'm pretty sure they'd understand, and my mom isn't going to get mad if I skip a class for that. I definitely don't mind missing out on the rest of Capps' droning for today."
"I'll b-b-be f-fine," I swallowed hard, grateful that the bustle of students leaving was enough to keep my voice from being overheard. Katniss chewed her lip, studying me for a moment.
"Okay," she finally conceded. We were the last ones back to class, something our teacher didn't let go without a comment. Katniss pushed me to the back of the room and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before continuing to her own desk. I pushed up out of my chair, biting back a wince when I put my weight on my injured wrist without even thinking, and moved to my desk, trying to ignore the room spinning as I did.
"Are you fucking kidding me with that thing on your arm, Mellark?" Verne leaned across the aisle to whisper at me. The sleeve of my sweater had ridden up over it. I tugged it back down, tucking my arm under the desk and keeping my eyes forward. My face was burning. "Keep milking that shit. It'll get you in that Seam slut's pants. Not like you have any dignity left, anyway. May as well go for it."
I frowned at the back of the chair in front of me, my jaw locking closed. I couldn't even get out any of the insults I wanted to spit back at him. That headache was getting a firmer grip on me, tightening around the back of my head like a vice and making my vision swim. My twitch was threatening, the muscles along my cheek and jaw on the left side fluttering dangerously. Verne get an eyeful of that would just be fucking perfect. Or worse, Merx, who kept turning around in his chair to shoot me that stupid, smug grin. The distance between us was the only thing keeping his mouth shut.
I couldn't even focus on class. The drone of Mr Capps' voice was painful, the problems on the page in front of me a complete jumble of gibberish. Before class even ended I had both elbows up on my desk, hands over my eyes, doing everything in my power just to quell the nausea rising from the pit of my stomach.
Katniss pushed me to our next class, and all I did was keep my head low and wait for it to end. By the time class let out my head was throbbing, and I knew I was doing a horrible job of hiding just how bad it was. Katniss waited until the classroom had all but cleared before we left, crouching beside me and trying to make it look like she was pointing something out in the homework assignment that had been handed out.
"We don't have to go to Madge's," she said quietly, setting her hand on my knee. "We can just go to the bakery."
"It's o-okay," I smiled faintly, not quite able to meet her eyes. She gave my knee a squeeze and straightened up, pushing my wheelchair closer as the last stragglers left the classroom.
"Everything okay back there?" Mr Wilson looked up from his desk, raising his eyebrows.
"We're fine," Katniss nodded, rubbing her hand over my shoulder as I sat down. She pushed me out of the room and through the noisy hall toward the front doors of the school. I kept my chin low and my eyes closed, waiting for the cold, fresh air outside.
"Hey, let me give you a hand with that." Merx. I cringed. I glanced up to see him opening the door.
"Oh piss off," Katniss said, picking up her pace as we moved through the door. Merx just followed, jogging a step to walk beside me. I glanced over to see the Whitaker twins catch up on the other side.
"Just trying to help," Merx said. "I mean, he's so fragile and everything that I thought you could use it." Merx reached for my brace, lifting my arm and dropping it back down into my lap. As soon as he did he let out a yelp.
"Hey, fuckstick!" It was Alden Fletcher, Rye's best friend. He had Merx by the back of the neck, bending him forward at the waist to shove his head down, grinning and cackling as he did. "Don't you have something better to do? I heard that ugly fuckin' girlfriend of yours was sniffing around one of my buddies. Might want to get her shit in line."
"Fuck you!" Merx squeaked out, shrugging away from Alden's grip and turning to glare. Lee Whitaker was trying to hide a laugh behind his fist and failing miserably.
"I bet you think that's funny, asshole," Alden tossed his chin toward the twins. "Wanna give it a try?" That silenced both of them immediately. They quickened their pace, catching up with Merx to head toward town.
"You didn't have to do that," Katniss said, sounding almost annoyed.
"That kid's a shithead," Alden shrugged. "Needs to be busted down a few pegs every now and then." He backhanded my shoulder, jogging ahead to where Rye was waiting. I watched the two of them greet each other, both immediately looking back at me. Rye clapped Alden hard on the back as they laughed.
"So is that who Rye was running off to see that time?" Katniss asked. I nodded. "I thought he wasn't going to say anything."
"M-me t-t-too," I frowned, clamping my mouth shut around the stutter. And I still had at least a few hours ahead of me with this stupid trip to the Undersee's I'd agreed to. Madge and Delly joined Rye as Alden left, and I watched as Rye looped his arm around Dell's shoulders. She blushed faintly, ducking her chin as she smiled. She looked happy, biting her lip and brushing her hair away from her face as she leaned into him and looked up at Madge.
"So how come I'm not invited?" Rye smirked, raising an eyebrow at Madge before looking at Delly.
"Don't you have to work?" Madge asked.
"There's another reason," Delly said quietly, a smile playing across her lips as she looked past me.
"Ready?" Gale said as he crossed behind me, dropping his arm around Madge's shoulders. I'd been so worked up about everything else I'd forgotten he was part of this. He backhanded my shoulder lightly. "Hey buddy. How you feeling today?"
"Fine," I said, gritting my teeth. I took a slow breath, trying to calm myself down. It didn't work.
"You're right, I'll pass." Rye kissed Delly's cheek, giving her a light shove toward Gale and Madge as the two of them turned toward town.
"You guys coming?" Delly asked, smiling at me. My throat closed the minute I opened my mouth.
"We're going to pass, too, actually," Katniss said. I twisted to look at her, wanting to question it or insist she go even if I didn't. She just waved as Delly turned around, jogging a few steps to catch up to Gale and Madge.
"Why aren't you guys going?" Rye asked, glancing at Katniss before looking down at me.
"I don't want to," Katniss said before I even had a chance to figure out how to answer. Rye nodded and frowned at me briefly before the three of us started toward the bakery.
"I th-thought you d-didn't say anything to—Alden," I kept my eyes on the ground. Glad as I was to see Merx get some of his own medicine, the source was humiliating.
"I didn't," Rye hunched up his shoulders, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. I glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow. "I really didn't. He asks about you, I answer. He kinda has an idea about what's going on with you and offered to keep an eye out before any of this. Before school even started. Not all of my friends are assholes."
I sighed and looked away, unsure whether or not I could believe a word he said to me. Most of his friends were assholes, and that's why I tried to avoid them as much as possible. Alden was always one of the nicer ones though, and the one I'd overheard our parents complaining about the least. That didn't mean I wanted him coming to my rescue, even if I needed it.
"You're getting awful cute with your little girlfriend, you know," Katniss said, breaking the silence and steering the conversation somewhere else. Could she tell I was getting upset over it? Her timing couldn't be better.
"Oh, shut up," Rye rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, though, it's sweet," Katniss said. "Delly's obviously loving it."
"Sh-she's right," I said, looking up at Rye. "Wh-when did you g-grow a heart?"
"Fuck you both," he snapped. "I'm a catch, of course she loves me."
"'Loves', huh?" Katniss said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Did she drop that four letter bomb on you? Is that why?" Rye clenched his jaw, moving a little faster. Katniss kept up with him easily. He didn't even look at us.
"You-you're the one who said it," my eyebrows shot to my hairline, the realization dragging a burst of laughter out of me. Delly would have said it ages ago, that's how she was, and it wouldn't have been a big deal to either of them when she did. The look Rye gave me just confirmed it. Katniss started to laugh as well.
"Keep your damn mouths shut," Rye glared at us before turning down the alley beside the bakery. "I'm serious. She gets all worked up about it and does that thing." Rye flapped his hands in front of his chest, pulling a perfect imitation of that look Delly gets on her face when she can't decide if she's going to laugh or cry. "I hate that thing." He was still smiling when he turned away to keep walking. I stood from my chair and turned to look at Katniss. We looked at each other for a moment before laughing. He loved that thing, and we both knew it.
I carefully picked my way through the alley. Rye was long inside by the time Katniss and I made it up the back steps. I braced both hands against the wall as I kicked off my boots, trying not to look up until Katniss had the chair tucked against the wall next to the door. I hated that thing, hated the brace on my wrist and the attention both called to me. Even without them I knew I'd call plenty of attention to myself between the twitching and the stutter and every other tic over which I had absolutely no control.
"So what's up his ass," Dad appeared in the doorway as Katniss and I hung up our coats. "He snapped at me and went straight to work the counter when I said hello."
"He loves his girlfriend," Katniss smirked.
"Ah," he cast a confused glance toward the storefront and turned back to us, the hint of a smile shifting over his features. "You're not working today." It was a statement, not a question.
"Just came over to hang out," Katniss shrugged. Dad nodded and smiled at me. I rolled my jaw, willing him to stop.
"We'll b-be upstairs," I said. If he wasn't going to stop he could at least get the hint and let us out of the damn mudroom.
"Okay," he said, his smile getting a little wider as he turned away. I glanced at Katniss over my shoulder and shook my head before leading her through the kitchen and up the stairs. She closed my bedroom door behind us, and as I sat on the edge of the bed I caught her raising an eyebrow at the mess of clothes on the floor.
"Been a while since Darla stopped by?" She kicked a pair of pants aside on her way to sit down beside me.
"M-most of it is R-Rye's," I said, smiling down at my feet.
"Uh huh," Katniss dropped down beside me, unconvinced. It was a lie, anyway. Just as much of it was mine, though for the most part neither of us actually knew—or cared—which clothes belonged to which of us. She pulled off my hat and tossed it onto the dresser. As she ran her fingers through my matted hair I closed my eyes, trying not to flinch when her fingertips brushed over the scar at the back of my head.
"Th-thank you," I said quietly. "For sk-skipping out on your friends f-for me."
"I'm not skipping out on anything," she said, bumping her shoulder against mine. "I'd rather be here." I flashed a smile, the motion setting off the tension that had been building along my neck and jaw all afternoon. I rubbed my hand over my face, turning to look away from her, trying to will it to pass. She pulled my hand away and wove our fingers together. "It was kind of funny to see Alden doing that to Merx."
"Yeah, i-it w-was," I chuckled, remembering the look on his face when Alden let him go.
"I've never seen him get red like that before," she squeezed my hand and then let go, shifting behind me to lay down on the bed. I turned and glanced down at her, my heart pounding. Was that an invitation? Did she want me laying down with her? Before I could figure it out for myself she tugged on the back of my shirt, raising her eyebrows when I looked at her.
"S-sorry," I muttered quietly, turning around and stretching out on my side to face her.
"Why are you apologizing?" she smiled, squirming closer and kissing me before I could respond.
"I don't know," I murmured against her lips, snaking my arm around her waist as she leaned into me. I felt her laugh softly. She draped an arm around me, leading me through the kiss, her tongue parting my lips. I fought with myself over where to put my hands, wanting to continue what Rye had interrupted the day before but unsure if I could pull it off. I was too nervous, too wound up from the afternoon, and shaking too hard. Katniss didn't seem to mind. Her hand wandered over my back, the other moving between us to cup my cheek.
A quiet whimper escaped her and made me feel bolder. I carefully eased her onto her back, shifting my weight onto her, and I swear I felt her smile against my mouth before she kissed me again. I laid my hand on her ribs, my fingers curling into the soft fabric of her shirt. Katniss nudged my hand toward her breast before sliding her hands to my neck, her fingers tangling in my hair. I hesitated before cupping her lightly in my palm, my breath catching in my throat.
"Peeta," she breathed. I snapped my hand away, but she was smiling. She took a breath to say something and stopped herself, laughing softly. "Do you think anyone's going to barge in here today?"
"H-hope not." My voice came out lower and huskier than I intended. Katniss blushed, biting down on her lower lip and reaching for the hem of her shirt. I stared as she pulled it off, leaning back as she lifted her shoulders to get it up over her head. I couldn't even move, couldn't really draw a full breath, just staring down at her; her bare skin, the gentle curve of her breasts under the fabric of her bra. I had never seen this much of someone, and I certainly didn't realize it would be quite so heart stopping.
"You're staring," she said quietly, pressing her lips together to ward off a smirk. I stuttered out an apology, biting down on my lip and smiling as I smoothed my hand over her skin. She just smiled, tilting her head as I lowered my lips to her neck, covering her breast with my hand. I felt the hardness of her nipple under my palm and rubbed it through her bra with my fingertips, wishing I could be bold enough to move that thin bit of fabric out of my way. The kisses I was pressing along her neck and collarbone were about as adventurous as I felt. The sound of her whimpers, the feel of her voice vibrating through her throat under my lips and tongue chased any other thoughts out of my head.
Katniss' hands moved down my sides, her fingers hooking under the hem of my sweater. I froze as I registered what she was doing; my eyes still closed, panting against her skin. She pulled one hand away and set it on my cheek, kissing me slowly before pulling at my sweater, breaking away to lift it and the shirt beneath it up and over my head. I lowered myself onto her and kissed her again. The feel of her skin against mine was so perfect, so soft and warm.
I felt myself hardening and started to move away, but she held me closer, as though she enjoyed the feeling of me against her. The longer we kissed, the more unbearable the pressure became. I wanted more and knew if I didn't stop this soon I was going to embarrass myself. Reluctantly I pulled away.
"Aren't you cold?" Katniss said, shivering lightly and squirming closer to me.
"N-no," I smirked, reaching for the blanket bunched at the bottom of the bed and pulling it over us. I wrapped her in my arms for good measure, pressing a kiss to her forehead and rubbing my hand over the soft, smooth skin of her back. "I'm a-always hot. I c-can't even sleep unless th-the window's open."
"In February?" Katniss raised her eyebrows.
"R-Rye and I fight about it," I smirked. "C-can't help it. Started after—um. Y'know." I frowned, trailing off. I couldn't even refer to it. Dr Lawrence called it an accident, but I had a hard time calling it that. It wasn't one. Maybe the severity was, but she meant what she was doing. I'd never be able to get that out of my head.
"Then keep me warm," Katniss said, pressing her lips to my neck and tucking herself against my chest, pushing my thoughts out of the hole they were starting to slip into. I trailed my fingers over her skin, wanting to touch every inch of it, figuring out the places that made her shiver. She shied away when I hit a spot between her ribs and her hip; she laughed and slapped my arm lightly when I tried to find it again. Her breath caught when I ran my fingers across her back along the waist of her pants. She hummed contentedly when I traced her spine, wedging one of her legs between mine and sliding her hand to the small of my back and pulling herself closer.
I could have stayed that way for the rest of the night, but I could feel Katniss getting restless. Things were starting to get awkward. Neither of us really had anything to say and doing nothing more than kissing didn't seem right. The sound of footsteps on the stairs startled us away from each other, and she yanked her shirt back on, helping me straighten out my sweater.
"You staying for dinner, Katniss?" Dad asked through the door, the handle jiggling as he dropped his hand onto it on the other side.
"I should-um, I should probably get home," she said, turning to me with an apologetic expression. "Before it gets too late and too cold."
"Okay," Dad said. The two of us listened as he moved away and into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Katniss said, lowering her voice. "I really should go."
"It's okay," I said. She smiled, leaning toward me and kissing me softly, lingering against my lips for a moment.
"Um," she bit her lip, hesitating, then looked down and blushed faintly. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"T-tomorrow," I nodded, wondering what she was really going to say. "Goodnight, K-Kat."
"Goodnight, Peet," she pecked a kiss against my cheek and got up from the bed, straightening her shirt and smoothing down her hair as she left my room.
Since Katniss wasn't staying, Dad asked if I was okay with a sandwich. I declined, telling him I wasn't hungry, anyway. He rarely cooked; remembering to feed himself, let alone us, had become almost an afterthought thanks to of his constant exhaustion. Mom didn't do much for us, but she was definitely the source of meals for our family.
Rye's bed stayed empty. Thankfully. It was hard enough trying to keep my head from running away from me with Dad constantly poking his head into the room to check on me, look at my wrist, try to get some dinner into me and to tell me he was going to bed six or seven times before actually doing it. Once his bedroom door finally did close for the night I let myself think about Katniss again; her lips, her tongue, her body underneath me, her skin on mine. The way she'd moved her hands over my skin. I had to smother a moan with my pillow when I came and hastily cleaned myself off.
As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, I thought back to when Katniss had been nothing more than a classmate. An acquaintance. I thought I loved her, but whatever I felt then seemed insignificant. It had been a crush, nothing more. Thinking about her as a part of my life, maybe even staying on at the bakery when we finished school, where things might lead; it all made my heart race. It didn't take much for my thoughts to run away from me. Trying to get my mind under control, I decided to go down to the bakery to see what sweets were left from the day
I didn't realize Rye and Delly were sitting in the kitchen together until I hit the bottom of the stairs. The two of them looked over at me from where they sat side by side at the worktable. There was hardly even any airspace between them.
"Uh, s-sorry," I hesitated. Delly had a pleasant enough smile on her face, as always, but Rye's expression made me feel like I'd interrupted something. "J-just looking f-for—uh-" I gestured toward the storefront, hoping they knew I meant the day's leftovers. I couldn't find the right words.
"I already raided the case," Delly hunched up her shoulders. She gestured to the table in front of her, loaded with an array of food I hadn't noticed before. "The last of the cupcakes are over here."
"And most of the cookies, and that loaf of raisin bread, and half of the cinnamon rolls," Rye smirked at her and earned himself an elbow to the ribs. Mom had always kept a tight control over the bakery's inventory. Leftovers were off limits until they'd sat in the case at half price for a day, and by that point they were too stale to be appetizing. Dad didn't care as much, and cut the prices on the day old goods even further. Without Mom constantly policing the output, he'd started making a little more, though he denied it. It was partly for me, I knew; to ensure there would be something my fickle appetite could handle. It was partly for the Everdeens too, to give Katniss an opportunity to learn as well as make sure there was plenty to send home with them whenever she or her mother left.
"Come sit with us," she cast a pointed look to the stool across the table from them. Rye raised an eyebrow at her as I reluctantly crossed the room. What I wanted to do was snag something to eat and retreat back upstairs, but I was also a little reluctant to go back to staring at the wall and letting my thoughts run in circles. Delly mirrored Rye's expression and turned back to me. "Missed you today."
"I uh—w-wasn't feeling t-to g-great," I frowned, avoiding her eyes by keeping mine on the food. Now that I was faced with it, none of it actually looked appealing.
"He's just too polite to tell you he had someone better to do," Rye said. "I mean something."
"Don't be vile," Delly spat at Rye without missing a beat before turning her attention to me. "I've noticed you and Katniss getting a little cozy. How is that going?"
"It's f-fine." I reached for a pastry, mostly to give my hands something to do, and began picking it apart. I didn't really want to talk about how awkward this afternoon had started to feel.
"What's wrong?" Rye dropped his hand to the table, his shoulders sagging.
"Wh-what?" I frowned at him. He always could read me far too easily.
"I walked in on more than 'fine' yesterday. What happened?" he demanded.
"What did you walk in on?" Delly cocked an eyebrow at him, popping a cookie into her mouth and staring him down for an answer. He smirked, ignoring the pleading look on my face and turning to Dell.
"I caught them in his bed, and he had his hands up her shirt," he grinned. Delly's eyebrows flew to her hairline and she covered her mouth, nearly choking on the cookie as she swallowed.
"I didn't know you were getting that cozy," her eyes lit up.
"It's n-not-"
"Don't tell me I scared her off," Rye cut me off and I gave up on the pastry, dropping the piece in my hand on top of the rest of it.
"N-no, you d-d-didn't-"
"Even if you did she's not going to let him know that," Delly gestured to me. I tried finishing the sentence before the rest of what I wanted to say slipped out of my grasp.
"If I did she's got no business 'getting cozy' with him in the first place," Rye said, giving Delly a look and snatching the cookie out of her hand.
"And if you ruin his chances with her you can forget about 'getting cozy' with me for a while," Delly mirrored his look right back at him. I couldn't sneak in a word between their bantering.
"Oh come on, now," Rye shifted closer. His arm moved, but fortunately the table blocked whatever he was doing with his hand from view. "You wouldn't do that to yourself."
"Dammit, Rye!" Dell slapped him and he just chuckled, completely undaunted.
"She took her shirt off," I blurted out, knowing if I didn't interrupt them they'd go somewhere I didn't want to be present for. The two of them snapped their attention toward me, twin smiles spreading across their faces. After a moment Delly slapped Rye's hand away.
"She did what?" Delly leaned forward.
"You're lying," Rye grinned. "You didn't stutter."
"I'm not—l-lying." I could feel my face reddening. He knew I wasn't lying, and he also knew poking at me like that was only going to embarrass me more.
"He wouldn't blush that hard if he was lying," Delly barely looked away from me, and the smile didn't leave her face. She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I glanced at Rye and back at her. "Tell me!"
"T-tell you?" I raised an eyebrow. We were close, but we were never that close.
"Oh, come on," Dell cocked her head to one side. I looked to Rye for help.
"I want to know, too," he shrugged. "Sorry, man. Out with it." I rolled my eyes and looked away, hoping they'd drop it if I just refused to open my mouth. After a couple minutes of silent stares from both of them I started to talk. I tried to be tactful about it, and honestly had a hard time looking them both in the eye. I tried to get across the awkwardness that had settled in before she left.
"Wh-what do you d-do," I asked them, my embarrassment gone in the face of getting some real advice. "I m-mean. You g-guys aren't—awkward."
"We were," Delly offered with a shrug.
"She was awkward." Rye pointed at Delly. "I never was." Delly rolled her eyes and turned to him.
"The first time you kissed me you said I smelled like shoe leather."
"You did," he said, clearly baffled as to why that wouldn't be flattering. Even I picked up on that much. "You still do sometimes. It's nice." Delly sighed and looked over at me, the pained look on her face making me laugh.
"You are allowed to talk to her after you've kissed her," she said.
"Ab-about what?"
"The same things you talk about the rest of the time," Delly shrugged. "You do talk to her, don't you?"
"Compared to how much he talks to the rest of us he's a regular fucking chatterbox with Katniss," Rye pointed out. I felt myself blush again. Delly just smiled.
"Sh-she does most of—th-the talking," I mumbled, picking at the edge of the table to keep my hands occupied. I could feel a weariness starting to settle in and a headache creeping up the back of my skull; I was pushing it too far with staying to interact with them, and I would regret it later.
"That's funny, since I've only ever heard about three complete sentences out of her. Maybe her being so quiet means you don't have to talk," Dell said. "There is such a thing as comfortable silence. Not that I would know." She punctuated the statement with a pointed glare at Rye.
"The hell is that supposed to mean," he snapped.
"She does like you, you know," Delly continued as if Rye hadn't even spoken. "She called you her boyfriend when she and I were at Madge's a little while ago."
"She d-did?" I asked.
"She did?" Rye echoed with a grin.
"She did!" Delly beamed, hunching up her shoulders. "It was really adorable and kind of funny, but um, Peeta? I think she might be kind of dumb. And that's a little ironic because I'm almost positive she thinks I'm a moron."
"She does," Rye said. "You're not, for the record."
"Nice cover," Dell shot him a look and shook her head. I stared down at the pile of crumbled danish I left on the table without really looking at it. My mind was hooked on that statement. I'd overheard her calling me her friend long before I realized that was true. She had said she wanted to give us a try, but I wasn't sure if that made things between us official. Their banter faded to background noise; I couldn't force myself to keep up with them anymore. Maybe I really did die, because there is no way this could be real. She never seemed that friendly to anyone besides Gale, Madge, and Prim. She never did much besides scowl at me when she came to trade. I could count on one hand the number of times she'd even bothered to say hello. How did I end up with my hand up her shirt and her wanting it there? She liked me. Romantically, no less
"How d-did I end up with a girlfriend?" I wondered out loud. Rye and Delly stopped talking and looked over at me. Rye let out an amused snort.
"They are perfect for each other," Dell turned to Rye, raising her eyebrows. He just nodded and chuckled.
So, our weekend was a little crazy and we haven't had time to respond to any of your reviews. I'm going to work on catching up this week, so long as things don't stay so crazy. Thank you all so much for continuing to be so awesome. Come find me and my amazing coauthor husband on tumblr! I'm alonglineofbread, he's yourpeetaisshowing. Huge, huge thank you to ro-little-shop-of-wonders over there who put together a spectacular banner inspired by this story!